An Example of “Actions Speak Louder Then Words”

Continuing to reflect on things I learned in my younger years. I keep thinking about endless talking, and that when I was much younger- ( 5 1/2 yrs old) my parents would often tell me that I was talking a bit too much. I guess I talked until I was asleep. In fact mom used to tell me as a child she knew when I was sleeping because it got quiet.

That all changed after an incident when I was 5 1/2. I remember that house in Skaneateles, the big brick house with lousy water. Well the owner of the home arranged for repairing the well/water issue. It was very common to be able to just go out and play without a parent feeling like they had to be right out there. My mom was in the house with the my younger brothers and I think my sisters were inside too, I definitely don’t remember them out with me.

My “entertainment” outside was the “well man”. I remember it was kinda warm out and I was hanging out with him, thinking we were having a great time. I asked him questions, stood close by to watch, yeah I thought we were doing the stuff together. That was until he asked me if I could quiet down some, then he told me pretty strongly to stop talking.

Oh I would run off for a bit, but returned to see what he was doing. He had various equipment and I remember a 55 gallon drum filled with water too. To this day I am not sure the whole reason for the drum filled with water, but it was part of the well repair.

I ran back to the site he was at, and talking as I tended to do, and all of the sudden he grabbed me, he said he warned me for the last time, then he grabbed my ankles and submerged me upside down in the barrel of water. His intent was not to drown me, but to , I guess, stop my endless chatter. I remember opening my eyes, the water was cold and it was very dark in the barrel. I am sure it was for only a few seconds, but those seconds have left a memory that I am confident will never leave me.

As soon as he put me on the ground, my wet hair dangling in my tear-filled face, I ran like crazy to the house. Crying my eyes out, sobbing and scared. My mom heard me crying and came to the door as I entered the hallway, she asked me what happened, I told her that that man dunked me in the barrel of water. She asked me why, and I sobbed saying I talked too much.

She did go out and say something to him, but no words, no actions, could heal that moment from my mind. Often as I have grown up, people ask me to converse with them, people ask me what am I thinking, people want me to get in a long conversation, but it is something I just can not do. After that dunking, I really do not think I every rattled on again, not like before the dunking. And I left the man alone for the rest of the time too!

I don’t know why it keeps surfacing to the present in my mind but it does. Maybe by jotting it down, maybe that will help it seal itself up in a area in the back of my mind. Most recently it surfaced as I was singing some songs yesterday and the day before, and it made me think that songs bring out thoughts in my soul, they are words I can sing, words I can feel, and somehow way back in my subconscious, it is not talking all the time , as the words make the songs.

The posts on this blog give me a safe way to bring out words too. It is just strange how actions, once they are done, they can’t be taken back. And the result of an action can sometimes change a person for a short time, and sometimes for life.

One of the things I always try to remember, is an action, or a word said—once they are done, they are no longer able to be taken back. That man, he was wrong to do what he did, and his actions… well it saved many people from being exposed to my endless need to talk, but it also took away a part of me. I am sure he is no longer on this earth, and I often wonder if he felt bad after he did that, or if it even left any impression on him. I also wonder what my mom said to him.

Those things I will never know. What I do know is no matter how hard I try to have conversations, I just don’t talk a lot. And that is just how I am, so it is okay. I just had to jot it down, to remind me that actions are not retrievable…

Until later- take care, be kind, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

A Journey Into Serenity

A couple weeks ago we took a journey to the mountains, and we came across this English Pub in the middle of nowhere . A place names M.O.K. alias Man Of Kent. It wasn’t on a busy city street, nope, it was in Hoosick Falls, NY ,on a high hill, above a river. This quaint pub seemed like that special place where people come to meet up with friends,  where many knew each other’s name. We were amazed with all the special memorabilia that hung on all the ceilings and walls. There were tee shirts, banners, sport items, hats, tools, post cards, the list goes on and on, each having memory, a meaning to someone.
Our meal was good, the staff very friendly, and the atmosphere was welcoming. The place was like watching a number of small one act plays as people chatted, laughed, and seemed to love being there, letting any worries stay outside the door.

