JustaKrusen/ Mrsjustakrusen

I have to tell you, I feel bad for those who have never been loved by a dog, who have never loved a dog. For a good part of my life, a dog has helped to make me whole. I truly believe, in my life, no other living being has ever been as faithful, trustworthy, compassionate and loving than a dog.

I have had a number of dogs, various breeds, various sizes. Each and everyone had a personality of their own, and if given attention and watching them, their lack of words does not lessen their amount of communication. They are silly, they smile, they do strange things, they fill the heart and soul with a love that is unmeasurable and irreplaceable.

I have never 100% of the time had a person greet me at the door with so much excitement and joy. Never once was a dog sitting at the door with a scowl, or a “And where were you this late” attitude that I would get from a parent at times. I have never had a better friend, never had another show unbiased acceptance for who and what I am, never felt as whole as I have in the times shared with our dog.

A dog is there when you hurt when you are sick and when you are just being. And a dog protects those who love it, to make sure danger stays as far away as possible.

I feel bad for those people who have never shared the time with a dog. It is so easy to walk past the dog journeys on the road of life, and honestly, it leaves a person without the “inconvenience ” of having a dog. They can pound their proverbial chests and have so many reasons why they don’t like dogs, do have dogs and would never live with a dog.

A dog is not okay to be beaten or abandoned, it is not ok to lock them up and let them come out for meals, they are not JUST A DOG. If a person can not take in 100% of what a dog really offers, what a gift a dog can be, well those people should never have one.

To me, a dog is not meant to be left outside, in a caged area or tied on a chain, why would I have a dog just to make it an outside animal? Some say their dogs have thick coats and love the cold, okay– I think that perhaps those people should put on their own heavy coats and share that outside environment with that dog.

Sure you can live without a dog, and you think you aren’t missing anything because of that, unfortunately, those people will never experience the unconditional love a dog gives. They won’t know the void a dog can fill, for me…. my life has been better with a dog in it.

A dog is a responsibility, a step taken knowing there are costs for caring, feeding, and nurturing. If a person is not willing to give all the care to a dog, they should not make that step. For me, for each dog that has filled my love with so much, there is no price, no amount of money that can match how much better my life is because of them.

I also can say that when a dog has had to die, the void, the soul riping loss ( for me) has been worse than the severe feeling of loss of a loved one. With that being said, a passing of a loved one goes on and on, and it feels like the world should stop as you take it all in.

The passing of a dog, it is different. It is so heart wrenching, and it can be days to not cry at a dog commercial, or looking at a photo or belonging of the dog, yet the footprints in my soul are treasured.

For me, I am so thankful to have known the various dogs in my life. Each one has been inside the house, protected from the elements. Each ones short life ( compared to our lives) has given more than I could ever have given back. If you truly watch a dog, you find so many neat qualities, neat personalities, and realize why dog is God spelled backward. A dog is not “Just a dog” and more than a person is “Just a ___”

I am going to get ready to venture into work. Our dog has come in and nudged her nose on my leg to say good morning, she has had her breakfast and gone out, and now she is in sleeping with her dad, watching over him as he sleeps his last little while before araising to a new day. She reminded me how great it is to have her in our home, in our hearts, and a part of our family.

Love to all, Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

These past 4 weeks have been tough. Oh I know there are so many people with worse things, that isn’t my point. Four Sundays ago I had started with a wicked sore throat. Well, that was the beginning of an incredible viral upper respiratory journey of feeling lousy for 4 weeks. I never sought MD care because I never had a fever or signs of an infection. It was just annoying congestion, muscles aching and feeling in a funk. I had to cancel a singing commitment at church,

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I missed church for 4 Sundays, and I had to just focus on the little I could do. There was one weekend day I went to bed at 8PM and did not get up till 2PM the next day. Oh my muscles did not forgive me for days after that stunt, as I am not a sleeper normally beyond 5-6 hrs.

