JustaKrusen/ Mrsjustakrusen

You might wonder… why did I put this picture on the blog. Well I am going to tell you.

If you look really carefully you can see a Ferris wheel way down in the distance. See it?? Way down there?

Well that is the gate to get into the fair for people who park in this lot.

The thing that is amazing to me is that this is the handicap parking lot. Yep, I kid you not. So people with any type of disability- they park here.

By the time you get to the gate, the person with a disabled whatever needs to find a place to sit or go back to the car to rest!.

Now they did offer a tram care for people who park in the disabled parking lot. But to get on it- well it would be like wearing a neon huge sign stating ‘ look at me I am handicapped” . The tram literally had on both sides, banners the length of the tram that said      HANDICAP.

So not only are you dealing with issues that have stopped you from doing everything you once were able to do, but you get to be paraded in a tram around the fair like a displayed animal. Needless to say , many did not take the tram, and needed to stop frequently for rests. Wouldn’t it have been more humane to have a special type stamp on their hand, or maybe a certain wrist band that the person can show to the driver, so they know the person is in need of a courtesy ride?

We found places for Mark to sit and rest, we sat in the cow barn, in the the coliseum, on benches as soon as someone got up, leaning on a cement ledge, wherever we could.. but I think it should have been more accommodating. 

There is parking right inside the main gate, and behind a building in the front area, but that is reserved for VIP and press. Now would you not think that maybe the people in the press can walk further that the people dealing with handicap issues?

I think in the long run, it might have been more beneficial to park at the furthest lot from the fair and take a chartered bus to the gate at the main entrance.

We say we are “handicap accessible” but what are we really in many situations? Are we really thinking of the needs of the people who need these provisions? I know one school I went to  that had an elevator… it is like a freight elevator, one person can use it at a time, there is a gap in the entrance way where wheel chair wheels get stuck and a walker leg or crutch could slip through, and you have to have a key to use the elevator… how handicap accessible is that really?

Any one of us could need these provisions in a blink of an eye… let’s really put ourselves in the shoes of folks with disabilities, and see if we are really meeting the needs or are we just skimming the surface so we can not be accused of not being handicap accessible?

Peace to all., Love , Mrs justa… alias Cindy

A simple game, not very expensive, easy to do, and fun for many.

Games in life, what games do we play?

I was looking at a toy ad , and it came to me , that we… as a society… are not providing enough opportunities for our kids to have toys that they need to work to make it do something. I am often amazed at the cost of games that many buy for their children.

I am frustrated by the thought that babies, toddlers, and young childrens toys need to be battery operated and make noises. Music, beeps, flashing lights.

What is this world coming to ,  really? 

What happened to letting the kids make the noises themselves? What happened to letting kids hear the sounds of life? Learning to crank, or twist, or pound a little wooden hammer on a cobblers bench, rolling a ball, pushing a plastic truck that is quiet, no batteries needed. My goodness, what happens if you do not have more batteries, what shall the child do?

I would  think toddlers who would love chase bubbles around. Crayons, paper, finger paints, a box to crawl in, simple life things. What happened to paper dolls and color-forms?  Kaleidoscopes, and scratch paper.

At the fair last week, I can not even begin to estimate how many teens I saw, strolling slowly through the crowds,            I-phones in their hands, texting or instant messaging whomever. What did they see as they strolled in the crowd? Why did they even come to the fair?

I was heating my lunch in the upper cafe at work today, I love doing it up there, because the street is below, and I can people watch. I found myself shaking my head as I watched people supposedly walking down the street with another person, but one or both not talking to the other person, but instead messaging someone else. It reminded me of the sci fi movies that have robots or outer space creatures inhabiting the earth, no emotions, just moving with a mission.. Kinda like a “take me to your leader” type scenario.

We need to step back folks, we need to pay attention to people in our lives. People need people.. ( like the song says. ) “people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. “ Put away the damn cell phones, droids and lap tops, and start talking to those around you. Read a child a  book, sit and actually play with a child, talk to your friends, talk to your family, take time to pray, this is life… this is our only chance in life…. make memories about you that others will remember. No one is going to remember you texting them…. but I bet someone would remember if they got a card from you, or sat somewhere and talked to you, It means a heck of a lot more to look right in a persons eyes and say “I like being with you” or “I love you” …than to have them receive a text saying “I luv u.”

Let’s all take life back over, and let the electronics not run our lives… Love to all.. Mrs Justa alias. Cindy

As we left Byrne Dairy the other day, picking up our milk in a glass bottle, we started to drift back about 45 years in our lives. Back to the day of home deliveries.

Yes, back in the 60s there were different delivery trucks that would come to our house. Grocery stores were not as frequent, were not as massive, we did not have a second car, so we were blessed with the benefit of living in a time when delivery vans brought essential things to your home.

The milk man would come and leave off glass bottles like this one in an aluminum cooler type box on the front porch if we were not home. Or he would knock and we would just get it from him sometimes, but I think his route was early in the morning sometimes , and if it was too early he used the box. He had juice, butter and eggs too.

There was also a bakery type man that would come and deliver breads and certain types of baked good. He came later in the morning, so I could go out and peek in the back of his van. It smelled like fresh baked breads and hot cross buns.

MMMM, I loved the smell of the van. Kinda like this one.

And we were talking about how practical this might be in this day and age? I , for one, would love to have fresh milk from the milk store delivered to the door once or twice a week. How neat would that be. It would save me a trip to the dairy store.

This might be a wave of the past, that the future could use.

Things from long ago were simpler , and to those from now probably looks like they were lacking. But we had more family time, we had moms at home with the children, and dads were able to earn enough to support the family . We had one car families, and we went to church on Sundays together. Sunday was a day of family time. Stores closed so EVERYONE could share the wonder of Sunday.