This was followed by a few beautiful days of staying in an old country inn; by traveling and relaxing in the serenity one can get from mountains; by seeking out a few covered bridges; by traveling on country mountain roads that curved back and forth as if to follow the path of the wide winding creeks, and by enjoying rocking time away on an incredible wrap around porch ; all of these things were providing opportunities to see a calming side of life.

There is something special about the environment, something that is not felt or seen in so many places in this world. In so many towns, it was like going back to a quieter time. A time where people all cared for each other, a time where there was no place like home, family and Sunday dinners. Sure we have had great advancements as time has gone on, but we have a society that in many ways has lost the need to talk to one another- face to face. We can shoot a text , post on a social media page, and label people “friends” on face book-and yet many of our “friends” we might not even recognize if they walked by us on the street.

In these quaint towns, I did not long for social media, I longed for the stroll by the creek with Mark, the conversations as we were rocking on the porch, the attempt to breath in the beauty that surrounded us.
It reminded me that we need to keep our opinions and judgements in our minds and not on our tongues ( or shouted out through our keyboards and fingertips) . There is so much more in relationships that go beyond the current events. We need to let people have their opinion, and not boast about their beliefs . We need to leave out ultimatums, like  “if you don’t think like me, than I have nothing to say ” , or ” I only want to talk about what I want to talk about “. We need to listen. We need to be kind, to be honest, to respect others and to be accountable, caring and accepting. Life is short, there are no guarantees, so in the time we have on this earth, we need to appreciate the beauty of serenity, the softness of the heart, and all the blessings that surround us.

With love and hope for more times like these,

Until later… Mrs Justa alias, Cindy

 

Balance of Life

Life is a balancing act, a balance between good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor, darkness and light, old and young, pass and fail, truth and lies. The list goes on and on. What made me think about this was the snow and ice.  Snowflakes are so tiny, yet one by one they lay on this slightly pointed post, one by one balancing ever so carefully to create this mound of snow. Everything was balanced in this event to make this happen. Had the wind whipped around, the snowflakes would have lost their hold. When the sun beats down on this, they will change their individual form, lose balance and this will no longer be.

Balancing in life, it is like ice on branches, it is not a guarantee that everything will balance to create beautiful artwork, one that comes and goes in a short period of time. But while it is happening everything balanced out, to make it happen, The right temperature, the speed the temperature went from warmer to freezing, the angle of the branch at that moment.

Life is like that. As we age, we are literally and figuratively balancing ourselves and life. Things we might have been able to do without even a second thought, well they get more thought now. Like walking in the snow, if we fell down as a child, it was laughing and pop right back up, sometimes before anyone saw us. Now if we were to fall, it is sitting there for a minute, thinking if everything feels in the same place now that it was before the fall, looking around to see if anyone saw you, and doing some pretty weird movements and contortions to get up on our feet again. Hence, falling is not an option.

Money and things we purchase, again a balancing act.

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Instead of buying something just because, we carefully determine the worth of the item and do we NEED it. We pack up things we know we no longer need or do not use or ever intend to use again, and we respect what we have. We look for the best price and think before purchasing. We balance the item or service and weigh it against reality. We are doing okay with that, it is different though. I remember in my 30s or 40s, we might just redecorate a room because we had not, replace linens, towels, get stuff to get stuff. Now we think about why do we want to do it.

Working around the house, again we balance what our minds think we can do, and what our minds and hearts know is realistic. I have an older brother and he and his wife had been pretty independent with their home and upkeep, yet they came to the realization that having someone mow or plow snow is smarter than trying to do it all. We look at tasks that we might have done without a second thought, and we may determine certain things are best hired out to do. Right now we are still able to do pretty much everything on the day to day things. We hope to be that way for years to come. But things like shaping the cedar bushes, and getting up on the roof, well those are not things we will probably do on our own.

Travel, again this is something we balance, we weigh out the various factors and think about it. We are not worldly travelers, and we have a camp/ travel membership that through the working years was not easy to use some of its perks. Now we can at least look at the perks and when everything aligns, we might take off for a small trip using one of the benefits of the travel type memberships. See sometimes the best options are for places that are not booked for a week in the near future. In the world of employment, it is not possible to tell our work that next week we won’t be working because we are taking off for a few days. Yeah, that would not go over too well. But now, we can, we balance our dollars, we budget some for travel, and every once in a while we might take advantage of these offers.

