An Important Reminder of My Journey

From Teenage to Retirement

I was warm-heartedly reminded yesterday of a long section of my life’s journey. Life is what you make of it. Oh, it has sad times, heart-wrenching times, tough times, challenges, successes, trials, losses, and wins..but no matter what happens in life, it is how we handle it.

Yesterday was my 69th birthday, and it is hard to believe I am 69 yrs old. As the day progressed, on my Facebook page I received special birthday greetings, each one from someone who I have laughed with, talked with, shared special moments with, and created memories with. I received some calls, and texts from family and friends. This photo represents some of the stops along the journey where some of these people shared the same path on our journeys of life. In addition to these road signs, there are places I lived, family, and the church I attend not represented in this photo, but they are all a part of my life journey.

I can’t even begin to explain the heart-warming this brought- family, teachers, my Pastor, mentors, co-workers, neighbors, and friends, all are people who truly mean something to me, people who helped me be who I am. And I guess I felt this because it opened so many memories of times that I have shared with each of these people. Ya kind of know those times are there, but it’s like they are in the back vault of my mind at times. And seeing the people’s comments, that they took a moment to say Hi, well it unlocked the vault and reminded me of all the stops along the journey of life.

No matter where I worked, or who I shared time with, I was remembering the love of working in various roles in nursing, remembering various experiences in life: and in each moment I made it a point to make it the best each and every day. Yes, remembering what we’ve shared brings a smile to my heart. No matter what acquaintances I have, I can look back and remember times at school, times at various places of employment, times of hard work, times when I was a stay-at-home mom, times shared with others at church, and through all the various memories there were sometimes challenges, times of fun, comfort, tears, and smiles. And in the solitude, I really have no regrets.

So I dedicate this post to all the people who have shared time with me along this road of life. I feel blessed, and thankful for so much.

Until later, take care… Mrs Justa alias CIndy

 

A Journey Into Serenity

A couple weeks ago we took a journey to the mountains, and we came across this English Pub in the middle of nowhere . A place names M.O.K. alias Man Of Kent. It wasn’t on a busy city street, nope, it was in Hoosick Falls, NY ,on a high hill, above a river. This quaint pub seemed like that special place where people come to meet up with friends,  where many knew each other’s name. We were amazed with all the special memorabilia that hung on all the ceilings and walls. There were tee shirts, banners, sport items, hats, tools, post cards, the list goes on and on, each having memory, a meaning to someone.
Our meal was good, the staff very friendly, and the atmosphere was welcoming. The place was like watching a number of small one act plays as people chatted, laughed, and seemed to love being there, letting any worries stay outside the door.

This was followed by a few beautiful days of staying in an old country inn; by traveling and relaxing in the serenity one can get from mountains; by seeking out a few covered bridges; by traveling on country mountain roads that curved back and forth as if to follow the path of the wide winding creeks, and by enjoying rocking time away on an incredible wrap around porch ; all of these things were providing opportunities to see a calming side of life.

There is something special about the environment, something that is not felt or seen in so many places in this world. In so many towns, it was like going back to a quieter time. A time where people all cared for each other, a time where there was no place like home, family and Sunday dinners. Sure we have had great advancements as time has gone on, but we have a society that in many ways has lost the need to talk to one another- face to face. We can shoot a text , post on a social media page, and label people “friends” on face book-and yet many of our “friends” we might not even recognize if they walked by us on the street.

In these quaint towns, I did not long for social media, I longed for the stroll by the creek with Mark, the conversations as we were rocking on the porch, the attempt to breath in the beauty that surrounded us.
It reminded me that we need to keep our opinions and judgements in our minds and not on our tongues ( or shouted out through our keyboards and fingertips) . There is so much more in relationships that go beyond the current events. We need to let people have their opinion, and not boast about their beliefs . We need to leave out ultimatums, like  “if you don’t think like me, than I have nothing to say ” , or ” I only want to talk about what I want to talk about “. We need to listen. We need to be kind, to be honest, to respect others and to be accountable, caring and accepting. Life is short, there are no guarantees, so in the time we have on this earth, we need to appreciate the beauty of serenity, the softness of the heart, and all the blessings that surround us.

With love and hope for more times like these,

Until later… Mrs Justa alias, Cindy

 

Life Holds No Guarantees…

How would you act if this was the last time you were going to see someone or something? How would you feel if you knew your days were for sure limited to just a few more? How would you talk , if you knew those were the last words heard from you? I ask this as I ponder over a photo from October 2019.

The photo is of my sister. She had fought a long journey with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and knowing her chemo was no longer helping, she chose to stop it and let her numbered days be as cherished as they could be.

One thing she wanted to do was see Niagara Falls one more time. The first night they arrived at the hotel she was in terrible pain and none of the 4 of us were sure she would feel up to the few block journey to the falls. But the next morning she was feeling stronger and in less pain, so we went to the falls.

For a very very long time, she just soaked in the beauty, the dramatic sight of the power of the water, the mist on her face, and the beauty. She was reminded of a special time she and Tim spent there years ago, and she was reminded how much she loved all the falls offers. She had made it to fulfill one of her one last wishes and this picture captures her as she leaned on the wall and treasured the sights and sounds .

I look at this picture frequently and I think about how that must have felt for her, knowing she was on her final leg of her journey of life on earth. I can almost feel her never wanting that time to end. It reminds me too that no one knows what might be our very last interaction, comment, experience.

It reminds me to listen before speaking, treasure the world around me. and know that life holds no guarantees.

As Karen was fulfilling a final wish, a seagull came to visit the falls, and it landed on the wall a little further down. After my mom died, there have been so many times I needed her assurance, her wisdom, and out of the Heavens a seagull appears, as if to say ” I am right here, always” As I looked at the seagull, I felt it was mom, letting Karen know she is right there, to welcome her on her journey.

How special, how fragile, how unsure, how unpredictable our time on earth is. Life holds few guarantees, there is evil, and goodness, there is sickness and uncertainties. Treat each moment as if it just might be the last, before we journey to our Home.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Treasured Moments

Life is unpredictable, it is challenging at times, it is easy to forget that life is not infinite. I sometimes look at our grandkids and realize how much life is in my rearview mirror. We had the three kids here a few weeks ago for the weekend, I loved every single second of it. This past Year and a half has been such a weird time, with a pandemic, no one seeing anyone, having to do air hugs, doing more on line ordering, grocery pick up when possible, and not spending time with those who mean so much to me.

Mark and I have spent countless hours talking, playing Yahtzee, doing games on our phone where we challenge one another, and spending time home. I wont say we are being paranoid, I kinda look at it as being cautious. Neither of us are physically fit and young, both things that make us a better risk for getting pretty sick if we were to get the virus.

So we got our vaccines once they were available and really interact with only a few people. We have a couple close friends we have spent some fun times with, and we have masks when needed and we have the term “social distancing” imbedded in our brains.

Well the weekend with the kids was a treat. Briella , Brandon and Preston are all very wonderful kids, unique in their own ways, yet they are so close to one another too. The boys love doing games with Grandpa and Briella and I tend to do stuff together . And there are times we all do stuff together.

Briella loves to help me out and it is funny how she tells me she will take care of me if I ever need help. She has a laugh that will make everyone laugh, she has dreams of the future and all that could lie ahead. She wants to always look her best, She loves warm bathes, and time to sit and talk.

This picture reminds me of her reaching to me to offer help. She is so full of smiles, life, and she has a good heart. She truly cares about others.

Brandon and Preston are both very caring kids too. Brandon being the oldest is kinda watching the other kids all the time to make sure they are behaving. He, Preston and Grandpa will play Yahtzee, Sorry, Trouble or some made up game. Listening to them laughing and enjoying each other is enough to warm the heart on a cold winter day.

Preston has a unique ability to find humor in things and some of the things he says can’t help but make us all laugh. He is witty and quick witted. He can entertain himself for hours, but loves the interaction with others. He is good at teaching things , and extremely creative. He has a mind that is always thinking and analyzing. He asks questions that can sometimes be surprising for his age, he is very affected by the world around him. He tries to keep life balanced. He loves to help out and his wanting to do things right really shows when he is working on a task. And has a great idea on when he needs to just have some down time.

Brandon is the more serious, compassionate type, and very sincere. He truly cares how he comes across. He loves life and is very quick at picking up different new things. He analyzes and has a detective type of ability. He listens and absorbs the world around him. He wants to help with projects we have going, and being a tad older he is more and more able to do more grownup type things, like he loves to mow and he snow blows for his family. He has a deep compassion for animals and for doing the right thing.

I look at time with them each as a blessing. And even though we have not shared as much time together as we used to, each time we do it is like no time was in between.

As the kids age, there are so many things to consume time, things that are important to try as they grow through the years into adult hood. Sports, friends, family time, all is important to growing healthy. I think they each know how much they mean to us, and we know how much they love us too. We don’t need to be in the same house to know that, it is unstoppable from afar.

As the world turns and time seems to fly by, pandemic continuing in one way or another, I am truly thankful for what we have, and every night I thank God for the gifts life brings. I know there is heart ache and pain in this world, and when those times happen, I know God is there to carry us through. I also know that life gives us few guarantees, and we can’t plan the future to be the way it comes out, so knowing that no matter when lies ahead, that there are people who know I love them and I know love me, well I can’t think of anything better.

Until later, Mrs. Justa.

 

RIP Pat RIP ” mom”

Life and death, we know it is coming , we know it is a part of life. We have no guarantees when the last breath will be taken, but it will. As I write this I am filled with a sense of loss, with emotions and confusion on how people must feel when they die. For my parents, I am not sure they felt anything, as they had a day before with people they cared about, they were talking, laughing and creating memories. Yet as they lay their head down to sleep, they had no idea their last breath would be while their heads lay on their pillows.

Today though it is different. The days before her death, my mother-in-law chose to not speak with those who loved her. It really is like a tragedy of life. She unfortunately contracted COVID 19 in the end of October 2020. She had to leave the Assisted Living Center she resided in, and go into the hospital. Well, being COVID it means you are in total isolation, in a private room and when a staff member sees you, they are gowned and gloved and masked. Family is not allowed, you are just there, in this room, I would think probably pretty scared, as COVID has been the pandemic that hit the world, and there is not a vaccine, and not a clear understanding of how it affects people. It has been a learning path in the medical fields around the globe, as the more its there , the more there is understanding how to fight it. BUT in the mean time, if you get it, it might just kill you.

Well she fought it, she had taken phone calls for the first few weeks, every call she would say how she looked forward to it, and loved hearing our voices.She spoke about the room she was in had a view of the hills and some fall colors. She loved Fall. She spoke of when we went to look at the fall colors the year before.

The last time we spoke, she sounded horrible, gasping for air and coughing, she thanked us for calling and said to call back later. Than poof, she stopped wanting to speak with any of us. So her updates were 2nd and third hand. A practitioner would tell Mark’s brother, who then would share the information with us.

She was negative for COVID, off to rehab to regain her strength, but another COVID test came back positive, and back into isolation in the hospital. FInally a few negative tests and it was looking like she might be going back to her “home” at the assisted living facility after 14 days in rehab. All this time, we are talking maybe 5+ weeks, in isolation more than not; and for the pat 3 weeks, not wnating to speak to anyone who cares about her.

Well, she passed away, at the skilled nursing home where she was having rehab, she died alone. But her days before were not filled with loving words or care from her children or friends. I believe her wanting to be alone, that it was a way to protect us from her death, and to make it easier to die. A part of me feels relief that she is at peace now, yet a part feels sad because she was totally alone. I guess I am reminded by all of this , once again, that every breath we take is worth more than money can buy.

We need to respect each second, tell people you love them, love the person for who they are and accept that we all think differently. This world is so crazy at times, we need to focus more within our own selves, our own families and know we alone can nto change the world, but we can make a difference in our families. As I leave this , I leave with gratitude for the life I have experienced, the good and not so good times, and I will try so make each moment special, treasured. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Balance of Life

Life is a balancing act, a balance between good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor, darkness and light, old and young, pass and fail, truth and lies. The list goes on and on. What made me think about this was the snow and ice.  Snowflakes are so tiny, yet one by one they lay on this slightly pointed post, one by one balancing ever so carefully to create this mound of snow. Everything was balanced in this event to make this happen. Had the wind whipped around, the snowflakes would have lost their hold. When the sun beats down on this, they will change their individual form, lose balance and this will no longer be.

Balancing in life, it is like ice on branches, it is not a guarantee that everything will balance to create beautiful artwork, one that comes and goes in a short period of time. But while it is happening everything balanced out, to make it happen, The right temperature, the speed the temperature went from warmer to freezing, the angle of the branch at that moment.

Life is like that. As we age, we are literally and figuratively balancing ourselves and life. Things we might have been able to do without even a second thought, well they get more thought now. Like walking in the snow, if we fell down as a child, it was laughing and pop right back up, sometimes before anyone saw us. Now if we were to fall, it is sitting there for a minute, thinking if everything feels in the same place now that it was before the fall, looking around to see if anyone saw you, and doing some pretty weird movements and contortions to get up on our feet again. Hence, falling is not an option.

Money and things we purchase, again a balancing act.

Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

Instead of buying something just because, we carefully determine the worth of the item and do we NEED it. We pack up things we know we no longer need or do not use or ever intend to use again, and we respect what we have. We look for the best price and think before purchasing. We balance the item or service and weigh it against reality. We are doing okay with that, it is different though. I remember in my 30s or 40s, we might just redecorate a room because we had not, replace linens, towels, get stuff to get stuff. Now we think about why do we want to do it.

Working around the house, again we balance what our minds think we can do, and what our minds and hearts know is realistic. I have an older brother and he and his wife had been pretty independent with their home and upkeep, yet they came to the realization that having someone mow or plow snow is smarter than trying to do it all. We look at tasks that we might have done without a second thought, and we may determine certain things are best hired out to do. Right now we are still able to do pretty much everything on the day to day things. We hope to be that way for years to come. But things like shaping the cedar bushes, and getting up on the roof, well those are not things we will probably do on our own.

Travel, again this is something we balance, we weigh out the various factors and think about it. We are not worldly travelers, and we have a camp/ travel membership that through the working years was not easy to use some of its perks. Now we can at least look at the perks and when everything aligns, we might take off for a small trip using one of the benefits of the travel type memberships. See sometimes the best options are for places that are not booked for a week in the near future. In the world of employment, it is not possible to tell our work that next week we won’t be working because we are taking off for a few days. Yeah, that would not go over too well. But now, we can, we balance our dollars, we budget some for travel, and every once in a while we might take advantage of these offers.

Yes , life is a balancing act, and we need to accept sometimes it is easy to not be balanced, so move slowly through life, know that we have to have opposites, no matter what the issue is, what the moment is, what is happening. And like those snowflakes fluffy on that post, they are very balanced right this minute, but it is not forever… in a moment things can change.  Rules to life are kinda like driving a vehicle, use your mirrors, stay alert, look around you, do not focus on one thing, take a break and analyze where you are, and know that none of us can predict every second of our lives.

Life holds no guarantees, each day is a blessing, each breath should not be taken for granted. May your steps be well thought out, may you always know the balance happens, life is a balance between opposites, there will be wonderful times and not so wonderful times, the balancing of each is so important, it keeps us in check.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

Life 5 months into Retirement

Retirement is a time that I thought of at times, yet never thought it was going to happen. Kind of like when I was in my teens and the age of 50 seemed like a number, a number floating around but not one I would ever get to any time soon, it was WAY off the vision of things that are real and tangible. Now I look at the age of 50 in the rearview mirror of my life. Poof, it is somewhere back there in the dust.

Now it is analyzing, looking at retirement. Oh the visions of what retirement is, and the thoughts of it, some were very much like what it has been thus far for me. For many moments there are things we could do, floating in the air, just waiting for us to grab one and make it happen.

But one thing, one thing that seems to be a “deja-vu” type experience is not having a set schedule where I have to daily be ready for a commitment, for a job. When I was employed, there is a contract of sorts that I made with the employer. Work starts at a certain time, breaks are under certain rules, lunches have to be between a certain time, and work is done at a certain time. The expectations needed to be met, because I wanted to continue to work at the job. I am not complaining about working at all. There was not one employment opportunity I regret, I loved what I did, no matter where it was or the responsibility.

The “deja-vu” type experience I am reflecting on was for those few very years I was a stay at home wife/ and mom. From 1980 to 1984 I had that experience. The first 2 years I was a stay at home wife, and even though I did not work outside the home, I was helping where I could during my hours of being there alone by helping with the continuous home improvements we were doing. And in March of 1982, for the next 2 1/2 years in addition to helping on the house, I was blessed with being a mom of Jeff. Those years were totally amazing, along with being his mom 24/7, I worked on the house stuff too. Life has no guarantees and I was now a single mom,  employment became a necessity for me. See What I found was even though I no longer was with Jeff from daylight to darkness, because I had a job, I needed to enjoy and focus on Jeff in set timeframes. And low and behold, I found our time together was more quality time, more apparent that every second together was a blessing, and never taken as the norm.

In retirement it is the same thing, there are a lot of things on my virtual list, but I do not set a schedule to do them around commitments of work. So I find myself needing to remind myself about doing them more, as time is not the issue it was working 5 days a week. It is weird, it seems like retirement could easily lead to a life of good intentions, a procrastination fertile field.  I am fighting it, yet it is easy to realize it is weeks later and that one phone call or visit to a friend had not happened yet.

Thank goodness I am a list person, and that I have a husband who loves me for who I am, lists and all. I have not a clue how I would be if my list capabilities were somewhere other then in my here and now. I think that what is important changes too. I used to have a list and follow it to a tee, now my list is more lax, and I might do the 7th thing before the 2nd thing.  Like maybe Tuesday will be the day this week we go get groceries. Maybe tonight will be a night to TV binge-watch something, instead of being in a set schedule.

Retirement opens doors too, where we can say what the heck, we look at each other and agree that Weds. the weather looks doable, – let’s see if the kennel has room for Miss Riley, and if so…. heck let’s grab a set of clothes and go check out Niagara Falls, go to an aquarium, the zoo,  the Adirondacks,

visit Marks mom and do an overnight, to enable us to see friends in that area. That is super nice in retirement. As we are not locked into work schedules, and seeing and going places mid-week, well it is less crowded. We do not spend a lot of money, yet we get to do things we normally would not on a weekday. We can take a day trip- go up to a park, or the lake, maybe go to town within a reasonable distance, we can enjoy the deck, we can enjoy talking over coffee with each other without time constraints, yes these things are super nice and appreciated because we have no idea how long our time left is.

My intent to post more, well I am working on that, I am working on photos and digitalizing them right now, so I pop onto a few different projects. Yes, retirement has been a positive chapter in my life, and I feel so fortunate that I am married to a person I love to be with. We can laugh together, talk for hours, enjoy a lot of the same things, and are learning its okay to enjoy different things too. Every day is a new day, every day is a gift really. I will mosey on over at times and throw in some thoughts for anyone who wants to see where my mind is.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Finding Strength And Appreciation

I can not even imagine how many times I have been given inner strength from things, places, experiences around me. Times when I realize how majestic and powerful the world is, and how I am just a speck in the whole scope of existence. Times when I am reminded how much there is to appreciate around us.

There are times when something, some action reminds me that those who have passed, those who have meant so much to me in their time on earth, that they are still around me in spirit.

For many, this may sound almost unbelievable, and for some, they may feel the same way. It is always comforting to me though. It helps me feel like all is ok no matter how tough that path is at a particular time, or how enjoyable and rewarding it can be.

Seagulls to me are comforting as they bring my mom to me. In the strangest of places, sometimes in a very trying time, a seagull will appear. Sometimes there are many, but whether alone or many, one seems to carry itself to where I am and I feel mom sharing the moment, I feel comfort in knowing she is always not far away.

As I was growing up, more often than not, I found that as words leave my mouth, I have no control where the will land, they can easily go into another person’s heart. As I have aged, I am careful what I say because of that. I would rather bring peace in my words than hate or anger.

I reflect back and find comfort,  as my mom, via the seagull-  reminds me that there are always times to make the world a better place. I can hear her saying to me that it takes more muscles to smile than to frown.  That a smile costs nothing but gives so much.  I have learned through many many years and experiences in life that a smile, a simple smile, can light up the darkest moments, can make someone feel seen, if only for that brief second.

If I get all wrapped up in the hassle, the bustle of life, I may not see the seagull that has come to say hi. If I get so wrapped up in the commercialism of life, I will miss so much that can not fit in a box.

The natural parts of life on this earth are filled with hidden treasures. Filled with things that cost nothing, no checkout lines, no rush purchases online. As I begin yet another day I have been blessed to be apart of, I need to quiet my mind, listen and see those seconds of life that won’t come again. To absorb the world around, to be aware. We can look but not see, we can move but not be aware, it doesn’t change the fact that there is so much around us, it only changes the fact that we totally missed it.

My goal for today is to once again look and appreciate those moments around us, those things so easily overlooked, so easily looked at but not seen. Until later, Mrs.Justa alias Cindy