Mrs Justa and delusions

Someone I know came up to me today and said “ I do not know if I told you, but I am on a diet.” I just shook my head and did not really go into much more, but than she said “On Weds I came to the conclusion that the mirror was not lying.”

As she continued to share her thoughts, she was saying that for a very long time when she looked in the mirror, it was not the image she believed she was. So she has been seeing herself as her mind wants her to be. But now she knows she is heavier than she wants to be, the mirror was not lying and she has come to terms with the fact she needs to reverse the trend.

Well, for anyone who has read any of my posts , or knows me.. someone saying something like this  gets the old rusty gears in my mind spinning, and than I start thinking of similarities, and of things that I can relate to.

It was a very deep subject really.

Have you ever seen a picture of yourself and thought the person who took it was a poor photographer- or they got you on your bad side, or poor lighting, or they needed to get further back. It can’t be the way you look to others really. The camera is lying.

We used to go out to the bars for karaoke night. Now the earlier you go, the better the performances…it is great when someone goes up there and is fabulous. There are some people that I remember, I was thrilled when they were up on the stage, it was like going to a concert….But as the night lingers on and more people have had a beer or two, they become braver. Some people open their mouth, and as their voice comes out they hear the artist in their heads, and believe they sound like the artist.. and even though I believe everyone can sing a song- not everyone should sing it in a bar, using a microphone.

Another area I reeled my mind into was clothing. There is a traffic person on a local station here who has told one of the female DJs more than once,, “ Just because they make it in your size, does not mean you should wear it.” This is another angle to what this person was saying to me today. Let’s say you go shopping, and the mannequin looks dynamite in an outfit. So in you go, and low and behold, they have the same outfit in your size … a 2X ! Wow this is your lucky day. . It feels great.. all the time your mind is envisioning the mannequin ( who if she was real probably would be in an inpt program for eating disorders) and when you look in the mirror- you see your eyes…. problem is the clothes are below eye level. But you do not need to look at them- as you know how good it looked on the mannequin.

Life is a deception sometimes… I think at times we focus on what we want to believe instead of how it really is. Maybe that is how a hoarder can hoard. They see the part of the environment that is open, and not all the areas that are packed full. And I believe media and government leaders also play the delusion game.. we are told what someone perceives we should be told..and that is it.

How about when a person is trying to lose weight, and they convince themselves that if no one is looking it is not that bad to eat whatever it is. A delusion that if no one sees you eat it, than it goes no where. My older sister literally carved pages out of books on our bedroom shelves, and hid those big 1 lb candy bars in them- heck she even had a book with the pages cut out for a boxes  of girl scout cookies. HMMM and than she would tell me she could not figure out why she was overweight.

What is real? What are we fooling ourselves with?

What is how we want it to be?

How can we see and be aware of what really is real?

Life in the pretend world seems better at times, I think..until we make ourselves look at life without the rose colored glasses….

HMMM>>> all this  because this person came to me and told me she was on a diet… my mind is reeling… hmmmm.

Love to all, stay focused on the real things.. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: diet,real,illusion,pretend,reality,delusions

 

Mrs Justa and what a year… what a holiday season

As Christmas has come to a close almost.. I am feeling the sense of  of accomplishment in getting to today. I really feel for the past month there are to-do lists longer than the days.

I just downloaded the photos from today and yesterday and decided to look  back through the photos from 12-25-2009 and I came across this photo of Mark last year…. exactly a year ago. We were at Amanda and Jeffs house on Christmas night.

This is still 2 months before we started the weight loss journey, one that we are still on, but we have made progress.

here is Mark today>>>>>>>

 

 

As I look at these photos I am thinking the accomplishments made to get from November through Christmas are nothing compared to where he has come in 10 months.

It is a long hard journey and one we hope not to ever go through again. It takes commitment and a total change in the way we think and what we do.

I looked a little further and I came across this- here I am last Christmas. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin,so I can imagine how I made others feel. I still have a ways to go, but I am not dissatisfied with my progress either.

We are all in charge of our own lives, and  if we want to make life hard, well we can do that, but no one has anyone to blame but themselves.

So whether it be all the anxiety of gifts and preparations for Christmas, or whether it is what you are going to do in your professional life, or our personal life, journeys can be long and we need to remember that we are responsible for our actions.

As I look at the health issues and obesity, I am thankful I have not had complication that were irreversible, I am glad that I have tried to eat sensibly- I am thankful that blood pressure meds and cholesterol meds are no longer in Marks meds he takes every day. I am glad that this weekend ends the 2010 Christmas chaos and that it is not a blizzard outside.

But you know what… I am thankful for the magic I got to see in the kids eyes this Christmas. I am thankful that tomorrow the kids come out here for a few hours and we chill.

And I am thrilled that we made it, all of us, somehow, we got through the hustle and bustle , we got through the money issues and we are on the other side. A place where more focus is on day to day living and not all the extra stuff.

Don’t get me wrong- I truly love Christmas time…. I am not doing a Grinch thing—I am just feeling the end of the 100 mile an hour feeling, I am just  looking forward to normalcy returning to life, and for the gym being opened ( it was closed today)

Tomorrow afternoon, it shall be fun… a nice way to end the long weekend.

Next weekend we are blessed to have all three grandkids over with their parents- and another time to accomplish controlling what I eat, what I do…

Be safe out there, enjoy each day and each person along your journey… but most of all— be good to YOU. Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: life,choices.,Christmas,Holidays,eating out,obesity,health,complications,challenges.

 

Mrs Justa and a feeling of accomplishment

Today was one of those days when all the work at the gym became apparent.

Today felt good, today was neat…today we had the first significant snowfall for this winter. I went out to just shovel the steps and put some salt down on them. Well I got to the bottom of the steps and looked at the walkway and thought what the heck. ( Now last year I would have looked at the sidewalk and said—“Heck it is only 3 inches- it will melt.” ) Than I would have proceeded back into the house huffing and puffing.

Well I got to the end of the walkway and thought- “Why not clear around the car” ( Last year I would have left it for the plow guy , it is  20.00 for him to do it.., he appreciates the $$$$$)

But this year… I shoveled a little bit here and there, and looked at the shed and thought- aw what the heck- I will just clear the doorway to the shed area while I am out here. Well before I could talk myself out of it… poof I had the whole driveway done- no rests, no leaning on the shovel appearing to be pondering when in actuality I was trying to breathe. NOPE not today- not this gal… I made it through- NO BIG DEAL. I felt great doing it and when I was done !

I was actually kinda bumming the driveway was not big enough to fit 8 cars instead of 6 !As I headed towards the house, I realized what a testament this is to the past 9 months at the gym and all the nutritional stuff we are doing.

I think I am probably pushing 55 pound loss and 62 inches lost maybe, I am down 3 pant sizes at least, and the once impossible feat of more than 2 minutes on the elliptical is now a 30 minute go crazy feat. 

there are so many things that are not a problem that once were. Like…

I do not mind parking is East Hodunk to walk into a store,

I can see my feet,

it is not a pain to bend over and tie my shoes,

I do not have to physically  lift my leg to cross my legs,

I do not feel like I have to squeeze into a booth,

my SNUG clothes fit loosely,

I have room in armed chairs for my butt, I can use a regular length watch band, I do not have to shop in the LARGER WOMEN clothing stores any more, I no longer go through any fast food drive-thrus for a quick dinner for us, Mark and I can comfortably sleep in a Queen size bed, I do not feel a restaurant is ripping us off – when they serve an actual real serving size, a pound of dry pasta is good for 3 meals now instead of one , I love getting on the floor and playing with the grandkids, oh the list grows every day as I continue to shrink. I know I have a long way to go, and I do not get discouraged…maybe a little impatient at times, but not discouraged. Life is so much better !! 

So I am off now- I have a solo tomorrow in church, need to go practice. I hope you have a great evening. Be good to yourself… Love always, Mrs  Justa.. alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: accomplishments,hard work,snowfall,life,challenges,weight loss. managing life

 

 

Mrs Justa and take time to achieve your goals.

We need to never focus on the elephant of life and wonder how we can tackle it in one swoop.

Someone said to me once , when I was overwhelmed by life’s elephant challenges that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Please now, don’t be going all animal activist on me- I am not eating an elephant, nor have I ever.

At any rate I think of that phrase often at work, at home and at the gym. When we are trying our darndest to save a dollar or two, or when we are attacking the snow, the lawn, whatever we are doing in life. I think of it as  I am driving to and fro.

Last evening at the gym I was reminded again of this as I pedaled a bike to nowhere- but in my mind I was soaring past life’s ugliness.  As I am pedaling as fast as my legs and hips would let me, a woman came and sat on the next bike. I recognized her from a few weeks ago, I had met her in the locker room, her locker close to mine. She was asking me about the gym, about the MP3 player, about how long I had been going to the gym, as she spoke there was an indication that she felt a little out of place… she stated her husband was a member but she had not joined, she was using a guest pass. She said she was thinking of joining but she felt she could not use the equipment because she was too large and because she has been sedentary for so many years. AS if she was not deserving of the gym.

She said her husband was not real supportive and I got the sense that perhaps she felt her husband did not think she would commit to the gym. She was worried she might not be okay to work out. We talked and I mentioned to check with her physician, get an okay to work out and try to take it slowly. She said she thought she would never be able to ride the bike for more than 5 minutes, or ever do the elliptical. I explained to her that once I knew from my doctor that there was not any reason to not do the gym, I started doing the gym. As I reflect on our first conversation she was looking at the whole elephant- I had learned many times in life to look at one bite today, another tomorrow. I tried to encourage her, unsure if she had the inner strength to go for the goals she wanted to set. I told her I was glad for the miles I had come towards my goal, and aware that I had many many more to go to get there. I told her the first step in the gym was the toughest for me, and that I felt so out of place the first time I came in. I had to look away from the vastness of the horizon of health, and look at the next stone I has to step on. 

The world of opportunities goes on forever- just like this scenery shot.

So last evening, as she sat next to me, we had eye contact… I smiled at her through my beads of sweat dripping off my bangs and rolling down my face, she sat down , adjusted the tension and she pedaled next to me for about 15 minutes, she altered her pace and never quit. She said something to the affect of she was committed to her goals.

I noticed she had an IPOD and an arm band, and she had her earbuds on and she was moving to the sounds from the IPOD. A sign that she had made a commitment to herself. I felt good for her.

I had already biked for 10 of my 25 minutes, and I got off just before she did. I think she probably got 20 minutes in total. After I wiped down the bike I went to the elliptical and starting going gnarly on that too. She had walked behind me, than to my side, and than got onto the elliptical next to me. She was having trouble figuring out how to get the display up and looked at me with a  look of despair. I told her to just move her legs and the display will come on, she asked me what my settings were, and what the two settings were for.  I explained and told her that when I got on the elliptical the first time I barely got 2 minutes in. She smiled and said “Oh I feel better now, I see you go for a long time. I have to put everything on the lowest settings. I am not good at it.” I told her she may find in a few weeks that she too can go longer. Just take it slow, and it does get easier. I told her she was doing GREAT.

I still do not know her name, but I know her feeling of insecurity, I know her feeling of inadequacy, I know what it is like to look at the horizon and feel frustrated I will never get there, or at the elephant and be overwhelmed with the size. . I watch people doing some things at the gym and know I am not there yet. But I will get there…one step at a time, one bite at a time… and so will she. I am blessed to have my husband who supports the journey .

Believe in yourself, Be true to yourself, because at the end of the day and the beginning of the next- it is YOU you are always with. Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: life,goals.,challenges,determination.,belief in self,courage,health,weight loss

 

Mrs Justa and Election Day/ and fighting Satan

Tomorrow is a day for EVERYONE to reflect on the things that you like and do not like in this ever changing USA. And go and vote ! We need to have voter turnout high to show support for those you feel represent your beliefs, your desire for the direction of the country. Our flag flutters in the wind, proud of its colors,thankful of those who came before us to give us the freedom to vote, to live in this country.

I am not going to get on a imaginary podium and preach what I believe- but I am going to assure each person that I intend to go and vote my conscious, vote my beliefs, and to do that, it may not mean voting for one party.

There is too much apathy in this country- and we need to stand up and exercise our right , our duty, our privilege to vote.

AS this day comes to an end and I sit here after just getting back from the gym, I realize the really scary thing about obesity and losing weight and gaining weight is that the losing is so hard and the gaining could happen too easily.

Mark and I had trick or treat candy that we knew had to leave here or it would be tempting, so I brought it into work. It would be too  tough not to eat a bunch of it ! Just cuz it was there. So I trucked it into work and left it for the 30 something people to have a little of instead of us having a lot of it.

Watching what we eat, and working out, and being so damned careful is a way of life. But I truly do not believe it will ever come easy, I think it will always be like a piece of thin ice, step on it wrong and you can slip or fall into the lake of regrets.

It is hard, … have you ever known someone who worked really hard at losing weight take the reverse turn and gain it back and more. I have personally had that happen in the past, and to make the commitment not to do that again, it is a commitment that needs to never become stale. It is something that each morning I think about , each day at work I focus on, and in the gym I imagine that Satan is on the axle of the stationery bike, on the track of the tread mill, on the grooves of the elliptical, and I get in a zone of squishing Satan . I do that because I have this imaginary image of Satan being temptation to do wrong, to break spirit, to tempt things that are not good for me. So the gym – that is where I can imagine I am beating the Hell out of Satan.. feels good…. HA… can’t wait till tomorrow for another round with that evil side. Hope you have success in your goals and do not let anything come in between you and your determination. Love to all. and remember

VOTE !!!! 

mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: voting,rights,USA,life,obesity,weight,losses,gain,temptation,fighting,exercise,focusing

 

Mrs Justa and life on a platter……NOT

When was the last time you were closed in one of these?

Look at how long the cord is stretched out !, that is so you can get a pen and paper out of your car- I bet.

I spent countless hours, long ago, closed in phone booths , calling someone I had an incredible crush on. I would babysit for weekends on end, than go to the local Super Duper and trade my dollar bills for coins, just so I could call this person… who really only ever liked me as a friend, I lived for those moments. He was my rock, he was my strength, in times when giving up sounded easier than trying to do my best in a not so perfect world. I do not think we ever kissed or held hands, but this guy.. he knew me better than I knew myself at times, we –in reality— were just very best friends.

I thought about how I longed for enough money to make the call, and how the operator would interrupt every once in awhile to tell me to put some more coins in or she was ending my call, I thought about how I earned those calls, those moments of connecting to someone who I longed to hear his voice.. he made me smile.

And now… well kids seem to expect to have cell phones, maybe some do.. but not all kids earn the privilege of a cell phone— no at times I feel like some of the kids, teens and young adults feel they are entitled to have them. It is an expectation to have their parents provide this communication device—as if it goes right along with expecting to have food on the table and underwear to wear.

Recently I was in a conversation with a teen and the comment was something along the lines of  she had not gotten her phone replaced in a few months. And bragging about how many text messages she does, and never once—not one second—was there any mention of how lucky she was to have the privilege of a cell phone, or what she had done to have that cell phone.

I sound like an old crotchety lady—and maybe I am- but we earned the things we had. If I wanted an outfit – I babysat. And not waiting until I was 15 or 16, no I babysat from 12 on. If I wanted a set of Jacks… I earned them- they may not have cost much money, but I appreciated the money they did cost.

And let me tell you, I LOVED MY JACKS!!! I was pretty darn good at them.

Chalk for playing hopscotch, an ice cream from the ice cream man, a new board game, or a Chinese jump rope. The list goes on and on, and with it the pride in knowing I was brought up in a home where things were not just handed to us on a silver platter.

When the sun came up, if school was not in session that day, than we were all outside, climbing trees, playing hide and seek, flying a kite, walking around the neighborhood, riding our bikes and daring to let go of the hand bars, jump rope, hopscotch, tag, kick ball, to earn money would would be out raking leaves, mowing yards, we were moving….

Now our kids, our teens, are techy… they do not get out like we used to , entertainment is on a computer , a smart type phone, a WII, toys that all need batteries, …..we are facing a times of incredible high percentage of obese children, teens and adults…. juvenile diabetes, my goodness—- let’s slow down a bit, let’s work to move our bodies and not just some button to click… and let’s as a country have our kids earn instead of just expect the privileges they would like to have…

Okay.. I am done… soon to sign of this a get moving some… Love to all… the old crotchety woman… Mrs Justa… alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: obesity,diabetes,life,granted,advantage,using

 

Mrs justa and losing weight

The biggest loser is starting it’s 7th or 8th season. And it is an inspiration to see how the contestants can change their whole outlook on life as they literally beat them themselves up, through the commands of the trainers- who are merciless- and the competition for the big prize if they have the greatest percentage of weight loss.

I was amazed at the size of the contestants who are able to put one foot in front of the other and lose over 100 pounds in a short period of time.

Mark has been my Biggest Loser- up close and personal..his weight loss has been phenomenal, as he had had the challenges of his disabilities and has really tried hard to accomplish his goal compensating for his issues- and he – at his highest weight was still 100+ pounds less than some of the contestants.

It proves over and over again, that losing weight is not impossible- even for a person 500 pounds! And the surgery- ugg, I know there are many who have gone through it, and some who will swear by it, but there is a contestant on the show who actually is a person who had the surgery years ago, and she has major challenges now trying to lose it naturally. The physician for the program was telling her, that the gastric bypass surgery actually results in people with less muscle percentage, and this person has the highest percentage of body fat, because of the effects of muscle decreasing after the bariatric surgery.

As I was busting my butt at the gym today, I was thinking about the show, and about how all of us start out as babies, and our environment, our teachings from our parents, our choices and ignorance about nutrition, result in obesity. I don’t know about others, but there is a bar that I had in my mind— a bargaining chip- that kept rising. Like- I will start to diet when I am such and such size, or whatever weight I chose was the limit. So that size or that weight happens, I adjust to what ever weight I was at, and than add another 5-10 pounds before I would start to change, and the bar goes a little higher.

I bet each of these contestants understand the bar theory I am referring to. I bet not one of them ever wanted to get to 300, 350, 400, 420 pounds. It happens gradually… and it hurts…do not ever think that any one of those people have not have more days of feeling inadequate, ashamed, aware of their size, or weak in the will power area. Trapped in their own bodies. Food becomes a comfort, food becomes an addiction, food becomes life…. Look at this photo- man to some this might look yummy- to me it makes me want to throw up !! This is off of google images- food challenges…

Well this past 7 months have been very rewarding and tough, as I watch inches and pounds SLOWLY decrease- but ya know what— I threw out that imaginary bar- now there is only a direction to watch the numbers lower. And it is a LIFETIME change. There is no room for weakness, for it is a hell of a lot easier to stack on pounds than to tell them to take a hike.