Yes , life is a balancing act, and we need to accept sometimes it is easy to not be balanced, so move slowly through life, know that we have to have opposites, no matter what the issue is, what the moment is, what is happening. And like those snowflakes fluffy on that post, they are very balanced right this minute, but it is not forever… in a moment things can change.  Rules to life are kinda like driving a vehicle, use your mirrors, stay alert, look around you, do not focus on one thing, take a break and analyze where you are, and know that none of us can predict every second of our lives.

Life holds no guarantees, each day is a blessing, each breath should not be taken for granted. May your steps be well thought out, may you always know the balance happens, life is a balance between opposites, there will be wonderful times and not so wonderful times, the balancing of each is so important, it keeps us in check.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

Life 5 months into Retirement

Retirement is a time that I thought of at times, yet never thought it was going to happen. Kind of like when I was in my teens and the age of 50 seemed like a number, a number floating around but not one I would ever get to any time soon, it was WAY off the vision of things that are real and tangible. Now I look at the age of 50 in the rearview mirror of my life. Poof, it is somewhere back there in the dust.

Now it is analyzing, looking at retirement. Oh the visions of what retirement is, and the thoughts of it, some were very much like what it has been thus far for me. For many moments there are things we could do, floating in the air, just waiting for us to grab one and make it happen.

But one thing, one thing that seems to be a “deja-vu” type experience is not having a set schedule where I have to daily be ready for a commitment, for a job. When I was employed, there is a contract of sorts that I made with the employer. Work starts at a certain time, breaks are under certain rules, lunches have to be between a certain time, and work is done at a certain time. The expectations needed to be met, because I wanted to continue to work at the job. I am not complaining about working at all. There was not one employment opportunity I regret, I loved what I did, no matter where it was or the responsibility.

The “deja-vu” type experience I am reflecting on was for those few very years I was a stay at home wife/ and mom. From 1980 to 1984 I had that experience. The first 2 years I was a stay at home wife, and even though I did not work outside the home, I was helping where I could during my hours of being there alone by helping with the continuous home improvements we were doing. And in March of 1982, for the next 2 1/2 years in addition to helping on the house, I was blessed with being a mom of Jeff. Those years were totally amazing, along with being his mom 24/7, I worked on the house stuff too. Life has no guarantees and I was now a single mom,  employment became a necessity for me. See What I found was even though I no longer was with Jeff from daylight to darkness, because I had a job, I needed to enjoy and focus on Jeff in set timeframes. And low and behold, I found our time together was more quality time, more apparent that every second together was a blessing, and never taken as the norm.

In retirement it is the same thing, there are a lot of things on my virtual list, but I do not set a schedule to do them around commitments of work. So I find myself needing to remind myself about doing them more, as time is not the issue it was working 5 days a week. It is weird, it seems like retirement could easily lead to a life of good intentions, a procrastination fertile field.  I am fighting it, yet it is easy to realize it is weeks later and that one phone call or visit to a friend had not happened yet.

Thank goodness I am a list person, and that I have a husband who loves me for who I am, lists and all. I have not a clue how I would be if my list capabilities were somewhere other then in my here and now. I think that what is important changes too. I used to have a list and follow it to a tee, now my list is more lax, and I might do the 7th thing before the 2nd thing.  Like maybe Tuesday will be the day this week we go get groceries. Maybe tonight will be a night to TV binge-watch something, instead of being in a set schedule.

Retirement opens doors too, where we can say what the heck, we look at each other and agree that Weds. the weather looks doable, – let’s see if the kennel has room for Miss Riley, and if so…. heck let’s grab a set of clothes and go check out Niagara Falls, go to an aquarium, the zoo,  the Adirondacks,

visit Marks mom and do an overnight, to enable us to see friends in that area. That is super nice in retirement. As we are not locked into work schedules, and seeing and going places mid-week, well it is less crowded. We do not spend a lot of money, yet we get to do things we normally would not on a weekday. We can take a day trip- go up to a park, or the lake, maybe go to town within a reasonable distance, we can enjoy the deck, we can enjoy talking over coffee with each other without time constraints, yes these things are super nice and appreciated because we have no idea how long our time left is.

