Life Can Be Easier If We All Get Along

I find that everywhere I turn there is someone or a bunch of someones with an attitude that the world is here because of them, for them. It is sad really because it is a whole lot easier to be raised knowing you are one of many, and not the chosen one. There is nothing quite as frightening as a crowd of people, each one acting like it is all about them.

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We are doing a huge injustice ( in my humble opinion) if we support that behavior.  I feel that the media has come out to not provide the true depth of any story. So buttons are pushed and it seems that the intent is to keep people unsettled. No matter what the issues, comments on social media are either trying to make a common sense type side to it, but hang on because others are coming back full strength with comments about it being all about them. I am totally blown away with comments like “I have the right to do what I want” – making it seem like if you get in their way they will stomp their feet and demand to be seen or heard.

The accidents caused by people texting-

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do these individuals think they have a superpower and they can drive a car and not look at the road and those around them? Seriously… we were driving the other day and the vehicle in front of us was checking out the entire width of the road, back and forth, almost to the shoulder, and back to the middle line. When we went by them, guess what, the persons’ head is looking down, one hand on the wheel, the other on a cell phone. Now, mind you this was at 65 mph !!! It matters not though how fast one is going, it is a huge responsibility and privilege earned to be able to drive.

I can not even begin to understand some of the things people have said during a job interview. One person came into the interview, dressed very casually, and when asked what she was looking for, she said a job where she can put her feet on the desk and relax! Another wanted to know what percentage of each day are they allowed to pop onto facebook.

I think we need to step back, we need to remember we are equal,

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we need to respect each other, we need to accept the fact that we are not all alike, and no one is more special than another. We also need to remember that life is not fair, and there is no guarantee that we will not have problems to conquer.

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AS I get ready to settle down for the night, I just pray that people can all get along,  that there is less hate, less anger. Life is too short to waste minutes on ugliness.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Trusting In …..

We live life sometimes feeling like we know exactly the next step. Our alarm clock will go off, we will get up, we brush our teeth, do whatever routine in the morning we do, and move to the next part of our day. However when the alarm clock does not go off, or there is no water pressure, or maybe we fall out of bed instead of getting up the usual way, well it kinda puts our synched life out of order.

We trust everything will go as planned, and yet there are the things that don’t.

It gets even trickier when we take the next step, drive the car, reach for something, heck even getting something from a cupboard. Everything we do we trust will end the same way.

Now we can try to protect ourselves from areas where things can’t go wrong, but we become people in bubbles. Less can go wrong, but things happen.

I was thinking about trust and faith to extend beyond the simpler bullet points of a day. I was reminded in my thoughts of this day, this fall day when this never could have been, had life been kept inside the bubble. I took this at an angle to show the freedom, the joy of the moment. Jeff trusted he would get caught, and he loved the feeling of freedom. The look on his face, the total relaxation of his body, he trusted thigs will be okay, and without that trust, the picture would have been totally different- it might have been a terrified face and fingers clutching so tight to the neck of his dad- like please don’t make me do this. But no– he totally trusted and because of that experienced something way out of the ordinary.

As we get older and heavier, that opportunity – that specific scenario – could not be, or would probably not end in a laugh. However, as we age, inventors have created ways to get that feeling and beyond. I takes a lot more effort from the person achieving the liftoff, however, it needs to be accompanied by trust. Trust that the winds are right, trust your legs are ready for a rather fast run, trust the equipment was not faulty. If however, you have the trust, that sense of freedom can be yours. This person was on an elevated area, beyond the takeoff area was an incredible valley, miles of land colored with the brilliance of fall.

Life has been full of trusting, we trust in relationships, we trust in our day to day activities, our jobs, our everything……and yes we also trust we will be cleaning the bruises- whether inside or outside, and some scars that show the roadmap of my life. I want to always feel that feeling that life is going to be okay, that feeling I get every time I remember that fall day with Jeff. I never ever want to stop trusting that even when things don’t go quite as planned, the trust and faith are so important.

Until later,  Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Do It Right

I am kind of amazed at the attitude of some businesses, some employees, some people who do just enough to let a person know they exist, but not enough to be done to the full need. There are plenty of people who do things well, that attitude is not gone, it is just frustrating when it is the other way.

Today it just happened to be a dealer for Honda. But it does not start and stop there. I am sure you have experienced the same thing more often than not. We received a notice in the mail stating we need to call our dealer. It seems our car has a defect within the software that can cause gas to go into the oil.

Now a couple weeks ago, we actually had the car there for an oil change early because the oil did not look right and smelled like gasoline. The service folks said it was nothing to worry about and our VIN number was not listed, so basically away with you.

Well, Honda sees it differently and wants us to be aware that we need to get the vehicle in for the repair. So Mark calls there this morning, he asks for service, he is put on hold for God knows how long by the receptionist, as jolly Christmas music plays in the background. When the service department never picks up, the receptionist comes back on and tells him the service department is very busy, and can’t answer the phone, someone will call back.

4 1/2 hours later, Mark calls back…. again jolly Christmas music, and no one answers, and the receptionist comes back on again to say the service department is very busy, and can’t answer the phone, someone will call back. Mark says- “You said that 4 1/2 hrs ago” . She apologized and said someone will call, that the phones are busy because people are calling back because no one has called them.

No one has called back yet. I think if the company cared about the customers, someone could at least return a call to help to get an appointment scheduled. Or just to give an update on when we might expect a callback. But no, nothing. And this is supposed to be ok?

It seems there is a thought process that some people have, that so much effort is good enough, but to put only part effort in, no matter what it is, is not something to be proud of.

Briella did these puzzles, and she never gave up, she concentrated and gave them her all, you can see her self pride..

 

 

You can see it when the boys helped grandpa and cleared the deck of snow last winter.

It just makes you feel good to do something and do it well.             To do a task, and give it 100% attention, that is self-satisfying, it feels like a sense of accomplishment.

