Time Waits For No One

As we continue life day by day, it is ever more apparent to me that life is precious. We have no guarantees that we will see the next day, week, month, or year. I was looking at a photo from a very long time ago. It is a photo of me and my siblings, well one of them wasn’t physically there so we held up his picture, for in spirit he was standing there with us.

What stands out to me more today than it did in years past, is that not one, or two, but 3 of my siblings and our mom have passed. So to take this photo again there would be me, in the front row alone…and in the back row from left to right, Martha, Chuck, Melanie, Peter would be really in it, and Tom would be in it. Karen ( in the sleeveless sundress and Don on the far right, would not). As I look at this, it brings me comfort for every single precious moment I have shared with each of them, and yet sad to know the precious moments now are in memories and in the sense they are watching over me at times.

An example of them living in my memory is whenever I fold corner sheets. Karen and her husband were visiting one Thanksgiving, and we had the 3 grandchildren over for the night too. Friday after the grandkids had gone home, I was putting beds away, and folding the sheets. Karen was next to me, and I just folded the corner sheet, she laughed out of amazement and said “Teach me how to do that !” I asked her to do what? She said, “How do you neatly fold a corner sheet ?” So I unfolded it and demonstrated the method, she was so thrilled she wanted to fold any corner sheet that was left. A couple days later we all went to Jeff and Amanda’s for dinner. Karen out of the blue, with a big old smile on her face asked Jeff and Amanda where their linen closet was, she wanted to show them what she had learned. Proudly Karen got one of Amanda’s already folded corner sheets, she unfolded it, and very accurately folded it so you couldn’t tell it was a corner sheet. Karen’s laugh was contagious, her smile I think circled her entire face as her eyes lit up with joy and such a love of life. So yes she’s passed away, but things like that live on.

For each of the siblings that have passed away, I have so many special memories. So many lessons my mom instilled in us. Even my dad who passed away LONG before this picture was taken, he lives on in me. I remember holding his hand, it felt so comforting, I felt safe. A simple thing like holding a hand can create a loving memory that lives on long after we have passed away.

Each day, each encounter we have with people we know well, and some we know casually, and some it may be a quick encounter as you walk by one another or maybe hold a door for someone, each minute each breath we take is one more blessed opportunity to treasure the moment and make or get a memory.

This past week Mark was taking a nap and I had just left for a hair appointment. When he got up from his nap I wasn’t home yet. He explained how very unusual, how almost weird it was to walk out of the bedroom and I wasn’t there. Being that one part of what was a couple.

We talk about life and try to plan for different scenarios, and one is trying to plan the future if one of us has passed on. How would our next day be, how would it affect our day-to-day life, where would we live, and how would our budget need to be recalculated, have we carefully provided the necessary people with all aspects of our life, we even prepaid for the funeral home so that isn’t something they need to worry about. How life would be as one. Some might think this is weird or not necessary, or maybe that we shouldn’t talk about death… but it is a fact of life and the loss of a loved one is hard enough, why not try to make some of it easier. Oh, we don’t dwell on not living, we just realize it is a part of life.

I have seen many times when a death happens, and people are beyond lost. It is natural to feel like the world has changed forever, I remember wishing I had just one more hug, one more moment, I just want the world to stop turning for a minute so I could get my bearings. I remember thinking I wish I had spent more time with that friend or family member. But there isn’t a way to go back and change that. Now is the time to take those moments.

So as you step the next step, as you breathe the next breath, remember how precious life is. You don’t have to be wealthy to enjoy life, money doesn’t buy us one extra moment, but each moment is a blessing yet to be had. As I look out the window I see seagulls flying over the river, an eagle soaring up high in the sky, and the leaves on the trees waving back and forth, it is so peaceful, and they are there for anyone to see, enjoy, and treasure…

As I go off to grab some laundry from the dryer and take a walk to a path by the river, my wish for you is that you take time to appreciate those in your life, and the beauty of life. Life isn’t always easy, but life is a blessing, each moment a gift. There is so very much around us no matter where we live. We just have to stop and see it.

Thanks for stopping by.

Until later, Mrs Justa ( alias Cindy)

 

Life Holds No Guarantees…

How would you act if this was the last time you were going to see someone or something? How would you feel if you knew your days were for sure limited to just a few more? How would you talk , if you knew those were the last words heard from you? I ask this as I ponder over a photo from October 2019.

The photo is of my sister. She had fought a long journey with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and knowing her chemo was no longer helping, she chose to stop it and let her numbered days be as cherished as they could be.

One thing she wanted to do was see Niagara Falls one more time. The first night they arrived at the hotel she was in terrible pain and none of the 4 of us were sure she would feel up to the few block journey to the falls. But the next morning she was feeling stronger and in less pain, so we went to the falls.

For a very very long time, she just soaked in the beauty, the dramatic sight of the power of the water, the mist on her face, and the beauty. She was reminded of a special time she and Tim spent there years ago, and she was reminded how much she loved all the falls offers. She had made it to fulfill one of her one last wishes and this picture captures her as she leaned on the wall and treasured the sights and sounds .

I look at this picture frequently and I think about how that must have felt for her, knowing she was on her final leg of her journey of life on earth. I can almost feel her never wanting that time to end. It reminds me too that no one knows what might be our very last interaction, comment, experience.

It reminds me to listen before speaking, treasure the world around me. and know that life holds no guarantees.

As Karen was fulfilling a final wish, a seagull came to visit the falls, and it landed on the wall a little further down. After my mom died, there have been so many times I needed her assurance, her wisdom, and out of the Heavens a seagull appears, as if to say ” I am right here, always” As I looked at the seagull, I felt it was mom, letting Karen know she is right there, to welcome her on her journey.

How special, how fragile, how unsure, how unpredictable our time on earth is. Life holds few guarantees, there is evil, and goodness, there is sickness and uncertainties. Treat each moment as if it just might be the last, before we journey to our Home.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

RIP Pat RIP ” mom”

Life and death, we know it is coming , we know it is a part of life. We have no guarantees when the last breath will be taken, but it will. As I write this I am filled with a sense of loss, with emotions and confusion on how people must feel when they die. For my parents, I am not sure they felt anything, as they had a day before with people they cared about, they were talking, laughing and creating memories. Yet as they lay their head down to sleep, they had no idea their last breath would be while their heads lay on their pillows.