My intent to post more, well I am working on that, I am working on photos and digitalizing them right now, so I pop onto a few different projects. Yes, retirement has been a positive chapter in my life, and I feel so fortunate that I am married to a person I love to be with. We can laugh together, talk for hours, enjoy a lot of the same things, and are learning its okay to enjoy different things too. Every day is a new day, every day is a gift really. I will mosey on over at times and throw in some thoughts for anyone who wants to see where my mind is.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Finding Strength And Appreciation

I can not even imagine how many times I have been given inner strength from things, places, experiences around me. Times when I realize how majestic and powerful the world is, and how I am just a speck in the whole scope of existence. Times when I am reminded how much there is to appreciate around us.

There are times when something, some action reminds me that those who have passed, those who have meant so much to me in their time on earth, that they are still around me in spirit.

For many, this may sound almost unbelievable, and for some, they may feel the same way. It is always comforting to me though. It helps me feel like all is ok no matter how tough that path is at a particular time, or how enjoyable and rewarding it can be.

Seagulls to me are comforting as they bring my mom to me. In the strangest of places, sometimes in a very trying time, a seagull will appear. Sometimes there are many, but whether alone or many, one seems to carry itself to where I am and I feel mom sharing the moment, I feel comfort in knowing she is always not far away.

As I was growing up, more often than not, I found that as words leave my mouth, I have no control where the will land, they can easily go into another person’s heart. As I have aged, I am careful what I say because of that. I would rather bring peace in my words than hate or anger.

I reflect back and find comfort,  as my mom, via the seagull-  reminds me that there are always times to make the world a better place. I can hear her saying to me that it takes more muscles to smile than to frown.  That a smile costs nothing but gives so much.  I have learned through many many years and experiences in life that a smile, a simple smile, can light up the darkest moments, can make someone feel seen, if only for that brief second.

If I get all wrapped up in the hassle, the bustle of life, I may not see the seagull that has come to say hi. If I get so wrapped up in the commercialism of life, I will miss so much that can not fit in a box.

The natural parts of life on this earth are filled with hidden treasures. Filled with things that cost nothing, no checkout lines, no rush purchases online. As I begin yet another day I have been blessed to be apart of, I need to quiet my mind, listen and see those seconds of life that won’t come again. To absorb the world around, to be aware. We can look but not see, we can move but not be aware, it doesn’t change the fact that there is so much around us, it only changes the fact that we totally missed it.

My goal for today is to once again look and appreciate those moments around us, those things so easily overlooked, so easily looked at but not seen. Until later, Mrs.Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

Moments Saved in a Memory Vault

It is strange how moments stick with me, no matter how long ago they are. For moments lead to other moments, and each and every moment in life, it leads to the next.

Sometimes I wonder about why I am remembering a certain moment in the past, something triggers a door to open, a door that a memory has been tucked tightly behind. It can be a song, a tone of voice, a photo, a slide, a memoir. The lists go on and on, and before I know it, for a brief period of time I am back to that moment. Back to the emotions of the time.

I have been scanning slides from years ago, and about to scan photos from birth to now. By opening up images, it is creating avenues for those special moments, those moments that were worth capturing on film, those moments that have been locked in memory vaults. It is kinda fun, because it reminds me of how minutes, hours, days, months years can be filled with challenges, with tears with laughter,

The Road of Life

and it is okay. I felt the joy, the sadness, the adventure, the lessons learned… it is all depending on the turn in the road of life I am remembering.

I have no regrets, oh sure there are times I might have handled differently had I been older, but I constantly remind myself that each part of the journey had to be when it was to create the road of life I have traveled on. Events have created emotions of joy and heartbreak, but that is okay.

I was back in the early days of my life, in Bridgeport Conn.and literally, I became back to that time. We lived in a second-floor flat. There are so many memories I have from there, from the first 4 1/2 yrs of my life, one I will share today.

