Panicking Versus Calm Cautiousness

I looked this up today “Sensationalism” , and per Wikipedia “Sensationalism is a type of editorial tactic in mass media. Events and topics in news stories are selected and worded to excite the greatest number of readers and viewers. This style of news report encourages biased impressions of events rather than neutrality, and may cause a manipulation to the truth of a story.^[1] Sensationalism may rely on reports about generally insignificant matters and portray them as a major influence on society, or biased presentations of newsworthy topics, in a trivial, or tabloid manner, contrary to general assumptions of professional journalistic standards.^[2][3]”

This most recent MEDIA SENSATIONALISM is yet another example of how the media and available internet sources can cause total panic in our lives. It seems to me this past 8 years the media and internet have been more filled with things to fear, things to make our world seem out of alignment, things misrepresented, total disrespect and ways to make us think a certain way.  I try to be aware of the manipulation attempts and stop to find reasoning.

As I see shelves totally empty at a store from people stocking up on hand sanitizer, Clorox disinfectant, and Clorox wipes, I am feeling like the public has succumbed to the intent of the media. It should not take the news sources or health departments to tell us to wash our hands! It should not be a surprise that we should not put our hands in our noses or mouths. We should all be cautious of viruses, of the flu, of people being ill or having something potentially contagious. Not just when bold headlines scare the beJesus out of people, but always. Yes, there is a strain of a virus currently that is causing people to get symptoms similar to the cold, flu, and can adversely affect people who are immunocompromised, young or old. This is not the flu, but the flu can be said to do this too. I am not making light of it, but I am not going to be panicked by it either. Just as cautious as I can be.

I wonder how many containers of these products people have in their home, and how many people will still have at the end of this newest health scare? I am frustrated when people behave like they are the only people that matter. Sad that now stores need to set limits on how much a person can purchase of these types of items because some people have no idea that the world is not there for just them. Because some people have such entitlement blinders on that they are totally unaware, totally do not even consider other people even exist. Me, I personally need to step back from the hysteria and just be sensible.

I personally find peace opening our front door and going outside, taking a walk, enjoying the things in life that cost nothing but time. I have to go outside to see the beauty of a rainbow, the magic of a sunset, the awe of seeing a full moon. There is so much that is good, there are things that we miss when we are mesmerized by things that are not real or things that are blown out of proportion to attempt to rattle our common sense, to instill a sense of panic, to make it feel like we are walking on shaky ground when in fact we are on solid ground.

This is one of my favorite photos. I look at it when I need to be reminded of how precious life is. It screams of total comfort, of freedom, of letting things be, of just loving life.  It reminds me to stop and just enjoy the moments I have. Life should be about feeling more like this.

Yes, there are times of total sadness, times of hurt, and also times of feeling happy and at peace. We need to accept that there are times when we are going to hurt, and other times we are going to wish would never ever end.  Life is short really,  each day should be never taken for granted or wasted. Every day is an opportunity to enjoy something a little more and worry a little less.

Life can be fragile at times, like a bubble. If we attack life with a vengeance, afraid and frantic, we can never appreciate the gentleness that life has to offer. The kids demonstrated this very thing as they both carefully held a bubble, had they panicked, had they attacked it, well this moment would have never happened.

As I close down this post, I hope for calmness to become more a norm instead of “the sky is falling” way it seems at times.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

Some people in life are like the Rock of Gibraltar. It is a reference used for hundreds of years in varying settings, basically thinking of them as a place one can rely on for support, providing confidence, never faltering.

And when that Rock isn’t feeling 100%, it is like the universe is not aligned.

My mom was like that, the dependable person, always supporting, never showing signs of weakness, or inability to perform at her best. Like an ever-ready bunny. On those few occasions when she just was not at 100%, I felt like nothing was for certain if that makes sense. Also, I felt like I wanted to help her, but since she didn’t really let anyone know how they could help her, I would do little things to appear like I was making a difference, but maybe I wasn’t.

I kinda do the same thing that mom did,. I rarely ask for help, and I have the infamous to do list, I just keep ticking along, step after step. and I get things done.

Well, this week has not been that way.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I have been battling a lot of upper head congestion, and an annoying as all get out cough, and just not feeling right. It is an effort to do things that normally just get done. Mark is offering to help where he can, – the God, but I just want to feel better.

Ya know I am sick if I sleep in- or go to take a nap. Yesterday I got up at 1PM. And I have gone to bed at 11PM the night before. That is totally not me. Nope, I am a 5-6 hr sleep is enough person.

Today though I worked on the taxes, Mark helped, and we got through them. Damn- THANK GOD for ONLINE ability- and THANK GOD for TURBOTAX !!!! I can not even imagine being half as smart as turbo tax is !

Now that is done , it is one thing off the TODO list that was like a staple line on each of my to-do lists since 1-1-19. So I am giving into this crappy last few weeks, and not going to do more than necessary- hopefully tomorrow will be me— back to being me. I hope this finds you as strong as the Rock of Gibraltar… I will look forward to that strength, that shield of indestructible armor tomorrow.

Until later— Mrs justa alias CIndy

 

 

 

Trusting In …..

We live life sometimes feeling like we know exactly the next step. Our alarm clock will go off, we will get up, we brush our teeth, do whatever routine in the morning we do, and move to the next part of our day. However when the alarm clock does not go off, or there is no water pressure, or maybe we fall out of bed instead of getting up the usual way, well it kinda puts our synched life out of order.

We trust everything will go as planned, and yet there are the things that don’t.

It gets even trickier when we take the next step, drive the car, reach for something, heck even getting something from a cupboard. Everything we do we trust will end the same way.