Today though it is different. The days before her death, my mother-in-law chose to not speak with those who loved her. It really is like a tragedy of life. She unfortunately contracted COVID 19 in the end of October 2020. She had to leave the Assisted Living Center she resided in, and go into the hospital. Well, being COVID it means you are in total isolation, in a private room and when a staff member sees you, they are gowned and gloved and masked. Family is not allowed, you are just there, in this room, I would think probably pretty scared, as COVID has been the pandemic that hit the world, and there is not a vaccine, and not a clear understanding of how it affects people. It has been a learning path in the medical fields around the globe, as the more its there , the more there is understanding how to fight it. BUT in the mean time, if you get it, it might just kill you.

Well she fought it, she had taken phone calls for the first few weeks, every call she would say how she looked forward to it, and loved hearing our voices.She spoke about the room she was in had a view of the hills and some fall colors. She loved Fall. She spoke of when we went to look at the fall colors the year before.

The last time we spoke, she sounded horrible, gasping for air and coughing, she thanked us for calling and said to call back later. Than poof, she stopped wanting to speak with any of us. So her updates were 2nd and third hand. A practitioner would tell Mark’s brother, who then would share the information with us.

She was negative for COVID, off to rehab to regain her strength, but another COVID test came back positive, and back into isolation in the hospital. FInally a few negative tests and it was looking like she might be going back to her “home” at the assisted living facility after 14 days in rehab. All this time, we are talking maybe 5+ weeks, in isolation more than not; and for the pat 3 weeks, not wnating to speak to anyone who cares about her.

Well, she passed away, at the skilled nursing home where she was having rehab, she died alone. But her days before were not filled with loving words or care from her children or friends. I believe her wanting to be alone, that it was a way to protect us from her death, and to make it easier to die. A part of me feels relief that she is at peace now, yet a part feels sad because she was totally alone. I guess I am reminded by all of this , once again, that every breath we take is worth more than money can buy.

We need to respect each second, tell people you love them, love the person for who they are and accept that we all think differently. This world is so crazy at times, we need to focus more within our own selves, our own families and know we alone can nto change the world, but we can make a difference in our families. As I leave this , I leave with gratitude for the life I have experienced, the good and not so good times, and I will try so make each moment special, treasured. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Insight Of a Child

I am thinking today about how sometimes children will see something, or say something, and you have no idea how they had that insight. How they knew. This is Jeff at the age of this example.

For the first couple years of his life Jeff and I had lived in Prattburg, NY.  I had been there for 3 years before Jeff was born. It was a rather small town in the southern tier of NY and neighbors were a ways away from each other.  My husband at the time worked in Rochester, so that was 1 1/2 hrs each way. Needless to say, it was not a place where you would be if you were looking for suburban life.

I had met a couple of women, wives of friends of my husband, Billie Jo and Lindy. Before Jeff was born, the 3 families became an extended family. Once Jeff was born, our kids played together and Lindy’s father in law, well he was “Papa”.

Papa took me in and Billie Jo in as pseudo daughters. He was a great man. Cooked incredible Italian meals, and loved every minute of life. His laughter was jolly, his heart real. The kids were his extended grandkids. When I was pregnant, he often took me to the OB appointments because it was 45 minutes from our house. He and Billie Jo were part of the group who were at the hospital when I went in for having Jeff. As Jeff grew, Papa would visit him, daily. Jeff grew to look at Papa as a grandfather, he loved Papa and Papa had a way to have kids melt as he entered the room.

Jeff would always go and find a toy to show him, and Papa would act like it was the first time he saw it each time. About a yr after My husband and I had separated, and I moved with Jeff closer to Rochester, Jeff saw Papa very infrequently. I found out that Papa had been in the hospital. It was in June 1985, I remember  I gathered quickly pictures of Jeff and mailing them to the hospital with a card. Lindy told me later that Papas face lit up when he received them

Not too long after that, as I was driving to daycare, Jeff held firmly in his car seat, I saw Jeff look almost to the horizon and raising his head slowly as raised his head to the sky- as far up as possible.

I asked him “Jeff what are you looking at?”He looked at me, with such innocence, such sincerity, and seriousness and with the words I will never forget he said: ” I just saw Papa go up in the sky”. I thought that so unusual, so amazing that this 3 yr old, this precious child saw something and knew what he saw. I tried to support him, and tell him it was probably clouds in the early morning, maybe Papa was looking at Jeffs picture… jeff gave me a little smile. He knew not what that meant except the facts of what he saw and shared with me.

This weighed heavy on my mind and so after work, I made some calls to see how Papa was doing. I was told that  Papa had died earlier. We went to the calling hours, and after a lot of thinking, we felt that Jeff should go too. We felt he would be able to finalize that Papa was always going to be special to him, and we felt him seeing him in the casket would be better than wondering if Papa was going to visit. We got there, and there was a step in front of the casket, Jeff stepped up and had quite a little discussion with Papa, knowing that he could not respond. I know I was crying, over watching the innocence of Jeff, and also the loss of Papa. We brought Jeff into the meeting room area, and as we got ready to leave, he pulled my hand and said: “Wait, we have to tell Papa goodbye.”  He walked over, climbed up the step, put his hands on papa and told him goodbye and he loved him.”  That pretty much did me in…   The incredible experiences we cannot define, the things that happen, the precious innocence of youth, the unexplained blessings.

Until later, Mrs Justa, alias Cindy

 

 

 

Facing Life Challenges

As I think of life and the challenges it brings I am reminded of my grandmother. The first 4 yrs of my life we blessed with her presence. In that time though, this woman left a lasting impression on me. She had lost her vision before I was born. My mom had told us she had undergone surgery for glaucoma and her optic nerve was so damaged that she lost her vision.

We lived in an upper flat in Bridgeport Conn, and it is amazing what I remember from those beginning years of my life. We lived there together, my parents, my grandmother, my older sisters and me. Karen was 10 yrs older than me, so I am sure she remembers much more than I do. Pam was 1 1/2 yrs older.