Our parents had this magazine rack of sorts. It was basket type woven and had a handle. The purpose was to hold magazines and newspapers that were to be perused by the people who were older than us in the household. But to me and my sister Pam, ( she was 1 1/2 yrs older than me) well we would sneak over to it and it became so much more. It was like a mini amusement center. A place to squirm through.

It would rock a little as we scooted from one side to the other. I can hear my mom saying to us, ” What are you two doing?” and we would innocently pretend we were not emptying it, grab a piece of paper and make it look like we were reading. But the evidence clearly showed differently.

We ended up being advised we should not do that and had to put the papers and magazines back, ( only to wait for the next opportunity to do it again). We restacked the papers, magazines, but not in the order or neatness they were in before we started.

That magazine holder, I remember it survived quite a few moves and kids. I know it made it into the last house we lived in Bayberry, but I really think it is probably long gone by now. And it is weird, to this very second, I can smirk over it, over those feelings of sneaking, and the feelings of trying to be quiet so mom would not know what we were up to.

Ah… moments in time. Just love them. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

Life Without a Work Schedule

As I wake up each morning the slate is clean, the sun is rising, the coffee brewing, and this moment is a new moment, one ready for coloring. How will today go? I constantly feel thankful for the moment I am in, as it is a gift, a blessing.

I believe that life needs to be planned somewhat, but there is a balance of living today, and not so focused on tomorrow that today was not really lived. The world is unpredictable, life is unpredictable, and time is very easily wasted.

Mark and I have different likes and also similar likes. We are learning how to balance these in a day to day world of not working. In all my working years I had to have days for special things that were plugged in to stretch chores out and not get slam basted on Saturday. Like Wednesday nights were grocery nights, Tuesday was towel changing day, Thursday was change the sheets day, Friday nights were when I took time to thoroughly clean counters, appliances and Saturday was the floor day. ( Vacuum / sweep/ wash) . And very important to me is Sunday Church service. That left sunsets in some weekday evenings able to chase, and our weekends we had pretty free to do whatever.

Now any day can be dedicated to anything,

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as I am not committed to set hours to fulfill a work schedule. It gives me a sense of AHHHH, instead of having my mind remind me as I wake up each morning what day of the week it is, and what is the chore for the evening.

I LOVE housework!!! I LOVE laundry!!!!, I LOVE mowing the grass and shoveling snow.  It is funny because some people do not understand that at all. What I find myself doing now is feeling kind of unregimented in my schedule and not even knowing what day of the week it is. So in my mind, each day, I may decide to take a portion of the day and do a section of my weekly list of to-dos. Mark does the vacuuming and we are trying to make that on the floor/ dust day. Whatever that day is on any given week. He always offers and says he would do more too, but I truly love the feeling when it is done! So while I am flitting here and there and doing the various chores, he can do stuff he enjoys.

I think often what makes it important to me to make sure I have these things done and I think it is because it is comforting to feel organized and that our house is clean. It is also for me, so important to know that no matter who or when a person was to knock on the door , need to come in, or just arrive as a pop-in visit, that I am not feeling uncomfortable because the house is disorganized or not clean. It is just me.

As a teenager I literally remember if mom knew we were about to have out of town guests arriving in a week or so, it became organization marathon. Being a widow, with 6 children in the home from toddlers to teenagers, and her working a full-time job, she was focused on life and not the house. I do not fault her on it, I just remember how things were, and in my mind made memory post-its on how, no matter what life threw at me, I would be able to avoid the cleaning, washing, organizing and frantic marathon.

Fortunately for me, Mark understands my love for these chores and it just fits our life like a well-tailored suit. He too enjoys a clean house and together I believe it is comfortable for us to be in. Our todays are not obsessed with being locked up in the house cleaning and such, instead, it is in segments, so our todays can have so many open options for what the next minute will bring.

AS I get ready to step into the next moment of TODAY, as the road of today lies ahead….I will grab my shower and off to church. We will for sure go to the YMCA at some point today, and I am about to put a Spanish rice casserole in the crockpot for mid-afternoon. We will have some “deck time” I am sure, and……………. before we know it, the moments of today, those moments not yet filled, will be part of our life history.

I hope you enjoy your today moments, Until later, Mrs Justa, alias Cindy

 

 

Lying

I remember a very long time ago, a time when my mom was helping me each step along the way as she taught wrong and right. At a very young age, I found that I should fess up with the things I had done. At the age of 4 ( almost 5)  is when I remember a lie I told. We were at a new house in a new state. The house sat atop a hill, and the driveway up to the house ( at least in my 4 yr old impression) was like a mountain road.

The driveway had 2 openings, as there was a hill on the property, so if you were coming from one direction, there was an entrance as you crested the hill, and coming from the other direction you could enter the loop driveway before the top of the hill.

I was a child who was blessed with having a stay at home mom. Which also meant I was a child who did not know life being away from mom. It was my first day of getting the bus for kindergarten. Mom had a toddler in the house. So I had the responsibility to walk down the driveway and wait for a bus. We had had a dry run before that day, and I remember mom taking me down the driveway pretending it was my first day. Now it was me and the bus, and my mom watching from a window.

I remember being frightened and scared, but not letting mom know that.

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I was going to get on this bus, and not be with my mom, I remember fighting back tears. AS the bus was seen from afar- way down Rte 20, I remember seeing a tree, a pine type tree. And in a moments notice, my body took off and hid in the welcoming arms ( branches) of the tree.

Mom saw the bus stop and assumed I had gotten on it. I did not. When the bus left, I remember crying, cuz I knew I should have gotten on it, yet I was too scared to. So I unwrapped myself from the protecting branches of the tree, and trudged up the driveway and went in the house.

Mom was not pleased, and I was crying. I told her the bus would not wait for me.

This was lesson one on lying… she kept grilling me in her oh so gentle fashion until I finally went into a sobbing mode and confessed what I did. It was then, once I could absorb her wisdom and lesson in life #5000, ‘ the lesson was that we should not lie. If we are caught in a lie, we end up with people never believing us, or having a less then pure trust of us. ( I have to admit, I did have to be taught that lesson a few times more in my very young years) but I learned that I should always face every situation truthfully and right on.

For this incident, well I delayed my first day of kindergarten by a day. Mom called the bus garage and spoke to someone and explained what I had done,  and mom walked me to the bus stop the next day, a toddler in one hand and a 4 yr old child in the other hand, and she spoke to the bus driver, and from then on. I was a kindergartener bussed to school. The bus driver was so nice to me, let me sit close to the front, as I knew no one and even was new to our house and the town.

Mom was wise, she did trial runs with me, and she felt confident I would be okay, I realize that. I think she herself was surprised to see that all she thought would go smoothly, well I had a plan of my own.

Lesson eventually learned, be honest, be trustworthy, and know that every action has a reaction, every word, every motion, there is a cause and effect. That choices we make are just that, choices WE make. We own our emotion, we own how things make us feel.

So as I am about to enter a new day, a new weekend, I say… Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

Life and feeling positive

Today is the birthday of a woman who has a special place in my heart. She is a woman I call “mom2”. a woman I do not think I ever have seen without a smile on her face, no matter what. She is a woman who has enriched so many lives in her days on this earth, a woman I have admired since I first met her many many years ago. She used to laugh at my craziness, give me advise when I needed it, never judged me and never made me feel anything but respected, understood and loved.

This made me start to ponder. Life is something we have, it is here , it is now. What do you love in life? Not what obstacles are on your path, but what do you love about life? I can get weighed down with all the negative bits of life, or I can focus on the positive things. I chose each day to focus on what brings me peace, helps my soul to smile, and my heart to feel full.

I totally love my faith and belief in things I know are, but I can not prove it. I love my husband, I love my family, I love to take pictures, I love to sing, I totally love cleaning the house, the smell of fresh laundry, fresh cut lawns and freshly baked bread. I love my truly good friends, helping a child explore the world,  and reading to a child. I like to cook, I like to take walks, I like to look for things that are all around us, but we often do not see. I love walking in the rain, I feel blessed when I see a rainbow. I loved being a mom, I love the plans in my head.  I love spring and sunsets, and being on a mountain top. Going to sleep with the sounds of the ocean slapping the sandy shore.

