Remembering March 8th and 9th 1982

41 years ago today, I was standing in our dining room, ready to start a new chapter in life. I was to go into Canandaigua Hospital and have our son. I remember it was snowing out, cold and windy….

I was nervous, I knew not exactly what to expect, but it was so very exciting at the same time.

And after about 30 1/2 hrs, our precious son was born.

For so many many years, waking up each morning brought such a feeling of excitement, as I would be looking forward to what the next day would bring and feeling so blessed for yet another day of being his mom.

As I remember the days and months leading up to this special time in my life, I realize that every twist and turn, every second of every day, created the path that led me to that time in my life.

It’s such a blessing when I think about even though we have no idea what God has planned for us, God has the entire blueprint laid out.

There are so many times when things happen, and at the time, we may not have any idea why they happened the way they did, but as we continue down the road of life…if we take time to look in the rearview mirror, we can see how things line up.

The heartbreaks, the smiles, the hurts, the losses, the still times, the crazy times, the tragedies, the blessings…..

All the minutes, all the turns, led me to motherhood, and I feel so very lucky.

So the anticipated March 8th day of birth was extended to March 9th, 1982. Yeah I guess he wanted to take his time being born, and after hours of labor and a slowing fetal heart rate, he was born via c section.

It’s funny because it seemed like forever to get from finding out I was pregnant until the actual delivery of him. I really loved being pregnant, I never complained about it, and I did try not to have it affect my moods. I remember the harder it was to go up and down the stairs, and also how I needed to take naps.. ( and I am not a nap person.)

Being a stay-at-home mom for a few years, I was able to watch the wonders of every exciting minute he changed, as he became more aware of words being said to him.

I would lean towards him and say different words, or sing songs, and he would just smile and try to talk back to me.

He was very curious about different sounds, and he totally loved Neil Diamond’s music when I played an album. We have traveled the journey of many miles, and with each step tough as they may have been at times, he was my sunshine …

In life, I think we can get so busy that it can be difficult to stop and enjoy special moments, these times were priceless to me.

I look back over the highways of life so often, not to reflect on the negatives, but to reflect on the entire picture. Knowing that the road in the rearview mirror is much longer than the road still yet to travel, I think I appreciate every step even more.

Being a mom, well that has been the best. Being a wife to Mark has been a blessing beyond what words can ever explain. Being a friend to some very special people, being a sister, a daughter, and being a grandmother, well each of these are so very special.

There are so many things in my mind that I want to get onto paper while my mind still will let me remember them. yet it is difficult to get the words on paper as fast as they float around. So I hope to get more posted in days, weeks and months to come.

Today though as the day is ending, I am reflecting on the long journey from that hospital admission, to finally meeting this little guy on March 9th…. I remember how strange it was just a day later… we went from a snowy March 8th, to almost spring-like weather a day later… the warmth of bringing this little blessing into the world, a little being who was going to make so many people’s lives a little better because of him…..41 years later… he is as much of a blessing now as he was back then.

So as I end this for tonight, as I am getting ready to end another day, I thank God for so much,

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Treasured Moments

Life is unpredictable, it is challenging at times, it is easy to forget that life is not infinite. I sometimes look at our grandkids and realize how much life is in my rearview mirror. We had the three kids here a few weeks ago for the weekend, I loved every single second of it. This past Year and a half has been such a weird time, with a pandemic, no one seeing anyone, having to do air hugs, doing more on line ordering, grocery pick up when possible, and not spending time with those who mean so much to me.

Mark and I have spent countless hours talking, playing Yahtzee, doing games on our phone where we challenge one another, and spending time home. I wont say we are being paranoid, I kinda look at it as being cautious. Neither of us are physically fit and young, both things that make us a better risk for getting pretty sick if we were to get the virus.

So we got our vaccines once they were available and really interact with only a few people. We have a couple close friends we have spent some fun times with, and we have masks when needed and we have the term “social distancing” imbedded in our brains.

Well the weekend with the kids was a treat. Briella , Brandon and Preston are all very wonderful kids, unique in their own ways, yet they are so close to one another too. The boys love doing games with Grandpa and Briella and I tend to do stuff together . And there are times we all do stuff together.

Briella loves to help me out and it is funny how she tells me she will take care of me if I ever need help. She has a laugh that will make everyone laugh, she has dreams of the future and all that could lie ahead. She wants to always look her best, She loves warm bathes, and time to sit and talk.

This picture reminds me of her reaching to me to offer help. She is so full of smiles, life, and she has a good heart. She truly cares about others.

Brandon and Preston are both very caring kids too. Brandon being the oldest is kinda watching the other kids all the time to make sure they are behaving. He, Preston and Grandpa will play Yahtzee, Sorry, Trouble or some made up game. Listening to them laughing and enjoying each other is enough to warm the heart on a cold winter day.