My grandmother though, even though she had not literal sight, she did amazing things. We, as children, needed to make sure we did not move furniture or leave toys on the floor.  I remember wanting to help hold my grandmother’s hand to help her at times. In the apartment, I remember there was this sewing machine and it seems like it was in a corridor or a hallway. She loved sewing, and even though she could not use her eyes, she used her sense of touch. This sewing machine was totally manual. We would open up the table and she could sit at it, put her feet on the pedal plate and as she pushed up and down on the treadle, the machine would sew.  I would watch her sew aprons, napkins, things the had square pieces of fabric. My mom must have cut the squares of material, but my grandmother would sew the pieces together, rocking back and forth on the treadle. If something moved out of place, I would help her by getting it.  I loved the time with her and I remember trying to imagine not seeing, and amazed by her ability to not let that stop her.

I do not remember her doing things in the kitchen, but I also remember her holding me on her lap. It was a sense I just always remember being there. This picture is me on her lap and Pam next to us.  I remember bedtime stories as she “read”. Pam and I would help turn pages as she seemed to be at the next part of the story, and sometimes we would tell her she skipped a page.

When you are born and people are a part of your life from the start, they are a part of why the sun rises and sets. You just know they are there. I truly loved her, her embrace was comforting, her love was welcoming, her determination to live life to the best she could, she was such an inspiration to me. I often wonder if I ever drove her crazy. Pam and I were so different, she was more subdues, me I think I was always kinda silly, active, and hmmm probably a little overwhelming at times.

I remember the day I saw her last… I was 4,  she was at the sewing machine and she said was unable to lift the needle, her hands were not working. I remember her being frightened, and me being scared and getting my mom. I remember an ambulance coming, the men who came and got her, and as they drove away, not understanding what was happening. That was the end of that chapter in my life, she never came home. When she left her earthly home, ended up in her eternal home, she may have left the world in a physical sense, but the things that matter, her soul, her spiritual gifts, those never died, and as confusing as it was to me at four, her determination, her accepting adversity, her unending appreciation for each moment, that lives on. What a blessing she was to me, she helped to lay the foundation blocks of my life, and to remind me that life was never promised to be easy, it is a gift and a matter of attitude how we handle it.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Planning Sometimes Is Just That

As we go through life we plan for things. We plan for trips or places to live. We plan for futures, and we plan for retirement.

As I sat in a local diner tonight with my husband, our table was in the center. Around us were other table and booths lined the walls. It seemed to be mostly patrons who were well known, and who seemed to be much older then we are. It felt as if we were in a dinner theater in the round. With the play being skits of people lives. People came in and left, waitresses cleared the tables, kind of like at a play when the light get turned down, the curtain falls, and another scene comes to be.

I felt surrounded by people who probably had made plans for their lives, and probably health reasons and life setbacks, well they changed their plans. As one man had come in with his wife, he was trying to move into the booth, his left side was not coordinated and weak, so as he slid in it was like his right side was pushing the left side in. He said to her, can you believe this is how we ended up, as she tried to help him get situated. Plans can get washed away, or reshaped. We can endure or let them take control of us .

Couples here and there, obviously some with significant health challenges, none who appeared they could be north-south travelers. It made me wonder what does the future look like? No one knows. The best plans can be dissolved in a moments notice. I think we have to accept that just because we plan it to be a certain way, that does not mean it will be. The sun rises and sets, and we have no idea what is next.

As we went to leave, a man was walking out in front of us. He had been joking with the waitresses, he had a nonstressed face, he needed a cane, his stride was not fast, but gingerly. He told us he was 91, he came there every night for dinner, he said he lives alone. He loves to talk with the gals and seems to look forward to coming there. We complimented his outlook on life, and he said he lives life lightly, doesn’t have his head down, he looks up all the time. He did not talk about heartbreak, but I sure he has had some. He displayed a love for what life offers him a minute at a time. Appreciating each sunrise and sunset.

I think that is how we need to be. We can plan, and realize those plans can change in a heartbeat. It is hard enough to plan for the next few days or weeks, let alone the future of life.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

From the Beginning to the End

There is always a beginning and an end. Some beginnings come so slowly that we want to grab the timeline and yank it a bit, we want to get to the end. It is that darn middle between the beginning and end, it is kinda stuck in one spot. or at least the accomplishment we are anticipating seems suddenly so far away.

I have run across this so many times. I take on a project, I have a goal and ugg it all of the sudden seems to be dragging on.

That trip you wanted to take forever. It is finally here. You, you and your spouse, you and your family,  you and your friend(s)- ( whatever the situation); you have planned and packed and checked things out and the moment is here. The 6,or 8,or 11, 22 hr drive awaits you, you have picked places to stop, things to see.

The end it out there somewhere, as the road seems to keep on going. 

Oh the chatter in the car or the music blasting, the excitement that the time is here, those first few hours into it, smiles, dreams yet to fill….and there comes a point where you realize the seat is kinda not comfortable, you really need to pee, you can not believe how long the construction held you up, and that voice inside your head is like the child in you saying “Are we almost there?” And after what seems like a week of traveling, instead of a mere 6,or 8,or 11, 22 hrs…. you make it, all is good, you have a wonderful time.

Maybe it is a meal you are excited about trying this totally from scratch recipe. The list of ingredients and what you have to do with each of them is more detailed than the secrets of the universe. You are ready, choppers, shredders, cutting boards, washed off fresh herbs, veggies, whatever is needed. You start in on it.  All of the sudden your back is a little stiff from standing, your feet might be a little sore, you are wondering how the author of the recipe said prep time was 25 minutes and you are about 1 1/2 hrs into prepping for this anticipated end result. There comes a point when you might think you have already chopped ____ in the freezer, or in a can… but you endure. It comes out wonderful in the end. You are so thankful you endured…

The list of situations goes on. As I am about to conquer another day,  it is yet another scenario of morning to nighttime sleep—-I am thinking about various things  I anticipate will fill this day, what needs to, and what I would like  to get done, and I will ponder more on how to make the middle- that space, how to make that as exciting as the beginning and end.

Until later, enjoy the middle of those starts and finishes… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

Challenges or a Way Of Life

On any given day, I can look out the window and think “Oh look, the sun is up”…. period… But no- there is more… see beyond the noticing of the sunrise in the quiet of things in front of me was a glistening world of diamond-like sparkles. A cold crisp early morning gift, a gift that many may have not seen, a gift that can turn into a snowy plain ol day.

 

 

 

 

Yet, right there for all to see, a refreshing light show of sparkling colors.

It brought once again to mind thought about life. How when we are faced with things that seem monumental, we look at the proverbial mountain ( or in this case maybe a quick noticing the sun is rising) and we are overwhelmed at the tasks at hand at the end of a particular journey. Sometimes it is easier to dwell on that obstacle, which takes us longer to put it behind us.

Life can feel like it is hard at times, life is full of mountains to climb, sometimes valleys to drudge through. Plenty of times I have slipped on the proverbial mountain wandered off the proverbial path and had to retrace my steps, maybe find a slightly less challenging path to go on.

There was one person in my life that told me once she never had challenges in life. I remember thinking “heck let me share some with you” but I did not offer, and she never asked to take a few from me, so I have gone on in life realizing that at least for me, challenges exist, they can be heart wrenching, they can be touch and we conquer them one by one step at a time.

Photo by Alex Smith on Pexels.com

As I look back at this person who said this to me, as I came to know her a tad bit more many yrs ago, I now wonder- maybe just maybe she had the ability to look at those diamond-like crystals, and not just at that sunrise from afar. I think that because I truly believe we ALL face moments when life has tried to knock us down.

Maybe this person was able to anticipate but not look for that next roadblock or detour on her journey of life. If we know that challenges will lie ahead, but if we look at them as not roadblocks but the way the path takes us, then maybe we too can feel that life has been good, no matter what part of our journey we are on.

I, myself, and going to try to work on this. As I take each next step on this road of life, I will anticipate some bumps and hairpin curves, knowing the road will straighten up. To now look so far ahead, but to look at now and a few feet ahead. Not so much only living for today,, but planning for tomorrow and in those plans, the “challenges” will become part of the process.

OK, I am off to try this out, Until alter… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

“I Already Know”

I guess I never thought about this until I heard it a whole bunch of times in different settings this Thanksgiving weekend.

I saw myself doing it, and also heard it done to others. First, let me say all the social media outlets CAN BE wonderful when used as a means to give many “friends, family and acquaintances” the same bullet point information at one time. A way to create a page not yet colored in that person’s life.

Let’s say you graduated or had a baby or an exciting time at _______,  it is to share an extremely tough time or the passing of a person that you would never have known about, or a way to type in a verse or 2 about the loss you have endured. It is something, some time had it not been shared on f.b., twitter, or any of the others outlets to communicate.

It is a great way to share photos of a gathering many attended, or maybe that perfect moment you stumbled on. Those times when without sharing on social media, well it would never have been experienced in a very 2D way.

Looking at this picture- one that was probably on a facebook post, it shows a wedding, but without the personal touch, the conversation, the painting done with words, there is so much more that can fill in the outline of a “wedding”

If, however, someone starts face to face- or voice to voice on the phone- about something- well that is the beginning of an opportunity to converse. They want to make that 2D, quick blurb into a 3D moment. Voices, faces they add expression to the time they are referring to, or to the sad or happy moment captured and shared. That person wanted to put color into the social media bullet point. We ( and I can not count the times I did it) can stop the conversation, we can keep that moment just a bullet point in time, we can portrait we do not really care by interrupting- or making our first ( and often our last) response by saying ” Yeah , I already know” or “Yeah,I saw it on f.b.” .

Now if the same person starts the conversation and mentions they also had it on Facebook, ( or whatever media they put it on) we need to stop and listen. That conversation you are about to be blessed with, well it adds the personal component.

Or if you see that person, you could always start the conversation with that tidbit of their life they shared. An opportunity to bring a personal touch to a moment they shared on facebook. That can be a great time to show you care and want to hear more.

We will never ever know what we missed if we close that opportunity to have color added to social media bullet points if we stop the conversation before the colors fill in the moment in their life.

My mission for today and going forward is to let the other person not only bring up the topic but to let them take that outline, that bullet point, and add their words to it, their nonverbals, their feelings.

Until later, Mrs. Justa/ alias Cindy

 

“Times of our Lives”

There was a very popular song from the mid-1970s that Paul Anka had done and Kodak used it as an advertising jingle. The lyrics are very meaningful to me- and as I take photographs and look at photos from times gone by, as I reminisce on times captured in the Windows or my mind and heart, well this melody and its’  words- it plays in my head.

“Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it’s hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember?

The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you’ve seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life? ………..

Reach out for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The memories are times that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow

The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
…….. will you remember
The times of your life?

……….
Do you remember the times of your life?”

For me, as this weekend with family enters its last day and a half, the moments already created and those yet to come, I want to remember the laughter, the realization that we were all placed in the places we are now, because of the roads we have traveled. My wish is that everyone has those moments, those “TImes of Your Life”, that can play over and over again as the days become moments in our journey, little monuments or landscapes.

Until later, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

Life’s too short

In life these days things seem to be more impersonal, at a time when maybe it feels like they are not. I have been giving this a lot of thought as I realize the days in my rearview mirror on my journey down life’s road are a whole lot more than the days yet to be traveled. There are things that must be important to me, as one evening I found myself writing things down that were being fed through me if that makes any sense. There are times in my life when I feel like I am the instrument to relay a thought, a poem, a song. I have a list of what I will refer to as some of life’s lessons, this list of “lessons” are words written down, joined together on paper and created in some of those times.

For today one of the thoughts is this.    20 minutes, 2 hours, 6 hours,8 hours or more is a lot closer then Heaven.

This thought is rather eye-opening to me, as there are so many times I am finding this to be true in life. Life becomes chaotic with STUFF. Busy things to do that really seem to get in the way of relationships. We can say a person lives too far away, we can have a good intention for stopping over to a person’s house or meeting them for coffee, but unless we react to the thought, the minutes turn into hours, into days, months and years.

In the blink of an eye that person / those people can be gone. Personally, I have experienced this, as many others have too. I hear people complaining that their parent(s) are annoying, or their grandparents being forgetful or hard to talk to, that their mom is so difficult to be around, or their dad is overpowering, or they live too far away, or “I just don’t have the time”.  Not making that call, not sending a personal card….

At 4 my grandmother died, and as I look back, out of all my relatives and friends that have died, I had the most involved relationship with her for the short years we had together. She lived with us, in an upper apartment in Bridgeport Conn. She was blind, so as a toddler, I was taught to always pick up things from the floor, do not move furniture from it’s set place, all to avoid her falling or tripping. I remember sitting on her lap as she “read” me a story. At the time there was just my sister Karen, Pam and me. My 2 older brothers did not live with us, they were off on their own. We would tell her what book it was, and we would turn the pages as she told the story from her memory of it.

My dad, he was a traveling salesman and the job required him to be gone most weekdays and nights. When he was home though, each moment was priceless to me. At the very young age of 10, I had one of the most traumatic losses in my life, my father died. Since he died there are so very many times I wished he was alive to guide me through life. My sister Karen was in nursing school at that time, and at home, well we had me, Pam and in addition younger sisters and 2 younger brothers. It was an incredible challenge in so many ways. I wish he had been there as my teenage years turned into young adulthood. And even though I have felt his presence, it is not like having his tough love, his insight. I never wished he had been home more, I accepted life was that way, I just wished I had more years of him being home when he could be.

My mom, she lived for 35 years after my dad died. And no matter how far or close I lived from her, there are times I saw her very infrequently. I regret that more then I can ever explain. She was a wise woman, quiet, offered advice when asked, but gave it sparingly unless she felt is absolutely necessary to say something. She would never ask for company to visit, yet she always had tea and chocolate chip cookies ready for those moments someone came over. I believe she was always prepared for visitors to come by, yet she had things she did when no one came.  She did volunteer work for local causes, she was a pen pal to those who were in life situations where they had little if no communication with the outside world. I guess I used my life situation to justify not taking that time out of my day to visit her more. Years later though, I wonder if she ever longed for that door to open?

My sister Pam, she died at the young age of 47. Alone in her townhouse, she had not felt well and whatever she had, it caused her death. I visited her only twice in her Ohio home.  It was really not too many months prior to her death. Both times were accompanied by another sister, we were on a mission to help Pam from a situation of hoarding. She was such a private person, she never ever indicated to me, in all the years she was there, that she was hoarding. When she reached out and asked for help, her voice had been desperate, and a plea. Something that I had never ever experienced from her. We talked briefly on the phone every week or so, but I never visited her there. She is gone, I can no longer look to make up for lost time.

Family, friends, events. I can not even begin to list those friends who have died, or who I have lost contact with, people who meant a lot to me. Life is filled with “I need to” call so and so, or visit so and so…. and not make them the action of “I am going to “?

Holidays, Sunday dinners, knocking on the door because you know there are open invitations… how many of these things do we totally put on the back burner? Oh, we can come up with a bunch of reasons, we do that, we justify our inactions by sounding like there are great reasons not to do something.

But that moment when you get that message, that phone call, read that obituary and realize that you have missed opportunities that will NEVER come to be. In my list of life’s lessons, the ones that appeared on paper from the pen I held as my hand moved to form the words…. well this is the first of many I have written down … more to follow.

 

Mrs Justa and the easy way out….

I read a book a few weeks ago and it has created all sorts of emotions and thoughts. The book was written by a survivor of child abuse. This is the cover of the book…

I kid you not, it was VERY hard to read, but I was not going to stop. WHY?? Because this poor little boy..who miraculously made it through years of torture to become a man—well he could not quit from what his life was.

As I read this, my heart ached, I was so darn angry with social services and the mother… with the brothers and step dad…. 

The presentation of how things were on the outside of the house, in no way were really what was happening behind closed doors.

As I read it, I thought that most kids probably never grow up to share what they went through, to show they survived… No , I am thinking most kids would have died in the torture. The mom put on a front that the child was evil, the child was aggressive, the child was mean, the child had problems, the child was mute… AND it was easier for those on the outside to label the child instead of trying to figure out what made the child act the way he did…

I think we  do that in society.. we tend to take the easy way out. This got me to think about Riley… our dog. She had such lost sad eyes when we brought her home that day from the kennel…..… She cowered when you called her, she shook and trembled if she thought she was in trouble, she had a sense of fear to her…

She had horrible separation anxiety, she panicked, she hyperventilated, she literally freaked out if we left the house.

We made comments about “That is why her previous owners abandoned her” and “She has issues.” ///But ya know what—we did not give up on her…( We almost did !!)fortunately we got thinking and  we did not just accept the way she was as a final.. That breaks my heart at the thought that we almost gave up on her.

After her 2 weeks in early winter at the K9 training camp—2 weeks of not seeing her, of her being treated well, but like a dog… she is okay now. We can leave her in the house, no crate or cage….  and go out for up to 6 hrs..she is fine. We do not have to limit her access to rooms.. she is a calmer dog…. , and seems more controlled  now.. It was what her previous owners did to her that made her how she was… not that she was bad.

She is a sweetheart… she loves to be with us,she is GREAT with people and the grandkids….. she is playful….  but now it is ok when we leave. She goes to doggie playcare 1 day a week, and they say she darts around for the entire time, frolicking, running.. non stop.

How many kids…. how many pets… have we as a society let down? Why… because it was easier to say they had the problem… than to figure out what made the behavior….. easier than to try to fix it…

yep, that book will live with me for a very long time… And Joe Peters’…. wherever you are…. I am so sorry for the let down you must have felt over and over again.and thank you for sharing this …. it really opened my eyes…

Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and getting through the next few weeks…

I gotta tell ya, this is now rolling into my least favorite time of the year. The best thing that happened this time of year was my niece and sister were born. But I am reminded every year of the pain too.

I can not help by go back to  1963

10 years old is  supposed to be a time in our lives where the road to adolescence is being paved and laid down… where Barbie dolls and Roller skates are changing to 10 speed bikes and sleep overs. When it is still okay to get tucked in at night, and you want to be brave and not have the night light on…when you knew pretty soon you no longer could sit on dads lap very comfortably, where the dreams of becoming a teenager seemed to be coming more real.

Yes… a time when life begins to change…and for me.. it changed all right.

It changed for our whole family. I’ve written about it before… and yet it all surfaces again..each year. My dad had one into the hospital –he  went in on my 10th birthday with a heart attack.

My mom was VERY pregnant and she would drive to the hospital every evening with the 5 kids in the car, she would leave us in the lobby at the hospital, and she would go up and visit him.
We were not allowed to go up there. So volunteer women would take moments to stay with us in the lobby. They brought us paper to draw on, tried to distract our worried thoughts, my sister was 11, me 10.. the next in line were my brothers 5 and 6 and my sister 2. Night after night –we would wait for mom to come down….and she would drive us home. She was due on Halloween night.  But that night came and went,… and still no baby. On November 1st… dad actually waved to us in the lawn of the hospital from way up on his hospital; floor. He looked like a small image way up there, but knowing the moving image was dad was so warming..so comforting. I remember waving so hard my whole body was twisting..I thought my arm was going to pop off…..

Than on 11-2- we went in and mom came back down after visiting and said we could go up and see  him… he was coming home in the morning… We loaded in the elevator, anxious with joy… gitty..giggling in the elevator.. the laughter kind of echoing… I remember the volunteers who had now gotten to know us pretty well..they had tears welling in their eyes as they saw our smiles…. up we went… the door opened… a wheel chair around the corner and dad was there… there was a window that the chair was put by..it overlooked the city… each kid got to go to him, sit on his lap, hug him, tell him what ever came to mind…. laughter..I remember laughter… …and than the next. I waited in the back ground.. I wanted to be last… I remember the feeling of the strength of his hands as he held me on his lap… he had Old Spice on…I  remember the smell. I remember the secure feeling… a feeling of safety..as he hugged me , kissed me…. and said I will see you in the morning Princess…

The ride home was like floating on a cloud… the anticipation of morning and daddy coming home was more excitement than I have had since than…

At 11 that night mom went into labor… she called a neighbor to help her get to the hospital … a different hospital.. She called our sister Karen in nursing school to come home and be with us… she got there… it was scary… now mom was going too…. we tried to sleep… and before 7 in the morning the phone rang… oh it must be the baby news… I anxiously grabbed the phone, it was a man… He asked for my mom… I said she was not there—she was having a baby… he asked who was there… I said my sister.. he heard her voice… he asked her if she was the oldest one there..she said yes ( she was 19… )… he hung up the phone.. We were all puzzled… I remember sitting in the corner, feeling scared, lost, ..hugging my knees, rocking back and forth.. in a trance almost… saying in a soft mumble… “Daddies dead/…daddies dead…” I did not stop… I kept saying it… and than the phone rang again…. I remember my sister Pam( she was 11) kind of yelling at me to stop saying that… It was another doctor… he apologized for the previous call..and than he said… your father died this morning…. The death of my father when I was 10 years old , changed my life forever. …Bam… our life as we knew it was changed …. Karen called the other hospital, the one where our mom was delivering our new sister or brother…  she left a message to give to our mom who was in the delivery room…. and a miracle happened… the same moment dad died..our youngest sister was born.

And than 35years later—to the day—the time.. our mom died…in her sleep….so that is why this time of year… I like to zoom by 11-3 kind of quickly. I say happy birthday to my sister… the pain and loss I have is separate from the joy of her… but it is tough.. It does not get easy…

So as these days come closer… I find myself not looking forward to the weeks to follow…and than things get better again.

Mom, Dad . I miss you so much… and Dad.. thanks for that hug and kiss on my cheek..had I known it was the last…I would have never gotten off your lap.

Ahhh… the memories are so fresh…. Take time to let those close to you know that you love them, thank them, spend time with them…. for life comes…and life goes… We have no guarantees of anything… Love to all. Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and a glimpse of days to come

I had a thought the other day.. the thought was I am glad that all living creatures do not share the same habits, customs, ways to get to know one another…

Need I say more???? This week and next is the NYS fair… could you see if everyone had dog habits as they passed by each other? Oh my goodness, I am so appreciative we just walk past people,, sometimes we shake hands !!

I had a dream a few nights ago..it was sobering…it was real..and one I was glad to have woken up from.

As I drifted off to sleep I became part of a group of souls…all floating in the same direction—towards a bright white light. Each spirit was covered with a black hooded cloak, drifting..and than every once in a while was a figure that looked like this…

( I got this off of google images) these spirits were whispering which way to go and to assure us that they too were once in the procession that we were all in.

The entire area was filled with whispers, forceful comforting whispers.

I asked one of there spirits where I was..and the spirit said I was on my way to meet God, and see Jesus. That all the cloaks floating around me in the same direction were all the people who had died when I died.

I gotta tell ya, when I woke up..I was tapping my legs, my arms.. and really glad I was actually lying in bed. I said a prayer… I looked at everything a little differently. But it has made me ponder… no one ever talks about death. We all avoid it.. yet we all will die. This made it so surreal.. To realize that in a second I will go from here..to just my memory here..my spirit.. my contributions..my disorganized  organization. I say that, because I know where things are… I know what things mean to me.. but who will know about some of these things when I am not here?

It brings to the forefront getting rid of things… making sure all the recent info is readily available when life insurance policies are, bank records, information for doing the taxes and paying bills. The dream has made me feel thankful for today, blessed for all my yesterdays..and really hoping for many tomorrows.

It was weird..it was strange… it has made me feel apprehensive..yet at peace.. Because the spirits that were guides basically indicated there is one way to go..no turning back… however things were left..that is how they will be. 

All I can say is wow…. and I love my family..and my friends..and I appreciate the readers who come over to read my thoughts.. THANK YOU!> I will be back tomorrow….and I will write again… Going to a Drive in tonight !!!. It is so neat to have a Drive In 8 miles away !!!

Love to all, Mrs justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and having a dog..

One day when I did my great escape at lunch time.. I went over to a parking lot at a plaza near by. I turn on the radio, listen to Rush Limbaugh get all fired up about stuff, open the windows and watch the world go by.

Well one day I looked up, and in a 3rd floor apartment window was this …

This dog, standing on maybe a couch , just faithfully watching out the window. I began to think about dogs and owners and people and friends.

And well it hit me hard that there are probably not too many friends as faithful as a dog. A dog will greet you at your door every single day with a tail wagging so much that you are not sure if the tail is wagging the body..or the body wagging the tail.

A dog will come next to you and stay by you no matter how sick you are. Back a few years ago, Badger did not feel well and he needed someone to be with him during the day, he had to be let out a lot. Mark, who also was not feeling well, went over daily to stay with Badger, and regardless of how bad either felt..they stayed side by side.

When Mark had his leg trying to heal, he had to use a CPM machine, he would go into the spare bedroom and get hooked up, and lie there as this machine worked to bend his knee…

He never was alone doing that though…

Carmel may not have ever understood what the machine was… but he sensed he needed to go in there.

I remember when I had a surgery and was unable to lie down in bed for weeks, I would doze off in the recliner..only to wake up to have our dog Chip on the foot of the recliner watching me sleep.

Mark and I have computers next to one another, and if we were both on, Indi would just come in and sit next to us… what person would do that?

I have seen on line photos of different dogs, loyal to their owner till the end. It is true that “Dogs are man’s best friend” They forgive you when you are grumpy, they greet you and say good bye to you as you come and go, they will go anywhere you want to take them, and if you are lucky they will patiently wait.. to see you again.

Since Jeff was 10—we have had 3 dogs. Chip, Carmel and Indi. each were special in their own way..and each had to be put to sleep for various reasons. We understood why each time, and it hurt to do it..but as I look back..they each filled our lives with so much love, so much commitment and so much loyalty..I would not trade any of the days with them for anything else.

Who knows if we will get another dog.. we teeter on the fence all the time… but tonight.. I just want to say—dogs are cool…. Love to all.. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and stay-ca-tion ending…

The stay-ca-tion has dwindled down to just a few hours left. We decided  to end it with where we started—kind of…

Off to Oswego we went tonight. The sun set was masked by the clouds….but it was nice all the same.

The water was still, the clouds were asking as a cover for the sun, and amazingly no one was in Oswego… ( well there were some people but not a lot)

We went to the opposite side of the river and caught a shot of the restaurant where it all began…

Did not even look like many people were up there…

See a “stay-ca-tion” means you avoid the trying to get all the stuff put away, laundry done and grocery shopping before the next next of work stops… (yeah baby that is VERY nice) and…

you never really get super tired….cuz you are not out there fighting the vacationers for the spot on the highway…

I do not feel we were cheated a 3 day weekend… not at all. Yesterday we went to Skanealeles NY- sat by the lake there …

We were entertained by a variety of Duck families.

It really was funny to watch the different families float by.

An as we sat there, we had brought some pepperoni, cheese and crackers, some apples and Ice Tea… and we left any worries, cares of challenges at home.

Hmm..one would think..what kind of challenges could there be..well anyone who has followed us for a while must have a hint that there are challenges at times.

Our latest…. and this one is GROSS>>>

something has died in our floor….have no idea what it was..but I can assure you what ever it was—it is not with us any longer… Nope only it’s stench lives now…

What we do know..is the passing took place under our bathroom sink area…. and after CAREFULLY emptying the bathroom vanity………. I went in there—with the grubbiest clothes I could find…( these are the sweats I have worn to paint, to caulk, to garden, to weed, to great stuff, to apply adhesives..I wash them and save them for grubby times…) see I was half expecting to find the remains of a chipmunk, or mouse, or something….I had a bucket with chlorine and water, a garbage bag, paper towels and rags…and a bunch of prayers that if I did find something that I would be able to handle it and not be so skeeved out that I would take off in the opposite direction. As I slowly lowered my body to the floor..I was thinking about my post the other night about the “Road kill Collector” and thinking that God has a sense of humor—I make a comment about a profession—and the next day our house smells like road kill.

Well… the odor is under the sink..yes siree—that is where it is coming from… but fortunately in an unfortunate way—I found nothing that is responsible for the odor…

I looked in the crawl space under the house…. nothing… so whatever it was—- it was between the crawl space and out floor….

We really can not have our whole house ripped apart to find some dead whatever…. so I went on line and ask my new best intelligent friend ( Google) –what to do if your have dead animal smell in your house…. Do you know there are thousands of articles on this subject !!!. Basically— give it 7-10 weeks…I am hoping this whatever is under our floor- but above our crawl space… was small—like a mole, or a field mouse, the articles  I read said the smaller—the less time of stench.. It is not too bad to night.. the rags seemed to help keep the air out of the house…

So that is our stay-ca-tion…We had a nice time together—I enjoyed church Sunday, we had fun with our friends Sat Am…. we got to visit with Jeff and Amanda and the kids, we got to spend peaceful time in areas around us…and I do not think we ever felt rushed.. and to wrap it all up…

 

 

We broke all rules, we got a really rich ice cream treat at Cold Stone Creamery…

Now it is times to focus on work, focus on life and come back to the reality world…

No sleeping in… nope time to start being responsible again.

I hope you had a nice weekend, and I hope you are home—safe and sound…. Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and the IDIOT

Okay, I am all for safe driving… ( Mark would say I am over cautious) and I appreciate a few reminders like this one……..but this goes two ways folks.

I was driving in this morning on an interstate. Speed limit is 65mph… wiggle room means many were pushing the 70 mph end..out of nowhere this laser speed spot went literally flying up the northbound side.. I kid you not..this person was on one of the         ” Crotch rockets..” he must have been clipping at least 100 mph. It made the others look ,like they were driving on a 30 mph village street. Now I do not know about you,, but I could have looked twice for this creep in my rear view mirror and not seen him, changed a lane..and probably would not have realized what hit me!

I would have reported it via 911.but by the time I would have talked to the operator- at 100 mph..this guy would have been miles down the road.

Sure motorcycles save tons of fuel, some feel they are fun, and motorcycles take up less space… but just because they go super fast does not mean you should stretch it out to the limit. My God… in a car you would not survive a crash at that speed… these dudes have NOTHING protecting them. There were cars in both lanes, he was sharing lanes- zipping around the people before they were able to react.

As I am shaking my head about this total idiot… the news came on …3 !!!!! people were in motorcycle crashes overnight and last evening….all related to speed and at least one to drinking too.

Way back when I was a pup…. back when all cameras had film, and it had to be developed.. I was 18 at the time….I worked in a photo lab.. We processed the photos for the sheriffs department. These were rush jobs..as the investigators needed them for their reports… well  my job was processing, printing and cutting all the fatal accident photos. Gruesome… yes… did I see images that have stayed in my mind… ( well it has been 40 years and they are still there..) but the most bothersome was the motorcycle fatalities. The people did not have a prayer…. some were their fault..some were others.

So YES.. we need to be aware there are very narrow vehicles sharing the road… BUT darn it folks… give us a chance to see you !!. These creeps who do not believe anything will happen as they are zooming at 100 + mpr— even at 75 mpr—- they need to park it… go back to the tricycle….

you should all look like this guy—photo from google images….