Now we can try to protect ourselves from areas where things can’t go wrong, but we become people in bubbles. Less can go wrong, but things happen.

I was thinking about trust and faith to extend beyond the simpler bullet points of a day. I was reminded in my thoughts of this day, this fall day when this never could have been, had life been kept inside the bubble. I took this at an angle to show the freedom, the joy of the moment. Jeff trusted he would get caught, and he loved the feeling of freedom. The look on his face, the total relaxation of his body, he trusted thigs will be okay, and without that trust, the picture would have been totally different- it might have been a terrified face and fingers clutching so tight to the neck of his dad- like please don’t make me do this. But no– he totally trusted and because of that experienced something way out of the ordinary.

As we get older and heavier, that opportunity – that specific scenario – could not be, or would probably not end in a laugh. However, as we age, inventors have created ways to get that feeling and beyond. I takes a lot more effort from the person achieving the liftoff, however, it needs to be accompanied by trust. Trust that the winds are right, trust your legs are ready for a rather fast run, trust the equipment was not faulty. If however, you have the trust, that sense of freedom can be yours. This person was on an elevated area, beyond the takeoff area was an incredible valley, miles of land colored with the brilliance of fall.

Life has been full of trusting, we trust in relationships, we trust in our day to day activities, our jobs, our everything……and yes we also trust we will be cleaning the bruises- whether inside or outside, and some scars that show the roadmap of my life. I want to always feel that feeling that life is going to be okay, that feeling I get every time I remember that fall day with Jeff. I never ever want to stop trusting that even when things don’t go quite as planned, the trust and faith are so important.

Until later,  Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

A memory of Mine

I was listening to music in my mind, it is like I have a jukebox ready to play a song, no one else hears it, so anywhere I am, a melody, lyrics, a place in my past comes to life. This one song seems to come back over and over again.

“Cause who’s gonna know but me
Who’ll help me recall those small memories
When I’m all that’s left of this family of three
Who’s gonna know but me” Kathy Mattea

As it played I had looked up on a shelf, and so quietly sits this little doll. She has quietly sat in places I have been since I was 9 years old.

No one knows or even asks why, and she sits there doing what she has been doing for many many years.

This little braided blond-haired doll was a gift to me. I received it at a very scary time in my life.

When I was 9, I was admitted for simple tonsillectomy. It was in June, I remember the excitement of being able to be through with school early because of my surgery. It was also a time of anxiousness and chaos because we were about to move from Skaneateles to Bayberry, into our very first new house and not a rental.

The hospital had a ward for all the kids getting the surgery. It was little an assembly line that day. When I arrived with mom and dad it was surreal in a way, the kids were all in stages of the procedure day. Some scared and waiting their turn, some sleeping after they had had their surgery, some getting sips of cool drinks, and some- yeah they hit the top and got a little dixie cup of ice cream. Dad saw me looking around at the “unknown what next expressions” and he said in a little while I will be able to drink and get ice cream.

Off to surgery, I remember my trembling on the stretcher from being scare. My mom and dad tried to tuck the blanket (it looked like a large receiving blanket ) and talking so softly to try to help me calm down.

The operating room was huge, and this man put on my face a clear mask, the stuff tasted like something I will never forget, aether. Next thing I know, I am back in the ward. As I became aware of the room and my parents, I also became aware of my sore throat. I felt super sick, and they kept telling me to not throw up. However, there was an emesis basin ready if I did.

And low and behold, I needed it, and the was lots of red blood … the cold drinks and ice cream rewards changed to a rush return to a procedure area because my surgery had torn an area and they had to work to stop the bleeding. It was terrifying, I felt alone,  and the man doing the procedures did not speak English very well, and kept saying to me “one more time” as he held these long cotton covered type rolls and pushed them in the back of my throat using his very large gloved finger. It hurt, it was awful, each gauze roll tasted like crap, I was not supposed to swallow as he did this ( but I did swallow one in the process) After the 6th one more time, that huge finger came into my throat and a clamped my teeth down and literally bit through the latex. He was dancing around and saying ouch… and that was his last “one more time.

They took these swabs and somehow ties them together – one tight against the outside or my nostrils, string thru my nostrils and another was attached at the back of my throat. I was not going home, I had to stay overnight.

When I got back to the ward, dad had this doll sitting on my nightstand. He said she would watch over me when he wasn’t going to be there. See mom was pregnant for Martha, and there were 4 kids at home – 11,6,5,2,.. we were in moving mode, and plans just took a turn because I could not come home.

All night long though, this little doll became my comfort, she watched over me that night and still has, all these years later. She has been everywhere I have lived since I was 9. She has gone through the moments of sadness and joy, the various events of my life. She has been comforting, encouraging, and show patience. But most of all, she represents the love of a parent a love that lives on long after their earthly bodies have not. And not once has she let me down… she always has the angelic look that everything is going to be ok.

I wanted to share her with you.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

Winter and getting through it

Winter time in upstate NY is like other areas in the country, we all have our special unique situations. Some have more rain then not, some have hurricanes, some have ice, some have tornados. We, well we are among the many folks with snow.

Somehow, a very long time ago, I started counting the actual days per winter that driving was beyond horrendous when the wind was whipping the snow around so bad that visibility is zero,. My in my brain counting is 7 really super bad days a winter. I mean really bad. I have experienced some drives where you are driving along and POOF all of the sudden you can only see your windshield. Some days it is snowing 2-3 inches an hr. Those are the days that I am telling myself- “One day closer to Spring”

Often though, in our winter months, the road is snow covered and you just have to drive carefully. Anticipate stops from way back, don’t make sharp turns, and hold the wheel with both hands, and focus.

In the fall I would choose designated roads, and those I would look for any type of landscape or landmarks that could help me know where I am. Often a straight road, ( but those aren’t always possible, but whatever road it was, as soon as I knew I was on it, I felt like I was home. Like one road has different areas with large pine trees, and just after them a curve. I would carefully look for those trees when the roads were not plowed or visibility lousy, and know what to expect as far as the layout of the road.

Another thing I would do is keep the radio off, and hum “The Lord’s Prayer” if it was really bad the humming went to a more vocal version.

The other thing I would do is not travel the interstates if I did not have to. I knew ways to and from home that I felt comfortable on, and no matter what- the speed limit on dry roads is 30 or 40, so I knew I would not have any idiots driving 65 mph, like they do on the interstate. Some people think because they have 4 wheel drive that they are indestructible, and they do not seem to care about who they are pushing out of the way. And not that I wish anyone bad fortune, but I more than once mumbled “KARMA” as I went by them as they were off in the median or snow bank.

Yeah, the winters bring on steel nerves, a tad anxiety, and a major appreciation of Spring.

So for those in the upper snow areas, be careful, and remember ” One Day Closer to Spring”

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

WIth Bad, There Comes Good

Whoa, this is a tough concept to grasp. Personally, I am surprised I have any teeth left after the times’ life has kicked me in them. I would think it is safe to say that by the time we reach even 20-30 years old, we have had some not so good times happen. If I listed all of mine, well it would be a tad longer than the novel Moby Dick. For today I am going to reminisce on one.

First I have to admit as the bad moments seem to engulf my life, there is absolutely no one or any way I can think of, see, or believe that there is anything good from it.

Life is like pebbles on the shore, some pretty some jaded

It may take years or decades to even have the courage to look at those times from afar. However, personally, I have been able to see the whole picture the further and further away I get from it.

There are times I do not know the whole picture, components I should not know, will never know, and that too is intended to be. Sometimes I just have to step back and comfort my pain with, the thought there was a reason. No one has the answers, and none of us can know why God’s plan hurts at times.

This particular realization I am looking at today, it took me 40 + years to look in the tapestry of my life and see some light in the dark colors.

For the first 10 yrs of my life, my family continued to grow in numbers ( a new child every 1 1/2 to 2 yrs )and we lived in rental places. I had 4 yrs of life in an upper flat in Bridgeport Cn, that followed with 3 different home in the Skaneateles NY area.

Four months before I turned 10, my parents found and bought a home in Bayberry. This was such an amazing event, it was fairly new, in a suburban neighborhood, we could walk to school, to church and stores, we were safe playing kickball in the street, we had lots of other kids, places to ride our bikes for hours without ever leaving the community, a great place to raise children, and mom could be a stay at home mom, comfortable with the safety of her more dependent children as we frolicked outside like happy puppies.

And then 4 months into this life, we were blessed to be in , boom….  the month of my 10th birthday, our dad was in the hospital he had had a heart attack. Mom had told us when dad came home he would be in a wheelchair at least until he regained his strength, we knew life was going to be way different.

Well, he never left that hospital, my mom at that time was 9 months very pregnant with her 6th child. Mom went into labor on the night before dad was to come home, a neighbor took her to the hospital, and the next morning VERY early… dad had died and mom gave birth.

I gotta tell you that moment in our lives was hard to figure out the whys. It was a time when it would be easy to not believe in anything. We had the cutest new sister, and dad never came home to enjoy the new addition to our family. Plus our “stay at home mom,” could no longer be. Mom went to college got her bachelors degree as she worked as a teaching assistant during the day at the local school district. Pam and I ( 11 and 10) became the child care in the after school/ evening times.

For years it was not easy, but looking back now… had we not had that bought home, where would our family have ended up?  We owned no residence before that time, I think in the plan of life, coloring in the grays with brighter colors, the move to Bayberry was one of those times when the bad, really also was a blessing for our future after dads death.

We were safe, we had a precious bundle of joy to help ease the pain, we  had neighbors helping neighbors, people helped us without ever being asked, so even as heartwrenching, as deep the hurt was, as scary, and as dark as those moments were, we were in the best place considering the whole picture.

Once I really looked beyond the pain, I was reminded once again, that life was never meant to be easy, but life is a blessing every single day I see the sun rise and set.

Until later, my love to all… Cindy, alias  Mrs. Justa

 

mrs Justa and thoughts on mental illness..

OK… I am trying to focus on writing and the wind is blowing so hard..I thought our furnace was malfunctioning and blowing super forced air through the vent. Our house is normally pretty quiet… do not hear wind… but tonight… holy shmolly… it is blowing big time. Just started—all of the sudden..The dog is pacing… and the wind smacking against the house.

So as I proceed..let’s hope the power and internet stay on. I was thinking about mental illness, and how many people suffer from it. Heck I look at this poor dog and see she even has a tad bit of mental illness . I had tried to tape a video of us trying to coax her in her crate..when she heard us say on the video to get in her house, she started trembling in here… oh I hope we can find things to calm her down. This wind reminds me of what it is like to see a person ( or the dog !!) go through acute episodes of depression, anxiety or mania. It comes over them like a gust of wind, like huge waves… beating on their souls and emotions –like the wind is beating against the house.

Anxiety is a tough disorder, so is depression and mania. They all are real, and when they hit, the person going through it usually recognizes the problem and becomes more symptomatic realizing they can not stop it. It is like watching a person be a prisoner in their own body. I have taken care of patients and have been personally exposed to individuals who suffer from all of some of these illnesses. And there is nothing I can do to help when a full blown attack happens.