Wonderful World of Disney was on, and the colored peacocks tail opened on NBC, Sunday dinner was like a mini Thanksgiving, we said grace before we ate.. Our napkins were linen and we had a napkin ring with our initials on it, a treat was to have an ice cream sundae, and we were read stories at bedtime, and tucked into our beds.

Just reflecting a little,   now I am off to do stuff for work.. Love to all, Mrs Justa… alias Cindy

Life is but a circle, events go around and around and we meet things old with things new. This weekend is the first weekend of the 2010 NYS Fair. It is the type of place that some people have to go every year, and others (like me) will go every few years. Much stays the same, just a different year, different people manning the booths, different interests people have, different stars on the free event stage and on the night time – pay mucho bucks_ concert stage.

Oh I know concert tickets are much more pricey at non state fair concerts, but to me shelling out from 45.00 to 104.00 for a ticket for a concert at a State Fair- that just seems really steep.

The free “concert” in chevy court today was Adam Richman for the TV show Man VS Food. I personally thought it was bogus. The volume was distorted on the mike so half the time you could not hear him. He is notorious for taking on these huge food challenges to see if he can eat exorbitant amounts of food. Well today he showed the audience of thousands how to make a BLT and than he was the narrator for a food challenge between local celebrities. He made very off color jokes with sexual innuendoes at a 2PM family show, and it just seemed silly and not the correct venue. He had gone around the state fair the day before and than chose what foods the DJ or celebrity panel would have to eat, being fed by a person on their team, the person eating had to keep their hands behind their backs and let another person shove food in their mouths. I was definitely disappointed in the flavor ( pardon the pun) of this show. We actually watched some, than went into the Center of Progress Building and came back out for the rest.

The temperature was in the 80s, no sign of rain, and I am just estimating there was over 100,000 people there. In the couple of buildings we went into , it was bumping into one another, and fast talking vendors selling their products- which of course are the best product of all at the fair. I do find that amusing, that every one of the people there are selling the best product.

This one dude was demonstrating a blender, so powerful you can put the apple in core and all, strawberries unhulled, pineapples with the core, oranges partially peeled, seeds and all, just throw them all in and it will puree the whole thing- for just 449.00. Yes,… and if that is too much, why you can make monthly payments. ( Duh, that is still 449.00 plus taxes…and lets add some interest) .. No I do not have a new blender on the counter-man  for 449.00 I could replace our blender about 10 times. But people were being temped… another vendor was selling something for ONLY 20.00, that looked like a way oversized back pack on wheels. He was stating it was going “green”, because this pack- well you can cram all your groceries in this one pack, save the earth , no more need for plastic bags. AND being it is on wheels , it will be easy to get around. People were buying these left and right… “$20.00 is cheep” one lady said… Now I ask you, who would want to cram ALL their groceries in one bag? Think about what you buy… ya really gonna stuff it all in a glorified back pack? Eggs, Dairy, veggies, fresh fruits, meats, breads, canned goods, pasta- yep cram it all in there…

Food everywhere, and we looked forward to the sausage sandwich, we actually balanced our calories for one, and it was a total disappointment. Probably because we do not eat greasy things anymore, it was just a bummer. We were able to stop and sit at different places, heck one time we sat in the horse arena, not cuz we like horses, just benches. … another time in the cow barn—there were benches available in there too… all in all  we really were not there too long, just long enough to know that maybe in another 5 yrs we will go back again- heck than we can get in for SENIORS discount.

Yep, round and round life goes, we buy foolish things, we are guilty of the I wants, we forget sometimes to reason, and a friendly face, with a convincing sales pitch, will sell just about anything to someone.

Have a great time this weekend, Love to all, Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

It seems to me, in this life we live in, we are always reaching out for change. Something to make things better, ways to be quicker, ways to be more techie.

And in all the change we sometimes think we personally have a better way, and so we try ways, ways that others may have tried and failed, repeating the same steps and getting no where.

I kinda felt that on Weds I had stretched out a lot, as I lay in the preparation room prior to the cataract surgery on my L eye. I  let every person know ( I think I even told the cleaning people) that the right eye surgery done at the end of June, seemed a little disturbing. I knew the whole operation, watching things come towards my eye and not being able to do a darn thing about it, so I asked if there was a way possible to make me a little less unaware. Everyone said yes, and that they could tweak the sedating drugs just a little , so I would not see the needles as they approached my eye. They did warn me that I have to be alert enough to move my eye on command, if I was asked to do so. So I agreed, I would be okay with that.

Well somewhere in the sedation I think it may have been tweaked a little too high, because during the intricate part of the surgery, scalpel to the eyeball part, my eyes drifted upwards, as I tried to sleep, and there has been a slight cut on my cornea. Needless to say this recovery has not been as painless as the last, and the vision is not returning quite as quickly to a clear state, it goes from looking thru a rubbermaid bowl clear to a foggy window clear. But it will get there, I am told, just need to have the slight swelling in the eye go down.

Fortunately for me, I can do the bike and elliptical at the gym, and the treadmill if I walk, and I can push the lawn mower, but can not bend to fill it or start it. So that is my day today, that and some computer work.

I am a little disappointed I reached out now, I stretched to the sky and asked to make me a little more sedated, and yet I am very glad I do not have the memories of the first surgery. It is a give and take I guess, it can not be easy to judge the milligrams of meds going thru an IV to know when is just that tweak amount,  but such is life. I will reach now towards the sky again towards the full recovery, and life will go on.

I have a side note, that if anyone who reads this, used to communicate on face book with me… or just read facebook stuff… I am no longer on facebook. I have had –within 5 weeks—to take the computer into the repair shop because of a really nasty virus that consumes the entire computer. So — no more face book, the computer guy believes that is where it is coming from. He said Twitter, Facebook and my space are notorious for viruses such as that one. So bye bye facebook… heck it was a pain anyhow… Love to all, Cindy alias Mrs Justa. 