Life is like that, no matter what it is. Our interactions with others, our time by ourselves. Time with our youth, at work, in public or at home… we need to set examples and help others see how doing it fully-     (whatever “it” is)  is something we all should strive for. From the moment we wake up until we go to sleep, no matter what our actions, our task, our missions are, no matter the scenario, we need to be the best we can be. Driving, living, walking, doing… do it and do it well…

Okay, that is my thought for this moment in time.

Until later, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Subtle Hints

We all have had times when we have had done to us, or we have done subtle hints to someone else. Those times when someone, something is almost unnoticeable but”speaks” volumes. A moment of actions or nudges of our senses to direct us in a direction or action.

This morning I had a subtle hint from Riley. She does it most mornings. She never barks and seldom whimpers to request help or indicate she would like you to do something. ( Now if you are someone coming onto her domain and she senses “stranger danger” or is so excited you have come to visit the quiet life we have here- she will make vocal notice you are here), but the day to day stuff, she is the queen of subtle hints.

It is 4:30 AM, and that is the time the adults need to wake up to pee. But it is 4:30— we have more sleep time. I nestle back under the flannel sheets, drift back to grab that next hour, and there is a cold wet nose that feels like it is 4 feet long- on my cheek. A nudge or two of that nose, just to say “HEY, did you forget something?”  See she loves that last sleep time to spend with us, totally under the covers, down at our feet. We lift the covers, I say “under” and 99.9% of the time she is under there way past the time I get up.

She won’t bark to go out. She comes and stares at you.

The “staring” from under my desk” when I am working

Now if you are not noticing this dog STARING at you, trying to levitate you with her visual trance, well she becomes a little less subtle. She may lay her head on your lap and stare up at you like a lost puppy. If that does not work, there is the getting on paw up and nudging you by moving her paw back and forth. Still too dense to “hear her” – well that calls for standing on her back paws and the front ones become a canine masseuse, at first I can think “awe she is giving me a back rub’, But if that doesn’t make me stop working or whatever I am doing at the time, the whimper will finally start. She does not go in the house, she just does not do that, unless she is sick. She is a persistent little one thankfully, because reading, or computer work, well it is easy to get lost in what I am doing and totally oblivious to the mime-like dog we have.

It is funny, but being unable to speak she speaks loudly at times. I was baking this weekend, and I would look to my right, and Riley would sometimes be sitting at the sliding glass door, looking out, almost like she is at attention. I noticed her there, her position was so perfectly postured, I asked: ” Do you have to go out?”… She stood, she wagged her tail and yep that was what she wanted.

Imagine being unable to speak words? Imagine only being able to talk by a nudge, a stare, a gesture.

The world is full of so many things that can not use words. Today it is Riley I am focused on, but there will be other times to share.

Have a great day everyone, Until later, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Interacting and Technology

So as I was making my weekly grocery list on a pad of real paper, with an actual pen, I was thinking- hey I could just go online, and order this all.. and …. nope— STOP…. I am going to continue to go out and shop for groceries. I enjoy seeing others, I enjoy making sure what we are buying is what we intended to buy, …

Well, this got me thinking… I think as the world continues to advance, to become more virtual, we have to remember to have real-life experiences. We need to interact with face to face, real life, and reach out and touch moments.

To see peoples face on face time is a great tool, because people can be in places you can not be, and have a conversation with them. However, doing face time with people that are just a few miles away, well I feel that going outside and seeing them might be the option to take.

We can now go to our computer, cell phone, tablet or probably talk in the air to “Alexa” or “Google” devices, give a list of things we need from the store, and have it delivered to our doorstep, or have someone waiting to load it in our car.

Instead of face to face, touch the items, one can buy virtually anything without going out and seeing it. And God forbid it not be what we expected from the image online we ordered it from. Instead, had we just gone to a local vendor, a store, a warehouse and seen it, felt it, looked it over, well then we know what we are buying.

Now everyone ( including me) can make all the excuses and reasons why this is so great. It keeps me away from germs of others, I do not need to deal with long lines, it gives me more time to fill up my day with a bunch of other stuff. Heck before we know it we have fit what used to be 36 hrs of actions in an 18 hr day.

We do not have to go to a movie- nope we can sit in the comfort of our home and watch the movie, stop it when we want, and put it back on after we pee, or grab a drink, or stretch, AND we can watch it in our jammies. Now I am not saying this is wrong, it does, however, take away the “going out to a move” experience. The smell of the popcorn, the darkness as you sit on seats in rows that are on an inclining floor.

There is nothing that replaces taking a trip to a planetarium. The music, the narrator, the feeling you are in a spaceship in orbit as they show us the universe, the night sky.

To show a child a firefly cupped in your hand, or to show them virtually via a YouTube image– well the magic is definitely in the first option.

 

Playing games, yes real hands-on , touch the pieces, not only hear the voice of your opponent but to see their eyes, to laugh in the same room, that is so much a component of that experience. Oh I know we can get games and our opponent is part of the game, we had this one game where we could choose the country and type of opponent we wanted. A man calling you “Chap” to a down-under voice teasing when they are about to whomp you. It, however, takes away the real socialization.

Virtual convenience is nice, however, we as adults, our kids, our grandkids, our friends, we also need to keep our social skills up, we need to take advantage of the value of being real- in real time… to be able to interact and not feel lost in the world.

We can in balance embrace the various incredible things that are available to us, things to make our life easier… yet we need to be aware of what is important at the end of the day, what is a need, what are we doing as a “cop-out” or because it is just less demanding of our time… and what is a want.

Thoughts to ponder…. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

 

Responsibility

 

Another day is dawning,  memories to be made, impressions to leave, moments unchangeable.

As the day begins, as the next step is about to happen, the next minute here among us, I am thinking about life and the effects we have on it.

 

RESPONSIBILITY:  We all are responsible for our actions. This goes for every single thing we do. We can not choose which things we do we are and are not responsible for. Nope, we own each thing we do.

That is a huge responsibility. Why, because sometimes the things we do, we don’t even realize or think about the end result, we get wrapped up in a moment or jump on the proverbial “bandwagon”. However, as we travel down the twists and turns of life’s journey,  and at the end of our road in life, it is us and us alone who individually made choices.

I say this because of many reasons, many reasons I myself have chosen to do things, and once they were done, well there was no rewind, no “gee I didn’t mean to be that way, or “I didn’t mean to do that” or “I didn’t mean to _______”.  The “I wish I had” thoughts do not count.

There have been things I have said, I can not take back. Actions I did, I can not undo. As a nurse, I have cared for patients who would say, “I knew better” or “If I only had never smoked” or “I took the chance ____”   Notice the similarity– “If I only had not or didn’t”

My parents would say to me when I did something I totally should not have, “You know better than that” or ” Bet you won’t do that again” or “what did you learn from that?”. And as I was growing up, she would wipe the wound ( physical or not) and guide me through the why’s and maybe even have suggestions on how to deal with that scenario in the future. They were preparing me for my future.

As we grow up we are still responsible for our actions. There are consequences to what is done, said, or ignored. If any of us are asked to do something and we say we will, if we then do it halfway, or not appropriately – if we take a risk, a dare—- we cannot go back and get those minutes to undo it.

In our roles in life, ( being a friend, an adult, a mentor, a stranger, a human being ) whether at work or in any environment around us, writing anything in social media, in an article,  we can not take it back. It paints a picture of us that can not be painted over, the “delete” does not remove words or photos or actions done.

Our reactions to something said or done, we can not undo that either. In life I have found to tread softly at times, to think before doing or saying, and to appreciate and take responsibility to every minute I am on this earth.

What image are we giving? What actions are we doing? What consequences because of those actions, or lack of actions are there? What image have I left?

Those are my thoughts this morning, something I will remember as I get ready for another day to be the best I can be.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Challenges or a Way Of Life

On any given day, I can look out the window and think “Oh look, the sun is up”…. period… But no- there is more… see beyond the noticing of the sunrise in the quiet of things in front of me was a glistening world of diamond-like sparkles. A cold crisp early morning gift, a gift that many may have not seen, a gift that can turn into a snowy plain ol day.

 

 

 

 

Yet, right there for all to see, a refreshing light show of sparkling colors.

It brought once again to mind thought about life. How when we are faced with things that seem monumental, we look at the proverbial mountain ( or in this case maybe a quick noticing the sun is rising) and we are overwhelmed at the tasks at hand at the end of a particular journey. Sometimes it is easier to dwell on that obstacle, which takes us longer to put it behind us.

Life can feel like it is hard at times, life is full of mountains to climb, sometimes valleys to drudge through. Plenty of times I have slipped on the proverbial mountain wandered off the proverbial path and had to retrace my steps, maybe find a slightly less challenging path to go on.

There was one person in my life that told me once she never had challenges in life. I remember thinking “heck let me share some with you” but I did not offer, and she never asked to take a few from me, so I have gone on in life realizing that at least for me, challenges exist, they can be heart wrenching, they can be touch and we conquer them one by one step at a time.

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As I look back at this person who said this to me, as I came to know her a tad bit more many yrs ago, I now wonder- maybe just maybe she had the ability to look at those diamond-like crystals, and not just at that sunrise from afar. I think that because I truly believe we ALL face moments when life has tried to knock us down.

Maybe this person was able to anticipate but not look for that next roadblock or detour on her journey of life. If we know that challenges will lie ahead, but if we look at them as not roadblocks but the way the path takes us, then maybe we too can feel that life has been good, no matter what part of our journey we are on.

I, myself, and going to try to work on this. As I take each next step on this road of life, I will anticipate some bumps and hairpin curves, knowing the road will straighten up. To now look so far ahead, but to look at now and a few feet ahead. Not so much only living for today,, but planning for tomorrow and in those plans, the “challenges” will become part of the process.

OK, I am off to try this out, Until alter… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

Songs and Singing

Music is a part of so many peoples lives. For me, music is a part of what makes me whole. From as long as I can remember my parents would sing a lullaby type song as we drifted to bed. ( My mom more than my dad, but both did) I loved the jingles from kids shows, and Disney music, and carols at Christmas, nursery rhymes. As I grew older songs in school, singing in church, Sunday School, the radio, records, CDs. Now my goodness I can pop ion Pandora or IHEART RADIO  and make my own favorites into a station. I love, totally love music. ( I am not a RAP, symphony, classical music lover) But all else- pretty much are right up my music filled soul.

This past Sunday  I sang in church for “special music”. Special music is what a person chooses to do, there have been clarinet, saxophone, and other instruments solos, sometimes a duet will be done, sometimes a solo. It is something I can do in a contribution to the church. As I sing I am reminded of how awful it was when I had my voice taken away from me. Music and singing make me whole. Back in the late 1990s, well a very arrogant, barbaric doctor took my voice from me.

I needed an upper endoscopy because I was having food stick when I swallowed sometimes. I chose this man because he had been doing dilatations of my mom’s esophagus for yrs. She had Barret’s Esophagus and I was not sure if I did too. She used to call me after her procedure and would dreadfully say she had to go back in 6 mos- of in a yr. She never liked to go to doctors, so I figured that was why she said that.

The day of the procedure- it was winter, slushy, cold out. I had a winter coat and boots on. He had me leave my boots on, no patient gown, he left me in my street clothes, and he had me get on this stretcher. No one else was in the room. There was no IV or anything to relax me, he pulled my shoulder to get me in an upright position,  sprayed the back of my throat with a couple squirts of novocaine and literally jammed the endoscopic tube down my throat, if I gagged he smirked and jammed harder. He pulled it out and I was beyond terrified at the treatment, trying my best not to cry, and not believing this sadistic look he had. He said he had to put down a pediatric scope with a balloon end to stretch a stricture area. I indicated I couldn’t go through that again, but he said it is a smaller scope and will be easier. No more novocaine and in went the next scope, jamming at each gag and smirking all the way.

When he finished, he twisted me around, legs facing him and said ” So how do you like me now?” It was like he enjoyed how he treated me. I have no idea why he was like that, but if he was like that with others, I finally understood the dread in my mom’s comments as she realized when her next appointment was.

A few days later I had a fever, felt horrible, and no voice and a very sore throat, deep in the back, beyond my tongue. I went to my primary MD and saw the RNNP. I remember crying to her as I explained what had happened. She said my throat was swollen, injured. She prescribed an antibiotic and a type of relieving med for the pain. I had a follow up with the GI doctor a couple days later and begrudgingly went back- per the recommendations of the RNNP. Funny, now the nurse jotted down how I was feeling, and the problems, and amazing- now this barbaric, evil non-compassionate MD had me get in a patient gown, and was kind to me. I NEVER went back to him again!

For 10 months following, I had no ability to sing, my talking voice was raspy. Every single night I prayed for my voice to come back, and if it did, I promised God I would share it in church, either in a choir or special music. Somehow I would share songs, I never gave up praying. About 8 months into this terrible time when I felt a void that was indescribable from not being able to sing, my doctor suggested I see an ENT. She examined my throat to find my lingual tonsils were damaged, and large. ( I never realized we had lingual tonsils at the back of the tongue…  She prescribed a steroid, but it did not lessen the swelling and 2 months later I had the lingual tonsils laparoscopically removed. Slowly through the healing, I once again could sing.

So as I sang in church on  12-2-18, as I practice to sing, every single time I belt out a song, I am reminded of how sometimes bad things happen, and it does not always mean they are the end all. Prayers are not always answered how we want them to be. We need to have faith in life, as we have faith in sunsets and sunrises. We can not predict the future, we can predict that there will be good and not so good times.

This time I went through, it made me realize what music can be, should be, and through hard work and prayer, I am able to share songs with others in the church. It is not the same voice I had before, but it is here my spiritual gift. I thank God every day for that.

 

 

 

Winter and getting through it

Winter time in upstate NY is like other areas in the country, we all have our special unique situations. Some have more rain then not, some have hurricanes, some have ice, some have tornados. We, well we are among the many folks with snow.

Somehow, a very long time ago, I started counting the actual days per winter that driving was beyond horrendous when the wind was whipping the snow around so bad that visibility is zero,. My in my brain counting is 7 really super bad days a winter. I mean really bad. I have experienced some drives where you are driving along and POOF all of the sudden you can only see your windshield. Some days it is snowing 2-3 inches an hr. Those are the days that I am telling myself- “One day closer to Spring”

Often though, in our winter months, the road is snow covered and you just have to drive carefully. Anticipate stops from way back, don’t make sharp turns, and hold the wheel with both hands, and focus.

In the fall I would choose designated roads, and those I would look for any type of landscape or landmarks that could help me know where I am. Often a straight road, ( but those aren’t always possible, but whatever road it was, as soon as I knew I was on it, I felt like I was home. Like one road has different areas with large pine trees, and just after them a curve. I would carefully look for those trees when the roads were not plowed or visibility lousy, and know what to expect as far as the layout of the road.

Another thing I would do is keep the radio off, and hum “The Lord’s Prayer” if it was really bad the humming went to a more vocal version.

The other thing I would do is not travel the interstates if I did not have to. I knew ways to and from home that I felt comfortable on, and no matter what- the speed limit on dry roads is 30 or 40, so I knew I would not have any idiots driving 65 mph, like they do on the interstate. Some people think because they have 4 wheel drive that they are indestructible, and they do not seem to care about who they are pushing out of the way. And not that I wish anyone bad fortune, but I more than once mumbled “KARMA” as I went by them as they were off in the median or snow bank.

Yeah, the winters bring on steel nerves, a tad anxiety, and a major appreciation of Spring.

So for those in the upper snow areas, be careful, and remember ” One Day Closer to Spring”

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Practice creates ……

I was thinking this past week about learning something new or doing something repetitively and what is the end result.

Last weekend, we had the Black Belt Ceremony I mentioned a few posts back. Those individuals did not just wake up one morning and poof could work in synchronization with a stage full of other, they couldn’t make those moves and stay focused just by thinking about it.

This thought surfaces a lot to me. Everywhere we go, what we see, our jobs, our walking, driving, interactions, those improve often by doing them over and over again. This becomes even deeper of a thought when we get into every day.

I was reminded the other day of our day to day life. While I was in a waiting room, I overheard a person say on her cell phone that she prefers to text people, and not have them call her. She said to the person on the phone something about being more comfortable communicating that way, she can put down what she wants without to SAY.

That comment she made, well it made me think about all the things we have at our fingertips to make life easier, to be able to move at a faster pace. Each thing has its benefits- however, they should not replace the more personal, hands-on, practicing talent, task, interactions or skill.

When I have been trained, and when I have trained others. The teaching included showing the pieces to the action being taught, having the other demonstrate the action/ talent/ skill being taught, and letting the trainee do it themselves over and over again, but having the steps checked until it is assured they know it more naturally. I currently am going through one of those teachings, showing and demonstrating times in my life. Learning a new role at work, listening, taking notes, seeing it done, and having the “baton” passed so I can demonstrate I am becoming more comfortable and confident in each step. As the days pass, and I look back a couple months, I realize how far I have come, yet am realistic at the journey ahead as more processes and steps are introduced and one day become something I am proficient at.

Even though life is like that, we need to make darn sure before we take the “easy” way, we have personally become comfortable in a more personal way. We need also to understand practice makes us more proficient. From learning how to walk, and being able to walk… to learning how to add, subtract, speak in an intellectual conversation, cook, doing a game, reading a book, the list is infinite.

Virtual meetings, training, communicating makes so much of life so much better. We can jot a thought in an instant message at 2AM, and the other person can get it whenever they are awake…  Yet, there is a fine line when we could realize that our personal relationships, our whole life has become virtual. If life gets to a point when we could move away, go to a different city, state, country, and our life would be the same, no one would even know we moved, that is a  message that we have not only taken advantage of the virtual life conveniences, we have let them take over us.

When was the last time you …. fill in the blank? And if the power was off / the internet down/ ( that list goes on and on too) … do you know how to improvise?

When was the last time you looked into a personal eyes and spoke – face to face? When was the last time you touched a deck of cards or held a book? Have you ever done a no electronics evening or weekend?

Even though the modern conveniences make life able to be more productive, more chaotic, more impersonal, we need to stop and not let it replace the 3D life we are blessed with. I would rather hold a child’s hand, then hold a cell phone and screen chat. I would rather sit at a table and play a game of ( the list is so long… ie: cards, Yahtzee, Scrabble, Sorry, Trouble….. and on and on) than to only ever play it on my electronic device.

Yes, the books on our electronic devices are great, and being able to do a 1000 piece puzzle and never worry about that one lost piece or someone messing it up… those are all great. I just do not to ever become so dependent on the “no touch” that it becomes me.

As this weekend begins, I am looking forward to what the day will bring, who will I personally see face to face? Who will I talk to and not type my words to? What will I do that is hands on? What will I remember more vividly because of those one to one moments? I am off to experience life and all there is in the minutes ahead.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

 

 

 

Words and a memory

Continuing on the subject of words. I wanted to share a time from long ago.

We lived in Spafford NY in my first few yrs of elementary school. We had one car and my dad was a traveling salesman. So living FAR away from the school did not leave an option for our mom driving us.

It was a long bus ride, and it brings back fun and not so fun times. One thing was our last name became the laughing subject for the first few miles of each journey. We would no sooner get on the bus and certain kids would ask if we have Gaines Gravy Train for dinner and if we eat it dry in the morning. Their pals would wait for a reaction as they laughed at the words said and observed to see if they got a reaction.

We would tell mom about the trip, but what really could she do, but provide advice and call the bus garage. So her words of wisdom ( and I say that with the sincerest most meaning of the words) she said just stand tall, be proud and say back:  “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me”

Well, I gotta tell ya, that had a nice ring to it, but really did not do anything to stop the name mocking. Nope just kinda fueled the laughter as people said things like “What was that can you say it again?” And me – in my proud Gaines Family fashion would repeat it.

What changed was Pam and I became able to hide the sadness and dislike, and that, and only that slowed down the mocking. It never totally went away because “Gaines Dog Food ” folks were coming up with cute adds and more products. We advanced to questions like “Did you have burgers last night… GAINES BURGERS?”

Yep, words can be powerful, and being I woke up this morning with the kid’s laughter running through my mind, I felt it needed to be shared.

Lesson learned from this, as a parent I was listening for mention from our kids, and if there was any hint of something like this happening to them, I worked to explain that when we react to words, we are giving strength to the people calling you a name. If you react, the others have found a way to annoy you. DO not react, as hard as that is, and their game is no longer anything more than solitaire. Their words come out and get lost in space.

As I move into today, I hope the day is good for you. Words can be so powerful.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

A New Day and Change in Ads

Oh boy, it seems like every single Election time that I have experienced in my life, they get nastier and nastier. The ads on TV are almost nauseating. She did this, he did that…instead of totally focusing on themselves and what they see as their contribution to each of our futures.

After MONTHS of rather pointed shots at one another, it is kinda hard for me personally to see the sense in all that money for advertising.

My intent of this is not to specifically talk about one side of the fence or the other. Political parties should be a personal thing. Not something that is what you wear, but more something you trust is the best for you.

Friends, families, employment, relationships may never mend or new ones ever form, precious moments are all torn apart by nasty comments or cynical actions. Once upon a time, in a land long ago, we talked to one another in person or, in a letter, or on the phone. The voting was personal, at least in my life. We did not flaunt with the support of our 800 friends on social media how the political figure is either a blessing or a curse. We did not have the capability to unfriend a “friend” in a keystroke those who did not believe what we believe, our friends were really our friends. A person you knew you could call at a moments notice, and they would be there for you.

And ya know what, at the end of the day, all the people go about their day to day activities, our new elected officials start focusing on their new roles, no matter what we do, our days go on, and if we don’t like it– well do not fret- in only 6 months the next 18 months of political jargon starts again – this time for a major election. BUT FOR NOW- I am so looking forward to hearing about how this product is better, or where to get the best vacation memories from.  Ahhhhh…..

Have a great day ! Mrs. Justa… alias Cindy

 

 

 

Mrs Justa and a “gem” found…. and lost…..

A Sunday morning ride,

a search for something different,

a seeking to find a hidden gem for

breakfast in Oswego.

As we were driving north into the city of Oswego, out of the corner of my eye I saw a place that looked like it might have been a small quaint place.

We headed north thinking we would go to the restaurant that is off the side of a hotel and over looks the Oswego River. But alas.. it does not open for breakfast, so we headed back down south a bit and I asked Mark to drive past this place I saw.

We found it… and yes it was a small Mom and POP restaurant… We went inside , there were maybe a total of 5 booths…. a counter that was like the old ice cream parlors…. memorabilia hanging on the walls.. We thought we had found the perfect spot.

We got to sit in a booth after they cleaned it up from the last people. They had fairly full  menus, and coffee,  and prices not bad.

We each ordered an omelet… Marks vegetable, mine bacon and cheddar( well done). I ordered Italian bread and if they did not have any—than wheat would do. Mark went for a biscuit. It took quite a long time to get our order… and as we sat there sipping our coffee and observing our surroundings… we both silently were thinking this was going from good ..to not so good. There was a 6.99 breakfast buffet ( that is what they called it ) which consisted of 4 different  aluminum banquet pans with just one burner under them ( it could have had 2-3. 0 In the hour plus we had sat there NO ONE had done anything with the food in these containers… no stirring, no replacing, no checking for if it needed replacing or stirring.

Finally our meal came out and I poked my omelet ( I always check my eggs to make sure they are well done… and white goop came out… uuuck !!! In times like this…..I always have to find my inner self control button.. because I felt like throwing up!. The toast was buttered when the toast was already was cold, the food was not really warm. And I got Italian and wheat toast. In my mind I am thinking … “GO ahead..eat the eggs… do not complain…. … just grow up!!” and than there is another part stating “ Do not get sick, have it cooked thoroughly” Mark flagged down the rather stressed out waitress and asked if they could cook the eggs more—I requested  it well done. They took it back, flipped it on the grill for a mega second..and brought it back…. and from then on—she was not smiling at us any more… it was like we were the enemy.The omelet  was not really much better…so I left it and wolfed down the toast..and the spare toast… and to top it off… we had to rush home after because it gave us both the “I GOTTA GO NOWS”

I gotta tell ya…. it is 9 hrs later now..and I am still kinda queasy… What is so darn hard about cooking eggs totally? Needless to say.. the “gem” we thought we found was not!!!.

Than this afternoon I was thrilled that the weather held up, sunny, warm… got to work on the area under the sign for our development we live in…

 

All in all… even with the yucky omelet… this weekend was ducky… Hope you had a good weekend too… Love to all Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: breakfast,life,new,gem,hope,restaurant,sun,warm.

 

Mrs Justa and Evil must go

We must never ever give up. We must never let the evil in the world suck us into a path of negativism We can never let little people , who want to cause us harm, become big people.

The horrors of this week in Massachusetts reminded me about how insensitive people can be.  How can someone come from a tiny baby to a person who has absolutely no respect for human life, no worry about the consequences of their actions, and be spineless enough to do an act like this and than hide.

In the world we live in, there are so many cameras and monitoring devices, I really hope someone looks at the photos on fbi.gov ( these are from the site) and calls the authorities. Someone has to know who these guys are. These young people are someone’s neighbors, someone’s friend, someone brother, someone’s son.  Someone has to know who they are. They need to come forward-if they did not do it..say so… if they did they need to fess up to their actions….

So many tragedies, so many senseless loss of life , limb, innocence. There is a saying “what goes around, comes around.” They will get theirs…

Everything else in my life seems trivial as I watch the suffering of those who are affected.

Evil affects us all…if we let it…

Our 4 yrs old grandson was telling me that teacher in pre-K taught the class  what to do if a mean person comes to the school. He talked about where they had to group, and they had to be VERY quiet….

When he was over here last Saturday night, he told me he brought his secret weapon. I asked him what it was, and he pulled out a life guard whistle, he assured me if anyone came to the house he would blow it so loud that the neighbors would hear it.  I tried to comfort him by telling him the Grandma and Grandpa would be here and he was safe. That night as I went to put him in his bed, he asked for the 2 top covers to be left at the foot of the bed. He wanted us to come back in later and pull them up. He said when his daddy works evenings, he has his mom do the same thing. He said that way , if he wakes up at night and his blankets are all on him, he knows he was checked on, he feels safe.

So at 11:30 I tip toed in his room, I raised his covers up, and out of the corner of my eye, on the head of the bed , lay his whistle. JUST IN CASE>>>>>

It saddened me….I was thinking that with all the media, all the evil that makes and sells stories… we are taking the innocence and wonder of being a child and tarnished it. I hope that we as a society can find more joy in the goodness of people and not the bad. I think if we were stricter with punishment on people.. a do unto others type punishment..maybe we would see less evil in the end. Someone wants to literally rip apart bodies with a home made explosive device—well when they are caught… attach a similar device to them—so they can not escape… —some one want to shots people—then they should be shot the same way…  someone rapes someone…then they too get raped viciously…

Because locking people up…giving them 3 meals a day…and trying to rehabilitate them…. it is not lessening crime or the level of intensity to it. Lets looks for the good in life.. we have to… Love to all Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: good,evil,wrong,right,life,learning punishment

 

Mrs Justa and the easy way out….

I read a book a few weeks ago and it has created all sorts of emotions and thoughts. The book was written by a survivor of child abuse. This is the cover of the book…

I kid you not, it was VERY hard to read, but I was not going to stop. WHY?? Because this poor little boy..who miraculously made it through years of torture to become a man—well he could not quit from what his life was.

As I read this, my heart ached, I was so darn angry with social services and the mother… with the brothers and step dad…. 

The presentation of how things were on the outside of the house, in no way were really what was happening behind closed doors.

As I read it, I thought that most kids probably never grow up to share what they went through, to show they survived… No , I am thinking most kids would have died in the torture. The mom put on a front that the child was evil, the child was aggressive, the child was mean, the child had problems, the child was mute… AND it was easier for those on the outside to label the child instead of trying to figure out what made the child act the way he did…

I think we  do that in society.. we tend to take the easy way out. This got me to think about Riley… our dog. She had such lost sad eyes when we brought her home that day from the kennel…..… She cowered when you called her, she shook and trembled if she thought she was in trouble, she had a sense of fear to her…

She had horrible separation anxiety, she panicked, she hyperventilated, she literally freaked out if we left the house.

We made comments about “That is why her previous owners abandoned her” and “She has issues.” ///But ya know what—we did not give up on her…( We almost did !!)fortunately we got thinking and  we did not just accept the way she was as a final.. That breaks my heart at the thought that we almost gave up on her.

After her 2 weeks in early winter at the K9 training camp—2 weeks of not seeing her, of her being treated well, but like a dog… she is okay now. We can leave her in the house, no crate or cage….  and go out for up to 6 hrs..she is fine. We do not have to limit her access to rooms.. she is a calmer dog…. , and seems more controlled  now.. It was what her previous owners did to her that made her how she was… not that she was bad.

She is a sweetheart… she loves to be with us,she is GREAT with people and the grandkids….. she is playful….  but now it is ok when we leave. She goes to doggie playcare 1 day a week, and they say she darts around for the entire time, frolicking, running.. non stop.

How many kids…. how many pets… have we as a society let down? Why… because it was easier to say they had the problem… than to figure out what made the behavior….. easier than to try to fix it…

yep, that book will live with me for a very long time… And Joe Peters’…. wherever you are…. I am so sorry for the let down you must have felt over and over again.and thank you for sharing this …. it really opened my eyes…

Love to all… Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: abuse,neglect,forget,compassion,figuring,easy,ignore,life,death,pets,children.

 

Mrs Justa and some thoughts of relationships

Last night we were playing words with friends against one another. It was around 11 at night. We had the scanner on , and there were some faint angry voices. I thought it was background in the scanner, but when I turned it off..it was actually people yelling at one another. Mark had heard it first, and I was kinda blowing it off… but than I realized it was cause for concern.

So we shut everything off, turned off the lights and started looking out in the darkness.

Immediately I am thinking the worse— we have people who just moved in across the street on Friday night—I am thinking   “Great—we get to listen to people yelling at one another all the time” I was thinking about how this quiet country life was about to change.

But alas—it was a neighbor who lives quite a ways back from us—his driveway however runs along the entire length of our property. He is divorced and I guess his x decided to come over for a visit. It sounded like he did not expect her too….

He does not plow his driveway often-and gets up and down it okay… her NOT SO MUCH.

She drove off the driveway and was stuck. And she was really stuck. Her idea of getting out of the bind was revving the engine and spinning the tires.

He was screaming at her- he did not want her there, did not invite her and once she is unstuck—basically in not so nice tone—get the heck off the property.

We eventually went over to see if our pick up truck could help and we brought some salt over…but our pick up almost got stuck at the foot of his driveway-so we knew that was not going to work… – Mark is not really able to push and shovel her out—so he offered to try to drive her vehicle while the neighbor pushed it..and later they switched and he threw salt under the spinning tires while the neighbor rocked the vehicle.

Eventually it got out..and through it all… all the screaming and ugliness that they were sharing with one another before we went out there. I thought about life. How  for some people they  meet someone, they think it is true love, they get married, they have kids… and down the road of life it turns into this shouting obscenities- displaying total hate for one another. What made the switch? did they not feed their relationship through the year..and all of the sudden love turned to hate?

When we make a commitment—we need to nurture the commitment, feed the relationship, never stop talking, tell each other when something is bothering you…. for if relationships are not fed, treated carefully— they corrode… they crumble… and you end up with this. ..Just a thought…. Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: anger,life,relationships,love,hate,communication,nuturing

 

Mrs Justa and Stronger than BULL

Have you ever been so afraid that the fear takes over you?

And what caused you to have that reaction? What things could have happened to make you so scared?

I ask myself that over and over again as we try to work with Riley and her almost Godzilla strength when she starts to freak out. As I posted a couple of posts ago—we had to d/c the big open crate and go with the solid crate.

Well, she was in the crate Thurs evening for a few hours… actually what we know is she was put in the crate at 5:30… We returned at 8:30 and she met us at the front door… Somehow..she got the door backwards, over the stopper that is supposed to keep it from going backwards into the crate,

How she got the 2 spring loaded posts out of their designated holes for locking the door..and how she got the door to go over the molded door stoppers… I will never know.

We had to take the entire crate apart to get the door back in the correct area. !

SOOO. I have wiped it down, we have taken it apart and we are trying her in the house with out being crated.

Riley is the most gentle , non aggressive dog we have ever come across. SO I can not imagine how she can bend the crates…

It really urks me how someone could have neglected or abused her before she was found and brought to the pound.

 

This was Riley the day we brought her home.

She was not sure what way her life was turning. She did not know us, she could not tell us where she had been or what she had gone through.

But when we called her name..she cowered and belly crawled…

She has come a long way… now she looks at us differently now.

She loves her sweater….

We got it for her because she gets cold outside,. We got her a second one today.. a Christmas one with white fake fur on it !!

At least her eyes are not so sad anymore.

And today we tested her in the house for an hr. She appears to have done okay. The electric collar keeps her from barking…and that seems to keep her calmer.

The kids love her..she loves the kids…

Hopefully we will be able to have her crate free..

And although it is not right to wish evil thoughts on people….whoever owned this precious dog before and treated her poorly… whoever let her go…dropped her off… whatever they did to have her be labeled a stray…. well I hope you pay for your cruelty you did to her.

And also.. thanks for being jerks… we have an awesome dog because of YOU!!!!.

I am off to pet our dog now….

Love to all. Mrs Justa alias Cindy…

Technorati Tags: Riley,mean,loving,cruelty,life,challenges,strength,fears,panic,anxiety,shock

 

Mrs Justa and Riley’s need to conquer her fear

Have you ever just wanted to run…run and run and run?

Nowhere in particular to go, just not wanting to be where you are at.

Last week felt like that I think for everyone around me. Mark would have loved to run from himself, me, I would have loved to run from the stress of the week…and

Now that I think of it.. even Riley tried to break clean of her fears and panic…..

This is Riley’s crate. She is terrified of being left in the crate, and yet she has not proven she is much nicer to the house outside of the crate. So if we had to leave for a while, we crated her….

If you look at the bottom of the crate, she bends it in by biting it, sticking her nose in it and trying to scooch out of it with the door closed and locked. This time she bent it enough in that she literally was scratching at that rug, she got the rug inside the crate and started gnawing on it, trying anything to escape from the crate. So.. the crate is folded up… Riley is on some antidepressants/ Obsessive compulsive meds to see if we can get her to overcome this panic disorder she gets when being left alone.

It really is sad to think that for some reason she is terrified of the crate. If I could find her original owners, the ones that had to have been mean to her… well I would Have a few things to say to them. Might even smack them aside of their head!

How can people be cruel to another living being?

She is the sweetest dog, she loves to be with people, it is funny ..at night if she gets cold, she burrows under the blanket and sheet and sleeps way down at our feet. She will stay there for hrs.

She is great with the kids, she loves her stuffed animals, LOVES her food, yet deep inside her psychie— someone played with her head…. if she thinks you are angry with her..she cowers…… If you raise your voice out of emotion for anything – she thinks it is for her….

She belly crawls if she thinks she is in trouble. SO our dilemma in life is we have a dog..who hates when we leave. I have a call into the NY State dog whisperer..and we are going to see if he thinks this is something he could assist with. We also are going to try to get her into a doggie day care a couple times a week..and if there is a need for a few hrs of being watched as we try to come to a solution—than we will see if her kennel down the street would let her stay for a day.

So as our persistence to get to an end of her fear..

we need to STOP..and work with her.. Patience, positive reinforcement , determination, and slow down…go slow and make sure she feels comfortable along the way.

Please if you have a chance, and feel a tug in your heart… say a prayer for our little girl dog..and hope we can help her become at ease…. all the time.

Love to all….Mrs Justa alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: cruelity,life,meaning,cruel,panic,run,animals,freedom,choices,challenges,fears

 

mrs Justa and thoughts on mental illness..

OK… I am trying to focus on writing and the wind is blowing so hard..I thought our furnace was malfunctioning and blowing super forced air through the vent. Our house is normally pretty quiet… do not hear wind… but tonight… holy shmolly… it is blowing big time. Just started—all of the sudden..The dog is pacing… and the wind smacking against the house.

So as I proceed..let’s hope the power and internet stay on. I was thinking about mental illness, and how many people suffer from it. Heck I look at this poor dog and see she even has a tad bit of mental illness . I had tried to tape a video of us trying to coax her in her crate..when she heard us say on the video to get in her house, she started trembling in here… oh I hope we can find things to calm her down. This wind reminds me of what it is like to see a person ( or the dog !!) go through acute episodes of depression, anxiety or mania. It comes over them like a gust of wind, like huge waves… beating on their souls and emotions –like the wind is beating against the house.

Anxiety is a tough disorder, so is depression and mania. They all are real, and when they hit, the person going through it usually recognizes the problem and becomes more symptomatic realizing they can not stop it. It is like watching a person be a prisoner in their own body. I have taken care of patients and have been personally exposed to individuals who suffer from all of some of these illnesses. And there is nothing I can do to help when a full blown attack happens.

Oh I can try to stay calm, I can look for the sun ray through the dark cloud… but I feel inadequate, because I can not help to make to acute episodes subside. I can recognize when they are about to happen. But depending on the level of intensity they have..they can be like a tornado—taking down anything in their path.

For Riley… in the crate..when anxiety hits… NOTHING I can say or do will stop her from panting, trembling and bending the cage.

It is so opposite of her when she is not having an anxiety episode.

When I watch Mark deal with his high levels of anxiety, depression , mania—man again it hurts to watch, because there can be a path of destruction… he said the other day that it wears him out.. wears him down.

People I have met in life who have had similar disorders..they too felt at times that they were losing a grip at times.

So as the night hours begin to pass… I want to send a cyber hug out to all who suffer from mental illness…and to all who know someone with mental illness. Support them, never ever give up on them, and know that when an acute episode happens..that is when they need you most.

I learned a long time ago… that when an acute episode happens..that is when you find out who your friends are… and also who are not your friends .

I love you Mark… through your highs and your lows… you are a good man… a man passionate about your beliefs…. –It is a ride sometime s!!.

Love to all, Mrs justa alias Cindy…..

Technorati Tags: depreasion,mania,anxiety,uncontrolled,acute,window,torment. trials,understanding. patience

 

Mrs Justa and the clouds need to clear. …

I have had to let a couple of days fill in the thoughts and try to make sense of the end result of the election.

I am not going to spend the next 4 yrs dwelling on it, but I was so passionate of what I truly believe the country needed and I am in total shock so many people did not vote. Is it pure empathy? Is it pure obliviousness? Is it that 4 million people felt it was going to be a land slide , so everyone else would vote on their behalf.

For those who stayed out of the polling places….if you are conservative..or leaning more towards the right than left—I say thanks a lot… for your lack of voting—you really gave a vote to the President.

How are people so blind? What caused women to vote for him? I just do not understand. SO my once thinking that vision for the future was clearing up, that we finally made it through 4 yrs of a president who has lied to the American People, who hid things to satisfy his popularity, who has the majority of the media supporting him…who does not show true love of this country ….somehow  people got sucked in….. So I am afraid for our kids… our nieces, nephews and more our grandchildren. What will the USA be like for them?Fortunately for me… my number of years to vote is far less going forward than the times I voted in the past.

SO going forward….Poor Riley has a pretty severe case of separation anxiety. Mark teases me because I embellish her past, when we do not know what she experienced before the shelter for sure. We just took her to the vet, they did blood work, everyone who meets her loves her..But when she knows we are leaving, we have to put her in her crate. We have this humungous one—as she totally freaked from the smaller enclosed one..and when we get home..her bed is wet from drooling—as she pants a good part of the time we are gone. She literally bends the bars on the crate trying to escape.

We consulted a trainer who is going to work with us in conjunction with the vet… it would be nice to get her to a point where we could leave her in the house…without the crate. But right now… NOT SO MUCH>.She goes nuts, jumping up, pulling things off the dresser/ counters… the vet says she is freaking  out because she does not think we will return. She was abandoned, found as a stray and brought into the SPCA….knowing her..that must have been so scary for her. SHE LOVES to please you, and be right by your side. If I walk her by traffic she gets nervous… if she thinks we are leaving she trembles…So pray for the vet and trainer to be able to get her more secure on the leaving part…. I hope you are all okay… will be back again soon… Love to all.. Mrs Justa..alias Cindy

Technorati Tags: life,election,Riley,belief,worry,future,past,present,vote