Trusting In …..

We live life sometimes feeling like we know exactly the next step. Our alarm clock will go off, we will get up, we brush our teeth, do whatever routine in the morning we do, and move to the next part of our day. However when the alarm clock does not go off, or there is no water pressure, or maybe we fall out of bed instead of getting up the usual way, well it kinda puts our synched life out of order.

We trust everything will go as planned, and yet there are the things that don’t.

It gets even trickier when we take the next step, drive the car, reach for something, heck even getting something from a cupboard. Everything we do we trust will end the same way.

Now we can try to protect ourselves from areas where things can’t go wrong, but we become people in bubbles. Less can go wrong, but things happen.

I was thinking about trust and faith to extend beyond the simpler bullet points of a day. I was reminded in my thoughts of this day, this fall day when this never could have been, had life been kept inside the bubble. I took this at an angle to show the freedom, the joy of the moment. Jeff trusted he would get caught, and he loved the feeling of freedom. The look on his face, the total relaxation of his body, he trusted thigs will be okay, and without that trust, the picture would have been totally different- it might have been a terrified face and fingers clutching so tight to the neck of his dad- like please don’t make me do this. But no– he totally trusted and because of that experienced something way out of the ordinary.

As we get older and heavier, that opportunity – that specific scenario – could not be, or would probably not end in a laugh. However, as we age, inventors have created ways to get that feeling and beyond. I takes a lot more effort from the person achieving the liftoff, however, it needs to be accompanied by trust. Trust that the winds are right, trust your legs are ready for a rather fast run, trust the equipment was not faulty. If however, you have the trust, that sense of freedom can be yours. This person was on an elevated area, beyond the takeoff area was an incredible valley, miles of land colored with the brilliance of fall.

Life has been full of trusting, we trust in relationships, we trust in our day to day activities, our jobs, our everything……and yes we also trust we will be cleaning the bruises- whether inside or outside, and some scars that show the roadmap of my life. I want to always feel that feeling that life is going to be okay, that feeling I get every time I remember that fall day with Jeff. I never ever want to stop trusting that even when things don’t go quite as planned, the trust and faith are so important.

Until later,  Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Interacting and Technology

So as I was making my weekly grocery list on a pad of real paper, with an actual pen, I was thinking- hey I could just go online, and order this all.. and …. nope— STOP…. I am going to continue to go out and shop for groceries. I enjoy seeing others, I enjoy making sure what we are buying is what we intended to buy, …

Well, this got me thinking… I think as the world continues to advance, to become more virtual, we have to remember to have real-life experiences. We need to interact with face to face, real life, and reach out and touch moments.

To see peoples face on face time is a great tool, because people can be in places you can not be, and have a conversation with them. However, doing face time with people that are just a few miles away, well I feel that going outside and seeing them might be the option to take.

We can now go to our computer, cell phone, tablet or probably talk in the air to “Alexa” or “Google” devices, give a list of things we need from the store, and have it delivered to our doorstep, or have someone waiting to load it in our car.

Instead of face to face, touch the items, one can buy virtually anything without going out and seeing it. And God forbid it not be what we expected from the image online we ordered it from. Instead, had we just gone to a local vendor, a store, a warehouse and seen it, felt it, looked it over, well then we know what we are buying.

Now everyone ( including me) can make all the excuses and reasons why this is so great. It keeps me away from germs of others, I do not need to deal with long lines, it gives me more time to fill up my day with a bunch of other stuff. Heck before we know it we have fit what used to be 36 hrs of actions in an 18 hr day.

We do not have to go to a movie- nope we can sit in the comfort of our home and watch the movie, stop it when we want, and put it back on after we pee, or grab a drink, or stretch, AND we can watch it in our jammies. Now I am not saying this is wrong, it does, however, take away the “going out to a move” experience. The smell of the popcorn, the darkness as you sit on seats in rows that are on an inclining floor.

There is nothing that replaces taking a trip to a planetarium. The music, the narrator, the feeling you are in a spaceship in orbit as they show us the universe, the night sky.

To show a child a firefly cupped in your hand, or to show them virtually via a YouTube image– well the magic is definitely in the first option.

 

Playing games, yes real hands-on , touch the pieces, not only hear the voice of your opponent but to see their eyes, to laugh in the same room, that is so much a component of that experience. Oh I know we can get games and our opponent is part of the game, we had this one game where we could choose the country and type of opponent we wanted. A man calling you “Chap” to a down-under voice teasing when they are about to whomp you. It, however, takes away the real socialization.

Virtual convenience is nice, however, we as adults, our kids, our grandkids, our friends, we also need to keep our social skills up, we need to take advantage of the value of being real- in real time… to be able to interact and not feel lost in the world.

We can in balance embrace the various incredible things that are available to us, things to make our life easier… yet we need to be aware of what is important at the end of the day, what is a need, what are we doing as a “cop-out” or because it is just less demanding of our time… and what is a want.

Thoughts to ponder…. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

 

Responsibility

 

Another day is dawning,  memories to be made, impressions to leave, moments unchangeable.

As the day begins, as the next step is about to happen, the next minute here among us, I am thinking about life and the effects we have on it.

 

RESPONSIBILITY:  We all are responsible for our actions. This goes for every single thing we do. We can not choose which things we do we are and are not responsible for. Nope, we own each thing we do.

That is a huge responsibility. Why, because sometimes the things we do, we don’t even realize or think about the end result, we get wrapped up in a moment or jump on the proverbial “bandwagon”. However, as we travel down the twists and turns of life’s journey,  and at the end of our road in life, it is us and us alone who individually made choices.