Preston has a unique ability to find humor in things and some of the things he says can’t help but make us all laugh. He is witty and quick witted. He can entertain himself for hours, but loves the interaction with others. He is good at teaching things , and extremely creative. He has a mind that is always thinking and analyzing. He asks questions that can sometimes be surprising for his age, he is very affected by the world around him. He tries to keep life balanced. He loves to help out and his wanting to do things right really shows when he is working on a task. And has a great idea on when he needs to just have some down time.

Brandon is the more serious, compassionate type, and very sincere. He truly cares how he comes across. He loves life and is very quick at picking up different new things. He analyzes and has a detective type of ability. He listens and absorbs the world around him. He wants to help with projects we have going, and being a tad older he is more and more able to do more grownup type things, like he loves to mow and he snow blows for his family. He has a deep compassion for animals and for doing the right thing.

I look at time with them each as a blessing. And even though we have not shared as much time together as we used to, each time we do it is like no time was in between.

As the kids age, there are so many things to consume time, things that are important to try as they grow through the years into adult hood. Sports, friends, family time, all is important to growing healthy. I think they each know how much they mean to us, and we know how much they love us too. We don’t need to be in the same house to know that, it is unstoppable from afar.

As the world turns and time seems to fly by, pandemic continuing in one way or another, I am truly thankful for what we have, and every night I thank God for the gifts life brings. I know there is heart ache and pain in this world, and when those times happen, I know God is there to carry us through. I also know that life gives us few guarantees, and we can’t plan the future to be the way it comes out, so knowing that no matter when lies ahead, that there are people who know I love them and I know love me, well I can’t think of anything better.

Until later, Mrs. Justa.

 

RIP Pat RIP ” mom”

Life and death, we know it is coming , we know it is a part of life. We have no guarantees when the last breath will be taken, but it will. As I write this I am filled with a sense of loss, with emotions and confusion on how people must feel when they die. For my parents, I am not sure they felt anything, as they had a day before with people they cared about, they were talking, laughing and creating memories. Yet as they lay their head down to sleep, they had no idea their last breath would be while their heads lay on their pillows.

Today though it is different. The days before her death, my mother-in-law chose to not speak with those who loved her. It really is like a tragedy of life. She unfortunately contracted COVID 19 in the end of October 2020. She had to leave the Assisted Living Center she resided in, and go into the hospital. Well, being COVID it means you are in total isolation, in a private room and when a staff member sees you, they are gowned and gloved and masked. Family is not allowed, you are just there, in this room, I would think probably pretty scared, as COVID has been the pandemic that hit the world, and there is not a vaccine, and not a clear understanding of how it affects people. It has been a learning path in the medical fields around the globe, as the more its there , the more there is understanding how to fight it. BUT in the mean time, if you get it, it might just kill you.

Well she fought it, she had taken phone calls for the first few weeks, every call she would say how she looked forward to it, and loved hearing our voices.She spoke about the room she was in had a view of the hills and some fall colors. She loved Fall. She spoke of when we went to look at the fall colors the year before.

The last time we spoke, she sounded horrible, gasping for air and coughing, she thanked us for calling and said to call back later. Than poof, she stopped wanting to speak with any of us. So her updates were 2nd and third hand. A practitioner would tell Mark’s brother, who then would share the information with us.

She was negative for COVID, off to rehab to regain her strength, but another COVID test came back positive, and back into isolation in the hospital. FInally a few negative tests and it was looking like she might be going back to her “home” at the assisted living facility after 14 days in rehab. All this time, we are talking maybe 5+ weeks, in isolation more than not; and for the pat 3 weeks, not wnating to speak to anyone who cares about her.

Well, she passed away, at the skilled nursing home where she was having rehab, she died alone. But her days before were not filled with loving words or care from her children or friends. I believe her wanting to be alone, that it was a way to protect us from her death, and to make it easier to die. A part of me feels relief that she is at peace now, yet a part feels sad because she was totally alone. I guess I am reminded by all of this , once again, that every breath we take is worth more than money can buy.

We need to respect each second, tell people you love them, love the person for who they are and accept that we all think differently. This world is so crazy at times, we need to focus more within our own selves, our own families and know we alone can nto change the world, but we can make a difference in our families. As I leave this , I leave with gratitude for the life I have experienced, the good and not so good times, and I will try so make each moment special, treasured. Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

My Sister , My Light

I have been remembering so many things in my life that have helped me get to where I am today. There are so many people, so many events, so many great times and so many not so proud of times. Times of smiles and times of tears. Through them all, no matter how near or far, there has always been my oldest sister Karen.

Karen smiling up at me when I was one

Karen was 10 when I was born.As long as I can remember, she was someone I totally cherished, someone who always had a hand to hold, a smile, a comforting feeling for me. There have been many years where we have been miles apart in distance, but she never was far away in my heart, my mind, my being.

I can remember Karen looking after me, guiding me and sharing special moments. She would hold my hand to keep me safe, and she may not have ever realized that I would think often I wanted to be like her.