( yeah the one with pedals..no motors). The smart…safe drivers… I am watching for you…. the jerks… it is hard when I can not see you..only a dot flying by…

OK… this is me climbing off the pulpit for the night…. going to take my shower…. As always… love … Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and moment of embarrassment…

I was reminded of a rather embarrassing time a few years back , when I chose this photo to be my desk top on my home computer.

It is funny how various life events are lodged in our emotions somewhere… snuggled up in cob webs of yester-year..and than poof. something wipes the webs away..and the emotion wakes up..BOOM!

This is in Bar Harbor Maine. We had walked out on this dock and we were admiring this restaurant.The windows were all along a section with table that looked out on the pier.

It was quite quaint..quite unique..so in we went for dinner. We get in there, they asked how many.. ( I love that—there are 2 of you standing there and they ask how many…) We said 2. So they brought us back to the area that looked over the pier.. See the tables were meant for 2…and do not order much food!..There was not much room on the table.

So we ordered drinks… they came..the waiter asked what we would like… I asked if the salad or pasta dishes were prepared separate from the seafood… he looked at me and said”Why do you ask?” My response was I am pretty allergic to fish… and can not eat anything with fish on it. ( He acted like I was the only person in the world with a fish allergy..) Now perhaps Bar Harbor Maine—at a restaurant on a pier..is not the place for a fish allergy person to go…. Off he went…. he was gone for what seemed like an eternity… than he comes back and said the chef has asked us to leave. That they do not want to serve us.

First I thought he was joking.. I am like Ha Ha Ha..waiting for a smirk….…. but he was not smiling… he was kind of looking uncomfortable but standing firm on his words… so what we had sipped from our soda was the extent of the meal… They told us we could go without paying…

So with my head down.. feeling really embarrassed, I walked out with Mark… Now there is not a lot of hopping places in Bar Harbor at 9ish..so we headed back to the hotel and 1/2 way there we  found a pizza shop…. It was the best pizza and they kept fish separate from the other stuff!!!!!!

And as I look back..if they could not promise they did not mix fish with all their other foods… well it was better to be told that than to stop breathing there… Yeah I am sure Mark would rather look at this picture and remember us being asked to leave… than remember them removing my body from there..

After all these years though.I am still feeling a little embarrassed….Time to tuck those emotions back… stretch out the cob webs and move on… Life… unpredictable..but worth every darn minute of it. Love Mrs justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and hanging on to the moments of life

hmmm WHAT TO DO? We are having some friends over Saturday night, people we do not get to see very much at all.People who we enjoy being with every time we are together… I was wondering when the last time we were all together.. Ya know I think it has been a couple years. The sad thing is that we live maybe 20 minutes from each other.

So I am wondering what I will make for dinner. I have an idea but I have not made a solid decision yet. It just has made me think about how we can not make up minutes we lose, times we have lost, meetings we never did.

Wow, thinking about my life, my family, my friends, my age… just is kind of humbling. I look at the calendar and it is already April. Wasn’t it just the first day of 2012 yesterday? I feel like life is a treadmill… going faster and faster.. What are the things that we are missing while the treadmill takes us faster and faster through day, weeks and years.

I am not sure how we can not lose moments, lose precious time. I get home from work and I am busy doing stuff… go to bed and get up the next day and do it again. Before I know it another week is gone…5 days gone—and really no meeting with people who mean so much to me, to us.

Tonight we did STOP and took  some time to have coffee with the friends we normally  have Sat breakfast with.This couple and us—we do stay in touch with one another.  As everyone was sitting there..the guys talking and joking with each other…making their silly innuendos… enjoying the time together… Pat and I watching them as they sunk to adolescent levels of humor intermittently…  it made me realize how precious each of these moments are.

I have had times in my life when people have left my life—by death, by relocation, by situations…. and there are things I never said—times we never shared,    moments that I have lost the opportunity to share with them.

So Saturday night is a night to really enjoy spending time with these friends of our…. I want it to be a special time. HMMMM… I am leaning towards pecan chicken dinner…. I made it one other time and it was delicious.

Than my next goal will be to have a family dinner here in the future…. just because… not wait for a holiday… a just because time…nothing fancy, but time to get together and just enjoy our family….We need to do this more.

Love to all, cherish each moment, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and the lonely man

As the day turns to dark… what goes through your mind?

As the day ends, do you feel blessed to have just come through the day, or regrets for a day that has passed?

On my way in today there was a contest on the radio. This man called, he sounded rather monotone—he had a deep voice, spoke slow and clear. He won the contest and the station has what they refer to as “a shout” , where the contestant can say something to someone or a group of people… people say hi to spouses, or co workers, or kids, or maybe a group they are a part of…. and they offered him a “Shout” …. silence…. the radio personalities asked him if he was still there… and he said yep… than they were kinda pep talking to him for his chance to “shout out”..and he said ..”I have no family… I have no friends…I have no one…. “ The radio guy and gal did not know what to say….it was one of those moments when words do not come….out of the darkness of the awkward silence the man said “I will shout out to everyone trying to make the world a better place.”

I wonder if this person had just recently become all alone in the world..or has it been for a very long time. Did he have a big family..or was he an only child? He did not sound like he had activities outside of the home…. he sounded truly alone. I felt so bad for this person….

And than I thought about many of us…. how many of us would be in the same situation on the bumpy road of life. Those people who live their life with one person, their every move and breath feels at times it is for the other person, and in a blink of an eye—you can be alone. I know a lady who is recently widowed…they had no children…it was them..He had kids from a previous marriage who are all grown up and have places other than here to be.. and I wonder about how she feels as the daylight turns to darkness… She has a strong faith, she believes in God and in the wonders of life beyond here… but she has asked we not ask her too much about how she is..she is trying to heel the pain from the loss….

When my mom became a widow—she had just given birth to her 6th child..so I do not think she had time to feel the darkness the way I think this woman might be.

Life is what we make it… but sometimes I think it becomes overwhelming—exhausting—to make it anything but lonely.

Love to all…

I hope you have at least one somebody in your life… Mrs Justa alias Cindy 

Technorati Tags: loneliness,life,alone,people,choices,challenges,dealing