Okay this really kinda freaked me out. It has made me think, It has really made me get a message or let’s say many messages from this one dream.

I am not sure where this all came from, but it may have come from my thoughts at church in the morning. As I watched this woman who used to be able to walk, and now she is wheel chair bound. I was wondering if she had regrets, or if she had done all she wanted to do. She no longer has the option to walk for exercise, or burn more calories than her body was used to.. I thought of her a lot yesterday.. than I went off to sleep…..

Come into my mind, the subconscious of my being and travel this journey with me.

I was dreaming about going to work and when I entered the area I worked in, my cubicle was the only one left, all the others had been removed to replace the carpet which had gotten wet, and no one had anywhere to work.

I went to find out from the the the Vice President who oversees the area I work at , if she knew what we were supposed to do to get phones and computers going, That we had 100 calls backed up and no way to answer them . All of the sudden I got a strange tightness in my right side of my mouth. It was kinda feeling like someone tightened up all the muscles, or super glued them. I was massaging the area, but it was not getting any relief. AS I was talking and my mouth was stiffened on the one side, I sensed my speech becoming less clear, sounding like I had marbles in my mouth. So I asked her if we could continue this later, and said I was not feeling well.  I left and went back to my lone cubicle, massaging my face all the way. I tried to talk to Rick, who normally sits near my cubicle, but again the speech was not clear. I looked in the mirror and my right eye was drooping and closed.I decided I had better go seek medical attention and went out, got in my car, headed for the hospital that specializes in cardiac and strokes. It is only 10 minutes from work, I figured I would be okay to get there. As I was driving there, I thought I would call the ER, as I was feeling more and more strange. But I had no cell phone signal. I pulled into a round driveway and got out walking with a sway, to walk for a signal. My car became surrounded by tons of kids leaving a BOCES they were kinda routy, I tried to talk to the Er, but the words would not come out. So I headed towards my car, feeling confused, I could not find it. A lady asked if she could help me, and I tried to say I was looking for my car, but instead it sounded like, ahh,bluaa,ahh” I remember how out of myself I was feeling, wanting to call Mark and letting him know I was going to the hospital. But I could not dial his number. Enclosed by a fog, a fog that was cluttering my mind, I tried to remember what kind of car I had, but that was gone too. In a blink of an eye, I had gone form coherent to incoherent, and the lady who tried help me, she had no idea who I was, and looked at me like I was a drunk, or stoned. I felt helpless , unable to communicate, unable to think.

I woke up, thank God and found my face normal, and my eye open. But it made me think about how quickly we can go from living without problems to suffering a severe disability. It made me want to stay home and work on getting my life in order, like making sure the bills are ready to be paid, and writing down all the things I mean to tell people and maybe selling or giving away things, so no one else is left with that task. Man it was surreal. It was eerie, it was eye-opening, it was so lifelike. Tonight, I am still here, feeling okay, kinda afraid of what slumber will shake out of the bowels of my mind…until later, I love you all, take care, and Sweet Dreams… Love Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

The times of our lives. Embedded in our minds and if we were lucky enough to have photos, they are kept available for viewing at any time. Many things on photos might go into an area of forgottenness, if we did not have a photo to take us back there.

Let me take you back to this place and time, and the smile it brings to my face in a time of major change in our lives.

This was taken in February 1985. Jeff and I lived in an apartment alone, and life was interesting. We had moved into this apartment in Sept 1984, for reasons unknown or unsure of…my marriage had ended and I was here.. trying to put sense in a senseless time, and to start over again. Jeff was my lucky penny… he was my reason for waking each morning. He had a laugh that was contagious, and it made many sad days, days of uncertainty and disbelief better. I knew not what the next day or year would bring, only that I was going to do my best to get to it.

If I am not mistaken this was Valentine’s Day. Jeff would be 3 in another month. The first photo was taken by me hanging the camera off a tack on the wall and setting it on timer. He loved to get held, he loved to get hugged, he loved telling me he loved me…and I loved telling him that too.

The couch was fabric on foam cushions,  the blue pillow to his left I had made a bunch of these and stuffed them with fiber fill and old clothes he had grown out of, I gave them to him to toss, punch, roll around on or lay his head on if he was watching Sesame Street.  The time of sadness was that I was raising him alone, not knowing how life would turn out, but determined that no matter what paths in life I took with him, it would be on safe pathways, and we did not have extra money, heck I was grossing 10,000. a year, our apartment was 12 miles from work and daycare, and I had all utilities I was responsible for too. But through it all, we had each other. Mark did not become a part of our lives for another year almost, but when he came into the picture he accepted Jeff and I accepted Adrianne as part of the relationship. And together, we tried our best to provide a normal life to our children—in a not so normal situation.

I look at these photos, and many more, and I am comforted by the fact, that I know we did okay.

Today I was given the opportunity to see some proofs from Sears, and as I look at them , I am reassured that yes, through all the bumps and potholes along the way, we provided a life that was a positive experience, with a positive ending..

for my little man,,, here he is a grown man and he and his family they make a good family unit. They truly care about each other and want to be good to their kids.

Brandon is becoming a resemblance of his dad years ago, instead of the spitting image of him,

and Preston… well I really think he is going to probably show similarities to his mom more . 

Yes life is full of joys and sadness, and in the sad times, I find comfort in knowing joys will follow. I do not believe we can truly appreciate joys in life, if we have never felt the less joyful times.

