October 2012

I gotta tell ya, this is now rolling into my least favorite time of the year. The best thing that happened this time of year was my niece and sister were born. But I am reminded every year of the pain too.

I can not help by go back to  1963

100_002710 years old is  supposed to be a time in our lives where the road to adolescence is being paved and laid down… where Barbie dolls and Roller skates are changing to 10 speed bikes and sleep overs. When it is still okay to get tucked in at night, and you want to be brave and not have the night light on…when you knew pretty soon you no longer could sit on dads lap very comfortably, where the dreams of becoming a teenager seemed to be coming more real.

Yes… a time when life begins to change…and for me.. it changed all right.

It changed for our whole family. I’ve written about it before… and yet it all surfaces again..each year. My dad had one into the hospital –he  went in on my 10th birthday with a heart attack.

My mom was VERY pregnant and she would drive to the hospital every evening with the 5 kids in the car, she would leave us in the lobby at the hospital, and she would go up and visit him.
We were not allowed to go up there. So volunteer women would take moments to stay with us in the lobby. They brought us paper to draw on, tried to distract our worried thoughts, my sister was 11, me 10.. the next in line were my brothers 5 and 6 and my sister 2. Night after night –we would wait for mom to come down….and she would drive us home. She was due on Halloween night.  But that night came and went,… and still no baby. On November 1st… dad actually waved to us in the lawn of the hospital from way up on his hospital; floor. He looked like a small image way up there, but knowing the moving image was dad was so warming..so comforting. I remember waving so hard my whole body was twisting..I thought my arm was going to pop off…..

Than on 11-2- we went in and mom came back down after visiting and said we could go up and see  him… he was coming home in the morning… We loaded in the elevator, anxious with joy… gitty..giggling in the elevator.. the laughter kind of echoing… I remember the volunteers who had now gotten to know us pretty well..they had tears welling in their eyes as they saw our smiles…. up we went… the door opened… a wheel chair around the corner and dad was there… there was a window that the chair was put by..it overlooked the city… each kid got to go to him, sit on his lap, hug him, tell him what ever came to mind…. laughter..I remember laughter… …and than the next. I waited in the back ground.. I wanted to be last… I remember the feeling of the strength of his hands as he held me on his lap… he had Old Spice on…I  remember the smell. I remember the secure feeling… a feeling of safety..as he hugged me , kissed me…. and said I will see you in the morning…

The ride home was like floating on a cloud… the anticipation of morning and daddy coming home was more excitement than I have had since than…

At 11 that night mom went into labor… she called a neighbor to help her get to the hospital … a different hospital.. She called our sister in nursing school to come home and be with us… she got there… it was scary… now mom was going too…. we tried to sleep… and before 7 in the morning the phone rang… oh it must be the baby news… it was a man… He asked for my mom… I said she was not there—she was having a baby… he asked who was there… I said my sister.. she was 19… he heard her voice… he asked her if she was the oldest one there..she said yes… he hung up the phone.. We were all puzzled… I remember sitting in the corner..hugging my knees, rocking back and forth.. in a trance almost… saying in a soft mumble… “Daddies dead/…daddies dead…” I did not stop… I kept saying it… and than the phone rang again…. I remember my sister kind of yelling at me to stop saying that… It was another doctor… he apologized for the previous call..and than he said… your  father died this morning…. The death of my father when I was 10 years old , changed my life forever. …Bam… our life as we knew it was changed …. my sister called the other hospital… left a message to give to our mom who was in the delivery room…. and a miracle happened… the same moment dad died..our youngest sister was born.

And than 35years later—to the day—the time.. our mom died…in her sleep….so that is why this time of year… I like to zoom by 11-3 kind of quickly. I say happy birthday to my sister… the pain and loss I have is separate from the joy of her… but it is tough.. It does not get easy…

So as these days come closer… I find myself not looking forward to the weeks to follow…and than things get better again.

Mom, Dad . I miss you so much… and Dad.. thanks for that hug and kiss on my cheek..had I known it was the last…I would have never gotten off your lap.

Ahhh… the memories are so fresh…. Take time to let those close to you know that you love them, thank them, spend time with them…. for life comes…and life goes… We have no guarantees of anything… Love to all. Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy



It is true… about 5 weeks ago we looked at our cable bill for the zillionth time, and saw once again it was a little higher. 200.00 a month for cable, high speed internet and digital phone. As we were still thinking about the bill.. low and behold..an ad came in the mail for Direct TV, and than through a local provider- high speed internet and phone—for less than 90.00 a month. Ohh this was a tough choice… we live in the country..we gets LOTS of snow… we have high winds… what would a Dish be like? Well within a week from this thought we had a dish bolted in our roof and a local company wiring us for their internet and phone package. WELL>>>> the internet would not stay on… the phone became full of super static. A repair guy came out, said he fixed it.. yet still cutting on and off. Within a 4-5 week period it had cut on and off over 100 times. So a guy came back yesterday—found an intermittent problem.. and here I am… finally on line long enough to get a post in.

SO for the last 15 hrs or so… we are okay. Let’s see if it is fixed. If not it is going to be a LONG 1 yr contract.

For my birthday we went out and got a 32 inch flat screen tv. It will be in Friday. It is not a bad deal, they were running a sale… . Although…. in a store with 80 inch TVs ..this looked kinda small. But measuring it, and measuring what we have now—it is going to be a little bigger !. The picture is really clear and sharp.. we will be able to tell a difference..but the one we have now has a remarkable picture.. nothing wrong with it… I just thought it would be neat  to try a flat screen. 100_0020

We were tempted to get a HUIGE one.. but why go into debt for a TV??

I will have to do a little promotion or complaint on it once it is running.  I will try to get back on tomorrow… gotta do quite a bit of stuff around here.. but I will try.

Sorry I have not posted— but now you know why… Have a good night… Love to all. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

work and home oct 2012 176Mid way through a 4 day weekend for me, and I am feeling blessed we were able to have Brandon and Preston for a couple of nights. Jeff came and picked them up around lunch time. We had lunch and he took off for home with 2 boys who we were pretty sure would take a nap today!

They are such fun to be around. Anything I went to do, Brandon was right there asking to help. As I would tell Brandon he could help, Preston was coming to see what he could do too. They helped load the washer and dryer, they helped put the detergent and fab softener in, they helped with dishes, helped with cooking,helped fold clothes, helped with reading, helped bake cookies, … we had a race in the side yard, we walked the dog, we did a bunch of puzzles, read books, played cars, read more books…. oh and had freeze pops… Yeah it was fun !.

It was a busy 2 days, but days in life that brings memories, smiles and makes one appreciate what special times we can have with children.

work and home oct 2012 177

I love the magic of life in a child’s eyes. I love watching them try to figure out things. I loves watching them interact with one another and with their adults in their life.

Tom and Sher came over last evening and spent some time with us and the boys. it was fun to see them interact with Tom and with Sher.

The boys had new adults to try to figure out. We had pizza and wings and lots of smiles and laughs. Bubble baths, games to play, chatting and just being. It was a fun evening.

Yesterday was supposed to be pumpkin patch day with the preschool Class. But it was canceled because it was really cold, wet and would have been miserable. So I got to take Brandon to pre-K. It was so cute to see each kids line up to go to their class, each one looking at the adult who brought them there,,,and than all of the sudden this line of 18 4 yr olds blow kisses to their families. They all go in one by one into a class room. It was precious.

I was lucky to have been able to take the time off to spend with them …. it was a good 2 day.

Now off to shrink the table down to it’s smallest size… and maybe read my book a bit…

Yes life is special… Love to all, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

Oh my goodness… As if I did not have time before ..now add WORDS WITH FRIENDS to the mix!!!

This is addictive… I mean worse than smoking , drinking and eating all together.

It takes me twice as long to clean on Saturdays..cuz every time my phone does the chime that someone just played a word—well I gotta go and see what they played.

I like to play with people my speed.. ( Mentally challenged !!LOL)

No but really… see when there are games on line—than some creep will design sites to go to where you can enter your letters and it gives you words you NEVER heard of. There are some whiz folks who entwine the words so one work will fit next to another—and the person gets 80-100 points with words I never knew existed… Those people are not real fun to play against. I refuse to go to those sites…and well I am just not as smart as they are in this game.

I am more on the level of “the”…”it” .. “qi” maybe throw in a 5 letter word every once in a while… Oh my goodness… lunches at work—I run out to my car and play a few words on my smart phone..than turn it off and go back to work.

Making dinner—phone is on and charging and every “bling” sound… I scoot over and play a word.

I am PATHETIC!!!. I was wondering if I could get a waterproof cover and play a word in the shower LOL

So needless to say… I have not posted—cuz I have been wording it with friends.

It is fun… it is kinda nerve wracking—because people will start a game and not play a words for DAYS!!!. There have been nights when Mark and I are sitting on the couch playing a game against each other… when we went camping—9:00 PM hit—and out came our smart phones— and off for word with friends. Now mind you we have a scrabble board—but heck this seems more adventurous.

I guess it is better than other addictions… but dang.. it is a time filler too.

We are okay… Mark has his emotional issues that tend to bring him on highs or lows… and the highs keep him from sleep… the lows keep him in bed more.

Riley is a good dog.. we are lucky to have her—I think. She is very affectionate… loves to be with us… and is chomping on this beef bone I bought today and baked for her…… She is a little obsessive compulsive—I think she has been scraping it for 5 hrs now !!.

Our kids and grandkids seem to be all doing well…and the rest of the family is too…

Life is FLYING by… but at least I am alive to watch it fly by—so I guess that is a good thing.

I am off to cook dinner.. and do some more stuff for work…

Love to all. Mrs Justa alias Cindy