Oh I can try to stay calm, I can look for the sun ray through the dark cloud… but I feel inadequate, because I can not help to make to acute episodes subside. I can recognize when they are about to happen. But depending on the level of intensity they have..they can be like a tornado—taking down anything in their path.

For Riley… in the crate..when anxiety hits… NOTHING I can say or do will stop her from panting, trembling and bending the cage.

It is so opposite of her when she is not having an anxiety episode.

When I watch Mark deal with his high levels of anxiety, depression , mania—man again it hurts to watch, because there can be a path of destruction… he said the other day that it wears him out.. wears him down.

People I have met in life who have had similar disorders..they too felt at times that they were losing a grip at times.

So as the night hours begin to pass… I want to send a cyber hug out to all who suffer from mental illness…and to all who know someone with mental illness. Support them, never ever give up on them, and know that when an acute episode happens..that is when they need you most.

I learned a long time ago… that when an acute episode happens..that is when you find out who your friends are… and also who are not your friends .

I love you Mark… through your highs and your lows… you are a good man… a man passionate about your beliefs…. –It is a ride sometime s!!.

Love to all, Mrs justa alias Cindy…..

Technorati Tags: depreasion,mania,anxiety,uncontrolled,acute,window,torment. trials,understanding. patience

 

Mrs Justa and home and healing

Preston is home, he is not feeling 100%, still seemed kinda tired, but at least he is home. We got to spend some time watching the boys last night, it is always fun. Initially we thought ( before the hospital issues this week) to have them here for the night –but I can totally understand why his parents preferred to have them home. Man—how scary to have your little kid admitted to the hospital!

We had a fun time with the little fellows, but as I was there, watching them interact and have the ability to roam around their home where they want, I was taken back to life a few days prior when Preston, his dad and mom were in a hospital room for 2 1/2 days.

Fortunately Amanda and Jeff were able to take a few days from work to be there..But what if you could not do that? A 2 yr old can not just be told to stay in a hospital room and do not leave it

So would the hospital have to have a nurse in the room with him at all times? And then would that mean that he would have had to get used to 3 different nurses each day.

Heck, it broke my heart seeing him peering out of the glass door at the nurses walking by, looking for his parents to come back, and to just see the world moving around some.

We were in the room with him, so he and we knew he was safe… but what about all those kids who are in the hospital without that support of family.

I was thrilled he was discharged on Thursday…and I was thankful to have experienced the compassion , the professionalism, the patience of the entire staff we were exposed to there.

What an awesome place. I had never been in a Children’s Hospital before—only worked on the peds, neonate and maternity floors—that is different than this experience was.

Thanks to all who kept him in your prayers… and let’s keep praying for wisdom of doctors and nurses as they care for other sick children ….

Love to all, Mrs. justa…alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: kids,sick,hospital. children,wisdom,illnesses,family,support,nurses,doctors alone

 

Mrs Justa and job ideas galore…

Ya looking for a job? Well check out this site!

Yep, I spent a little while looking at all the different jobs they advertise, that I never thought about people being hired for…but after reading some of the job descriptions, I am amazed at my taking certain things for granted.

My favorite one—is the “Roadkill Collector Jobs”. Now I never knew people applied for that. I figured it was who got the shortest straw at the DPW that day.

Dang—someone actually trains and applies for it.. Now the very disheartening part is when they talk about what they do with the road kill once they get it..

I was okay with bringing it to a landfill.. composting facilities… but A SOUP KITCHEN!!!!

there is only one word for that.. Y U C K >

I love how it says this job is not for animal lovers… So does that mean that “RoadKill Collectors” are mean heartless people? Bet that is a fun class to be a part of!.

There are other jobs there that sound kinda neat though.. An elephant trainer… how about training to be Santa Claus… or an Elvis Impersonator… I do not know if I could survive the becoming an embalmer… although I always have done IV and blood draws well… and there are many things I just know would not be a profession I would ever have tried for. (like taxidermist, bounty hunter, bomb squad job, airplane repossession job…) I am not knocking these jobs…just I am not made for them…

Nursing has been my passion since I was 10.. my older sister was in nursing school than, and I LOVED my older sister.. She was a hero type figure in my mind.

So I am glad as I was learning different trades and talents in life..that finally I went to nursing school and fulfilled that dream…

BUT looking at this list of stuff…if I was 18 and wondering what to do with my life… there are some pretty neat things ….

I am about to call it an evening..and drift off to wherever my dreams take me…. heck last night I was with some pretty interesting people—we were working on some project..that when I woke up I felt like I had deserted my job !. Than reality hit..and I went to my job..one I love, I am so thankful for, and one that makes Mon thru Fridays fly right by…

Good night or good day to all,

Love, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: jobs,unusual,no way,challenging,crazy,life,choices

 

Mrs Justa–what a weekend….

Ok.. so the solo for Sunday… well in addition to tossing the 2 songs , battling which one to do… Saturday I was tossing my cookies (so to speak) at about 4:30 in the afternoon. So the songs took the back seat to some funky viral GI thing I had going on.

Yep.. around 5:30 I called the Pastor—I felt really bad..both physically and commitment wise, but there was not a darn thing I could do about it.

We had gotten up Sat morning rather early… it really was cute..in a way… Brandon came next to my side of the bed… about 2 inches from my sleeping face..and said “Gamma the sun is up..so it is time to get up.” Than hew said  “ Will you sing a song for breakfast?” I was touched…. I was trying to figure a way to settle his ready to go 3 yr old body down..and than he said.. Preston is up too. I asked if Preston woke him up, he said.. No..”I said good morning and Preston got up.”..”Can we have french toast sticks and sausage now?” So we all tried a bed cuddling session and we were up starting our day with the roosters. Lesson learned… 1) Do not tell them what breakfast is after he and his brother wake up.. 2) It is okay to tell him it is too early to get up and have him go back to bed….

By 6:00 AM they had helped me get laundry started…

they love sitting in front of the washer and watching the clothes slosh back and forth.

Some kids like Sat morning cartoons… these guys liked Sat morning laundry.

Asking about what was happening and telling me when the soap was bubbling.

 

During the day I was feeling kinda tired..but thought it was just that. We were to have Jeff and Amanda come over , all have  lunch, than the kids were going to go home for nap time. Well I was feeling so tired and kind of blah..that when they kids left with their parents, I got in my PJS and took a nap for myself. The nap went on for 24 hrs !! With the exception of getting up to throw up, or go to the bathroom.

Needless to say…. it is a heck of a weight loss plan—but I HATE..and I mean HATE throwing up. Than add to it.. once you are an older person and have a lower partial… as you are waddling to the bathroom to bless the toilet…. you have to yank the partial out of your mouth… uggg… the trials of aging.

I am feeling better than I was at 4:30 last night…looking forward to continuing to feel better. Love to all…Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: grandparenting,life,Satruday morning,laundry,precious,memories. sick

 

Mrs Justa and Waiting for an answer

We live longer because we know more about how the body works, and we can do various tests to see when symptoms arise— to find an answer for those symptoms.

Being in the medical field, I appreciate what medications can do. When is it that the person is actually having symptoms based on an abnormality, and when could it possibly be due to the medication?

One has to be careful though, as medications can help…but they can hurt too.

I am watching a person who is super sensitive to meds, and who has a slew of symptoms, go through numerous tests, no answers yet, and the docs are trying to alleviate the symptoms with meds, while trying to find an answer.

For this person, it is very hard, because masking the symptoms is not working, they are still there..only adding the adverse reactions to the meds on top of the problems that the various treatments and tests are being done.

I am hoping that soon, very soon, the next few tests will indicate what is causing the symptoms, so the meds or treatments can be geared towards fixing what is wrong.

It does make sense to me to try to subside or quell the symptoms while each test is being requested and waiting for approval…. but the hurry up and wait is hard for the person going through this problem.  In a way ..wouldn’t it be nice if we could just get checked into a diagnostic type place for 2 days and let them test away. Mri here and there, blood work, diagnostic tests…and come out at the end of 2 days with an answer and a treatment plan.

I remember a very long time ago I had hurt an ankle at work. I hurt it in November…and do you know… because we had to wait for comp to approve each next step… it took until the fall to have the surgery approved. By then the damage to my ankle was 10 times worse than had I just been able to get and different tests, a diagnosis and fix the darn thing.

Sometimes I think we get in our own way in the medical field. There should be a team of doctors all working together to get the answers and go forward with the treatments. What I find more- is the patient is like a racket ball that was hit hard in a small 4 walled room. Bouncing here and there..very hard to have all the points come together.

Patients need to have someone be their advocate with them…. it is not imposing on the docs—it is working to help gather information for the patient. Love to all.. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: healthcare,life,choices,symptoms,illness,diagnosis,waiting,time,discouragement

 

Mrs Justa and a song in my heart…

I have been going totally bonkers trying to figure out what song I am going to sing in church on the 11th. I have about 5 I am going back and forth  with. I practice on my way to and from work. My car becomes a mobile sound studio.. music playing and me either singing the words or doing some la la la’s as I try to memorize the melody. I you are driving down 690 about 7:00 AM or a little earlier—and you see some lady belting out songs as she is driving down the highway..well that lady might just be me!

There is one song I have been working on for months.. It is super dramatic-moving..and when I get done belting it out—I can not talk for a day. I looked at the time on the radio display today and it is 5 minutes—I think that is now ruled out.. too long!But there is one—I really love it.. ( I really love all these songs..) But I think I will do it. It times out at about 3.20 minutes. I think that is better.

I LOVE to sing.. it makes me whole. We all need something we can do that makes us feel whole. Some people I think look their whole life for that something and do not find it.

Singing to me is special to me, I feel like I am an instrument. Like I am not always in control of the singing—I become the tool to present the song. I do not feel like I am special, or that I have connections—that is not what I mean—but more that we all have God given talents… we are children of God…. and I feel the ability to sing is a gift. I do not know if that makes sense to anyone- but it is how it feels. Music is a part of me…I do nto ever want to take it for granted….  I hope till the day I die, that I have the ability to sing.

About 15 years ago I had a procedure done- it was supposed to be a simple endoscopic procedure. It was winter time, and I remember he only had me take off my winter coat.. I had on my street clothes—even my boots. There was only a little lidocaine spray and absolutely NO compassion…  the doctor- he was sadistic- barbaric. and he would laugh and jam the scope into my throat each time I gagged. It was like a scene from a horror movie—but it did not end.. this guy was a creep. When he finished I remember him tugging on my shoulder and saying”So how do you like me now?” Well he had trashed my throat..I ended up with a super sore throat, high fever… and after antibiotics were done—I could not swallow any pills—they would get stuck in the back of my throat…  for a year I could not sing, I could hardly talk..and finally after months of seeing an ENT I had to have surgery to remove the damaged lingual tonsils. I felt invaded by this doctor..he took my voice… he robbed me of a part of me…. but I never ever gave up. I wept many nights in the darkness of the night..all alone and trying to figure out how and why this doctor stole a part of me…..

Every night I would pray for the ability to sing again, and if I ever was given that blessing- I promised I would sing in church . It took about another 6 months after the surgery, but slowly my throat healed, and I was able to work on singing. I remember feeling so lost without music .. it was in me but I had no way to get it out.

This experience taught me though to appreciate everything I have..and never take anything for granted… I can not every explain how totally blessed I felt when each of our kids asked me to sing a song for them in their weddings… to me—that was so special… so touching to be asked..and a miracle I had the ability to do it after that horrible medical experience.

That doctor will have to try to justify his abusive behavior at some time in his life… the hurt he caused is still in a locked box in my mind..but I would not let him win…. he became a major LOSER..I do not ever have to see him again..but he…well he has to live with himself…he has to know he is mean.

My thought for today… believe in yourself..and when you are feeling like “Why me??” turn is around and say “ I am strong.. so bring it on !”  Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and Happy It is The Weekend…

Hi everyone… boy I am glad today is through and the weekend is here. I am stopping for a moment to share some thoughts, and Than I am going to try to tackle some work I brought home.

This past week was super busy, and —it was what I kindly refer to as a “full moon syndrome week”. I mean holy cow ! Calls were weird at times, people’s questions were unusual, life this week just seemed a little crazy. I brought home about 80 questions to work on, and I should have them done before Sun evening.

Hopefully Jeff and Amanda and the kids will be out on Sunday evening, that would be a nice way to end a rather busy weekend—I am thinking about various menus types.. we will come up with something fun.

Today I was outside..and I kid you not…I ran across not one..not two but 3 women who all did the same irritating thing. Each of them, they are outside, and let out a chest hurting sounding deep productive cough… sounded like they were hacking up their feet through their mouths,,, not even attempting to turn away, or cover their mouths… and than ( this is how I knew the coughs were productive… ) YUCK!! Need I say more???

I could not believe it,,, by the time the 3rd lady came towards me.. well I wished I had a can of Lysol… I would have sprayed it right at her and the whatever gunk she was coughing…

Ok ..so here I am … visualizing the home life for each of these 3 people. They had nothing to do with one another—it was in 3 different areas… what the heck do they do in their house? They must be a real special companion to share a meal with… I wonder if they have spittoons in their living rooms? Dang—it was gross..

(Image from shutter stock)

People need to realize how easy germs spread, and also maybe others do not want their germs. And how can they be so darned inconsiderate as to not even consider the next person who steps on their coughed up lung lining? NOW DO YOU SEE WHY I LIKE SHOES OFF before people go walking through the house!

Yucko.. I am totally grossed out… good way to change gears and get into some working by the midnight oils. Love to all… spread joy not germs… (hey that is kinda catchy… maybe it would make a good bumper sticker..!) Mrs. Justa alias Cindy.

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Mrs Justa and a day at the hospital

This is where I spent the day yesterday. My younger brother needed to have a surgical procedure done and I spent the day with him.

It was a day of major reflection and a day of watching many people as they waited with the “What ifs” and the worried looks.

It was an unusual experience in a way, for I was a nurse at this hospital 17 years ago and some things were similar, but many things different. People I worked with are still there, I saw them in the halls, and in the cafeteria and in the elevator. They were not sure who I was, but they looked like they thought they knew me.

In the role of a hospital nurse, I saw a lot of people, from all walks of life. And seeing a patient in the hospital is when they are very vulnerable. They are uncomfortable sleeping there, they are out of their element, they are made to wear gowns with openings in the back, and take off everything. Strangers are coming in and doing all sorts of things… some stuff you never could have imagined. So the folks I worked with, they would not know if I looked familiar because they were my care giver. See they were in their scrubs… so that was a real give away to me.

And aged…. whoa… I always feel like I am the same… but I have no secrets… so as aged as they looked… I must look the same. I saw a doctor I used to work with in his office… and it was like looking at a photoshop aged version of him… Kind of like when in Mr Magoos Christmas Carol he is a youth, a middle aged man and a very elderly man.

No matter how long I have been away from hospital nursing, there is a passion for it. It is my favorite type of nursing. Man being there, I just felt the hunger for it.

The school of nursing built a new building the last year I was in school. Actually my orientation for the hospital job was done at this building. I stood there and watched people going in and out… people with the passion for this type of profession, and it was like going back in the sands of time to 1986….and standing in the line the first day of school. Wow..so much has happened since than.

My brother… he should be fine…. and I was thrilled and thankful I had the time to be there with him. No one should go through surgery alone. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will be in my nursing position in a management role on the administration side of heath care. I like that too… but I truly believe I was meant for hospital nursing, and I am so very blessed to have been able to do it… I cyberly salute all those nurses who day in and day out give 100% to people in need, What a very rewarding profession to be a part of. Thank you. Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and goodbye Christmas 2011

whoa.. all of the sudden the four days that seemed to be a really long time , well they are gone. Tomorrow is work for 4 days than off for 3 more.

Tomorrow is gonna be tough.. we were closed Fri thru Monday- so we will have 4 days of clinical information on patients to review. We love the time off… but gotta tell ya..the day after a holiday weekend is beyond busy!. Fortunately I work with people who care about their jobs and are committed to help each other out.

So Christmas 2011 is now a Christmas past. That seems weird. Santa and his soldiers are nestled back in the shed, the tree is apart an in it’s tree bag, the ornaments and decorations wrapped in paper towels and tissues and secured in their boxes, all sleeping for another year.

The house seems kinda sterile looking when the colored lights are all packaged up.

It feels good, but sort of depressing… that magic is a memory.

We taped a Christmas movie,,a chick flick and watched it while the Christmas cheer was being packed up in tight little spaces. As I reflect on the days that have passed, it is kind of melancholy. It was different not buying for our own  kids or each other, just for the grand kids…. ..but we were definitely filled with the magic of Christmas through the eyes of the children. There was less stress with trying to figure out what someone would want, and it really brought down the materialistic part of Christmas.

We drove around and looked at Holiday lights on Christmas Eve. There is one house that is really cool. These people have over 60 inflatable decorations that they put out…

The have music playing and lights flickering and flashing, and the really cool thing is they have bins where people can donate canned goods and non perishables, which they give  to the food pantry at the church these people go to.

Wow.. how neat…     

   Yesterday Mark and I were together for our Christmas meal.. I did roast beef  in the crock pot, Yorkshire pudding and a veggie. Again.. no major pigging out –we ended the evening with fresh baked gingerbread..

Jeff, Amanda, Preston and Brandon came over mid morning and left about 12:30..and for lunch we just did soup and sandwiches.. which was nice too. No pressure of trying to fit a huge meal all together , (as Jeff had to work evenings today..) ..and we just did big meals for Thanksgiving…

Christmas… there is an advertising slogan… Let’s put Christ back in Christmas… ( because people use Xmas for Christmas..) but in church Pastor Carl said… Let’s put Christ back in the other 364 days of the year too…. how true that is..

I hope the holidays have been okay for you… and that you did not get that NASTY stomach bug that seems to be going around… ( throw up and die stuff..yuck..) fortunately for me and Mark –as of right now..we have not been sickened with it… but many others have.

Enjoy the last few days of 2011…. 2012 will hopefully bring us good luck and a NEW PRESIDENT!. Love to all.. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: Christmas Cards,yuletide,children,magic,melancholy,life photos,memories.

 

Mrs Justa and looking at today, tomorrow.

The nice thing about a new day dawning is we can start a new too.

We can not change yesterday and we have to focus on today and how the todays will affect our tomorrows and our yesterdays yet to be.

That is a pretty powerful opportunity we have.

What comes to mind is our actions, or things we might say. I truly believe that we need to (on the todays )…not say or do things… that when the today turns into yesterday… we will regret.

As the sun rises I feel like I have been dealt a new hand, maybe the design on the card has changed too.

I do find myself dragging along the yesterdays in my life… the things I can not walk backwards and change. Nope gotta look forward.

There is a woman… a very special woman who was a good friend of my siblings..she is much younger than I. She grew up for a part of her life, on the street we lived in. She is dealing with the sobering recent  news that her leukemia has come back. It was touching.. her brother wrote her on facebook something about how he was there for her… and he wished he ahd not gone to work when she came to visit recently… And she gave him encouragement… she did not regret he worked… she portrayed she understood.  She has the most positive attitude and outlook on life, as she is facing days of chemo, and the feelings that go along with the chemo… yet she is a ray of sunshine every time she interacts with others thru the social networks.

Every  day is a new day for her, and a way to start the newness with another positive thing to share. She is amazing…

So Deb… as you endure the chemo , as you are in your hospital be at Club MD ( as you so affectionately refer to it) I dedicate this to you. I pray for the doctors to have wisdom, for you to have strength, for medicine to keep you comfortable, and for time to be everything it needs to be for YOU. My love to all… please say a prayer for those who are dealing with sickness, surgeries, cancer, and losses….. Love Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: dawn,new day,beginnings,past,present,future,time,share…

 

Mrs Justa and the anniversary

Okay, another day in history. Our 15th wedding anniversary… Yes, we got married 15 lovely years ago. We went tonight to the scene of the event for dinner.. it was nice… we shared it with a friend tonight. A nice ending to a nice day.

As the day went on, and I rambled through the photo album from that day, I find it comforting that many of the people in those photos, we are still in touch with today. We had a simple wedding, it was the second one for both of us, we had been together for 11 years before we got married… so it was not like those few folks who have saved themselves for their chosen mate.. and are anxious for the reception to end ,,, ( you get my drift!!)

So it was a gathering of friends and family… a time to formalize our commitment we had to one another…something we had been unable to do…because it took 11 years for my divorce to be finalized. But that is another story… another time.

At any rate… as the day passed today, I thought about the wedding, it was at a restaurant close to us, we were married by the Justice of the Peace, my sister and son were the witnesses who signed our paperwork. The night was pleasant, we did not have tons of people there, probably 32 total… it was not a competition to see how many we could invite—but more a gathering of people who we a part of all we had gone through, friends and some family.

I feel blessed that we have made it through these years… 26 years we have faced challenges, heart aches,loses, gains,  illnesses, injuries, challenges, triumphs, changes and joys…and we have made it through them. We share strategies, we try to figure the best path to take, we have had our frustrations and we have had our joys….I think that says a lot !. For me, to have someone who cares about me, to have someone who wants to spend time with me, someone who is there for me… well what more could I ask for.

So as I close for tonight… I hope you have some one too. And never take them for granted. For days change, life changes in a second… cherish those around you…. I love my family, love my life… and I love Mark… Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs justa and living and dying

Life… it is really a mystery in a way. We are here and than we are not. For some it may be only a breath and they are no longer here..for others over 100 years on earth.

My brother did a mind boggling blog one day

on the end..http://jackofall58.wordpress.com/

and it has come back through my mind for this past month.

I look at the different scenarios in this world—people here—people gone.

The tragedy of us each being given the freedom of choice—only to make choices that end another’s life.

IN nursing school we worked and trained ion all areas of the hospital. When the training and working was  in peds or NICU- it made it tough to comprehend life and death. My training in Labor and Delivery was for the most part a feel good place to be… oh there were times when people may have not been so pleasant, or peoples lifestyles or lack of respect for life and prenatal care were very hard to comprehend- but in general that was the good side of the circle of life.

NICU could be good—sometimes hard to comprehend—why an infant is born to die moments or weeks later. There must be some good from it… I truly believe we are all on this earth for a purpose—now we may ignore the purpose set forth-and unfortunately other peoples choices may affect our purpose. In NICU I felt it was always special as there people are trained in caring for the tiniest of people. Peds..that rotation was tough for me…as the kids there are not visiting for a play date—they have something that needs acute care. I had a son and step daughter who were both 6 at the time , and it was too hard to separate them from the kids I was caring for. Now though—I think peds or NICU might be a good place to work, if I had to change jobs ever.

Than there was med surg. That floor was a passion of mine, a 50 yr old on the floor was the “kid” age ones- most pts were 60 and above. I made a pack with myself to never let a pt die alone. And to die with dignity..as much as possible.  So at times there were tricky moments to be with the dying pt and care for all the others too. No patient I had ever went without, and I can remember a Christmas Eve where I stayed late to sit by the bedside and hum Christmas songs to a dying pt. I punched out on time..and than I became her visitor of sorts….. It was not the pay—it was the feeling like nursing was helping people in their most vulnerable times. When all their life is stripped from them and no matter if a person was a dignitary, a lawyer, or a street person—everyone had the same gown, the same nurses, and the same treatment  So nursing to me was a way to provide the care needed-but also appreciate the stressors of being out of their elements. Trying to make it the best experience for the situation at hand, And in the end,,,, when a pt died… I hope they went in peace .
Life is in our control yet out of our control.. we live here..than I truly believe we move onto a better place… eternal peace. We must always look for things to be thankful for—they are there—we need to take time to appreciate them. We need to appreciate life..for it is not around forever. We need to stop procrastinating and just do it..whatever it is….

A motto my mom taught us… along with  the golden rule…. is to treat each person as if this is your last encounter with them.. how do YOU want to be remembered when ( as my brother put it) The lights go out.  Love to all, Cindy alias Mrs Justa…

Technorati Tags: death dying,life,living,choices,eternity,treatment

 

Mrs Justa and Indi

Indi the camping dog.. we thought he did pretty good…we got home Sunday at 11:00—he was definitely glad to be home- but he seemed to have adjusted well……..but starting at 5:45 AM Monday and going through 8:15 this morning , he has had 4 grand mal seizures.
The fourth one was worse than the third one which was worse than the second and which was worse than the first. AND the first was pretty bad !. Ugg… he is on phenobarbital, yet maybe he just was not able to tolerate the excitement or stress from camping..… OR maybe he got into some sort of pesticide or insecticide or lawn treatment..it is hard to tell. Chemicals will cause seizures in dogs too. I do not know if any of the places we walked him might have had chemicals on it.

Following seizure 4- he ended up going to the vet for the day. Lots of blood work, observation, they had to give him valium to calm him down because he was pretty anxious being at the vet… and now he is home. Another medication to be added to his phenobarbital and we will see. It is awful to watch him go through seizures… ugggg.

He is a lovable dog, he loves to cuddle, loves to play ball, and loves each moment he is with people. We are hoping he pulls through this.. but only time will tell.

We will take him camping,

 

we will still watch over him…

 

we will pray he has control of his seizures.

Pets are nice… but it is awful when they get sick or have problems like this.

So I am off to get ready to call it a night, I really hope he makes it through the night without another seizure. Fingers crossed…..

love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

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Mrs Justa and the Vet Appnt

Okay, so today was the annual vet day. Oh yeah, that is when the pets become something other than they normally are.

First Mr Indi – referred to as FAT at the vet today. They think he should lose 10 pounds. Man he is 31 pounds. He is a schnoodle mix, I think 10 pounds might be impossible for him. But we will work on it. Poor thing, he has been moping since we got home.

He has epilepsy and takes phenobarbital, so we had been cutting back on his dry food some and filling in his hunger with green beans and chicken boiled- skinless breasts. With that he gets hungry and  he literally will howl a deep belly moan when he is hungry. We do give him ice cubes, mini carrots…

Ugg… so we need to check the food bag for how much food a 20 lb dog would get and adjust the amount. Probably walks would help too… with winter having such a grip on us, he runs in and out of the house. He does like to play ball, but it is in spurts.

So Fatty Indi is on a food rationing..

And Imus.. well he put on his own show. He was howling like a spooky Halloween Cat.

He meowed and spoke more in the time in the car and at the vets than I think he spoke his entire life. He passed the physical with no problems. He had an attitude, but made it through without making any enemies.

Indi however was yipping and hyperventilating, and yelped when the vet felt his belly. The one vet says Indi is a wimp and he anticipates pain, I dunno- cuz when he yelps in pain when his belly is touched- he seems pretty intense about letting us know he hurts. And when the vet today felt his belly- he jumped straight up, and than exited the exam table in about 2 seconds flat.  They actually had to take Indi in a separate room to draw his blood.

So fortunately this visit is now in the past and another year can pass before another. We gotta get Indi down to at least 25 pounds by next year.

We are about to have company for a while this evening. Friends of Marks from long ago. The London broil is in the crock pot..smells really good, potatoes are peeled and ready to get cooked, the veggies are ready, some brown and serve rolls and choc cream pie made.

I just feel really bad because Mark is really really dizzy. We do not know if it is related to the last week he had the flu or because he stopped taking a medication – and maybe a side effect to that. His psychiatrist just told him to reduce a med 150 mg- so he did… but we are wondering if not weaning off of it is creating the blah- dizziness? What ever it is… he is not having a good time. I hope he makes it through tonight okay.

Love to all… pray for peace in this world of ours. Cindy alias Mrs Justa.

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