I tried to do stuff around the house because I did not want to get weaker not doing things, and I did not realize how lousy I felt until it felt GREAT to wash the floor this weekend. I had used the swifter on it these past few weeks, but to do a real washing of it felt incredible.

I felt like dancing to be able to do the laundry. And to go grocery shopping, well I felt in 7th heaven. And going to church today, well that felt sooo good to do. Going through this it just accentuated to me how important every moment of our lives are. Putting things off for tomorrow is not a guarantee those things will ever happen.

Mark and I went to the Assisted Living place his mom is at yesterday. It is about 2 hrs from here, it is not a journey to make in lousy weather. The weather was nicer, sunny, roads dry, I was upright, and it was a good time to make the trip.

It is strange though to be in the midst of an Assisted Living Environment. Most of the residents are walker dependent, and at mealtime, it is like a parking lot of walkers patiently waiting for their owner to return. During various times many strolling in the halls, activities planned about every 2-2 1/2 hrs apart from each item. Three chef-prepared meals a day, and the place is taken care of very well, the staff is very accommodating to the residents and their visitors. It is, however, a place where people have given up everything. Their clothes are laundered, their medications brought to them, they take a trip in a van as a group to Walmart, they for the most part no longer drive, they are all in this very nice place with people from different walks of life with varying personalities, and everyone is encouraged to be out and about and not stay in their rooms. It is a whole different angle to day to day life. A good opportunity for those independent yet not safest living in a house or apartment alone.

However, the reality of knowing you have given up everything has got to feel sad at times. Not knowing what the next steps will be, not having control over the things planned. Kind of like trying to find light and direction through the trees. It just once again reminded me that life is not forever, we need to absorb every single minute of every single day. Because before we know it, we may no longer have the option to hop in a car and go to see a sunset. Or go out for a dinner at a favorite restaurant. Or take a trip to a place you find you are able to recharge your soul at.

So please, do not take one single moment for granted…be careful… do not take risks on your health or well being… be kind…. and enjoy the gift of life. Until later, Mrs Justa Alias Cindy

We are all different, some quiet, some are known when they are in the presence of others, and some are darn right annoying because their behavior is that they are the only one that matters.

I wonder what makes us be the way we are. I was thinking about me, if I had to look for something I am like, I find a buoy is probably that best description. Buoys are just there, they can provide safety to alert of danger, they do not cause harm, they are pretty simple and bob along as the world goes by calmly, or thrashes around me.

As I bob through every minute of my life- going forward and for the minutes that have  gone by, I watch, I observe, I say few words, and if the waters are calm, I am still… if the waters are rough I tip back and forth, look like I might lose my purpose, but in the end, I am still there.

Birds can perch on me, a boat can be warned of danger by me, I guide to safety and I can be held onto in a bind. A buoy is always there as life goes by. Winter makes me more of a buoy, but this spring, as the weather warms,  I think my weighed down buoy is going to be more like a leaf in a breeze, and we may take time to explore places not visible in my buoy existence. God gave us life, and such breathtaking things to do, every once in a while, Mark and I – well we are going to start seeing them again.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Some people in life are like the Rock of Gibraltar. It is a reference used for hundreds of years in varying settings, basically thinking of them as a place one can rely on for support, providing confidence, never faltering.

And when that Rock isn’t feeling 100%, it is like the universe is not aligned.

My mom was like that, the dependable person, always supporting, never showing signs of weakness, or inability to perform at her best. Like an ever-ready bunny. On those few occasions when she just was not at 100%, I felt like nothing was for certain if that makes sense. Also, I felt like I wanted to help her, but since she didn’t really let anyone know how they could help her, I would do little things to appear like I was making a difference, but maybe I wasn’t.

I kinda do the same thing that mom did,. I rarely ask for help, and I have the infamous to do list, I just keep ticking along, step after step. and I get things done.

Well, this week has not been that way.