Every day is one day closer to the next chapter in life, and one day further from the first chapter in life. What tomorrow will be, I am not going to let myself worry about it, instead, I focus on what today is. I am humbled by peoples kindness, and try to turn away from people’s negativity. We need to not get so wrapped up stuff, that we lose focus of the todays.

So today, I hope that you find a burst of positivity, a sunray , actually see a rain drop, I hope you find goodness.

Enjoy life, and turn any darkness into brightness.  Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Mom

This morning I read a passage in Matthew, “Come to me all who are burdened, and I will give you rest.” That is pretty heavy, extremely comforting and inspiring.

It made me think of life, and of Mother’s Day, and about my Mom. Those 3 letters mean more than words can ever express. Mom, a person who was there always, as I aged, she never was not there, she never once turned away from me, she never once made me feel anything but worthy, special and even in the worse times as I grew up, she was my rock.

She tackled incredible odds, and raised 7 children, ( as my sister Karen was only 7 when mom married dad. She had times in her life where she was faced with tough times, and through it all, if I ever needed that pillar to hold me up, if I ever needed wisdom, if I ever was in the darkest areas of life, she was a beacon, and when I focused on that light in the darkness, when I set my compass on that light, It was Mom waving the lantern of life, she was there.

Now I can not always say she had approval for situations, however she had strength and a way to teach lessons, a way to help me find the next step to take. SHe had times often of “tough love” wherein situations I would have liked to run from, she stood next to me and helped me face them

Mom had the ability to let “things go” that were material; that were “busy jobs” and tasks, and could shuffle the clutter of life and make time for me ( for us). Dishes, vacuuming, laundry, organizing would never have priority over time needed to talk, to support to inspire. There never was a time when she did not have time to put the tea kettle on, brew some cups of tea, and share a cookie and her unending, uncanny ability to enrich my life.

There were many winding paths, many of life intersections where there were too many choices of which direction to turn, and many special moments that meant so much to share, she was the person I knew would always be there. And it is so comforting to know….

She is still here, her spirit lives within the precious moments of my life, and way to often I do not stop to think more about how incredible she was, so this morning, as her spirit is filling my heart, my soul, I say Happy Mother’s Day Mom, without you … well, I would not be. Happy Mother’s Day Mom,  Until later, Mrs Justa alias CIndy

 

Worry

I have heard in the past, actually my whole life, and read this little piece of wisdom this morning on worrying.

We need to focus on the now, for if we are worrying about the future, about things that may or may not happen, we are burning our todays, we are wasting those precious moments on our walk through life.

I can be a worrier, I can be a person who is looking at different scenarios trying to prepare for things that never may happen.

I am much better now than I was years ago, but it is so easy to get sucked into the worry vortex. Now I believe there is a part of life where we need to think about the consequences of actions we do, things we say. So I am not proposing to go charge our credit cards to the max and spend to the max today, because we know on the scheduled billing day of the month that bill will be here.

I am thinking about the worries of things we have no idea even if they will ever come to be.

Photo by Northwoods Murphy on Pexels.com

There are so many folks who now, (because of the ease of social media, of 24 hr news talk shows, of  podcasting and YouTubing— )not only have they taken the worry talent to a new level for them, but they share the worrying with anyone who hears, reads or sees their public presentation of negative/ worry stuff.

As they predict the doomsday type scenarios, the dark maybes of the future, what they are doing is totally wasting the moments we are facing now. Life is never guaranteed to have no problems, no heartaches, no losses. There is a difference in knowing every moment will not be sunshine and lollipops and rainbows…. and worrying about those moments when the darkness seems to engulf us.

So once again, I am reminded to be still, to enjoy this moment, and stand tall, knowing when the not so good stuff happens, it is just a part of life. Bad times only pave the way to better times. We need to look towards the light, in those seemingly darker moments. Worrying does nothing but rob us of our moments in time, our moments to see the light.                                   Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Lessons Learned

Last weekend Mark got the mower out and hooked the trailer to it. We have a corner lot, and that mean 2 sides of the property are a roadway. The very determined plow folks like to make sure the road is wide enough and that means they sometimes get a little overzealous in widening it, they do this by taking our edges and gouging them into mounds of sand, sod, and ugliness. Fortunately, they came and fixed the worse side.