I say this because of many reasons, many reasons I myself have chosen to do things, and once they were done, well there was no rewind, no “gee I didn’t mean to be that way, or “I didn’t mean to do that” or “I didn’t mean to _______”.  The “I wish I had” thoughts do not count.

There have been things I have said, I can not take back. Actions I did, I can not undo. As a nurse, I have cared for patients who would say, “I knew better” or “If I only had never smoked” or “I took the chance ____”   Notice the similarity– “If I only had not or didn’t”

My parents would say to me when I did something I totally should not have, “You know better than that” or ” Bet you won’t do that again” or “what did you learn from that?”. And as I was growing up, she would wipe the wound ( physical or not) and guide me through the why’s and maybe even have suggestions on how to deal with that scenario in the future. They were preparing me for my future.

As we grow up we are still responsible for our actions. There are consequences to what is done, said, or ignored. If any of us are asked to do something and we say we will, if we then do it halfway, or not appropriately – if we take a risk, a dare—- we cannot go back and get those minutes to undo it.

In our roles in life, ( being a friend, an adult, a mentor, a stranger, a human being ) whether at work or in any environment around us, writing anything in social media, in an article,  we can not take it back. It paints a picture of us that can not be painted over, the “delete” does not remove words or photos or actions done.

Our reactions to something said or done, we can not undo that either. In life I have found to tread softly at times, to think before doing or saying, and to appreciate and take responsibility to every minute I am on this earth.

What image are we giving? What actions are we doing? What consequences because of those actions, or lack of actions are there? What image have I left?

Those are my thoughts this morning, something I will remember as I get ready for another day to be the best I can be.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Challenges or a Way Of Life

On any given day, I can look out the window and think “Oh look, the sun is up”…. period… But no- there is more… see beyond the noticing of the sunrise in the quiet of things in front of me was a glistening world of diamond-like sparkles. A cold crisp early morning gift, a gift that many may have not seen, a gift that can turn into a snowy plain ol day.

 

 

 

 

Yet, right there for all to see, a refreshing light show of sparkling colors.

It brought once again to mind thought about life. How when we are faced with things that seem monumental, we look at the proverbial mountain ( or in this case maybe a quick noticing the sun is rising) and we are overwhelmed at the tasks at hand at the end of a particular journey. Sometimes it is easier to dwell on that obstacle, which takes us longer to put it behind us.

Life can feel like it is hard at times, life is full of mountains to climb, sometimes valleys to drudge through. Plenty of times I have slipped on the proverbial mountain wandered off the proverbial path and had to retrace my steps, maybe find a slightly less challenging path to go on.

There was one person in my life that told me once she never had challenges in life. I remember thinking “heck let me share some with you” but I did not offer, and she never asked to take a few from me, so I have gone on in life realizing that at least for me, challenges exist, they can be heart wrenching, they can be touch and we conquer them one by one step at a time.

Photo by Alex Smith on Pexels.com

As I look back at this person who said this to me, as I came to know her a tad bit more many yrs ago, I now wonder- maybe just maybe she had the ability to look at those diamond-like crystals, and not just at that sunrise from afar. I think that because I truly believe we ALL face moments when life has tried to knock us down.

Maybe this person was able to anticipate but not look for that next roadblock or detour on her journey of life. If we know that challenges will lie ahead, but if we look at them as not roadblocks but the way the path takes us, then maybe we too can feel that life has been good, no matter what part of our journey we are on.

I, myself, and going to try to work on this. As I take each next step on this road of life, I will anticipate some bumps and hairpin curves, knowing the road will straighten up. To now look so far ahead, but to look at now and a few feet ahead. Not so much only living for today,, but planning for tomorrow and in those plans, the “challenges” will become part of the process.

OK, I am off to try this out, Until alter… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

Songs and Singing

Music is a part of so many peoples lives. For me, music is a part of what makes me whole. From as long as I can remember my parents would sing a lullaby type song as we drifted to bed. ( My mom more than my dad, but both did) I loved the jingles from kids shows, and Disney music, and carols at Christmas, nursery rhymes. As I grew older songs in school, singing in church, Sunday School, the radio, records, CDs. Now my goodness I can pop ion Pandora or IHEART RADIO  and make my own favorites into a station. I love, totally love music. ( I am not a RAP, symphony, classical music lover) But all else- pretty much are right up my music filled soul.

This past Sunday  I sang in church for “special music”. Special music is what a person chooses to do, there have been clarinet, saxophone, and other instruments solos, sometimes a duet will be done, sometimes a solo. It is something I can do in a contribution to the church. As I sing I am reminded of how awful it was when I had my voice taken away from me. Music and singing make me whole. Back in the late 1990s, well a very arrogant, barbaric doctor took my voice from me.

I needed an upper endoscopy because I was having food stick when I swallowed sometimes. I chose this man because he had been doing dilatations of my mom’s esophagus for yrs. She had Barret’s Esophagus and I was not sure if I did too. She used to call me after her procedure and would dreadfully say she had to go back in 6 mos- of in a yr. She never liked to go to doctors, so I figured that was why she said that.

The day of the procedure- it was winter, slushy, cold out. I had a winter coat and boots on. He had me leave my boots on, no patient gown, he left me in my street clothes, and he had me get on this stretcher. No one else was in the room. There was no IV or anything to relax me, he pulled my shoulder to get me in an upright position,  sprayed the back of my throat with a couple squirts of novocaine and literally jammed the endoscopic tube down my throat, if I gagged he smirked and jammed harder. He pulled it out and I was beyond terrified at the treatment, trying my best not to cry, and not believing this sadistic look he had. He said he had to put down a pediatric scope with a balloon end to stretch a stricture area. I indicated I couldn’t go through that again, but he said it is a smaller scope and will be easier. No more novocaine and in went the next scope, jamming at each gag and smirking all the way.