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I have been battling a lot of upper head congestion, and an annoying as all get out cough, and just not feeling right. It is an effort to do things that normally just get done. Mark is offering to help where he can, – the God, but I just want to feel better.

Ya know I am sick if I sleep in- or go to take a nap. Yesterday I got up at 1PM. And I have gone to bed at 11PM the night before. That is totally not me. Nope, I am a 5-6 hr sleep is enough person.

Today though I worked on the taxes, Mark helped, and we got through them. Damn- THANK GOD for ONLINE ability- and THANK GOD for TURBOTAX !!!! I can not even imagine being half as smart as turbo tax is !

Now that is done , it is one thing off the TODO list that was like a staple line on each of my to-do lists since 1-1-19. So I am giving into this crappy last few weeks, and not going to do more than necessary- hopefully tomorrow will be me— back to being me. I hope this finds you as strong as the Rock of Gibraltar… I will look forward to that strength, that shield of indestructible armor tomorrow.

Until later— Mrs justa alias CIndy

We all have had times when life can seem overwhelming, or a day is coming quicker than we want it to and we have so much to do to prepare for whatever that day is marked for. It can be a situation at home, at work, a special event, a party, a wedding, a change-in-life event. The bottom line is, we can be all focused on the moment way before it happens, and it can stress us to the max.

One thing I have learned from life,

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and also have to steadily remind myself that I have learned it is you get to the peak of the mountain one step at a time, if we look up at it and know we need to get there, we see it as one giant step, but it isn’t.

It is true for every single thing really. A shawl is crocheted one stitch at a time. A novel is written one word at a time. A driveway full of snow is cleared one step at a time.

Nature itself takes one step at a time. If it did not, we would not experience a walk through deep snow or sand between our toes.  How many grains of sand make a seashore? How many snowflakes does it take to make an inch of snow?

That currently is how I look at everything. The important thing is we take those steps. We have our lives in order, we lessen the “good intentions” and turn them into works in process, and at some point a completion, a check off the to-do list of life.

Just think of all the things that would never be- if the focus on the summit discouraged the process to begin. If the thought of the finished bridge made it overwhelming to begin…

I currently am updating a reference sheet of our life, it is a good intention, meant to do it a zillion times in the past few YEARS, and now I will take the steps to get it completed for right now.

A reference sheet of life informs those who might be covering for us if we are sick, or have to be away for a while, or when we leave this earth for our permanent home. It tells who is owed what, what insurances we have, what accounts we have, is there a will, who is the lawyer. Where things are filed and kept. It is never finalized, as things will change, but it needs to be updated and checked for currentness probably every year at the max.

I looked at ours and it has information that is no longer accurate. So that is my mountain summit for right now. One word at a time, one line at a time– it will feel good to get to the top.

I hope you have a great day, take one step at a time. Until alter, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

I wanted to share a captured moment, a once in a lifetime moment, that makes me laugh every single time I see it. Once upon a time, oh probably 8 years ago, we used to have a bird feeder in the back yard that was maybe 10 feet from the house. The birds loved it, and so did the chipmunks and squirrels.

We would see a few different types of birds and just 2 types of squirrels, red and grey. It was a winter we had had a lot of snow, and even though we did everything from buying a squirrel resistant feeder to adding things to make it harder, those little guys found a way to get there. This one day I had noticed the feeder getting low so we went out and filled it to the max.

I go to look out the slider to see how things are looking, and it seemed like all the food was on the ground. The squirrels had learned how to jump, hit the pole, which would shake the feeder and seeds would go flying. I see this little guy munching, stuffing his cheeks all around the newly coated ground, chomping away like crazy.

Then all of the sudden he comes up the stairs of the backslider , puts his one “hand” on the snow bank, and other on his belly and rubs his belly.

I do not know if he was thanking us, indicating he shouldn’t have gone up for thirds… or just indicating he won.

No matter what, it was funny beyond belief. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

I am thinking today about how sometimes children will see something, or say something, and you have no idea how they had that insight. How they knew. This is Jeff at the age of this example.

For the first couple years of his life Jeff and I had lived in Prattburg, NY.  I had been there for 3 years before Jeff was born. It was a rather small town in the southern tier of NY and neighbors were a ways away from each other.  My husband at the time worked in Rochester, so that was 1 1/2 hrs each way. Needless to say, it was not a place where you would be if you were looking for suburban life.

I had met a couple of women, wives of friends of my husband, Billie Jo and Lindy. Before Jeff was born, the 3 families became an extended family. Once Jeff was born, our kids played together and Lindy’s father in law, well he was “Papa”.

Papa took me in and Billie Jo in as pseudo daughters. He was a great man. Cooked incredible Italian meals, and loved every minute of life. His laughter was jolly, his heart real. The kids were his extended grandkids. When I was pregnant, he often took me to the OB appointments because it was 45 minutes from our house. He and Billie Jo were part of the group who were at the hospital when I went in for having Jeff. As Jeff grew, Papa would visit him, daily. Jeff grew to look at Papa as a grandfather, he loved Papa and Papa had a way to have kids melt as he entered the room.

Jeff would always go and find a toy to show him, and Papa would act like it was the first time he saw it each time. About a yr after My husband and I had separated, and I moved with Jeff closer to Rochester, Jeff saw Papa very infrequently. I found out that Papa had been in the hospital. It was in June 1985, I remember  I gathered quickly pictures of Jeff and mailing them to the hospital with a card. Lindy told me later that Papas face lit up when he received them

Not too long after that, as I was driving to daycare, Jeff held firmly in his car seat, I saw Jeff look almost to the horizon and raising his head slowly as raised his head to the sky- as far up as possible.

I asked him “Jeff what are you looking at?”He looked at me, with such innocence, such sincerity, and seriousness and with the words I will never forget he said: ” I just saw Papa go up in the sky”. I thought that so unusual, so amazing that this 3 yr old, this precious child saw something and knew what he saw. I tried to support him, and tell him it was probably clouds in the early morning, maybe Papa was looking at Jeffs picture… jeff gave me a little smile. He knew not what that meant except the facts of what he saw and shared with me.

This weighed heavy on my mind and so after work, I made some calls to see how Papa was doing. I was told that  Papa had died earlier. We went to the calling hours, and after a lot of thinking, we felt that Jeff should go too. We felt he would be able to finalize that Papa was always going to be special to him, and we felt him seeing him in the casket would be better than wondering if Papa was going to visit. We got there, and there was a step in front of the casket, Jeff stepped up and had quite a little discussion with Papa, knowing that he could not respond. I know I was crying, over watching the innocence of Jeff, and also the loss of Papa. We brought Jeff into the meeting room area, and as we got ready to leave, he pulled my hand and said: “Wait, we have to tell Papa goodbye.”  He walked over, climbed up the step, put his hands on papa and told him goodbye and he loved him.”  That pretty much did me in…   The incredible experiences we cannot define, the things that happen, the precious innocence of youth, the unexplained blessings.

Until later, Mrs Justa, alias Cindy

This past weekend I took the AARP On Line-Driver Safety  Training course, my 3 year certificate was about to expire, so time to refresh my mind and acclimate to changes there may be in traffic laws. One part was describing sign images and road markings, I had to fill in what they were for. It was amazing how many signs we deal with just with driving! The signs all have meanings, and the more advanced we get, it seems like the more signs there will be. If you miss a sign, it can be detrimental to us, our passengers, and those sharing the highway with us. As I went through this, I could hear Jeffs little toddler voice and giggle in my mind.

When Jeff was about 30 months old, we had a huge life change, my marriage had become a separation and that required Jeff and me to start traveling quite a bit.  A 2 1/2 yr old who is used to being home with mom all the time, well traveling was a new experience. We traveled From Prattsburg to Liverpool, and then once we had an apartment in Honeoye Falls, we traveled daily to his new daycare center, and I went off to work.  We would sing songs and jibber back and forth, and during our journeys, I made up and we played a road trip game.

I would tell him what the pavement signs meant- it gave him something to see all the way from point A to point B. I loved it, and am so thankful as he aged he did not think it was a requirement everytime he was in a car. But in the 2-3 yrs of his life, well it brought us laughing and focusing on the road ( literally ) .

The game was this: he needed to see if we could pass or not- ( even though I do not pass on 2 lane roads most of the time.

AS I drove, depending on the the yellow lines he would say “PASS”, or “NO PASS”, or “THEY PASS”, or “WE PASS” It was such a joy each time I would say he was correct. It helped to make the miles an experience, and not just an expectation for him to sit in his Strollee Car seat and be expected to just be quiet. HMMM, I wonder if subconsciously he still thinks “PASS”, or “NO PASS”, or “THEY PASS”, or “WE PASS” as he drives down the highways?

As I wandered my way through the pavement and road sign section of the class,  I thought about way back then and smiled as I identified the pavement markings and the road signs.

Until later, WATCH THOSE SIGNS– they are everywhere you go…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

As I think of life and the challenges it brings I am reminded of my grandmother. The first 4 yrs of my life we blessed with her presence. In that time though, this woman left a lasting impression on me. She had lost her vision before I was born. My mom had told us she had undergone surgery for glaucoma and her optic nerve was so damaged that she lost her vision.

We lived in an upper flat in Bridgeport Conn, and it is amazing what I remember from those beginning years of my life. We lived there together, my parents, my grandmother, my older sisters and me. Karen was 10 yrs older than me, so I am sure she remembers much more than I do. Pam was 1 1/2 yrs older.

My grandmother though, even though she had not literal sight, she did amazing things. We, as children, needed to make sure we did not move furniture or leave toys on the floor.  I remember wanting to help hold my grandmother’s hand to help her at times. In the apartment, I remember there was this sewing machine and it seems like it was in a corridor or a hallway. She loved sewing, and even though she could not use her eyes, she used her sense of touch. This sewing machine was totally manual. We would open up the table and she could sit at it, put her feet on the pedal plate and as she pushed up and down on the treadle, the machine would sew.  I would watch her sew aprons, napkins, things the had square pieces of fabric. My mom must have cut the squares of material, but my grandmother would sew the pieces together, rocking back and forth on the treadle. If something moved out of place, I would help her by getting it.  I loved the time with her and I remember trying to imagine not seeing, and amazed by her ability to not let that stop her.

I do not remember her doing things in the kitchen, but I also remember her holding me on her lap. It was a sense I just always remember being there. This picture is me on her lap and Pam next to us.  I remember bedtime stories as she “read”. Pam and I would help turn pages as she seemed to be at the next part of the story, and sometimes we would tell her she skipped a page.

When you are born and people are a part of your life from the start, they are a part of why the sun rises and sets. You just know they are there. I truly loved her, her embrace was comforting, her love was welcoming, her determination to live life to the best she could, she was such an inspiration to me. I often wonder if I ever drove her crazy. Pam and I were so different, she was more subdues, me I think I was always kinda silly, active, and hmmm probably a little overwhelming at times.

I remember the day I saw her last… I was 4,  she was at the sewing machine and she said was unable to lift the needle, her hands were not working. I remember her being frightened, and me being scared and getting my mom. I remember an ambulance coming, the men who came and got her, and as they drove away, not understanding what was happening. That was the end of that chapter in my life, she never came home. When she left her earthly home, ended up in her eternal home, she may have left the world in a physical sense, but the things that matter, her soul, her spiritual gifts, those never died, and as confusing as it was to me at four, her determination, her accepting adversity, her unending appreciation for each moment, that lives on. What a blessing she was to me, she helped to lay the foundation blocks of my life, and to remind me that life was never promised to be easy, it is a gift and a matter of attitude how we handle it.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy