mean


Last night we were playing words with friends against one another. It was around 11 at night. We had the scanner on , and there were some faint angry voices. I thought it was background in the scanner, but when I turned it off..it was actually people yelling at one another. Mark had heard it first, and I was kinda blowing it off… but than I realized it was cause for concern.

So we shut everything off, turned off the lights and started looking out in the darkness.

Immediately I am thinking the worse— we have people who just moved in across the street on Friday night—I am thinking   “Great—we get to listen to people yelling at one another all the time” I was thinking about how this quiet country life was about to change.

6-25-2012 Syracuse and Oswego NY 047But alas—it was a neighbor who lives quite a ways back from us—his driveway however runs along the entire length of our property. He is divorced and I guess his x decided to come over for a visit. It sounded like he did not expect her too….

He does not plow his driveway often-and gets up and down it okay… her NOT SO MUCH.

She drove off the driveway and was stuck. And she was really stuck. Her idea of getting out of the bind was revving the engine and spinning the tires.

He was screaming at her- he did not want her there, did not invite her and once she is unstuck—basically in not so nice tone—get the heck off the property.

We eventually went over to see if our pick up truck could help and we brought some salt over…but our pick up almost got stuck at the foot of his driveway-so we knew that was not going to work… – Mark is not really able to push and shovel her out—so he offered to try to drive her vehicle while the neighbor pushed it..and later they switched and he threw salt under the spinning tires while the neighbor rocked the vehicle.

Eventually it got out..100_0410and through it all… all the screaming and ugliness that they were sharing with one another before we went out there. I thought about life. How  for some people they  meet someone, they think it is true love, they get married, they have kids… and down the road of life it turns into this shouting obscenities- displaying total hate for one another. What made the switch? did they not feed their relationship through the year..and all of the sudden love turned to hate?

When we make a commitment—we need to nurture the commitment, feed the relationship, never stop talking, tell each other when something is bothering you…. for if relationships are not fed, treated carefully— they corrode… they crumble… and you end up with this. ..Just a thought…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Have you ever been so afraid that the fear takes over you?

And what caused you to have that reaction? What things could have happened to make you so scared?

I ask myself that over and over again as we try to work with Riley and her almost Godzilla strength when she starts to freak out. As I posted a couple of posts ago—we had to d/c the big open crate and go with the solid crate.

Well, she was in the crate Thurs evening for a few hours… actually what we know is she was put in the crate at 5:30… We returned at 8:30 and she met us at the front door… Somehow..she got the door backwards, over the stopper that is supposed to keep it from going backwards into the crate, 100_0618

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How she got the 2 spring loaded posts out of their designated holes for locking the door..and how she got the door to go over the molded door stoppers… I will never know.

We had to take the entire crate apart to get the door back in the correct area. !

SOOO. I have wiped it down, we have taken it apart and we are trying her in the house with out being crated.

Riley is the most gentle , non aggressive dog we have ever come across. SO I can not imagine how she can bend the crates…

It really urks me how someone could have neglected or abused her before she was found and brought to the pound.

 

Riley comes home 6-29-2012 022This was Riley the day we brought her home.

She was not sure what way her life was turning. She did not know us, she could not tell us where she had been or what she had gone through.

But when we called her name..she cowered and belly crawled…

She has come a long way… now she looks at us differently now.

She loves her sweater….100_0621

We got it for her because she gets cold outside,. We got her a second one today.. a Christmas one with white fake fur on it !!

At least her eyes are not so sad anymore.

And today we tested her in the house for an hr. She appears to have done okay. The electric collar keeps her from barking…and that seems to keep her calmer. 100_0597

The kids love her..she loves the kids…

Hopefully we will be able to have her crate free..

And although it is not right to wish evil thoughts on people….whoever owned this precious dog before and treated her poorly… whoever let her go…dropped her off… whatever they did to have her be labeled a stray…. well I hope you pay for your cruelty you did to her.

And also.. thanks for being jerks… we have an awesome dog because of YOU!!!!.

I am off to pet our dog now….

Love to all. Mrs Justa alias Cindy…

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“Jesus is holding the little children today. Many of them kindergarteners.”

From…Trust in the Lord ~

I post this quote and artwork because I found it comforting . How often are we in situations where we feel totally alone, tonally let down by life and the events of life.

This past Friday, screams of sorrow,  people from near and far in disbelief , as young children, teachers , employees of the school were exposed to an act of violence I have trouble comprehending.

I have thought a lot about this, About the families and loved ones left behind. I have thought about the relatives of the man who did this. I have thought about all those people in the school who tried to protect the children from this evil that lurked within.

In times of evil, in times of heart wrenching pain, there is goodness in the air. People helping people. Strangers coming to help comfort, provide what ever they can, pray.

I find myself saddened as I age , watching the hatred in the world. I remember a time when I was much younger, when it seemed I was shielded from the ugliness in the world. But the older I get, it seems the more my eyes are open to.

I have heard people say that this evil is now… it was not before…. but I believe evil has been around since the beginning of time. It is how we deal with evil, how we find a way to help instead of harm.

In times like these..when tragedy hits…. it is so easy to lose faith, to blame God… but I believe God is right with us crying too. I believe God is trying to comfort us, even when it seems the world is shunning him.  God kept  out of schools, people trying to re-write the Bible to fit their needs, ..and yet….. when tragedy hits… whose house do people gather at? And why…. because everyone is welcome in Gods house.

I feel awful for the parents, awful for everyone affected by this… and I find myself needing to get lost in prayer to find light when darkness falls….

Love to all…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Who do you trust, who do you not trust? What can you believe, what can you not believe.

I was on facebook the other day and there was a picture of a guy who was holding up a winning lottery ticket. It was the gigunda one…400 million or some unbelievable amount. Well on it he had a message saying he was going to give 1 million dollars to a random person.

People responded to him, blessed him, I too joined in with a word of support… low and behold it was a prank. I felt embarrassed, I felt naïve, I felt foolish…. but at least it was not just me who was rolled over by the guy… thousands of people liked him, commented, blessed him… and he set us up.

I want to believe people are good, I give people the benefit of the doubt, I work to find the good in people … and poof….someone let’s me down.

I remember with a job I had many many moons ago…. I totally loved the job. The manager told us what a great group we were, we were praised for our efficiency, I had part of my day when I worked on a print cutter , it cut the people’s  negatives and prints at the same time. I learned how to get it to work beyond its settings, by clicking certain switches I bypassed stops… I remember the manager telling me that Kodak was going to send a group of people there to see me run this print cutter. I totally LOVED coming to work. I trusted my boss, trusted the corporation…and than one day poof… the dreaded words… we were closing, relocating to another state.

Trusting people who make promises to you… that always hurts too. The world is filled with promise breakers. People who promise to call you when your vehicle is ready, people who promise a product is great and as you are taking it out of the package it breaks… people who promise to meet you at a certain time..and no show… people who promise to love you forever..only to one day say they never loved you…..

I have learned from these situations,6-25-2012 Syracuse and Oswego NY 011 from these people to carefully say my words… never promise something I can not provide, ..when I say I love you..I mean it…and when I promise to be there forever..I will be.

What you see is what you get..I will not pretend to be something I am not ( LIKE THE CREEP ON FACEBOOK) … We need to all work on being real,,, telling it like it is…. and not trying to bring false threats or false hopes to others.

I hope as the holiday season fills you with real things, no fake promises, no heart break, no disappointments. Love to all, Mrs Justa alais Cindy

Rileys bent crate and having the boys over 11-17-12 014Have you ever just wanted to run…run and run and run?

Nowhere in particular to go, just not wanting to be where you are at.

Last week felt like that I think for everyone around me. Mark would have loved to run from himself, me, I would have loved to run from the stress of the week…and

Now that I think of it.. even Riley tried to break clean of her fears and panic…..

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This is Riley’s crate. She is terrified of being left in the crate, and yet she has not proven she is much nicer to the house outside of the crate. So if we had to leave for a while, we crated her….

If you look at the bottom of the crate, she bends it in by biting it, sticking her nose in it and trying to scooch out of it with the door closed and locked. This time she bent it enough in that she literally was scratching at that rug, she got the rug inside the crate and started gnawing on it, trying anything to escape from the crate. So.. the crate is folded up… Riley is on some antidepressants/ Obsessive compulsive meds to see if we can get her to overcome this panic disorder she gets when being left alone.

It really is sad to think that for some reason she is terrified of the crate. If I could find her original owners,RIley 7-19-2012 003 the ones that had to have been mean to her… well I would Have a few things to say to them. Might even smack them aside of their head!

How can people be cruel to another living being?

She is the sweetest dog, she loves to be with people, it is funny ..at night if she gets cold, she burrows under the blanket and sheet and sleeps way down at our feet. She will stay there for hrs.

She is great with the kids, she loves her stuffed animals, LOVES her food, yet deep inside her psychie— someone played with her head…. if she thinks you are angry with her..she cowers…… If you raise your voice out of emotion for anything – she thinks it is for her….

She belly crawls if she thinks she is in trouble. SO our dilemma in life is we have a dog..who hates when we leave. I have a call into the NY State dog whisperer..and we are going to see if he thinks this is something he could assist with. We also are going to try to get her into a doggie day care a couple times a week..and if there is a need for a few hrs of being watched as we try to come to a solution—than we will see if her kennel down the Oswego NY  6-11-12 003street would let her stay for a day.

So as our persistence to get to an end of her fear..

we need to STOP..and work with her.. Patience, positive reinforcement , determination, and slow down…go slow and make sure she feels comfortable along the way.

Please if you have a chance, and feel a tug in your heart… say a prayer for our little girl dog..and hope we can help her become at ease…. all the time.

Love to all….Mrs Justa alias Cindy

100_2447On my way home tonight I was listening to a talk radio guy..and well he kinda irks me at times. He was talking about this reinvestigation on the 6 yr old who turned up missing 30 years ago, and they are now thinking he might have been killed very close to his home , by an adult who was nice to him, and possible buried under a new basement floor that was supposedly put down right after he turned up missing.

The radio guy..he is not afraid to say anything..so he was rambling on about child stalkers-murderers and such..and that you never should trust person older that the kids they are around, who has a liking to smaller kids. Well this brought me back to being about 13 years old… I lived in a neighborhood that was referred to as suburbia. Where there are streets that loop off of a main street through the development, and kids found the street a fairly safe place to play.

For a car to come down the street-they had to go super slow—there were signs up all over saying kids playing. It was okay to do. So I would play with my younger brothers and sisters… they were step down in ages from me—my brother was 4 years younger, followed by a brother 5 years younger, a sister 8 years younger and a sister 10 years younger. The sun would come up and we would go out..we played tag, hide and seek, jump rope, badminton, we bounced tennis balls, went together to the community  pool, went to the school playground, played jacks, and the  most fun was kick ball.

The street we lived on had to have about 14 kids on it at least. Many the ages of my younger brothers and sisters . I often was incharge of watching them—so the play time was also babysitting time in action.I remember a guy about my age who would sometimes come down and play kick ball with all of us. The little kids would choose the 100_2383teams..and well to them I was the prize person on the team. My legs were longer, I was taller, and I could kick the ball to the end of the street. I LOVED playing with all the younger kids. WHY?? Because they were real, they were innocent, they were not judgmental…  we had a mutual respect for each other..and I had people to play with while watching my siblings.

I remember this one day…. summer was probably 2/3rds of the way through..and only a few kids came out to play 100_2860_editedwhen I was out there. It was strange—like a ghost town feeling. I did not know why..but I felt all of the sudden super uncomfortable. Every once in a while I would see a curtain drop down, like people were spying out their windows at me…One of the kids snuck out of their house and apologized to me..saying the kids wanted to come out but their parents said they couldn’t. Seems some of the parents were talking to other parents and they all think it was strange I liked playing with the younger kids…. the assumption seemed like I must have had ulterior motives…

I was crushed… I felt discriminated against… I felt so hurt and lost. I had done nothing wrong… Sometimes when we were playing a kids might come up and give me a hug and say they loved me… but it was all innocent…For the rest of the summer my brothers and sisters played out with me… and when I was not out there—they played with their friends.

That was the last summer I played neighborhood kickball…and I think it was a ground breaker in realizing how unfair people could be…. and as I listened to this guy tonight generalizing about people older than your kids being really friendly with kids … it brought back that horrible time..when I felt guilty until proven innocent… but there was never a time to prove myself..the parents told their kids they could not play when I was out there…. 

Now these same parents had me babysit their kids after their accusations settled down… and I did it without ill feeling towards the parents… for I figured they were weak and evil at the time they banned their kids from me…. see I NEVER stopped being cordial to the people who made these assumptions… I would go out early in the morning and 100_2814shoveled their driveways for free that next winter—I smiled and waved at them….it was their problem—just my hurt… It was a great learning experience in turning the other cheek….

I think as parents –we have to look at the whole picture. Make sure our kids are safe—but do not label people without knowing what you are talking about. Yes I know that sometimes a close friend or relative is a person who might commit crimes against children— but we can not assume everyone is like that. The pain you cause the innocent—the abandonment they feel..the loss….it may lay inside ones souls and heart dormant… BUT  it never goes away…Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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I have been going totally bonkers trying to figure out what song I am going to sing in church on the 11th. I have about 5 I am going back and forth  with. I practice on my way to and from work. My car becomes a mobile sound studio.. music playing and me either singing the words or doing some la la la’s as I try to memorize the melody. I you are driving down 690 about 7:00 AM or a little earlier—and you see some lady belting out songs as she is driving down the highway..well that lady might just be me!

There is one song I have been working on for months.. It is super dramatic-moving..and when I get done belting it out—I can not talk for a day. I looked at the time on the radio display today and it is 5 minutes—I think that is now ruled out.. too long!But there is one—I really love it.. ( I really love all these songs..) But I think I will do it. It times out at about 3.20 minutes. I think that is better.

I LOVE to sing.. it makes me whole. We all need something we can do that makes us feel whole. Some people I think look their whole life for that something and do not find it.

Singing to me is special to me, I feel like I am an instrument. Like I am not always in control of the singing—I become the tool to present the song. I do not feel like I am special, or that I have connections—that is not what I mean—but more that we all have God given talents… we are children of God…. and I feel the ability to sing is a gift. I do not know if that makes sense to anyone- but it is how it feels. Music is a part of me…I do nto ever want to take it for granted….  I hope till the day I die, that I have the ability to sing.

About 15 years ago I had a procedure done- it was supposed to be a simple endoscopic procedure. It was winter time, and I remember he only had me take off my winter coat.. I had on my street clothes—even my boots. There was only a little lidocaine spray and absolutely NO compassion…  the doctor- he was sadistic- barbaric. and he would laugh and jam the scope into my throat each time I gagged. It was like a scene from a horror movie—but it did not end.. this guy was a creep. When he finished I remember him tugging on my shoulder and saying”So how do you like me now?” Well he had trashed my throat..I ended up with a super sore throat, high fever… and after antibiotics were done—I could not swallow any pills—they would get stuck in the back of my throat…  for a year I could not sing, I could hardly talk..and finally after months of seeing an ENT I had to have surgery to remove the damaged lingual tonsils. I felt invaded by this doctor..he took my voice… he robbed me of a part of me…. but I never ever gave up. I wept many nights in the darkness of the night..all alone and trying to figure out how and why this doctor stole a part of me…..

Every night I would pray for the ability to sing again, and if I ever was given that blessing- I promised I would sing in church . It took about another 6 months after the surgery, but slowly my throat healed, and I was able to work on singing. I remember feeling so lost without music .. it was in me but I had no way to get it out.

This experience taught me though to appreciate everything I have..and never take anything for granted… I can not every explain how totally blessed I felt when each of our kids asked me to sing a song for them in their weddings… to me—that was so special… so touching to be asked..and a miracle I had the ability to do it after that horrible medical experience.

That doctor will have to try to justify his abusive behavior at some time in his life… the hurt he caused is still in a locked box in my mind..but I would not let him win…. he became a major LOSER..I do not ever have to see him again..but he…well he has to live with himself…he has to know he is mean.

My thought for today… believe in yourself..and when you are feeling like “Why me??” turn is around and say “ I am strong.. so bring it on !”  Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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