When he finished, he twisted me around, legs facing him and said ” So how do you like me now?” It was like he enjoyed how he treated me. I have no idea why he was like that, but if he was like that with others, I finally understood the dread in my mom’s comments as she realized when her next appointment was.

A few days later I had a fever, felt horrible, and no voice and a very sore throat, deep in the back, beyond my tongue. I went to my primary MD and saw the RNNP. I remember crying to her as I explained what had happened. She said my throat was swollen, injured. She prescribed an antibiotic and a type of relieving med for the pain. I had a follow up with the GI doctor a couple days later and begrudgingly went back- per the recommendations of the RNNP. Funny, now the nurse jotted down how I was feeling, and the problems, and amazing- now this barbaric, evil non-compassionate MD had me get in a patient gown, and was kind to me. I NEVER went back to him again!

For 10 months following, I had no ability to sing, my talking voice was raspy. Every single night I prayed for my voice to come back, and if it did, I promised God I would share it in church, either in a choir or special music. Somehow I would share songs, I never gave up praying. About 8 months into this terrible time when I felt a void that was indescribable from not being able to sing, my doctor suggested I see an ENT. She examined my throat to find my lingual tonsils were damaged, and large. ( I never realized we had lingual tonsils at the back of the tongue…  She prescribed a steroid, but it did not lessen the swelling and 2 months later I had the lingual tonsils laparoscopically removed. Slowly through the healing, I once again could sing.

So as I sang in church on  12-2-18, as I practice to sing, every single time I belt out a song, I am reminded of how sometimes bad things happen, and it does not always mean they are the end all. Prayers are not always answered how we want them to be. We need to have faith in life, as we have faith in sunsets and sunrises. We can not predict the future, we can predict that there will be good and not so good times.

This time I went through, it made me realize what music can be, should be, and through hard work and prayer, I am able to share songs with others in the church. It is not the same voice I had before, but it is here my spiritual gift. I thank God every day for that.

 

 

 

“Times of our Lives”

There was a very popular song from the mid-1970s that Paul Anka had done and Kodak used it as an advertising jingle. The lyrics are very meaningful to me- and as I take photographs and look at photos from times gone by, as I reminisce on times captured in the Windows or my mind and heart, well this melody and its’  words- it plays in my head.

“Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it’s hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember?

The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you’ve seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life? ………..

Reach out for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The memories are times that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow

The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
…….. will you remember
The times of your life?

……….
Do you remember the times of your life?”

For me, as this weekend with family enters its last day and a half, the moments already created and those yet to come, I want to remember the laughter, the realization that we were all placed in the places we are now, because of the roads we have traveled. My wish is that everyone has those moments, those “TImes of Your Life”, that can play over and over again as the days become moments in our journey, little monuments or landscapes.

Until later, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

Words and a memory

Continuing on the subject of words. I wanted to share a time from long ago.

We lived in Spafford NY in my first few yrs of elementary school. We had one car and my dad was a traveling salesman. So living FAR away from the school did not leave an option for our mom driving us.

It was a long bus ride, and it brings back fun and not so fun times. One thing was our last name became the laughing subject for the first few miles of each journey. We would no sooner get on the bus and certain kids would ask if we have Gaines Gravy Train for dinner and if we eat it dry in the morning. Their pals would wait for a reaction as they laughed at the words said and observed to see if they got a reaction.

We would tell mom about the trip, but what really could she do, but provide advice and call the bus garage. So her words of wisdom ( and I say that with the sincerest most meaning of the words) she said just stand tall, be proud and say back:  “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me”

Well, I gotta tell ya, that had a nice ring to it, but really did not do anything to stop the name mocking. Nope just kinda fueled the laughter as people said things like “What was that can you say it again?” And me – in my proud Gaines Family fashion would repeat it.

What changed was Pam and I became able to hide the sadness and dislike, and that, and only that slowed down the mocking. It never totally went away because “Gaines Dog Food ” folks were coming up with cute adds and more products. We advanced to questions like “Did you have burgers last night… GAINES BURGERS?”

Yep, words can be powerful, and being I woke up this morning with the kid’s laughter running through my mind, I felt it needed to be shared.

Lesson learned from this, as a parent I was listening for mention from our kids, and if there was any hint of something like this happening to them, I worked to explain that when we react to words, we are giving strength to the people calling you a name. If you react, the others have found a way to annoy you. DO not react, as hard as that is, and their game is no longer anything more than solitaire. Their words come out and get lost in space.

As I move into today, I hope the day is good for you. Words can be so powerful.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Yeah BUTTTTTTT

This seems to be more and more common in starting a sentence in a discussion. Maybe it is just my own experience, however, I think some might relate. For me, there is probably nothing more powerful than those 2 words to smother my thoughts and back off my conversation.

Oh, I am sure there are times when it is perfectly appropriate, and on the other side of the spectrum, often times it does harm to a conversation.

Picture the scenario, if you will… you are thinking about something to do, or you are sharing a thought on an event, or maybe talking about a feeling… you stop, anticipating some back and forth conversation. The other party, even without taking a millisecond to absorb what you just said, pops in with “Yeah BUT……” and they go on in the talk to not only discredit the thought you expressed, they totally change the subject or have 1 or more reasons why what you just said was not worthy of the time it took to say it.

It is more common with some people than others, however, some people have taken it as their new way to start every response.

A long time ago I had been taught pretty extensively on communication. I was a volunteer on an 800 toll free number for NY State Child Abuse Line. It was extremely important that whoever was calling they were being heard. It was a line, that in my experience on it, had more people calling in because they were frustrated with something in life, and our line became the next step to talk about what was going on.

Very seldom was it a call because someone was abusing a child, it was more a frustrated parent that tried to do something and their child was not really cooperating in successfully completing the task at hand. Or maybe an event happened- totally accidental. No matter what the call, we needed to be able to communicate and listen.

One thing we learned was when someone finishes talking, digest what was said and quietly take a deep breath before responding. This gives you time to process what was just said and cleanses your mind prior to responding .

My brother Don has communication skills mastered. He hears, he absorbs what is said, and he responds after hearing the others thoughts.  Because of that, he truly makes people feel worthy of the words spoken, of the thoughts shared.

See if someone pops right back with a response before the other’s words have totally left their mouth, or at the second the last word was said, well that person was not listening as the words were being spoken. So instead of listening, we are thinking of a response as the talker was talking. We learned to never start our response back with: “Why” as Why causes an immediate defensive response. A new training for communication needs to be, do not start your reply with “YEAH , but”   … so as today begins, I am going to carefully listen to my speaking, my responses, and make sure I am practicing good learning skills too.

I hope you each take a few moments for YOU today,  Until later, Mrs. Justa.. alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

WIth Bad, There Comes Good

Whoa, this is a tough concept to grasp. Personally, I am surprised I have any teeth left after the times’ life has kicked me in them. I would think it is safe to say that by the time we reach even 20-30 years old, we have had some not so good times happen. If I listed all of mine, well it would be a tad longer than the novel Moby Dick. For today I am going to reminisce on one.

First I have to admit as the bad moments seem to engulf my life, there is absolutely no one or any way I can think of, see, or believe that there is anything good from it.

Life is like pebbles on the shore, some pretty some jaded

It may take years or decades to even have the courage to look at those times from afar. However, personally, I have been able to see the whole picture the further and further away I get from it.

There are times I do not know the whole picture, components I should not know, will never know, and that too is intended to be. Sometimes I just have to step back and comfort my pain with, the thought there was a reason. No one has the answers, and none of us can know why God’s plan hurts at times.

This particular realization I am looking at today, it took me 40 + years to look in the tapestry of my life and see some light in the dark colors.

For the first 10 yrs of my life, my family continued to grow in numbers ( a new child every 1 1/2 to 2 yrs )and we lived in rental places. I had 4 yrs of life in an upper flat in Bridgeport Cn, that followed with 3 different home in the Skaneateles NY area.

Four months before I turned 10, my parents found and bought a home in Bayberry. This was such an amazing event, it was fairly new, in a suburban neighborhood, we could walk to school, to church and stores, we were safe playing kickball in the street, we had lots of other kids, places to ride our bikes for hours without ever leaving the community, a great place to raise children, and mom could be a stay at home mom, comfortable with the safety of her more dependent children as we frolicked outside like happy puppies.

And then 4 months into this life, we were blessed to be in , boom….  the month of my 10th birthday, our dad was in the hospital he had had a heart attack. Mom had told us when dad came home he would be in a wheelchair at least until he regained his strength, we knew life was going to be way different.

Well, he never left that hospital, my mom at that time was 9 months very pregnant with her 6th child. Mom went into labor on the night before dad was to come home, a neighbor took her to the hospital, and the next morning VERY early… dad had died and mom gave birth.

I gotta tell you that moment in our lives was hard to figure out the whys. It was a time when it would be easy to not believe in anything. We had the cutest new sister, and dad never came home to enjoy the new addition to our family. Plus our “stay at home mom,” could no longer be. Mom went to college got her bachelors degree as she worked as a teaching assistant during the day at the local school district. Pam and I ( 11 and 10) became the child care in the after school/ evening times.

For years it was not easy, but looking back now… had we not had that bought home, where would our family have ended up?  We owned no residence before that time, I think in the plan of life, coloring in the grays with brighter colors, the move to Bayberry was one of those times when the bad, really also was a blessing for our future after dads death.

We were safe, we had a precious bundle of joy to help ease the pain, we  had neighbors helping neighbors, people helped us without ever being asked, so even as heartwrenching, as deep the hurt was, as scary, and as dark as those moments were, we were in the best place considering the whole picture.

Once I really looked beyond the pain, I was reminded once again, that life was never meant to be easy, but life is a blessing every single day I see the sun rise and set.

Until later, my love to all… Cindy, alias  Mrs. Justa

 

Mrs Justa and some thoughts of relationships

Last night we were playing words with friends against one another. It was around 11 at night. We had the scanner on , and there were some faint angry voices. I thought it was background in the scanner, but when I turned it off..it was actually people yelling at one another. Mark had heard it first, and I was kinda blowing it off… but than I realized it was cause for concern.

So we shut everything off, turned off the lights and started looking out in the darkness.

Immediately I am thinking the worse— we have people who just moved in across the street on Friday night—I am thinking   “Great—we get to listen to people yelling at one another all the time” I was thinking about how this quiet country life was about to change.

But alas—it was a neighbor who lives quite a ways back from us—his driveway however runs along the entire length of our property. He is divorced and I guess his x decided to come over for a visit. It sounded like he did not expect her too….

He does not plow his driveway often-and gets up and down it okay… her NOT SO MUCH.

She drove off the driveway and was stuck. And she was really stuck. Her idea of getting out of the bind was revving the engine and spinning the tires.

He was screaming at her- he did not want her there, did not invite her and once she is unstuck—basically in not so nice tone—get the heck off the property.

We eventually went over to see if our pick up truck could help and we brought some salt over…but our pick up almost got stuck at the foot of his driveway-so we knew that was not going to work… – Mark is not really able to push and shovel her out—so he offered to try to drive her vehicle while the neighbor pushed it..and later they switched and he threw salt under the spinning tires while the neighbor rocked the vehicle.

Eventually it got out..and through it all… all the screaming and ugliness that they were sharing with one another before we went out there. I thought about life. How  for some people they  meet someone, they think it is true love, they get married, they have kids… and down the road of life it turns into this shouting obscenities- displaying total hate for one another. What made the switch? did they not feed their relationship through the year..and all of the sudden love turned to hate?

When we make a commitment—we need to nurture the commitment, feed the relationship, never stop talking, tell each other when something is bothering you…. for if relationships are not fed, treated carefully— they corrode… they crumble… and you end up with this. ..Just a thought…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: anger,life,relationships,love,hate,communication,nuturing

 

Mrs Justa and Stronger than BULL

Have you ever been so afraid that the fear takes over you?

And what caused you to have that reaction? What things could have happened to make you so scared?

I ask myself that over and over again as we try to work with Riley and her almost Godzilla strength when she starts to freak out. As I posted a couple of posts ago—we had to d/c the big open crate and go with the solid crate.

Well, she was in the crate Thurs evening for a few hours… actually what we know is she was put in the crate at 5:30… We returned at 8:30 and she met us at the front door… Somehow..she got the door backwards, over the stopper that is supposed to keep it from going backwards into the crate,

How she got the 2 spring loaded posts out of their designated holes for locking the door..and how she got the door to go over the molded door stoppers… I will never know.

We had to take the entire crate apart to get the door back in the correct area. !

SOOO. I have wiped it down, we have taken it apart and we are trying her in the house with out being crated.

Riley is the most gentle , non aggressive dog we have ever come across. SO I can not imagine how she can bend the crates…

It really urks me how someone could have neglected or abused her before she was found and brought to the pound.

 

This was Riley the day we brought her home.

She was not sure what way her life was turning. She did not know us, she could not tell us where she had been or what she had gone through.

But when we called her name..she cowered and belly crawled…

She has come a long way… now she looks at us differently now.

She loves her sweater….

We got it for her because she gets cold outside,. We got her a second one today.. a Christmas one with white fake fur on it !!

At least her eyes are not so sad anymore.

And today we tested her in the house for an hr. She appears to have done okay. The electric collar keeps her from barking…and that seems to keep her calmer.

The kids love her..she loves the kids…

Hopefully we will be able to have her crate free..

And although it is not right to wish evil thoughts on people….whoever owned this precious dog before and treated her poorly… whoever let her go…dropped her off… whatever they did to have her be labeled a stray…. well I hope you pay for your cruelty you did to her.

And also.. thanks for being jerks… we have an awesome dog because of YOU!!!!.

I am off to pet our dog now….

Love to all. Mrs Justa alias Cindy…

Technorati Tags: Riley,mean,loving,cruelty,life,challenges,strength,fears,panic,anxiety,shock

 

Mrs Justa and a tragedy among us

“Jesus is holding the little children today. Many of them kindergarteners.”

From…Trust in the Lord ~

I post this quote and artwork because I found it comforting . How often are we in situations where we feel totally alone, tonally let down by life and the events of life.

This past Friday, screams of sorrow,  people from near and far in disbelief , as young children, teachers , employees of the school were exposed to an act of violence I have trouble comprehending.

I have thought a lot about this, About the families and loved ones left behind. I have thought about the relatives of the man who did this. I have thought about all those people in the school who tried to protect the children from this evil that lurked within.

In times of evil, in times of heart wrenching pain, there is goodness in the air. People helping people. Strangers coming to help comfort, provide what ever they can, pray.

I find myself saddened as I age , watching the hatred in the world. I remember a time when I was much younger, when it seemed I was shielded from the ugliness in the world. But the older I get, it seems the more my eyes are open to.

I have heard people say that this evil is now… it was not before…. but I believe evil has been around since the beginning of time. It is how we deal with evil, how we find a way to help instead of harm.

In times like these..when tragedy hits…. it is so easy to lose faith, to blame God… but I believe God is right with us crying too. I believe God is trying to comfort us, even when it seems the world is shunning him.  God kept  out of schools, people trying to re-write the Bible to fit their needs, ..and yet….. when tragedy hits… whose house do people gather at? And why…. because everyone is welcome in Gods house.

I feel awful for the parents, awful for everyone affected by this… and I find myself needing to get lost in prayer to find light when darkness falls….

Love to all…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: trust,tragedy,life,death,evil,goodness,God..,faith

 

Mrs Justa and remembering let downs

Who do you trust, who do you not trust? What can you believe, what can you not believe.

I was on facebook the other day and there was a picture of a guy who was holding up a winning lottery ticket. It was the gigunda one…400 million or some unbelievable amount. Well on it he had a message saying he was going to give 1 million dollars to a random person.

People responded to him, blessed him, I too joined in with a word of support… low and behold it was a prank. I felt embarrassed, I felt naïve, I felt foolish…. but at least it was not just me who was rolled over by the guy… thousands of people liked him, commented, blessed him… and he set us up.

I want to believe people are good, I give people the benefit of the doubt, I work to find the good in people … and poof….someone let’s me down.

I remember with a job I had many many moons ago…. I totally loved the job. The manager told us what a great group we were, we were praised for our efficiency, I had part of my day when I worked on a print cutter , it cut the people’s  negatives and prints at the same time. I learned how to get it to work beyond its settings, by clicking certain switches I bypassed stops… I remember the manager telling me that Kodak was going to send a group of people there to see me run this print cutter. I totally LOVED coming to work. I trusted my boss, trusted the corporation…and than one day poof… the dreaded words… we were closing, relocating to another state.

Trusting people who make promises to you… that always hurts too. The world is filled with promise breakers. People who promise to call you when your vehicle is ready, people who promise a product is great and as you are taking it out of the package it breaks… people who promise to meet you at a certain time..and no show… people who promise to love you forever..only to one day say they never loved you…..

I have learned from these situations, from these people to carefully say my words… never promise something I can not provide, ..when I say I love you..I mean it…and when I promise to be there forever..I will be.

What you see is what you get..I will not pretend to be something I am not ( LIKE THE CREEP ON FACEBOOK) … We need to all work on being real,,, telling it like it is…. and not trying to bring false threats or false hopes to others.

I hope as the holiday season fills you with real things, no fake promises, no heart break, no disappointments. Love to all, Mrs Justa alais Cindy

Technorati Tags: disappointments,life,promises,deceit,lies,faith,belief,real.

 

Mrs Justa and Riley’s need to conquer her fear

Have you ever just wanted to run…run and run and run?

Nowhere in particular to go, just not wanting to be where you are at.

Last week felt like that I think for everyone around me. Mark would have loved to run from himself, me, I would have loved to run from the stress of the week…and

Now that I think of it.. even Riley tried to break clean of her fears and panic…..

This is Riley’s crate. She is terrified of being left in the crate, and yet she has not proven she is much nicer to the house outside of the crate. So if we had to leave for a while, we crated her….

If you look at the bottom of the crate, she bends it in by biting it, sticking her nose in it and trying to scooch out of it with the door closed and locked. This time she bent it enough in that she literally was scratching at that rug, she got the rug inside the crate and started gnawing on it, trying anything to escape from the crate. So.. the crate is folded up… Riley is on some antidepressants/ Obsessive compulsive meds to see if we can get her to overcome this panic disorder she gets when being left alone.

It really is sad to think that for some reason she is terrified of the crate. If I could find her original owners, the ones that had to have been mean to her… well I would Have a few things to say to them. Might even smack them aside of their head!

How can people be cruel to another living being?

She is the sweetest dog, she loves to be with people, it is funny ..at night if she gets cold, she burrows under the blanket and sheet and sleeps way down at our feet. She will stay there for hrs.

She is great with the kids, she loves her stuffed animals, LOVES her food, yet deep inside her psychie— someone played with her head…. if she thinks you are angry with her..she cowers…… If you raise your voice out of emotion for anything – she thinks it is for her….

She belly crawls if she thinks she is in trouble. SO our dilemma in life is we have a dog..who hates when we leave. I have a call into the NY State dog whisperer..and we are going to see if he thinks this is something he could assist with. We also are going to try to get her into a doggie day care a couple times a week..and if there is a need for a few hrs of being watched as we try to come to a solution—than we will see if her kennel down the street would let her stay for a day.

So as our persistence to get to an end of her fear..

we need to STOP..and work with her.. Patience, positive reinforcement , determination, and slow down…go slow and make sure she feels comfortable along the way.

Please if you have a chance, and feel a tug in your heart… say a prayer for our little girl dog..and hope we can help her become at ease…. all the time.

Love to all….Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: cruelity,life,meaning,cruel,panic,run,animals,freedom,choices,challenges,fears

 

Mrs Justa and harmful accusations

On my way home tonight I was listening to a talk radio guy..and well he kinda irks me at times. He was talking about this reinvestigation on the 6 yr old who turned up missing 30 years ago, and they are now thinking he might have been killed very close to his home , by an adult who was nice to him, and possible buried under a new basement floor that was supposedly put down right after he turned up missing.

The radio guy..he is not afraid to say anything..so he was rambling on about child stalkers-murderers and such..and that you never should trust person older that the kids they are around, who has a liking to smaller kids. Well this brought me back to being about 13 years old… I lived in a neighborhood that was referred to as suburbia. Where there are streets that loop off of a main street through the development, and kids found the street a fairly safe place to play.

For a car to come down the street-they had to go super slow—there were signs up all over saying kids playing. It was okay to do. So I would play with my younger brothers and sisters… they were step down in ages from me—my brother was 4 years younger, followed by a brother 5 years younger, a sister 8 years younger and a sister 10 years younger. The sun would come up and we would go out..we played tag, hide and seek, jump rope, badminton, we bounced tennis balls, went together to the community  pool, went to the school playground, played jacks, and the  most fun was kick ball.

The street we lived on had to have about 14 kids on it at least. Many the ages of my younger brothers and sisters . I often was incharge of watching them—so the play time was also babysitting time in action.I remember a guy about my age who would sometimes come down and play kick ball with all of us. The little kids would choose the teams..and well to them I was the prize person on the team. My legs were longer, I was taller, and I could kick the ball to the end of the street. I LOVED playing with all the younger kids. WHY?? Because they were real, they were innocent, they were not judgmental…  we had a mutual respect for each other..and I had people to play with while watching my siblings.

I remember this one day…. summer was probably 2/3rds of the way through..and only a few kids came out to play when I was out there. It was strange—like a ghost town feeling. I did not know why..but I felt all of the sudden super uncomfortable. Every once in a while I would see a curtain drop down, like people were spying out their windows at me…One of the kids snuck out of their house and apologized to me..saying the kids wanted to come out but their parents said they couldn’t. Seems some of the parents were talking to other parents and they all think it was strange I liked playing with the younger kids…. the assumption seemed like I must have had ulterior motives…

I was crushed… I felt discriminated against… I felt so hurt and lost. I had done nothing wrong… Sometimes when we were playing a kids might come up and give me a hug and say they loved me… but it was all innocent…For the rest of the summer my brothers and sisters played out with me… and when I was not out there—they played with their friends.

That was the last summer I played neighborhood kickball…and I think it was a ground breaker in realizing how unfair people could be…. and as I listened to this guy tonight generalizing about people older than your kids being really friendly with kids … it brought back that horrible time..when I felt guilty until proven innocent… but there was never a time to prove myself..the parents told their kids they could not play when I was out there…. 

Now these same parents had me babysit their kids after their accusations settled down… and I did it without ill feeling towards the parents… for I figured they were weak and evil at the time they banned their kids from me…. see I NEVER stopped being cordial to the people who made these assumptions… I would go out early in the morning and shoveled their driveways for free that next winter—I smiled and waved at them….it was their problem—just my hurt… It was a great learning experience in turning the other cheek….

I think as parents –we have to look at the whole picture. Make sure our kids are safe—but do not label people without knowing what you are talking about. Yes I know that sometimes a close friend or relative is a person who might commit crimes against children— but we can not assume everyone is like that. The pain you cause the innocent—the abandonment they feel..the loss….it may lay inside ones souls and heart dormant… BUT  it never goes away…Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: accusations,assumptions,friends,life,trust,distrust,fears,kids,children,. innocence,lessons,bullies

 

Mrs Justa and a song in my heart…

I have been going totally bonkers trying to figure out what song I am going to sing in church on the 11th. I have about 5 I am going back and forth  with. I practice on my way to and from work. My car becomes a mobile sound studio.. music playing and me either singing the words or doing some la la la’s as I try to memorize the melody. I you are driving down 690 about 7:00 AM or a little earlier—and you see some lady belting out songs as she is driving down the highway..well that lady might just be me!

There is one song I have been working on for months.. It is super dramatic-moving..and when I get done belting it out—I can not talk for a day. I looked at the time on the radio display today and it is 5 minutes—I think that is now ruled out.. too long!But there is one—I really love it.. ( I really love all these songs..) But I think I will do it. It times out at about 3.20 minutes. I think that is better.

I LOVE to sing.. it makes me whole. We all need something we can do that makes us feel whole. Some people I think look their whole life for that something and do not find it.

Singing to me is special to me, I feel like I am an instrument. Like I am not always in control of the singing—I become the tool to present the song. I do not feel like I am special, or that I have connections—that is not what I mean—but more that we all have God given talents… we are children of God…. and I feel the ability to sing is a gift. I do not know if that makes sense to anyone- but it is how it feels. Music is a part of me…I do nto ever want to take it for granted….  I hope till the day I die, that I have the ability to sing.

About 15 years ago I had a procedure done- it was supposed to be a simple endoscopic procedure. It was winter time, and I remember he only had me take off my winter coat.. I had on my street clothes—even my boots. There was only a little lidocaine spray and absolutely NO compassion…  the doctor- he was sadistic- barbaric. and he would laugh and jam the scope into my throat each time I gagged. It was like a scene from a horror movie—but it did not end.. this guy was a creep. When he finished I remember him tugging on my shoulder and saying”So how do you like me now?” Well he had trashed my throat..I ended up with a super sore throat, high fever… and after antibiotics were done—I could not swallow any pills—they would get stuck in the back of my throat…  for a year I could not sing, I could hardly talk..and finally after months of seeing an ENT I had to have surgery to remove the damaged lingual tonsils. I felt invaded by this doctor..he took my voice… he robbed me of a part of me…. but I never ever gave up. I wept many nights in the darkness of the night..all alone and trying to figure out how and why this doctor stole a part of me…..

Every night I would pray for the ability to sing again, and if I ever was given that blessing- I promised I would sing in church . It took about another 6 months after the surgery, but slowly my throat healed, and I was able to work on singing. I remember feeling so lost without music .. it was in me but I had no way to get it out.

This experience taught me though to appreciate everything I have..and never take anything for granted… I can not every explain how totally blessed I felt when each of our kids asked me to sing a song for them in their weddings… to me—that was so special… so touching to be asked..and a miracle I had the ability to do it after that horrible medical experience.

That doctor will have to try to justify his abusive behavior at some time in his life… the hurt he caused is still in a locked box in my mind..but I would not let him win…. he became a major LOSER..I do not ever have to see him again..but he…well he has to live with himself…he has to know he is mean.

My thought for today… believe in yourself..and when you are feeling like “Why me??” turn is around and say “ I am strong.. so bring it on !”  Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: music,depression,determination,winning,loser,choices,damage,barbaric,doctors,treatment,prayers,believing

 

Mrs Justa and a welcoming morning

As the sun rose this morning , and as I was getting ready to start my Monday, I was reminded that every single day is a chance to start over.

The golden sun opening the new day, welcoming the challenges that lie ahead, and assuring me through the soft light, that it is a new day.

I was thinking about what the day will bring? What smiles, what challenges, what will today be like.

   Now the sun has set, and as I look back over today- there was a time for a smile or two, and there was lots to do at work. The drive to and from was peaceful, and I left at the time that traffic and jerks come together. Yep—if I am not 15 miles from here by 7:15—I know I will be faced with all the self centered, speeding people driving to work.

To my amazement today—at 7:30 this morning—when all heck breaks lose on the interstate—it was peaceful. It was non stress. It was not crowded. There were no brake lights at 65 mph. And it hit me !!!!— The people who did not have to work because of Presidents Day— they must be the jerks !

And who might that be??? Well it is a Federal Holiday…sooo it impacts all government institutions, banks . That means all federal, state and local government offices are closed. That includes City Hall.There is no postal delivery, except for Express Mail, and post offices are closed. And in most areas the  public libraries are closed.
Most banks and the major financial markets, including the New York Stock Exchange, are closed. So I hate to tell these folks—but at least some of them  are super annoying on the morning commute! Schools are closed for the week… I am thinking it is not the school people who annoy the heck out of me on the way in…. tomorrow will tell.

Tomorrow will be back to normal- I will have to leave here by 7 to avoid the folks who slept in today…and maybe tomorrow I will be blessed again with the comforting golden glow of a day about to begin. Reminding me that it is never to late for a fresh start.

Life… life is good….. I can not complain….I will just avoid those who make me want to complain. Have a good night… Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and do not lose the focus on the campaign trail

I can not believe how silly and foolish the GOP candidates are being. I am not sure who is funding whose attacks against the candidates. It is rather odd that anytime someone other than Romney is in the possible lead—than that person is personally attacked. We have some STRONG candidates, yet this petty bull crap is a total waste of time and money.

My goodness guys… stand tall and let the American people know what you want to do to turn this incredible frightening situation  we are in, and try to get us on track again.

I salute people who put everything aside and try to become president. Especially in this time, with the media so much  on the left- that they hide the problems of today. The attacks , the vendettas, the misdirection, the blah blah blahs…. .

I believe as a united country, if we stop all this momentum before it spins out of control, that we can work to stabilize us. But it will take compromise, determination, and staying away from the money printing and China’s money. We need a president who will wear his BIG BOY pants and be a president , a leader…. and not continually—( all thru the presidency_  be acting like he is still campaigning.

All the petty stuff, does not matter – let’s rally together and let the potential voters of America clearly see what is being proposed by the GOPs. Don’t the GOPs see that No-bama and his cronies are sitting there just watching the GOPS spend money hand over fist- to mud sling.

Focus guys, show why YOU would be a great president….

Because there are a few of you who would !. Make US proud…. there are plenty of people in the country looking for something better….looking for the USA to stand for a united country….

Love to all… be strong. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: left,right,politics,changes,petty,fighting,trash talking,wasting time,promise,looking forward

 

Mrs Justa and fine lines in life

We were talking today, my husband and I, and in the background there were 2 people conversing. One was saying that she had been a waitress for 42 years, and some people love her, others hate her.

Mark said—there is a fine line between love and hate.

Well that got me thinking…(I know it is hard to believe ..but it did)

So life…. fine lines…. wow..there are many fine lines in life.

Think about it…this has been a topic of many of my conversations to people around here.. “Thank God it is 34 degrees and not 32 degrees—-I say..as I am driving in the rain and thinking in January this year we have had 13 days of rain… 2.96 inches. Now had it crossed the fine line of between snow temp and rain temps—well that would be another 3 feet of snow! That, my friend, is a fine line I have appreciated being on the higher side of.  There is fine line between life and death. The only thing that differs- it one more heart beat ..one more breath.

How about the fine line between driving by the person holding a cardboard sign-begging for help…. and being that person holding that sign praying for humanity? Or on a lighter note-between cooked and burned… between med well and raw. Or between passing or failing… ( heck that is one point. ) …( I had a teacher say just 66 and you will be okay) …. And in nursing school—it was please let me get a C at least…. one point would have been the difference between  D and a C… THAT IS a fine line..!!!

There is a fine line between joking..and hurting ones feelings. Between toleration and too much to tolerate. Between shorts-or wearing jeans…. between sharing or keeping to yourself… between talking and silence…. between laughing and crying..between believing in God or not…between a smile or a frown….. between thanking—or taking….

How about between speeding and driving within the limit…between stopping or coasting thru a stop sign….  between having enough money for something or being a penny short… that fine line between if the jeans will zip or they won’t…and how about that fine line of  one more pound and than I will diet… between awake and asleep…singing on key or being off key….

The list goes on and on…. here is my final one…. between continuing to write..or sign off…BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!  watch those fine lines in life….

Love to all Mrs Justa… alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: fine lines,life,chances,choices,conscious,aware

 

Mrs Justa and avoiding ANGER

“Anyone who angers you,

Conquers you” Jane Addams….

This free clip art from “clker.com” says it all…

UGGG I totally dislike days when I feel attacked. Whether it is real or just in my head..if I feel it..well it is real to me.

Today seemed to be “deal with type A personality day”. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!

Type A personality …these folks are extremely forceful. They want things done yesterday. They want it short, (leave out the the sweet) , they tend to come across intolerant of others, impatient with detail, demanding, competitive, have an exaggerated sense of urgency,can be referred to as a bulldozer…..and for me a Type C/D person..well I like to get the facts, I play by the rules, I want to know the rules, I am a calmer force.
So after a day of feel like I was in a personality tug of war… I am relived to be sitting here, unwinding for a bit.

There are times when people who are much more aggressive, well they make me feel really angry inside. But somehow I normally have a some sort of insulation-which keep the anger deep inside me. So they come close to conquering me… but not quite !.

I have run across Type A personalities everywhere. It is hard to avoid them, although if I could I would.

On the highways both to and from work..they are the ones that instead making a smooth move from lane to lane..they see brakes lights ahead and jerk the wheel –as if no one else matters. I bet they are in more accidents.

In a store..they are the ones running to get in first, pulling into that parking lot that you have your sights on,  impatient with the cashiers, and almost ramming their cart up your butt if you do not get out of the line quick enough.

In the restaurants, the waiters and waitresses are never good enough.

They are the people I want to just say “REALLY ???!!” to. But I do not… I just think about how glad I am to be away from them, once I am…

Oh I am so thankful my parents were not Type A people.Me I sip my coffee… I bet they chug a lug theirs. Heck I bet they are dressed before they get out of bed!.

UGGG,,,, I can not let them conquer me… I am deep breathing… I am ok…. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ( that is meditating sounds) hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yep I am going to a happy place in my brain, poof—away with the aggressive people …. it is time to relax…

I am better now.. Thanks…. Love to all.. Mrs Justa… alias Cindy  

Technorati Tags: meaning,angry,aggression,Type A,forceful,Type C/D,calming,thought process.