So if you are going through a tough time, have faith it will not stay that way, and if your life is full of joy… treasure the moments, enjoy each breath… and Thank God for whatever you have… Love to all, Mrs Justa… alias Cindy

Thought for the day. I think aging is neat , in a way, we are only young and foolish at times once, and as I age I feel like I am looking over others as they are learning through life’s lessons what to do and what not to do.

I think what hit me today, pretty strong , was what people are doing to their bodies now, and are they totally not living in the reality that what they do today will be an impression for life?

There are people with gaudy tattoos all over their necks, arms legs… and I am talking about woman too. The tattoo craze has hit and hit hard. And I have a hard time understanding how a person will think they will look professional in a blazer, blouse and skirt, with some skull tattoo on their leg? Or this one lady I saw.. at no where else but Walmart LOL had flames going up the base of her neck to her skull.

I can personally say that would cause concern in some of the job interviews I have been on. And I think it sends a message that is not a positive one.

Than I saw 2 guys – probably in their late teens with these earrings that look like they have stretched out their ear lobe.

now maybe it is just me, but dudes and dudettes- you are not going to be 20 forever.

What about when you are 30, looking for a professional type job, aaaaa- I am just wondering… are these people who do not believe in the future? what about becoming a professional anything??? a doctor , a lawyer, a salesman, a pastor, it just is not very attractive or in my warped aged mind- it is a little gaudy. It is really weird with these man hole covers in.. but what about when they are not in? Hope you do not get close to a grabbing baby… But heck, maybe by that it will be so stretched you could tie it in a knot…

Oh as teens we did our share of foolish things, but I think they were less permanent. Like cut our hair weird, or wear patched clothes, or fray our jeans, suck on cinnamon toothpicks, wear mood rings and necklaces, but put a whole in our ear lobe the size of a mammoth cave…. not so much. (photo form Google images)

It is to make a statement – some may tell me… and what is that statement? That when money is tough and your pocket has a whole in it, you can always carry a silver dollar in your earlobe?

Oh I know, I am old fashion, not in the groove ( or what ever the term is not) but I am practical. So I just ask.. think not just of today.. but all the tomorrows, as you do things to make your statement. Love to all, mrs Justa.. alias CIndy

Situations, people in life can be so misunderstood  as the world seems to spin faster and faster. We can sit still and watch the world pass by, but if we are not careful someone will surprise us with some negative thing or another.

In life, the way it seems to me right now, it seems like everywhere I go I am surrounded by people, much like me, who are trying to put too much in a day, or we are advancing beyond a reasonable level.

I think we often are so damn busy that in the instant we are exposed to someone or something, we can totally get the wrong message or interpretation of what ever is going on.

We do not slow down enough to care. We need to stop and watch and listen. We need to put ourselves in the others shoes. We need to always think before we speak, and play a scene back in our minds to make sure before we do it, it is what we want to be remembered by. 

To stop and take a moment before we say something, before we do something, and really think about how it will be interpreted, or what impression are we making?

I was think today as I left the ladies room in the gym, that life is going too fast, too many changes all at once. Phones that are computers, cars that lock as soon as you drive, computers that do everything, facebook that can hurt people, life is too techy….

Too many new ideas,…. like \at work the bathrooms have auto faucets and regular flush toilets, at the gym the toilets are automatic, but the faucets are manual. I bet at least once a week, when I am in the locker room there is a faucet left running, and I really think it is because the person was used to the automatic faucets, We have technology overload. We are becoming very impersonal as a nation, we can no call and talk to person, no we text them.

And when was the last time anyone sent a card in the mail for a just because moment? OR a note , via the US Postal Service, just asking how someone is doing? Isn’t it sad I have to go way back in time, in my memory trapped in my mind, of when I received a letter from anyone. Lets stop and put the compassion back into our every day lives, lets stop sweating the things that do not matter in 99 years, and work on those things that will. Lets remember to leave a happy memory when you leave a situation, and never go to sleep on an angry sun, Love to all, Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

August 19, 2010, Brandon’s birthday. The little guy is growing up really fast, and is so much fun to be around.

He is a tinker type kid, a mini engineer, trying to see how things work, so this birthday I remembered I had a craft magazine that had a toy I thought would be great for him.

I went in the box with my few crafty things in it and pulled out a very old craft magazine I have had since the 1980s. In it is a pattern to create, so off we went this weekend to Joanne Fabrics, craft book in hand, and found amterial and accessories.. than after church Sunday I went to work on this. And voila– the snake was created. Each section of the snake is fastened with a different type of fastener. The head is tied to the next section, the next two are attached with velcro, the next 2 I did BIG snaps and the tail with 2 buttons. I tried to sew everything on really snug,

and I hope in time he will be able to undo and do all the sections. The very center piece I had an idea to add a zipper- so I found a 6 “ zipper for him to pull up and down.

It really took only 4 1/2 hours once I had made the pattern. This book has mini patterns and tells you to recreate it on pieces of paper by drawing 1 “ squares and than follow their mini sketch to fit in the squares.

He was funny because the gift bag we brought over has a window area- so he kept taking it out of the bag and playing a little with it, than putting it back in so it was looking out the window.

We were over there a day early, so we gave it to him as a pre-birthday gift. I had thought about doing that because I knew we were going over to stay with the kids, so Jeff and Amanda could go out on their anniversary. And in the end, I really thought it was nicer to give him this gift that way, I think it would have gotten lost in the moment of lots of family over on his actual birthday tonight. At 2, I do not really think he noticed that we were there a day early for his birthday. Tonight he had lots of other family over and I am sure he got many more special gifts.

We took a photo of the two boys- it came out kinda neat… I think

they are going to be great friends as they get older.

I cherish any time I spend with them, they grow too quick.

Tonight it is pretty still around here, Mark had gone to bed early, he was beat. He has been kinda at a high energy level , kinda manic like for a few days and tonight it is down hill -  is a not so high evening. We got home from the gym at about 7:55 , made a quick dinner and he is off to hopefully slumberland for the night.

There is a threat of thunderstorms on and off- I can see diffused light images away on the horizon. Out here there are no street lights, and we have no trees on our land, so it is all sky, and very peaceful to look at it. It is strange but without my fingers typing on the keys, the world is silent. The pets are lounging somewhere in here, and every once in a blue moon I will hear the hum of tires as a car passes by on the main street- about 260 feet away.

Everywhere we go is a mini road trip, but as I listen to absolutely nothing… I am thinking the road trip back is to tranquility… so it is worth it. Have a wonderful rest of the evening. Brandon ol buddy- Happy Birthday, I hope your day was filled with wonder and joy. You have so very many people who love you , I’m  sure you have felt the love all day long. Love to all, mrs Justa.. alias Cindy… alias Grandma

Okay, I am totally freaked out…

there is a story on CNN tonight about this sheriff who was trapped in his patrol car for 3 hrs because 50,000 bees swarmed it.

Oh my goodness, if that had been me… I think by the time they freed me, I would have eyes bonging out of my head, wet pants and twitches.

Can you imagine. The sheriff was quoted as stating there were times he could not see out his windows.

Man oh man alive- they say in the story that the bees ( who were being transported on a truck at night ( cuz bees sleep at night) – but the truck broke down- so in the morning the bees got out of a hive and were attracted to the light color of the police car… phew- I am not buying a light car ever again.

Bees are a necessary component to nature- but not on my car !.

Can you imagine!! I have yucked feelings for certain things- like lots of bees, spiders- yuck I hate spiders,

how bout those slimy slugs- they totally gross me out… worms too— eeke- hate touching worms…

and I have just opened a cob-webbed door in my mind- back when we were munchkins- living at my moms house- she used to get these things that looked like little ring type worms, but they crunched it they got stepped on- ( MAJOR YUCK) – they were in the garage on the cement floor…and they would all pile up on top of each other- still- dead… .oh I got the creeps just thinking about them.

How about in a box of old cereal—my mom was notorious for storing cereal for great lengths of time, and sometimes we would have like a hollow shell of a wormy thing in them… GROSS ME OUT!! Even more gross when you do not know till you see one floating in the milk… no old cereal here !!!. I was cured many many years ago !!!

Moths- yeah they freak me out, I duck from them-I act like they are a missile or something, a simple moth can make me dive bomb under any cover… .

Snakes—- wanna see Cindy run—put a snake in front of me- there is a loud shriek that accompanies the pounding  of my feet – makes my skin crawl.

Bats… mice with wings… they creep me out too. We had a bat once in our house in Prattsburg, my brother was living with me and my first husband, he worked evenings and had come home at midnight. I remember he was sitting in the kitchen by himself and I was in the bathroom- all of the sudden I heard the kitchen chair drop to the floor, and the sound of a very large baby crawling out of the kitchen- each knee pounding into the floor- but quickly.. very quickly… like a baby huey crawl.. Well it was my 6 foot tall brother- a bat had flown by him in the kitchen- me—I stayed in the bathroom—I was laughing hysterically( part from fear and partially at the image in my mind of my brother crawling for his dear life thru the house.) He and my husband caught it- in a laundry basket- after chasing it with tennis rackets and making primitive men sounds… yeah bats… they creep me out too..

Have a restful evening- I am going to hope to not dream about all these creepy things. LOL> Love to all… Mrs Justa..alias Cindy………

Thoughts for the day.

Things, stuff, existence, being, happiness, sadness, life, coldness, love, giving of oneself, materialistic life.

Do you know anyone who identifies them self by what they own, what they can purchase, what they wear, what they drive? These thoughts were swirling around as we drove by storage units, lines and lines of storage units, filled with stuff. There was a couple at one, the door was open and it was filled with stuff. We went by at 55 mph, and even at that speed , I saw boxes, and grills, and stuff. Now for the benefit of the doubt maybe they are in between places to live, But, in my humble opinion, most storage areas probably house extra stuff, we really do not need.

There are many reasons, and I am just as guilty as the next, but we do not have to rent a storage shed. We have stuff, and with this weight loss journey, I was glad I had saved in bins clothes we had  become too large for, because on this journey back down the scale, we have clothes to wear.

I have known people who grew up during the depression and there was not a lot of anything, this one person I knew, she saved EVERYTHING. She washed out plastic food bags, and saved the plastic molded covers that would go over an item on a piece of cardboard. Bows for gifts used to come on a cardboard backing with protective plastic covering them- she saved them to maybe need to have a terrarium. Saving every piece of wrapping paper- every used ribbon from gifts. But in these storage areas, it looks often like furniture, boxes, plastic bins, lots of stuff.

 I am reminded of a man who used to come to the Italian restaurant I was the counter girl at for a few months in my teens. He liked me, he was a sweet old man. He came to the restaurant on his John Deere. His clothes tethered, his smile could warm the coldest day, and his life’s wisdom priceless.. he walked with a limp, and always came in with just change, he has knit gloves he wore with the fingertips off them and fraying yarn surrounded each finger. His fingertips calloused with lines accented by grease- so I could see his fingerprint shape.   A chuckle from the gutt, and he would order a bowl of hot water and glass of cold water with a lemon slice. He would squirt catsup in the bowl, enough to make a bowl of tomato soup, I would bring him a couple packs of saltine crackers,  and the slice of lemon freshened his water. His tab was always zero. He came to chat, for warmth, for some sort of nourishment, I was a friend to him in a way, and he always left me a tip of a quarter- sometimes 50 cents. He got the change, driving his lawn tractor through the parking lot of a near by bar/disco type establishment.

I am pretty sure he did not have lots of stuff, and he did have a heart he wore proudly, he had words to share, and seemed to accept life as it was. He is what life is about… he was real. And all he asked for was time to share conversation, some water, and he got by. And I really can say, I think I got more from him in those few months I worked there, than I ever had from anyone with stuff… We need to be real, we need to give of ourselves, and let others know they mean something to us. To listen and not always have a one-up response when a person is talking to us.

My mom used to say… “You can’t buy love.” and “you  can’t by friends.”

So I end this with a few words… just be real…and people will mean so much more to you and you to them. Love to all, mrs justa..alias Cindy ( These photos are off Google images… )

Mark. Shawn, Pat and I are starting to talk about a vacation next year. We first were talking about maybe renting an RV for a week- but Shawn’s idea of camping is a hotel without a Jacuzzi, so him in an RV for a week might not be real comfortable for him and his bride. I guess last week he went onto a local camper site to check out blue prints of the rentals, and when we met for breakfast he was already talking about the negatives of the RV. I just do not think he gets the same ahhh- relaxation feeling from the outdoors. Mark loves to camp and so do I, and we know there are animals we are sharing the woods with… I could see Shawn if a raccoon came to the door!

This one night many many yrs ago …we were camping once in Alleghany for the family reunion, and it was night time, dark.. really dark.

Mark and I went to the dumpster together to throw out garbage from  the family dinner. AS we opened the dumpster a raccoon popped out, and Mark did a yaba-daba doo stage left – zoom outta there, leaving me in his dust… haa I could see the 2 of them… I am laughing already just thinking about it.

So now we are talking about doing a cruise. They had been on one years ago…  I am sure things have changed a lot since their last cruise 23 yrs ago, and they loved it then…. and we have never been on one. I think it is a good idea. We would have to figure what week and than set plans soon to get good rates. We have to get passports and such, but the 4 of us old fogies, we could have a pretty good time , I think.

We would possibly head to the Bahamas, but who knows, it is definitely in the drawing plan stages, and we would have to coordinate quite a bit. But it is fun to have a plan for something.

We got the camper a new awning last week- they actually had one in their store room at the camper place, and sold it 1/2 price to get rid of it. The one on the camper- the bag was rotted- and this last trip we were afraid the zipper was going to totally give way and we would be traveling the interstate with a sail! We stopped and electric taped the edges together- we had not used it, cuz we knew if we got it out of the bag, we would never close the bag again. We were trying to figure out a way to do a velcro type strap – but in the end- getting it replaced was the much better choice.

So life is okay here, I did a sewing project today, mended some clothes , and now am off to iron. Work is coming quickly on me, Marks car is in the shop— brake line is seeping and pedal is mushy, the John Deere is at the John Deere dealer- 1/2 the deck dropped off it, so we are chomping at the bit over the cost of those 2 items. Man it never stops… just never ever stops. I hope all is well in you neck of the woods… have a great Monday.. Until alter, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Still overweight, but less each week. That feels good, but feeling overweight at all sucks. It was funny in a not so funny way, the other day at the company picnic we stayed for the baseball game… last year we could not comfortably sit in the seats!  I would think a ball park – a place that thrives on selling nachos, beer, popcorn, peanuts, greasy hamburgers and fried hotdogs would have had seats a little wider! No healthy weight loss food there. The was disheartening last yr, we felt like misfits… this yr we fit in the seats with actually room between our thighs and the side of the seats.

Overweight is such a discriminated state of being- people say things to you indirectly at times. What gives them the right to judge others… Mark had a saying once ‘’ I may be fat.. but you are ugly… I can change the way I look.. you can’t !” I never have had the balls to say that, but I think it.

I remember once very long ago, a co worker wanted to give me a ride in her foreign car… the seat belt would not click. Guess the Toyota people felt I was too big. Or last yr, Mark was mentioning that with Indi- we really should have gotten a king size bed – so we would all fit in it.. well this yr- our Queen size bed is just fine.

Where I work we have a flight of stairs that is pretty steep- I remember 8 yrs ago, when I went for the first interview I was actually worried the stairs would be a deterrent. Now they are no big deal.

At the gym- the first time I got on the Elliptical I just barely made it for 2 minutes- I mean 1.5 minutes into it I thought I was going to die right there!. Now 30 minutes and I can alternate minutes to go fast one minute and the next minute slow it down a bit. I am no where near where I want to be, but closer to it than I was 5 months ago. And when i reach my goal weight, in another probably 6 months or so, I wonder what size I will be. Mark has gone from a size 52 to a size 42 so far.. and 100 pounds gone. He looks like a different person.

Doctors are getting rich doing too many bariatric surgeries on people who have other issues, like commitment, sensible eating, self control. We need to stop the cutting and work with the people so they can beat their obesity naturally.

I am no expert… but I am a person who through careful careful balance of food and activity have been able ( while still working a 10-12 hr a day job and driving 35 miles back and forth to work) have been able to make the gym a habit… ( it takes 30 days to create a habit) and I truly believe that Mark and I are going to stay the course… Our goal is to live another 56 yrs… think we can do it? Love to all. Take care of yourself… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Tonight was the company picnic. It was a nice evening, both weather wise and atmosphere wise and just how everyone seems to get along. The employees could bring one adult guest and than also bring children who live at home. I think there were about 600 people total signed up to attend. It was neat, it was at the local ball field, and the double A team had a game tonight. The picnic started at 5, the game at 7. There were tons of places to sit under tents just outside the stadium, and than we had reserved seats in the right side of the stadium, including a closed in eatery area. The company supplied real old fashioned American baseball type food for the meal- hot dogs, hamburgs, grilled chicken, baked beans and instead of salt potatoes – they had small red potatoes that were seasoned and oven baked. Ice cream sandwiches, water, sodas even an open bar. Than once in the stadium for the game, there was available from the eatery, free cotton candy, snow cones, popcorn and nachos. There was plenty of places to sit, and lots of people seemed to be having a great time.

Quite a few folks from the department I work in were there, and it was neat to see them interact with their families and with each other , outside of the work environment. I loved how each person seemed to really cherish their families, and were proud of them. In the actual stadium I found it interesting how people chose to sit and whom they chose to sit with. Just a really fun time.

As I look back on the evening, I was pretty proud of myself, I did not gorge on the available foods. ( I have to admit a yr ago I would be writing on how great the nachos were, and that the cotton candy was delish, and umm the hot dogs and hamburgs were done just right.. ) but tonight, I am proud to say.. I had one hamburg, one serving of potatoes and 1/2 and ice cream sandwich— that comes with a story… Mark and I went for an ice cream sandwich. It was super hot and humid out, so an ice cream sandwich needs a few bite swallow… me.. I have to lick around the edges and try to pinch the sides together and than bite carefully to enjoy each morsel. It makes no difference how hot it is, it is a kinda science to eat it without having it drip. So here we are walking, and I have just done the once around lick and 2 bites. It was sloppy and I was afraid of a mess, so in my mind I was envisioning a quick  2 bite and its gone move, hoping no one would catch me as I shoved it in my mouth quickly. Well just as I was ready for the dive.. the VP of the area I work in came up and we started to talk .  I introduced her to Mark, and did not want to appear the slightest distracted. All of the sudden I felt gooey, sticky ice cream running up and down my forearm. So I am trying to inconspicuously figure out what to do, and it melted quicker, so i excused myself and threw it out. Fortunately for me, they had hand wipes on the tables ( I think because of the chicken) and I grabbed about 3-4 wipes and took a mini bath.

So I head back to Mark and my boss… (she is headed to N Carolina for a few days – taking off tomorrow morning,) so as I approach them he is asking her if she is going on to be on “Girls Gone Wild” when she goes on vacation. He makes me laugh, because he says the strangest things, and sometimes people who are really serious, have no idea he is not serious himself. The look on my face must have been priceless, because I do not normally joke with my boss like that. Hey, such is life…. It was a nice night, and will help me rest better tonight because of it. Love to all, Cindy… alias Mrs Justa…

What a lovely experience tonight .. our cable was down all day and when we got home from our anniversary dinner we called Time Warner. Now I do not know about the satellite or Verizon or any other internet services… but Time Warner has 24 hrs a day customer service. I spoke with a man who was very intelligent about problems and Time Warners capabilities to see how much signal is coming thru our system without being in the house with us, is amazing. He could even tell what type of router we had, all from wherever he was located at. He talked me and my little old non techie brain thru all the steps and viola we are up and running again.

It is weird when we have the internet we think about maybe not keeping it, but when we did not have it, it was like the void one feels when they have lost something near and dear to them. So I say koodos to Time Warner- you absolutely are  the BEST…

And I also have a kinda funny little quip to share. I really found it pathetically humorous. I went to the gym after work, now the gym has a main room that I bet is at least 20 feet tall. It has been a pretty hot and humid summer and well this room is huge. It has a 16th of a mile track in the middle of the floor- inside the track are rowers, all kinds of nautilus, treadmills ( probably 15 )  , elliptical about 15 of them, stair steppers, Lot and lots of equipment, and than on the out side of the track is a full weight lifting area. So cooling that room to 65 would be almost impossible. Why are we at the gym… hmmm… to work out, and work out causes sweat, sweaty people only increase the temperature in a room, and there are A LOT of people who come in work out and leave all day long. So here I am, sweating my bageebers off, I have just finished working out, wanted to leave and get home, shower and dress for our anniversary dinner… I am trying to get my lock off and my bag and clothes together, and this young woman… ( not a slim or trim young woman) is in the locker room, on her cell phone complaining to whomever that she worked out for 5 minutes and has to leave because she is sweating, and the gym is not cold. Ahh.. not for anything my dear little one… but the sweat is a good thing…. and I think it might be good if you shared sweat time with the rest of us. But she left pee-ooed because in her mind the gym should be at 65. I had to snicker… only because she had entitlement syndrome to the MAX… and her idea of the gym is far from what it is intended to do. You should see some of the people when they are done… they look like the water hose broke on them as they were working out… me, I tend to hold the sweat on my skin and not soak it through my shirt. I hope you all have a good day… and sweat a little for health ! Love to all, Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery”  14 years ago , on the tenth of August, Mark and I were married. Yep it was a Saturday evening at the Fireside Inn in Baldwinsville, NY. It was a pleasant evening, we had a justice of the peace marry us, Jeff was our Best Man and my sister Melanie our Maid of Honor. They were our witnesses. We had about 36 people there, friends and family. And a few not there, whom I wish could have been.

We had a Rose Ceremony- it was neat, and basically we did a rose exchange and the jest of it was if ever we did something that bothered the other, or caused one to feel angry.. than we needed to make sure we gave them a rose. It was a quaint night, a lovely evening, people were all encouraged to relax and just have a nice time.

Well one Mother’s Day, Jeff and Mark went out and bought 3 huge rose bushes, and said it was for times before and times that had not yet happened.

Now, actually Mr Mark and I have been together for 25 1/2 years already As I look at the incredible realization that I am 56 yrs old and for 25 of the years of my life, Mark and I have shared quite a journey, I find it truly amazing, the road has not always been easy… but we have survived many challenges.

Second marriages are not easy, accepting each others children is not easy on the kids at times.I think we both succeeded in loving the others child. 

There is a song I hear every once in a while that literally brings tears to my eyes, Brad Paisley sings it, “Half the Man He Didn’t Have To Be” – it kinda chokes me up… because step parents really care about the kids too… even if they are not their own, and this song has some lyrics that just tells it all. >>>>” Clint Black wrote this…

“I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and I prayed that she’d say yes
And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something’s missing
To a family
Lookin’ back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be 
I met the girl that’s now my wife about three years ago
We had the perfect marriage but we wanted somethin’ more
Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends
Crowded ’round the nursery window as they bring the baby in
And now all of a sudden
It seemed so strange to me
How we’ve gone from something’s missing
To a family
Lookin’ through the glass I think about the man
That’s standin’ next to me
And I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be
Lookin’ back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be
Yeah, I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be
Because he didn’t have to be
You know he didn’t have to be”

So I say Happy Anniversary Mark… and thanks for all you have done, all you have been and all you will be.. Love to all Mrs Justa.. Alias. CIndy

Hello out there. Whew, what a busy weekend. Friday I left work a little early to do some things I needed to do before it got too late in the day.

Than we got packed up and headed North to camping. We adventured out with me, Mark and Indi. This was Indi’s first night camping. And really when you put yourself into Indi’s situation, I think he did very well . Indi is used to being in a 28/62 foot home, goes out on his lead to go to the bathroom and that comes right back in.  He loves to ride in the car, and was very excited as we continued to drive up north.

Than we hook his lead to a picnic table as we set up the site, we gave him a short lead, so he could watch but not get underfoot.

Once we were almost totally ready to relax- we realized we were in need of a 30amp/15asmp convertor for the camper plug. So we load Indi in the car and head 10 miles away to a Wal-Mart. We get the part and back to the camp site. We have yet to do supper and now it is 8:10 PM. So we started a fire and let the charcoal ash up- we ended up eating dinner at 9:30. Now it is dark, Indi has no idea what is going on, and when he heard foot steps on the gravel road , and he was outside. he barked. He slept thru the night, unleashed in the camper. And when we had the camp fire he laid down between us or he jumped on my lap. At about 5:30 Indie started doing a dance that looked like an Irish Jig- so I figured he had to go out. He did have to go, and than he was awake, so we did not get a lot of rest after that.

I had a Bridal Shower to go to Sat, so we brought Indi to the kennel for Sat night. We get him tomorrow.

All in all, he was not terrible, and I am sure he was confused what was expected of him, and why he was on a leash so much. But he loves the kennel too, so he is okay. Saturday night it was just Mark and me- we had a fantastic dinner and ended it with 2 s’morers each. umm umm ummmm. Than we came back today, and we pleasantly were surprised when Jeff called and asked if we were up to company. ABSOLUTELY we are! We all shared some nice time together, and had subway with a to die for veggie mix sautéed and browned which consisted of summer squash, peppers, onion.  What a nice way to end the day ..no the weekend.  

When we were at the campsite the people next to us made a comment on how easy we made setting up the camper. And that we reminded her of her brother and his wife, by how well we seem to get along . That was a major compliment in this day and age. We do get along well with each other, it was nice to have that noticed. I hope you had a great weekend… Love to all, Cindy… alias Mrs Justa

Have you ever had the feeling of being too far away from what you need to be at? Like the world seems minute only because it feels like you are standing too far away from it. I remember as a 5 year old I used to have the same nightmare. I never knew what it meant, but it was so real to me, and it would wake me up, I would cry out, mom ( or dad if it was a night he was home) would come and sit on the side of my bed and try to comfort me, I remember them softly petting my hair..than I would go back to sleep and have the same dream again.

It would start at a table, like a long banquet table or a dining room table extended for quite a few people. I would be sitting at the table, looking around at many people talking amongst themselves, lots of little conversations, and no one talking to me, like I was looking through a window at them instead of being right there. Some people I knew, others I did not. IT seemed like all of the sudden the words became less clear, and my chair began to get legs that were extending upward. I could not get out of the chair, and it kept rising up. As it did the voices became fainter, no one could hear me calling out for help,  and the people became tinier, until they all just looked like spots.

Well this scene I photographed reminded me of how it felt in those nightmares. Everyone was like pebbles far away and there was nothing I could do to make the pebbles become people again.

This dream  would scare me because I could not get out of the chair, and the higher I got ..the further I was from anyone else. Alone, amid air, afraid.

That was one dream that vividly left a huge impression in my psyche- because I feel the feeling of despair as I recall this repetitive dream. Have you ever had a dream that frightened you? And than they won’t stop coming back… ahhhh

Have a peaceful night….?? I wonder what this dream meant? Love Mrs. justa.. alias Cindy

What lies ahead in life? What joys are just around the corner, and what pain is next to it?  How are we seen? Who remembers what about us? What reflection have we left of our lives in the lives of others?

My life has been led by a motto for years that “if I never see a person again, what would their last thought be of me?”

But it even goes deeper than that. I think most people would have kinds thoughts, but there are some who do not like me.

Have you ever had someone who seems jealous of something about you?

Or someone who has chosen to bulldoze you into the ground, and you feel like ever step is a fight.

How about dealing with a person who knows they are right, and when you try to speak your side- they hear NOTHING? It is like they are humoring you by pretending to listen, but they hear nothing.

Those are times I am probably not well thought of at the end of the interaction, because I will not back down, I want someone to hear my side. I am not rude, but I want at least to have my thought listened to.

I was thinking a lot about life today, a person I know had to leave his work immediately because his wife’s dad died -  a young man- just gone. That is how it was for both my parents- here one day and poof- gone. My parents I believe left kind thoughts to those who knew them. I hope in another 45 years or so, when it is my time to pass on.. that people will have kind thoughts of me reflecting in peoples minds… How about you ? Love to all, mrs Justa.