We went out to handle the side not done. We work together, that way we can complement each other on things we can do and things we can no longer do. Now my part, weel it is not that it is things not to be done, but after a long few months of winter, the old lower back muscles were awakened rather abruptly, and I ended up with a pretty significant lower right back discomfort. The kind that makes one walk like the floor is squeaky and you don’t want to make noise.

The muscular discomfort ( alias PAIN) also makes changing positions rather interesting, had my manuevers from going from sitting to standing, had they been filmed, I think one would think the replay was shot in SLOW Motion. One gets kind of creative the days following an over strenuous activity. Every movement is a result of very careful planning and consideration.

Thursday- was the day it seemed like I was on the final path to being my old self- it still ached to stand for long periods of time, but it was better than Monday for sure.

I got out of bed normally, it was 6AM and went in to get my shower. I was being ever so quiet, as Mark and Riley were still sleeping. After my shower my routine for this week has been to roll on a pain relief liquid, it really works well. I had experimented a few ways in the past couple days- like rolling it into my hand, and then spreading it on the sore area, rolling it while standing up. Neither worked great.

I had a solution. I would bend over and that way my back would be horizontal and not vertical. yeah, that is the ticket.

(Here comes the public service warning ) DO not try this at home, actually, do not try this ANYWHERE. AS I applied the stuff, I was so pleased with myself, I got the area perfect. I stand up straight, yeah I got the spot. I put on my shirt, and start to pull up my pants and a strange sensation took over.

The pain med had run down into the crack of my butt. And that did anything but relieve pain. Oh, I did not feel my back pain anymore because I was quietly trying to not fall over, pants halfway up, and I think I lept a height I had never achieved in my whole lifetime! I mean straight up, like an Apollo launch. Wow, that was not in my plan.

I needed to stop and figure out how to undo this rather intense feeling.

In the end, no pun intended- I did survive, I did not wake up Mark and Riley, and if there is a hole in our ceiling from me taking flight- well we might put a skylight in.

So my advice is, do not, ever, try too bend over and put a roll on pain relief on your back.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Taking Time to Just Be

Springtime, it is like a reward for making through the darker days, the cold and blowing snow, the chilly nights and cracked skin. Winters are a lot of work, a lot of endurance, and every single year it feels like Springtime is our prize for enduring the previous 4-5 months.

Slowly as we turn the clocks ahead, as we have more light in our days, I slowly feel like I too come into a rebirth. I feel more alive if that makes any sense. I am not a depressed person, however, my mood is lower ebb as the winters continue to go on and on.

As the warmed evenings come to be, so do evening watching of sunsets, and coffee on the deck, and being able to sit and watch the water.

Today I left a tad early for church because we were looking for a  replacement ring for us to use on our patio glass table top. The one that came with the table had cracked after being in the sun for 2 seasons. So I wanted to check a few hardware stores on the way. After my journey was successful, I went over to the water, camera in hand, because I had some time before church.

I like to sit and contemplate on nothing, in particular, it is more of a recharging of my soul. I am always amazed as how many blessings are laid in front of us if we just look. A time to reflect on the previous minutes day and months of life. As I sat there I had a “friend” arrive, some living being that trusted me…

As I looked at this Canadian goose, as I looked at its face, its eyes, I wondered, do they think about life. What do other creatures “think” about. What are they pondering? Do they ponder? He ( or she) just stayed there, looking like it was contemplating something. Or was it recharging its soul, as I was mine? Was it wondering if humans ponder?

I think it is important to take time in our day to stop and be, to just be. Oh, the hectic lives that everyone has, the many opportunities that can fill our days, our nights, our every second of existence— they can take us away from just being.

My wish for you is to remember to just be still for a few moments a day- stop and observe what unfolds before your eyes, take a short walk, sit on a park bench, stare are the trees, the sky, at the water,  at raindrops, at snowflakes, sunrises or sunsets, at whatever is where you are at. Give yourself permission to absorb the world around you. It really is refreshing, regenerating and a gift you can give yourself for nothing, a gift that is worth everything.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy