No one guarantees that life will be perfect. And because of our freedom to make choices, we tend to make choices that do not always end up with  good endings for us. By poor choices, sometimes choices of ends up far from perfect.

The non perfect lives that many of us live, they can be like  rain storms. Dark and dreary, and it is  easy to hide behind the darkness.We kid ourselves, we say it is not so bad, we say there is no problem and we continue to make bad choices.

I got on this thought process as I worked my less than thin body at the gym this afternoon. I try to really get lost in the music, but at times I can not help but focus on how unbelievably  easy it is to lose control of our selves. People overeat, people over drink, people use all kinds of drugs… and all with a deaf ear for the voice telling them to stop.

Oh that one doughnut, that one pizza, that one pitcher of beer, that bottle of wine, that joint, ..whatever that one thing is… it is followed by other one things and before we know it..we have stopped making decisions based on knowledge..but on emotions.

Speaking from experience… it is a lot easier to eat the doughnut..than to work it off.

As a child, we were rewarded for good behavior, for special events ( concerts we were in, little league games we played, A+ on our report cards..) yep we were rewarded with food. Heck a winning or losing game of little league and the whole family went out for an ice cream sundae at Friendlies. An A+ and we got to go out for a dinner…(usually at Carols Restaurant..( a hamburger joint). For our birthdays we got to chose our favorite food and got cake and ice cream. We had chocolate chip cookies for cleaning our room.

The commercials when we were growing up advertised a cool cigarette for cool woman, I think they were called Virginia Slims. The tough guys were in cowboy outfits with chaps on..and they were smoking on Marlboros or Camels.

Than every ball game on TV had to be watched slugging down beers.

It is no wonder we now have generations of alcoholics, morbidly obese, nicotine addicted or drug addicted individuals. I feel fortunate I did not go the whole gamut and get involved in drugs and alcohol too. Being obese an entire life is not easy either.

The rains storms in our lives are the addictions, the bad behaviors… and the shining through..the rainbows in our lives has to be the inner self coming through and shining over the weaker side. On the Biggest Loser this weak one of the trainers kept screaming at the contestants. NO MORE EXCUSES! Over and over… and it hit home…in more ways than one.  I want to set goals in my life and not let anything get in their way. Keep my knowings and feelings in check. 100_4420_editedIf we all do that… well in the end..we will be like this rainbow..we will be shining past the darkness we have set in our lives.

And maybe just maybe.. with conscious effort..the bad habits can be gone, and for each one a rainbow shines through instead.

How many rainbows do you hope to have glow in your life, demonstrating that you have overcome the darkness, the bad choices………?

Me I am looking to be  starting with 2….Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy..


Whether you think you can or think

you can’t, you’re right.

– Henry Ford


On a daily basis I feel there are times when I am challenged with can I or can’t I choices…. Life is filled with opportunities to say I think I can.. or I know I can’t. I think it is often   easier for people to say “I can’t” because that closes the chapter to that challenge or opportunity. Poof..chapter closed… do not have to look at it… do not have to open the next chapter.

But to think “I can” well that opens doors to turn the rocks of life over and see what is under them. To look deep inside ourselves and see how creative we can be to take on the challenge and see how well we come out in the end of that next chapter.


Where would we be if no one took the challenge to figure out how to get over the rivers, steams and bays? Where would we be if no one took the initiative to find a way to propel ourselves down the road? Where would we be if people did not take the time to figure out what causes diseases,  injuries, health issues….

we would be a nation of people , stranded from travel, dying at young ages, walking everywhere.

It is amazing as I type on this keyboard that at one point I was a tiny baby..I knew nothing, I could not walk, talk, feed my self, cloth myself…and even before I could rationalize  the thought that I could do it… I did do it. We all as infants chose to learn to walk, talk, eat, and become dependent… but than…after climbing so many mountains in life… we stop..and it becomes easier to think..”I can’t do ____” whatever we are challenged with.

My mom used to say..”The easy way is normally not the right way..” and “you have to work for what you are going after in life.” How true that is….nothing that is“ too good to be true..” is worth going after. 100_4061

Look back at your own life… the things you remember, the things that brought you the most satisfaction… did you work for them..or were they just laid in your lap?

For me… I worked HARD to make the things most worthwhile in my life exist…

So tonight I say… take the high road… climb the mountains of life… turn those stones…and find satisfaction at the end of each journey..

Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Someone I know came up to me today and said “ I do not know if I told you, but I am on a diet.” I just shook my head and did not really go into much more, but than she said “On Weds I came to the conclusion that the mirror was not lying.”

As she continued to share her thoughts, she was saying that for a very long time when she looked in the mirror, it was not the image she believed she was. So she has been seeing herself as her mind wants her to be. But now she knows she is heavier than she wants to be, the mirror was not lying and she has come to terms with the fact she needs to reverse the trend.

Well, for anyone who has read any of my posts , or knows me.. someone saying something like this  gets the old rusty gears in my mind spinning, and than I start thinking of similarities, and of things that I can relate to.

It was a very deep subject really.

Have you ever seen a picture of yourself and thought the person who took it was a poor photographer- or they got you on your bad side, or poor lighting, or they needed to get further back. It can’t be the way you look to others really. The camera is lying.

We used to go out to the Large Viewbars for karaoke night. Now the earlier you go, the better the performances…it is great when someone goes up there and is fabulous. There are some people that I remember, I was thrilled when they were up on the stage, it was like going to a concert….But as the night lingers on and more people have had a beer or two, they become braver. Some people open their mouth, and as their voice comes out they hear the artist in their heads, and believe they sound like the artist.. and even though I believe everyone can sing a song- not everyone should sing it in a bar, using a microphone.

Another area I reeled my mind into was clothing. There is a traffic person on a local station here who has told one of the female DJs more than once,, “ Just because they make it in your size, does not mean you should wear it.” This is another angle to what this person was saying to me today. Let’s say you go shopping, and the mannequin looks dynamite in an outfit. So in you go, and low and behold, they have the same outfit in your size … a 2X ! Wow this is your lucky day. . It feels great.. all the time your mind is envisioning the mannequin ( who if she was real probably would be in an inpt program for eating disorders) and when you look in the mirror- you see your eyes…. problem is the clothes are below eye level. But you do not need to look at them- as you know how good it looked on the mannequin.

Life is a deception sometimes… I think at times we focus on what we want to believe instead of how it really is. Maybe that is how a hoarder can hoard. They see the part of the environment that is open, and not all the areas that are packed full. And I believe media and government leaders also play the delusion game.. we are told what someone perceives we should be told..and that is it.

How about when a person is trying to lose weight, and they convince themselves that if no one is looking it is not that bad to eat whatever it is. A delusion that if no one sees you eat it, than it goes no where. My older sister literally carved pages out of books on our bedroom shelves, and hid those big 1 lb candy bars in them- heck she even had a book with the pages cut out for a boxes  of girl scout cookies. HMMM and than she would tell me she could not figure out why she was overweight.

What is real? What are we fooling ourselves with?

What is how we want it to be?

How can we see and be aware of what really is real?

Life in the pretend world seems better at times, I think..until we make ourselves look at life without the rose colored glasses….

HMMM>>> all this  because this person came to me and told me she was on a diet… my mind is reeling… hmmmm.

Love to all, stay focused on the real things.. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

LighthouseOkay… I use this picture to take me to a pleasant place cuz…this has been a sucky 6 days. Sat night my thigh started to feel burning and numb, Sunday- a doughy mass… went to the docs told her about how terrible my legs hurt , now I have a mass I can feel…  that I have a fever and feel exhausted- she never checked my legs, said sometimes we can have things wrong that do not reveal symptoms we expect and gave me an antibiotic for a sinus infection?????But whatever—I am just the patient right? I guess I may have had an upper sinus infection— no symptoms…

Than yesterday the  mass in my leg became red and warm to touch—temps still 101-102  so 7:45 last evening another 20.00 copay and low and behold- this provider ( she is really great – I love seeing her) actually looked at my leg !!!!!!!!!!!!  Said I have phlebitis in the leg… hmmm. go figure- I end up with phlebitis from being inactive due to being sick… as she thinks the incredible bone pain and fever was a type of flu… she is not voting on the sinus infection- but the good news is the antibiotic is also good for skin tissue infections—so she  did a lot of blood work… and  she asked “ You working?”  I said “Yes”  She smiled and said “Not Now !!” I want you back in the morning.

So another 20.00 co pay- she saw me after a night of intermittent heat… another 1600 mg of Motrin, fever finally broke from last Weds- Doppler neg for clots— bone pain relived finally…sinuses feel good ( But I did not know they were feeling bad..)  ….so maybe I am going to feel better soon.She said I was tired because of my sodium being down.  So I am off to suck down some salt—cuddle up with a book and cup of coffee and heating pad on my leg… and get better.

In all of this , it once again brought to the forefront how dependent we are on our bodies to function right. In a blink of an eye life can change. This is nothing compared to what others go through, yet I was thinking- OMG I only have 2 PTO days left till 3-1-2011. And what about this and that I have to do.. and what if there is a clot and I end up admitted for 7- 10 days.. Than I am thinking about the doppler study—what if they find something else wrong with my leg in the process of checking this out.

Our bodies are chemical labs- processing different electrolytes , fluids and vitamins and minerals- all if balanced give us the ability to walk , talk, think, speak, sleep. Do not alter the balance, or the body does not work right. It is really amazing when I think about us.. the human being..and know if certain things are not balanced- we become non responsive, die… if a level is off we can become agitated, confused, …. we need to be proactive for our own being. We are responsible for ourselves. We add substances to our bodies that are not healthy- we have no one but ourselves to blame when our bodies fail.

I am thankful I am conscious of the salt and cholesterol intake, that I have been trying to exercise at least 5-6 days a week. I think all these will help me get back to normal soon. Take care of yourself.. if you get the flu rest… but GET UP AND WALK !! LOL

Love to all. A slowly healing Mrs Justa. alias Cindy


Hello out there. Whew, what a busy weekend. Friday I left work a little early to do some things I needed to do before it got too late in the day.

Than we got packed up and headed North to camping. We adventured out with me, Mark and Indi. This was Indi’s first night camping. And really when you put yourself into Indi’s situation, I think he did very well . Indi is used to being in a 28/62 foot home, goes out on his lead to go to the bathroom and that comes right back in.  He loves to ride in the car, and was very excited as we continued to drive up north.

Than we hook his lead to a picnic table as we set up the site, we gave him a short lead, so he could watch but not get underfoot.

Once we were almost totally ready to relax- we realized we were in need of a 30amp/15asmp convertor for the camper plug. So we load Indi in the car and head 10 miles away to a Wal-Mart. We get the part and back to the camp site. We have yet to do supper and now it is 8:10 PM. So we started a fire and let the charcoal ash up- we ended up eating dinner at 9:30. Now it is dark, Indi has no idea what is going on, and when he heard foot steps on the gravel road , and he was outside. he barked. He slept thru the night, 100_5851 unleashed in the camper. And when we had the camp fire he laid down between us or he jumped on my lap. At about 5:30 Indie started doing a dance that looked like an Irish Jig- so I figured he had to go out. He did have to go, and than he was awake, so we did not get a lot of rest after that.

I had a Bridal Shower to go to Sat, so we brought Indi to the kennel for Sat night. We get him tomorrow.

All in all, he was not terrible, and I am sure he was confused what was expected of him, and why he was on a leash so much. But he loves the kennel too, so he is okay. Saturday night it was just Mark and me- we had a fantastic dinner and ended it with 2 s’morers each. umm umm ummmm. Than we came back today, and we pleasantly were surprised when Jeff called and asked if we were up to company. ABSOLUTELY we are! We all shared some nice time together, and had subway with a to die for veggie mix sautéed and browned which consisted of summer squash, peppers, onion.  What a nice way to end the day the weekend.  

When we were at the campsite the people next to us made a comment on how easy we made setting up the camper. And that we reminded her of her brother and his wife, by how well we seem to get along . That was a major compliment in this day and age. We do get along well with each other, it was nice to have that noticed. I hope you had a great weekend… Love to all, Cindy… alias Mrs Justa


Mark and I have been so careful to check menu items before we go out and have a great handle on what we are going to order before we even get to the restaurant. Well tonight we did not. We also were AMAZED at the fricken calories when we brought the nutrition panel up tonight. It was not that good to have cost us 1865 calories. Fortunately it was the gym night with the trainer, so between work, and 1 1/2 hrs in the gym tonight I burned 3600 calories- so my whomping 2407 is not quite as painful. But it is no where near what we figured dinner would be.

So as we proceed into tomorrow, the words of advice if you care at all about what you eat is check the  nutrition status before you go out.

We were on one site and do you know a bloomin onion is over 3000 calories.  Or that a whopper is over 1000. It really is amazing when ya start paying attention to the nutritional panel.. Have a great night… I wanna go live at the gym now !!. Love to all Mrs Justa…


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Okay I do not know about you.. but I am really pooped tonight. 100_4612 Mark had to have a procedure done today so I chose to go to the gym this AM before work. AGG.. It felt good to get it done early but man oh man.. getting up at 4:30 trying to scoot around the house quietly, off to the gym, and getting my shower before going to work… well I am really feeling it now.

Our every Saturday breakfast at 8AM will not be tomorrow- for Shawn and Pats oldest daughter is graduating from college tomorrow- so they are off to Albany. I am kinda glad… maybe I can sleep till 7 or so tomorrow morning. We have stuff planned for the weekend around here. I am trying to have my plants for the garden start inside, and supposedly they Are suppose to go outside during the day to strengthen.. well I hope it works cuz they are really tall and floppy right now ! Guess they need some vitamin D.

I want to play with the mulch this weekend… and I want to work in the garden some tilling the soil. The garden and mulch are things I really love to do… It is neat to think in a few months our food will come from the garden.. ( As long as those squash and tomato bandits sty away this year.)

I was thrilled to see Mark actually posted today… on his blog. I love reading his thoughts, he is a funny guy… and has some pretty neat angles on stuff. He did let the cat out of the bag on our weight loss journey. I think we are both inspired by the biggest loser. Those trainers are nuts though… man to achieve the numbers those people get in 16 weeks… ya have to be nuts. I think since Feb 14th I have lost 33 pounds and 38.5 inches. ( It helps when ya measure 8 or 9 areas of the body!) After P.T could no longer help Mark with his leg and thigh.. and after the massage therapist was no longer able to help his ortho did suggest that the gym would be a option to work to at least not lose any more from his injury… the recumbent bike helps the knee by not putting undo force on it, gives him cardio … …and the pool is great.. We did hire a trainer- for many reasons. I know there is a lot Mark needs to be careful of doing due to his knee, hip and lower back- so I was encouraged that the trainer keeps those areas in mind and is able to introduce machines that will not harm him. Plus the pool is great, because he can walk and not be weight bearing.

.. For me, I have my own issues… and the trainer considers them… none of them are as disabling to me as Marks’ are.. so he has fun with me… I think my sweating and mumbling are his entertainment. He has me do stuff and than tells me I am funny as I mumble through the challenge. I give it my best shot… and try to stay off the floor !

Honestly though.. we both realize that this is it.. this is our life… the 2nd and third and fourth chances are really gone. We have grandkids, and kids, daughter and son in laws, family we care for, friends that are dear.. and we want to hang around for a long while and enjoy them… so the gym is going to help us achieve those goals. I hope this find you well… Until later- nity nite!  Love Mrs justa

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