February 2012


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I have been going totally bonkers trying to figure out what song I am going to sing in church on the 11th. I have about 5 I am going back and forth  with. I practice on my way to and from work. My car becomes a mobile sound studio.. music playing and me either singing the words or doing some la la la’s as I try to memorize the melody. I you are driving down 690 about 7:00 AM or a little earlier—and you see some lady belting out songs as she is driving down the highway..well that lady might just be me!

There is one song I have been working on for months.. It is super dramatic-moving..and when I get done belting it out—I can not talk for a day. I looked at the time on the radio display today and it is 5 minutes—I think that is now ruled out.. too long!But there is one—I really love it.. ( I really love all these songs..) But I think I will do it. It times out at about 3.20 minutes. I think that is better.

I LOVE to sing.. it makes me whole. We all need something we can do that makes us feel whole. Some people I think look their whole life for that something and do not find it.

Singing to me is special to me, I feel like I am an instrument. Like I am not always in control of the singing—I become the tool to present the song. I do not feel like I am special, or that I have connections—that is not what I mean—but more that we all have God given talents… we are children of God…. and I feel the ability to sing is a gift. I do not know if that makes sense to anyone- but it is how it feels. Music is a part of me…I do nto ever want to take it for granted….  I hope till the day I die, that I have the ability to sing.

About 15 years ago I had a procedure done- it was supposed to be a simple endoscopic procedure. It was winter time, and I remember he only had me take off my winter coat.. I had on my street clothes—even my boots. There was only a little lidocaine spray and absolutely NO compassion…  the doctor- he was sadistic- barbaric. and he would laugh and jam the scope into my throat each time I gagged. It was like a scene from a horror movie—but it did not end.. this guy was a creep. When he finished I remember him tugging on my shoulder and saying”So how do you like me now?” Well he had trashed my throat..I ended up with a super sore throat, high fever… and after antibiotics were done—I could not swallow any pills—they would get stuck in the back of my throat…  for a year I could not sing, I could hardly talk..and finally after months of seeing an ENT I had to have surgery to remove the damaged lingual tonsils. I felt invaded by this doctor..he took my voice… he robbed me of a part of me…. but I never ever gave up. I wept many nights in the darkness of the night..all alone and trying to figure out how and why this doctor stole a part of me…..

Every night I would pray for the ability to sing again, and if I ever was given that blessing- I promised I would sing in church . It took about another 6 months after the surgery, but slowly my throat healed, and I was able to work on singing. I remember feeling so lost without music .. it was in me but I had no way to get it out.

This experience taught me though to appreciate everything I have..and never take anything for granted… I can not every explain how totally blessed I felt when each of our kids asked me to sing a song for them in their weddings… to me—that was so special… so touching to be asked..and a miracle I had the ability to do it after that horrible medical experience.

That doctor will have to try to justify his abusive behavior at some time in his life… the hurt he caused is still in a locked box in my mind..but I would not let him win…. he became a major LOSER..I do not ever have to see him again..but he…well he has to live with himself…he has to know he is mean.

My thought for today… believe in yourself..and when you are feeling like “Why me??” turn is around and say “ I am strong.. so bring it on !”  Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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nite time 9-6-11 001

As the day turns to dark… what goes through your mind?

As the day ends, do you feel blessed to have just come through the day, or regrets for a day that has passed?

On my way in today there was a contest on the radio. This man called, he sounded rather monotone—he had a deep voice, spoke slow and clear. He won the contest and the station has what they refer to as “a shout” , where the contestant can say something to someone or a group of people… people say hi to spouses, or co workers, or kids, or maybe a group they are a part of…. and they offered him a “Shout” …. silence…. the radio personalities asked him if he was still there… and he said yep… than they were kinda pep talking to him for his chance to “shout out”..and he said ..”I have no family… I have no friends…I have no one…. “ The radio guy and gal did not know what to say….it was one of those moments when words do not come….out of the darkness of the awkward silence the man said “I will shout out to everyone trying to make the world a better place.”

I wonder if this person 100_6248had just recently become all alone in the world..or has it been for a very long time. Did he have a big family..or was he an only child? He did not sound like he had activities outside of the home…. he sounded truly alone. I felt so bad for this person….

And than I thought about many of us…. how many of us would be in the same situation on the bumpy road of life. Those people who live their life with one person, their every move and breath feels at times it is for the other person, and in a blink of an eye—you can be alone. I know a lady who is recently widowed…they had no children…it was them..He had kids from a previous marriage who are all grown up and have places other than here to be.. and I wonder about how she feels as the daylight turns to darkness… She has a strong faith, she believes in God and in the wonders of life beyond here… but she has asked we not ask her too much about how she is..she is trying to heel the pain from the loss….

When my mom became a widow—she had just given birth to her 6th child..so I do not think she had time to feel the darkness the way I think this woman might be.

Life is what we make it… but sometimes I think it becomes overwhelming—exhausting—to make it anything but lonely.

Love to all…

I hope you have at least one somebody in your life… Mrs Justa alias Cindy 

Isn’t it funny how different things make things seem different?                                            Changes the perspective.

                                                                                                Like I was driving to work today, thinking that I felt comfortable in the midsized car I drive—till this big Hummer drove next to me.. made me feel kinda small for the road.

                                                                                            

      .So than I am driving a little further feeling small and my whole perspective changed when  a “Smart Car” came barreling down the highway.

Now I felt like I was driving a BIG car.

These little cars are super cute..but I am not thinking I would want to be in them on ice, in a bad wind snow, in deep snow, or in a chain accident.

There is nothing to them !!

AS the day progressed it seemed like big things became little and little things became big.

A case I thought would be very difficult- became quick to get through, while another time a question asked of me took a long time to figure out.

Than tonight… at the gym…. I walk into the locker room to get ready for my work out, and as I am walking in there, I am thinking about how going in and trying to take off a few more pounds… thinking about once I get to wherever I am comfortable at… how neat that will be… and I walk in there—boom…. there are gals in there just coming out of the pool area who were tall. I mean giants… and built like football players… I went from feeling 5’9” tall to feeling like a midget.

It reminds me of times when my dad would go out to cut down the perfect Christmas tree… and outside it looked great.. but when we got home- it was kind of tough getting a 12 foot tree in a 7 foot room!.  Or when you want to help with portion control so you serve food on a small plate. Gives the image of a full plate when it is only half of a bigger plates worth of food.

$5.00 to one person may be like $100.00 to another…

The wind is whipping on the house again… and it has way more power over the world than any of us do…

Everything looked at based on other info… perspective…. . We just have to stay focused… and stay smart… and do not let others bring you down… It is ALL a matter of attitude…..keep a positive attitude…

Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Well the winds are still whipping, but they are coming so hard that any snow we got here at the house has blown across the pavement on the main road. The roof is pretty much cleared off, and the driveway and steps are pretty slick- kinda like they were sand polished with all the blowing of snow.

We were lucky though…we did not get the foot to 1 1/2 feet it sounded like we might. I have no idea how much snow came—cuz the wind took it away.

This just might be the last100_0264 doozy of a storm- heck March in Thursday…

I could not believe all the laundry I had to do.. gee! I did all the throw rugs, the weekly laundry, sheet towels and stuff, and a comforter.

I just heard the dryer go off for the last time.. Phew…

Now I can focus on not listening to the dryer singing it’s little jingle every time it is done. it is kind of a peppy song, like a clown song…

100_0268Needless to say..my work out was here…. cleaning, steamed all the linoleum floors, laundry , standing crunches , toe touches and the KETTLE BALL>

Now this little guy may not look harmful- but after doing reps up , down, sideways, over the head, swinging squats..well I am a bit sore.

I kettle balled during Marks nap, and during cooking time for dinner… so I got it in 2 times today… I can not believe how ruthless this contraption is !

Tomorrow is the gym though… need to get some cardio in. The weather should be better – and I am thinking bike, elliptical and treadmill for tomorrow. This week I ended up doing lunch time walks on the days I did not hit the gym…I prefer the gym… I really love going to the gym.

As I was going around100_0270 the house dusting, cleaning and doing laundry… I came upon this guy..he is perched on the head board of the twin bed Brandon sleeps in when he has been over….it is like this little guy is watching over him while he sleeps. As I looked at the face I thought how nice it would be to have the comfort of that cuddly little face staring at me. It is as if to say everything is okay…

AS I moseyed around I saw another comforting little face… 100_0271this one is lives in the crib.. Same comforting look though… watching the world to keep things safe as the sleepiness turns into slumber…

It brought me back to my younger days when my mom and or dad ( on the very few days he was not traveling for his job) would come in my room , sit on the side of my bed and tell me a story.  Than as they got up to leave, they always bent over and gave me a hug and kiss, and tucked me in…the comfort of being snug in the bed.. sheets and blankets taut ….a crisp pillow hugging my head and shoulders…. and knowing I was loved….

It saddens me to think there are kids out there without that experience. It comforts me though to also know there are children who will have the same memories as I do…Bedtime is a special time..it is the gateway to sleep… the ending of a day.

I hope you have a good night…. here is a cyber tuck in…

Love to all.. Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

Winter is still around us. It is amazing how much we have gotten off the hook. It is a GOOD winter when you have to start the snow blower just to run it every once in a while instead of to clear away snow. But being we live in the “
lake effect “line… we are about to potentially get hammered…

“By Mike Brookins – Updated 2/24/2012 3:44 PM

Tonight – Windy

Hi 45° | Low 30°

A High wind warning has been issued. Increasing winds overnight with SW to W 20-30 MPH with gusts to 50-60 MPH. Colder air begins to arrive overnight and a spray of snow moves in regionwide. Some heavier lake effect snow squalls developing east of the lake. A large area of 1-3" of snow is likely nearly everywhere with areas north of Oneida Lake 4-8" with isolated 8-12" amounts on the Tug Hill Plateau tonight. Blowing and drifting snow likely by morning. “

 100_0973Fortunately I LOVE to shovel snow..so clearing it up is FUN for me….

The winds are whipping, we can hear it beating against the house I want to pretend like it down not bother me, but it does—cuz I really dislike getting dumped on with snow. Makes me want to climb into a bag and wait it out.I just hate the thought of high winds and possible power outages…

But alas—the bag will be the warm bed tonight. We will take down the extra comforter incase the power goes out..and we will prevail.

100_0880I am so thankful we do not have trees around our house now.… there is nothing more scary than realizing a branch could have gone through your roof…. The was an ice storm and I can not believe how lucky we were that the rest of the crack in the branch did not let go… the damage it could have done was enormous—but instead- the branch dropped and rested on the house- hanging onto the tree by a thread.

There is a commercial on about going to myrtle Beach… hmmm… do not temp me !…

Where do we sign up!!

There is a woman and her husband who hopped on a train Thursday morning, heading to Florida for a week at her sister and husbands place. Another person  was telling me that as she was growing up, there were people who lived in Florida in her family- so as kids and adolescents- they just had to get to Florida and than lodging was not an issue.

We talk about that sometimes- but for now—we are here… Many people from the north are “snow birds” and head south in the winter and come north for Spring, Summer and Fall. Maybe later in our life that might be an option… but not right now. I do not know if I would want to go as far south as Florida—but maybe on the Carolina coast might be nice.

I will take pictures tomorrow if the snow does hit.. Stay warm out there, remember to be thankful for all you have, see you tomorrow…. Love Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Grandsons come in all shapes and sizes—here is our “grandson” Badger. He is Brandon and Prestons “brother. Well he does not visit often, but this is from when he did…

Here he is with a new rope  toy we got for him when he came to visit….

see… we got rid of all our dog toys after we had to put Indi down. So spoiling100_0258 Badger with a new toy that he liked was great!

It is one of those STRONG rope toys. He tugs a little with it, throws it around and than wraps it around his legs like a shawl.

Badger is about a 100 pound gentle giant—as long as he knows who you are… but I am sure he would protect his family if there was ever danger.

The traffic observation for this week has changed dramatically— I apologize for all the people who are government workers –I thought you were the crazy aggressive drivers… BUT you went back to work on Tues, the traffic has still been pretty light and reasonable… soooo my new deduction is that it is PARENTS who are so darn aggressive. School is out this week…parents are off… this is terribly depressing—because next Monday—after they have been home all week with their kids—or on a vacation— can you imagine how aggressive they will be than!

At work the time off for 2011-2012 is coming to a quick end. We have to use our days or we lose all but 3 of them. I took tomorrow off. It should be an ok day—home with Mark—I did bring some work home with me—but I can do it in my jammies at home…

That is such a great feature to be able to do some work from home. I think it is going to be more a wave of the future—as companies save so much on upkeep, cubicle space,office furniture, office supplies, personal items, coffee….the list goes on and on—plus if you are sick-you can work and not contaminate the workplace. I am on a fence with it… some people are not disciplined enough to have the work environment- and not every type of work could do it…. but even though I am off— I wanted to help out with work load—so I will share my time off with work from afar.

I hope you are having a peaceful week… Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

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There are people in our lives that can make us laugh. People who have been there when you are low and when you are upbeat.

I feel like I want to take a moment and recognize one of those people. Every once in a while I will write about someone…..Today….is one of those days….

My sister Melanie is 8 years younger than me… (OMG I can not believe she is THAT old though ) Anyhow, we have been through a lot in our lives and she has been there at times of extreme low, and times of adventurous journeys, and helped me pick up pieces when I felt broken.

Way back in July 1985, she greeted me at my moms doorway- as I brought in my than 2 1/2 year old son, and was a lost soul in the place called LIFE. My marriage had split—and I had no job, and a son I wanted to do the very best for. She was there to talk, we sat in front of my moms console stereo and listened to Pure Prairie League and Styx- one night I remember after I had Jeff in bed- we sat drinking a couple generic Wegman’s beers ( I am not kidding—the beer was like 1.99 a 6 pack and white label….)and trying to figure out how to get from there to anywhere …. she can make me laugh when there is darkness all around.

Through the years we’ve  had many many  journeys—some we even got in a car to go on …. to Maine—HA that was a fun one—hee hee—on the way back we wanted to take the ferry across Lake Champlain –we had planned to do that ferry ride before we even started out on our venture…. well we took it in the TOTAL THICK FOG—an hr and 1/2 ferry ride in total whiteness— we were psyched when we saw a tree on a little island… HA… what were we thinking????

—  we went off to  Cincinnati area twice to help out our older sister who desperately needed sisters to support her through some pretty tough things… the times of laughter and adventures are in the rear view mirror of life— and hopefully when life settles down a little bit more—we can share some more special times.

I think it is so important to not get so wrapped up in life- that we lose sight of people and times that have meant a lot to us.

Melanie—if you are out there—this posts for you !!.

Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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