I hope you have a healthy day, I hope you find will power or inspiration if you do have pounds to shed… and if I can do it….so can you.. Love to all Mrs Justa  alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: food,dependence,life,obesity,comfort,limits

 

Mrs Justa and another Monday…

New days, new challenges, we never know what the sunrise is leading us into.

We can be going along and everything is fine and in the blink of an eye , life changes. I talk about that often, probably just because I find every day I plan the day, but as the sun creeps up, sometimes all my plans get faded in the light and the day goes in it’s own direction.

I recall around 12 today I was telling Mark was a good Monday it was, and in less that 1/2 hr later- poof, an employee issue surfaced and my afternoon was put on hold , and I was figuring out how to work with the new situation. Yep, in a blink of an eye.

I did not arrive at the gym till 5:40ishand I ended up doing more than I had originally intended. I was going in thinking an hr, and I left after about 1 hr and 45 minutes. On the way home I ended up going a little slower due to the rain coming down hard- so I did not get home till 8:00 tonight. I can honestly say I did not even do half of what was on the sunrise for me this morning. 

It was funny tonight, The MP3 player is really awesome.  I just beat butt—( mine) ,  so here I am – a 56 yr old granny on the exercise bike, I am pedaling to some cool tunes, and this tall dude in maybe his late 20s comes to the bike next to me. I always feel like people are in my space when they get on the bike right next to me, kinda crowds in the area. So I try to nod acknowledgement- no talking, just a nod. ( Like the guy nod, you know the one, when guys walk by one another there is a slight nod) My nod is different though, I do a slight smile nod.

So I do this “nod / smile” and he looks back but no nod.. more just a quick look- like he thinking “ Yeah you got hope granny that this gym can help you” So with cool tunes and the will to give it my all for long periods of time, I was intermittently pedaling as fast as possible on "#7 tension” – I was keeping up with the young whipper snapper—and … AND !!! he quit before me… HA!! Give me the pathetic granny look. The funny thing is I probably totally imagined the look… but in the moment, it gave me more determination to keep up with his pedaling… I do not think he was aware my motive… to go longer the folks around me.

So after the 1/2 hr on the bike, I proceeded to the Elliptical. Again on a mission. And again- I felt the need for speed.. Yeah, I am talking max heart rate 144 and max 165, sweating like a stuffed pig, and determined to make 1/2 hr out of it. Felt good, but tomorrow, I will have to remind myself how good it felt .

It does make for a very late night… so I am going to close…. so I can rest and keep up with some more young-uns tomorrow.

Love to all, Mrs Justa, alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: judgemental,life,exercise,speed,work-out,youth

 

Mrs Justa and climbing the mountains in life

How many times in life have you encountered a mountain that you have to climb? Well you do not have to, but if you do not climb over it- you have few options- try to walk through it or walk around it- if you want to change the way things are.

Now I do not know about you, but walking through a mountain … not so much. That would be a task that I could not perceive, kinda reminds me of the movie Shaw Shank Redemption- ( where Timothy Hutton picked the wall apart one crumble at a time for years so he could escape…) .

Walking around it… hmmm.. I think not also- how many mountains have you run across that are by themselves. So I guess the only  thing to decide it, are you going to try to conquer it?? Or are you going to just walk away? Or are you going to stay right where you are? I think you have to believe, you have to have faith in the unknown, not be afraid to pray, trust in God, never lose focus.

At work we are facing mountains to climb frequently, and right now there are maybe 3 “Pikes Peaks”. A part of me , I have to admit , would love to put a huge tapestry in front of them and pretend they are not there. But a major part of me knows we need to get our climbing gear on and go one step at a time.

Life is like that too. Golly gee, weight loss is definitely like that. It is really easy to say Mount Obesity is just an illusion, but Mark and I have been climbing that proverbial mountain with a passion and  commitment. His climbing gear must have come from Gander Mountain- I shopped at Rescue Mission, so mine is not as comfortable and the boots are a little worn as I fight the incline, but I can see him in the distance.

Guys are like that- they lose weight thinking about it. Heck I bet as I have been struggling up some of the cliffs, he probably got a nap or 2 in, and enjoyed the scenery. But I am determined to meet him at the top, I had a few spells of backing off the gym this summer because of my eye surgery and than this week I have been sick.

I did go tonight- and beat up the Elliptical machine. I had ( now do not laugh all at once) my walkman CD player with me- I hung it from the holder for an MP3 player- but it would not let me adjust the volume. So I had to deal with mid loud. Guess my walkman CD player is like staying on the one side of the mountain and not moving anywhere… Tonight I really got whipping on the Elliptical though- yep ( at least for me) averaging 152 strides a minute. Heart rate staying in the 140-150 range. Yeah- I was listening to Mary Chapin Carpenters CD “Come On Come On” and I was trying to follow as quickly as possible.

I am going to start downloading some CDs to my computer… as tonight Mark got me an MP3 player like the one he got for his birthday. I have to admit- it is more sensible to have one— just a lot of work to get it going. That is my mountain tonight.  One step at a time.. Wish me luck,,, see you at the next ledge ( hopefully not a cliff LOL) . Love to all, Mrs justa.. alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: mountains,barriers,fear,changes,challenges,life,goals.,cop-out,excuses,old ways,stagnant,commitment,choices.

 

Mrs Justa and Baa Hum Bug….

Baa hum bug… figuratively and literally. I have this sinus infection, and I really am glad I went to the docs today. I am leaning towards hanging out at home tomorrow, and trying to feel a little better. If the antibiotics kick in tonight- than I will go in. But right now, it feels like my head was replaced with a sack of grain. Real heavy.

it kinda hit fast, I was hoping I would fight this sucker off, but nope- the sucker won.

I did go to work this morning, and it got progressively worse… so off to the docs at 11:15 – they got me in quickly.. I was really glad- cuz they have masks in the waiting room for people coughing, and I would have felt like I was suffocating with a mask on.

Life is funny, isn’t it. We can slip from feeling great to feeling crappy in 24 hrs. Mark and his birthday gifts are making progress. HE got a really nice gym bag from Jeff and Amanda and Brandon and Preston.. it is neat. It has this pocket for his wet clothes, plus room for  his MP3 player and clean clothes.

His MP3 player- that has been a challenge, for the computer challenged ol foggies that we are. Jeff and Mark worked on it yesterday, and than Mark was trying to load some CDs on it today- but his mind has been really kinda foggy, he has not been sleeping a lot, kinda manic with a little aggravation at times, and it was very hard to figure out what was going wrong. I love the instructions that came with the dang thing- it is all illustrations- but they are drawn by Chinese people and really do not make logic to my American processing mind. They have giggly lines and arrows going all over the place with symbols that make absolutely no sense. I can just see them as they package these- probably snickering about the “dumb ol foggie American “ who is going to try to figure this out.. ( Alias ME and MARK)

Too bad we do not manufacture in America the things we purchase… We need to get America back in the picture! But after printing out the actual word manual and than printing out the help guide from Windows media- I think we have kinda figured it out. We have 15 different CDs burned on his MP3. That should give him a variety.

He is amazing how he has been able to lose the weight, and work on the machines to compensate for his loss of use of his leg, and now hip and lower back. He is doing wonderfully, I will be out on the machines and he will be walking in the pool at times, he can bike, some machines can be done, and the jacuzzi really is therapeutic with it’s warmth and heavy jets on the areas that are problems.

Me I go and try to do a variety- I have a few disabilities- but nothing major. I do not sweat like he does, and I do not lose the weight as fast, but I am slow and steady- losing much more in inches than pounds proportionately. I missed not going today, but I can not breathe— kind of hard to do the elliptical coughing and huffing with a sack of grain replacing my head. So another hot shower, a dose of Ny Quill, the antibiotic, 25 mg of benadryl, a cup of hot tea and my mattress pad on  – and I am going to try to sleep it off and feel like a new woman tomorrow.

Good Night to all…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy…

Technorati Tags: sickness,stuffed,sinuses,heavy head,MP3,confusing,USA,China

 

Mrs Justa and keeping the sights on the goal

Tonight was an appointment with the trainer, but instead of training on the machines or doing exercises, he was going over a survey we each did that shows how our bodies react to foods.

Mark and my surveys came out with the same type issues- and so there are foods that supposedly our bodies prefer. According to what I understood, if we try to eat foods from a list of preferential foods for our makeup- than we would not have to measure food- just keep a proportion of the foods on the plate, that show 1/2 a plate with protein and the other half split with veggies , starches, carbs and fats.

The trainer was hesitant to really have us change what we are doing, because it is working so well. He mentioned that if we plateau, this might be a way to get us losing again..  I think Mark is around 104 pounds weight loss and down from size 52 to maybe size 36s. Me , I am down about 54pounds, and 56 inches. So it is working, it is hard. I can honestly say, it is easy to gain a pound,,, really hard to lose one.

So if you are out there, trying to lose one pound, 20 pounds or 100 pounds… NEVER give up.

You do not need a surgery to cure your weight issues, you need yourself to do it. Believe in yourself.. I know I am on this journey for a very long time… I will cheer you on, come join the journey. It is one step at a time, one step in front of the other. What ever movement you can do, it may seem minute- but do it over and over and you will find you can do a little more,,, and a little more after that. I remember the first ecliptical time- 2 minutes seemed like 5 hrs- and I thought I was literally going to die from the 2 minutes… now I can do 30 minutes… BELIEVE>>>> 

If we can do this… so can you…. you need to be ready. Pray for the strength and determination to do it, for the guidance to find the will . I have to admit there are many things I feel better about now… it is no problem to sit in a booth at a restaurant, the clothes feel better, our queen size bed is now plenty big enough, there is not an issue with getting winded just washing up in the shower, smaller clothes are nice, chairs are not too small, seat belts have room to buckle and be pulled forward, it is easy to go up the stairs at work, the last thing on my mind is food-not the first thing, a pound of pasta is now cooked for 3 meals instead of one, food in the freezer lasts a lot longer, it is easy to tie shoes, I  feel it is easier to play with the grandkids, this year I found that gardening was a breeze, mowing the yard got immensely easier for me, the distance I have to walk is not an issue any more, . Yeah it is working… I know I will continue through the next year reaching towards my goal… and than it is a lifetime commitment to stay at my goal. May you have a goal you can go towards, and may you find comfort in knowing that you can do it. I believe in you… I believe in me too.. Love to all, Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: belief,goals.,weight,exercise,challenges,disappointment,encouragement,pray,God

 

Mrs Justa and the kettleball

This my dear friends is a “Kettle Ball” that is a cute name for “ kick you arrsss ball” and every other muscle possible in the journey. This particular one is a ten pounder. The goal is to do exercises while holding onto this kettle ball and it helps to trim as you lose.

We have a trainer at the gym, he is cool, because he knows Marks limitations and is able to work with Mark so he can do things around the disabilities he has. And me, well I have a few of my own quirks, and he works around them with me too.

On Weds night the trainer decided to introduce the “Kettle Ball” to me, he showed me how to swing it from the upper right shoulder to the lower left calf, referring to it as the “chopping wood” move.  I had to swing this thing 10 times both sides, And than he had me try to squat like I was going to sit down, with this kettle ball gripped in both of my hands and I held it firm lowering it to the floor- or close to the floor. I tried to get it to the floor but … not quite there yet….

. Oh yeah and I had 10 minute individual lifting it above my head, and there was one I stood and held tight as I swung it slowly from up to down between my legs.. Boy, there are nerve endings that must have  been on vacation, cuz they came back the day after my kettle ball introduction.

I liked the exercise, it really targeted areas I  must not have been targeting before, but it is not easy! They are not readily available in the gym, they are in one of the areas for “boot camp” . That means that after this next couple sessions we will not have access to them, as we are  probably going to stop using the trainer for a bit. So this weekend we bought a kettle ball for home, and In about 1 hr I plan to work with the kettle ball for a 20 minute session.

People come up and ask “How did you do it” to Mark and to me. it is like people want to know a magic secret for weight loss. And I think most people know you have to burn more calories than you consume, and that starving yourself does not work. And the other thing is move… no matter what you can not do, there is something you can do. Mark can do thing in the pool like walk- but on dry land walking is very difficult, he can swim, he can ride a recumbent bike, he can work a few of the machines. Mark is pushing 100 pounds off right now. HE may need to come home and take a nap, or rest for a bit… but he knows he had to lose the weight…

Me.. I can do the treadmill, the elliptical, a couple of swinging leg machines, some upper body stuff, and machines and the kettle ball… I am down 45-47 lbs depending on the morning, and continue to work to lose more. 

We are continuing to go forward, and we pretty much know what we can to to accomplish our goal while still acknowledging that we have things we can not do for physical reasons.  I am going to write about the changes I have noticed, and where I want to be in a yr from now. Now I ask you… where do you want to be in a yr from now? Love to all, Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: kettleball,life,weight,obesity,fat,exercise,lose weight,trim

 

Mrs Justa and the road of life

When you look down that road what do you see?

The road of life, it is never ending , no dead ends, maybe poor choices on direction, and for sure hazards along the way that you could not predict, but what lies ahead.

The road to being healthy- that stretch of road has been a good choice. Last measurements – I was down 44.5 inches and last weigh in I am 38 pounds less. So that turn in the road was a good one.

Mark is traveling that road with me. He is always incredible at melting off the pounds, which is good for him, if he was not, he would get discouraged some, as he knows he always is an easy one to shed pounds.

What is different on this road- well the speed limit is slower. No massive drastic short cuts, not this path. This is a road to focus on. We are going to take it carefully… why??Well for one reason we plan not to turn around on it this time. Nope it is a one way path. If you are on the healthy roadway too , hang on…

When you change the way you think, the way you measure food, ( I mean measuring too… count those calories, have a food diary and enter everything that passes thru your lips, ) , read food  labels !!!,  compare it to your activity- knowing how many  calories are consumed versus spent doing whatever was done for the day… well that road is one traveled carefully.

No room to nod off.. ( have an uncontrolled consumption day.. ) nope .. on this road.. stay alert. just like a deer can run across in front of you, so can a person who wants to tempt you with a road block of donuts or double cheeseburger from fast food joints. So stay alert and avoid the dangers.

The road of life, it is never guaranteed to be smooth ( heck i am the queen of potholes and rough terrain) but hold firm, steady and be in control instead of the road being in control of you.

What ever your journey, what ever is so important to you that you can feel yourself yearn for it, take that pathway. Believe in yourself like I believe in me. Have a safe journey… we may pass one another, We will wave and stay on our side of the solid line. Love mrs justa alias Cindy

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Mrs justa and SLOW progress leaving fat-ville

Progress… bits of progress.

Progress that causes one to look in the rear view mirror of life and remember the miles that are not so far in the past. Today as I was going up the stairs at the gym to leave ( it is only a short stairway of maybe 5 stairs) I had my gym bag over my shoulder, and 3 people walked down the stairs as I was going up them. And you say… “SO WHAT?” or maybe you are thinking “?Yeah what is your point?” Well living in the body of a “morbidly obese” person – there were times when if I  was going up or down the stairs, others waited for me to pass through. We could not fit together…  Tonight we shared the stairway- and that was with my gym bag.

Progress.. a moment of noticing progress…

I went to the dentist this morning for my every 4 month teeth cleaning.. and the chair felt bigger than it had last time I was there. And I could lean over to spit the mouth wash and water in the little spitting sink without feeling like my boobs were in the way… Heck before I would lean towards it, push in my chest, and still have to estimate the pressure behind my spitting the fluids- to try to aim it in the drain area.

Progress… a moment of WOW.. progress…

I was going to sit in an office at work, and the chair that pinched my ass… the chair that I had to remember to push down on  the arms when I went to stand up to leave.. or I would have been hunched over with a chair stuck on my butt as I went to leave…( can you imagine how embarrassing that would be getting up with the chair????….  well that chair was roomy.

Oh I have a LONG way to go…

no way am I close to where I want to be.. but I am 33 pounds closer… and 44.5 inches less of me towards my goal… I am doing it for me.. and to be the wife, the mom and grandma I have longed to be for a lifetime.

Man it is tough to loose weight? Anyone who has lived the life of a yo-yo— a life where there will be a few months of loosing weight and than years to follow with gaining it back and than taking on some extra… you understand.

 If you know of anyone who is thinner than fat… anyone who feels the needs to say something to a fat person informing them they are fat… guess what folks.. I think they know. And your comments will not help them turn things around, or figure out what works for them. I can attest to the fact that I know exactly what it feels like to feel I was the largest person in group of people… I can assure you more often than not.. I can remember times when I felt disgusted with myself…. ashamed of how I looked…still do…  and felt bad for the fact that I was a fat mom or wife… I know what it is like to not fit in a booth at a restaurant, or feel like the store will no longer carry a size that will fit, or worry about a chair collapsing… so for anyone going through fat times… my words are I understand…it does not have to be that way… my journey is far from over.. but I will share it with you from time to time.

Some wise person once , on some pep tape or seminar I had gone to, said “It takes 30 days to start a habit.. good or bad.”  Well I gotta tell you.. I miss when I do not go to the gym.. Can ya believe that?? And… I actually tolerated 20 minutes on the elliptical machine today and was not huffing and gasping like I just came out of a sand storm. Heck the first time I stepped on it- it was a joke.. 2 minutes tops… and I felt like I was in need of oxygen…  legs wobbly, feeling embarrassed… ashamed….

I asked my trainer tonight if it is okay to do the cardio every night. And how often should I do the weights ? he said that cardio every night is fine, change the speed and resistance, alternate the degree, and it is fine… the weight training- he advised 3 times a week. The formula is pretty basic,… watch the calories… become more active… ( a little at a time) ..and do not starve yourself- you defeat the intent. Keep a food log, an activity log… look for baby steps… not the end of your goal…

Each of us have  a point where we make a decision- Mark and I decided to go for the goals at the same time…we support each other, encourage each other and know what each is going through. We have an incredible support system with our kids, our friends and I am glad he is on the journey and doing so well too…  it was something I have prayed hard for..for a while… and we are doing it. We figure the journey will take a year , maybe a little more… but what is a year when it can give you so many more? BELIEVE, HAVE FAITH, Love to all, Mrs Justa..alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: fat,obesity,life,shame,hurt,determination,coping,improving,self esteem

 

Mrs Justa and am I pooped !

Okay I do not know about you.. but I am really pooped tonight. Mark had to have a procedure done today so I chose to go to the gym this AM before work. AGG.. It felt good to get it done early but man oh man.. getting up at 4:30 trying to scoot around the house quietly, off to the gym, and getting my shower before going to work… well I am really feeling it now.

Our every Saturday breakfast at 8AM will not be tomorrow- for Shawn and Pats oldest daughter is graduating from college tomorrow- so they are off to Albany. I am kinda glad… maybe I can sleep till 7 or so tomorrow morning. We have stuff planned for the weekend around here. I am trying to have my plants for the garden start inside, and supposedly they Are suppose to go outside during the day to strengthen.. well I hope it works cuz they are really tall and floppy right now ! Guess they need some vitamin D.

I want to play with the mulch this weekend… and I want to work in the garden some tilling the soil. The garden and mulch are things I really love to do… It is neat to think in a few months our food will come from the garden.. ( As long as those squash and tomato bandits sty away this year.)

I was thrilled to see Mark actually posted today… on his blog. I love reading his thoughts, he is a funny guy… and has some pretty neat angles on stuff. He did let the cat out of the bag on our weight loss journey. I think we are both inspired by the biggest loser. Those trainers are nuts though… man to achieve the numbers those people get in 16 weeks… ya have to be nuts. I think since Feb 14th I have lost 33 pounds and 38.5 inches. ( It helps when ya measure 8 or 9 areas of the body!) After P.T could no longer help Mark with his leg and thigh.. and after the massage therapist was no longer able to help his ortho did suggest that the gym would be a option to work to at least not lose any more from his injury… the recumbent bike helps the knee by not putting undo force on it, gives him cardio … …and the pool is great.. We did hire a trainer- for many reasons. I know there is a lot Mark needs to be careful of doing due to his knee, hip and lower back- so I was encouraged that the trainer keeps those areas in mind and is able to introduce machines that will not harm him. Plus the pool is great, because he can walk and not be weight bearing.

.. For me, I have my own issues… and the trainer considers them… none of them are as disabling to me as Marks’ are.. so he has fun with me… I think my sweating and mumbling are his entertainment. He has me do stuff and than tells me I am funny as I mumble through the challenge. I give it my best shot… and try to stay off the floor !

Honestly though.. we both realize that this is it.. this is our life… the 2nd and third and fourth chances are really gone. We have grandkids, and kids, daughter and son in laws, family we care for, friends that are dear.. and we want to hang around for a long while and enjoy them… so the gym is going to help us achieve those goals. I hope this find you well… Until later- nity nite!  Love Mrs justa

Technorati Tags: pooped,tired,busy,weight loss. managing,diet,nutrition

 

Mrs Justa and being an obese child

I am going to stretch out of the area I normally write about and write about what life is like being overweight- tonight – how it was as a kid. I do this as I hear in the background the biggest loser. It is the end of the show and they are all weighing in for the week.

We were all born in this world as small babies, and for what ever the reasons… and there are thousands of reasons… a large percentage of folks end up overweight. Now children are increasingly more overweight than average weight.

Me I grew up in a family where we had not much money. So foods were heavy in carbs… pastas more a percentage of the meals than a sauce or items in the pasta meal. Rice, fried foods, home made breads, cookies ( always cookies around ) Heck I think my mom ( rest her soul) could quadruple a toll house cookie recipe ( all but the chips)  and the game was finding a cookie with more than one chocolate chip in it.

I am not faulting my mom- she did the best she could-but as a child if I was hurt, or did something good- food was the comfort item. And after years of “clean plate club” and “you can’t leave the table till you eat everything on your plate” and “there are children in Africa who would love to have your food on your plate” well it led to childhood obesity and feeling ashamed in gym, embarrassed when we were all called to the nurses office, standing in line as we each got weighed, never being picked for any games in gym, never able to do pull ups, running was tough, and watching others in school wear fashionable things while I pretended not to care about what tent type outfit I wore.

Being called names, ( chubs, fatty, tubby tubby two by four, the list goes on and on) , kids are cruel and they would single out the fat kids, point fingers at them and laugh at them , the feeling like I was the biggest kid in my grade, begging for people to sign my year book… because there were not too many looking to do so. So kids wrote nice things to me, because I shoved my book under their pens as they were signing other books.

Feeling self conscious about how I looked every day of my childhood and adolescence. I would joke about it, I would try to make it seem like it did not hurt… but ya know what .. it does hurt being a kid overweight. it is not normal.. ( now a days it seems more accepted) but in that kids mind.. they realize the things they can not do… they realize how they want to be pretty, they hear what other kids say about them behind their backs but loud enough to be talking to them directly, and they are not happy. I felt like a freak at times…

It is like I can see inside my feelings from 40+ years ago.. and it is not a good feeling. So please. if you know of a child who is headed towards obesity- or already there- Stop the cycle now.. Help to make a game out of good nutrition. Turn off the cell phone, video games, computers and TVs and go get a kick ball, a base ball glove, a Frisbee. Go for a walk along a shore, or at a nature center, maybe go to a park, walk the mall.

Just get moving. It will pay off in the long run…

I mean it.. it will… Lvoe to all… Mrs justa..

Technorati Tags: health,obesity,childhood,life,fellings,hurts,outcast,shame

 

Mrs Justa and the Road to Hell

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where your are going, because you might get there.”
Yogi Berra

I find this a very interesting thought. If you do not plan, if you just are drifting through life, what opportunities are you missing?

And how many have you missed?

I wonder how often opportunity knocked on my door and I took it for the wind?

Or how many people die with a bunch of intentions, never planned for , so never materialized?

I have aspirations, they tickle my thoughts and leave as quickly as they came in. Things I think I want to do, but never sat down and planned them, so they are visions, mist in the mind of intent.

My mom used to always tell me the Road To Hell is Paved With Good Intentions. I found this photo on google images, and it is titled the “Road To Hell”

Wow, I have a few brick headed in that direction. I need to stop and start planning, putting an action to the ideas of mist.

I have so much I want to do. So many things to accomplish, and yet, I let my lack of control to plan to do them lay down the bricks to the eternal fire.

Things like write a book, make special memories, do a grand mother journal for the grandchildren, compliment people more often, lose all the weight I want to, take more photos, spend quality time with those I care for.

Life it is precious, it is quick, the older I get the faster the days go by, the quicker the wisps of projects come into vision, only to float away.

There is much to do, people to see, treasures to make, other things to sell.

Like a slow moving treadmill, the belt is filled with my good intentions, flopping around and around, and life comes so quickly, I feel at times like my head is hanging out the car window and pylons are whacking me in the face. These pylons are all the things that happen every day.

I am off to start to plan, to make priorities, and set goals…. and before you know it , this smooth pavement on the road to Hell will be torn apart. Wish me luck,, Love to all, mrs justa,,, Cindy

Technorati Tags: Hell,life,intentions,desires

 

Mrs Justa and the Butt cramming experience

Last evening we went to the local baseball game. It was the Syracuse team against Scranton- the Yankees Farm team. It was neat cuz today some of the players we saw last night have been moved up to the Yankees today.  There were quite a few stairs to climb, we had to do it carefully, as Mark has such difficulty with stairs and walking. Once we got up to the area we needed to be, we went to sit down.

They were selling all the seats in the same area- even though it was not a sell out crowd. Maybe 6,000 people there. Well let me tell you, the seating was definitely done to try to sell more seats, I think the seats were made in Japan by tiny butt geisha girls. Anyone there that was over 200 pounds was having difficulty sitting in the seats. The larger the person the more reclined looking  they appeared, as they could not fit their butts in the seats. So their butts were on the edge of the seat and their backs arched back- kinda looking like they were ready for the stadium to beam us up into space.

It was tight for me, but I sat in it, it was not comfortable though. No scooching room. There are anywhere from 20 to maybe 25 seats in a row, and instead of spreading out people they were putting folks next to each other, well everyone had to lift their drinks at the same time. And if you dropped anything, it was gone- unless the whole row would bend simultaneously so you could pick up whatever it was. And God forbid you were in the center area and had to go to the bathroom- you took the daggers of glares as everyone had to stand up at once.

I finally understand the wave being done by everyone next to each other, you have no choice- when someone on your right and left raises their arms, yours get pulled up automatically.

We ended up going down about 8 sections towards left field, not many people were there, so at least I did not feel like a Siamese twin with a total stranger.

This amazed me. This stadium is pretty new, it is beautiful, and from a visual perspective there is not a bad seat in the house,,, but from a butt standpoint- the high percentage of overweight people in the world- it amazes me the seats were that small. I am not blaming the seats— it is hard to believe there were so many people there who were too big to fit in the seats.

Sure most folks can stand to lose weight, but while they are losing it, they should still be able to sit at a sports game. The dome at SU is the same way. You better like the person next to you in the reserved seat area, if you did not know them before the event, you would swear you were attached at birth before the 1/2 time intermission.

We did have fun, but… or is it BUTTT… it was not comfortable. Not good for them selling tons of food- who wants to eat when your ass is stuffed in a seat and your elbows are inside your ribs!

Once I get to my goal weight, I am going to go back and see the progress made, slide into the seat and smile… then order a large diet coke and enjoy the game. Love to all, exercise  and get fit…. Love Mrs Justa…

Technorati Tags: fat ass,butt cramming,baseball,life,overweight,goals,pain,uncomfortable

 

Mrs Justa and the Chase Corporate Challenge

What the heck is this, some may think. Well it is a symbol of me STRETCHING out of a shell. Tonight was the Chase Corporate Challenge. This was my racing number that was pinned to MY shirt. It is an event that I believe stretches beyond Syracuse NY, but I will have tunnel vision for Syracuse. It was held on the lake parkway- which as it sounds runs next to the lake. It was 80 degrees out, a soft breeze, a beautiful night really.

I think there were 6200 or 6400 people registered to do it from various corporations in the area, and some areas far away. My employer participates in it every year, but me… not so much. This year I bit the bullet and signed up- that in itself is a huge step for me. I have never considered myself a jock. I have been walking at lunch, or at the gym or on the street we live, but this past week, well between the antibiotics, the possible tick bite and strept throat, I knew I would have trouble finishing the 3.5 mile trek. But I went, and I walked about 2 miles on the shoulder next to the course, and to and from the shuttle, and back around the many tents. I did not do the actual race- for it was a no turning back situation, and I knew I would not be able to do it. If you got caught crossing to the return side and not walking the full 3.5 you could jeopardize your company’s ability to participate in the future and disqualify them for tonight’s event. I did not want the owner or my co workers remembering me for THAT!

I stood on the side lines too and cheered my co workers as they came in. It was a nice time. I feel good , I tried hard, and I stepped out of the comfort zone, worked all day and then joined 88 of my co workers for this event at 6:00 this evening, I left around 8:15. I will sign up again next year, and hopefully stay healthy for it, and hopefully be in great shape to do it.  I may be 55, overweight, but I tried, and no one can take that away.

Stephany if you are out there, thanks for your inspiration. Love to all, Mrs Justa 

Technorati Tags: challenges,choices,comfort zone,chance,race,stroll,heat,work,stretching,fear,accomplishment

 

Mrs Justa and obesity

Well that would be to epitome of oops  “I did it this time” thought. Why do we let ourselves get overweight? Why do we not respect ourselves enough to stop before the scale is tipping 10,20, 30 , 40, 50 , 60, 70, 80,90,100+ pounds too much.

I was talking to someone the other day who is overweight and we were talking about different restaurants,  one particular place this person mentioned they would not go to was because the booths were too small.

In the discussion a clothing place came up and this person did not shop there because they did not stock clothes that fit them, the sizes ran small .

How about this one , they don’t like to eat at a particular spot because the portions are too small.

As I walked away it hit me, that not once did that person state they were overweight, and that is why they could not fit in the damn booth. Or that maybe that particular clothing store was not going to stock clothes to entice fitting larger then healthy people. Or that they eat too much and maybe the portions at that one restaurant were actually the correct serving size.

I am on day 4 of going to the gym , I went in the morning for 3 days, skipped Saturday ( I worked all day) and then today we went together Mark and I did. We each have a long way to go to be acceptable weight and health per standards set forth by the medical association. But it is a start. I do bike at home 1-2 nights a week, sometimes while dinner is cooking, and most of the time to the BIGGEST LOSER.  So on this journey, Mr Justa and myself will be posting on our journey, keep us in your thoughts and prayers, for it is not easy, much easier to gain then lose. I am off to a birthday party, I promise to be good. Love, Cindy

Technorati Tags: obesity,overweight,gym,working out,health