We initially lived in Bridgeport Conn. for the first 4 1/2 yrs of my life. She was 8 when my parents married, my father was a widower, from what I understand Karen’s mom had died as a result of an accident. Karen had 2 brothers that were older than Karen, and through this bond of marriage,  I not only had brothers and sisters from my mom and dad’s marriage, but we had immediately 3 older siblings, all who are loved and cherished. My mom and dad had 7 additional children from their bond in marriage, one died shortly after birth, the rest of us helped to make up a family of nine brothers and sisters.

I remember many times if anyone told us that our 3 oldest siblings and the 6 of us were “stepbrothers and sisters’  that my mother and father would immediately tell us there are no “step” brothers or sisters” in our family, we are all brothers and sisters and to never ever forget that. And to this day, I cherish each one of my siblings.

Karen was someone I thought always had it together. Oh I am sure there are times when she was in trouble for one thing or another, but never in my eyes.

This is in 1957/1958. Karen holding Pams hand, and I am in the striped dress

As we grew up, we moved to Skaneateles for a few years. Our dad was a traveling salesman and was gone a few days during the week. My mom was pregnant a lot during the first 10 yrs of my life. As early school-age kids, we had responsibilities that helped mom. It was just what life was about.

We lived at 3 different houses, the first on was on a hill on Rte 20, I remember the water was not always good for drinking.  Karen, my sister Pam ( who was one yr older than me) and I would help out by getting water for our family. We would each take thermoses down the hill to a gas station to fill them with water. Pam was 6 at the time, I was 5. I remember Karen helping with the heavier thermos and making sure we walked as far off the highway as possible. It was down the hill, and as a five-year-old, it felt like miles from the house to the gas station, but it wasn’t. It was our drinking water, mom had a baby already and was pregnant for another child, so it was what we did.

We moved to Spafford about a year later, and instead of our walks for water,

In Spafford, Karen, Pam, Peter and me

we would sometimes walk to the “Fescos” dairy farm and get milk from there. We had these aluminum containers, they too got heavy for a now 6 and 7-year-old, but again Karen protected us, made it something that we accepted, we just knew we needed to help out that way. I can’t say how often we did that, as when dad was home, mom would try to have errands done and have us set for another week till he came home. He would be home on Thursday nights, go back out Friday and usually home on the weekends.

We were in Spafford for about 1 1/2 yrs, and we moved to our final Skaneateles house, it was on Elizabeth Street, another rental home, this one was closer to the village, so we had milk delivered by the local dairy company. We had sidewalks and Karen would walk us to the village for a movie, or to the lake or to the ice cream parlor. In this last house, Karen was now in high school, she had a boyfriend ( David) and she was still the person I admired, I cherished, I wanted to be like her. I never remember Karen as being negative. She was always warming the room with her smiles. She was so great with each of us as we continued to increase in numbers. I this last house we now had Pam and me, plus my brothers Peter and Tom, and when we were living on  Elizabeth Street Melanie was born into the family too. Needless to say, my mom always had babies and tiny ones in the first 10 yrs of my life. Karen was my rock, my light.

Karen graduated from high school and had gone into nursing school at Crouse School of nursing in Syracuse. I cherished nursing because that was what she did, and I think her compassion and her comfort to me through the years, she showed me through her actions how to want to care for people too. I knew as I continued to grow that I wanted to be a nurse like Karen.

I am sure for Karen, there were sad times, with her mom dying, and then adjusting to lifes changes when her dad married my mom. My mom told me often she wanted to be there for Karen, to be as close to her mom as she could be, that she loved Karen from the first time she met her.

Now 66 years of life later, 66 years of having Karen in my life, I have to say that I admire her as much now as I did as a small child. Her faith is amazing. Her love and devotion to her husband are deeper than words can express. Her love for each of her children, their families, her grandchildren are unending, deep, real. She loves her church family, she loves her brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, their spouses and all the children within the family units.

Sure she has had bumps along this journey of life, we all have or will have. However, not once have I not cherished her, not thought of her, not remember times with her,  she has been my anchor, my light, my sister.

She is incredible even when the odds are strong. She has fought stage 4 pancreatic cancer for 2 plus years and is now in Hospice. Even though all of this, she is able to smile, able to share moments of laughter, and moment of quiet.

I feel so fortunate for any time we share, and this past week was able to share 1 1/2 days in Niagara Falls. A place that means a lot to her and her husband Tim,  a place Mark and I love to go to too. We got to sit by the fall, to absorb the magic of the dramatic wonder of the falls. We were able to share times of quiet, times of talking, times of laughing and creating more memories that will last for a long long time.

 

 

 

 

 

So this post, this is dedicated to one incredible lady, to our sister…. Karen.                              I have lived a life that she has always been a part of, near or far, always close to my heart. With love, with gratitude, I sign off for now. Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Life and feeling positive

Today is the birthday of a woman who has a special place in my heart. She is a woman I call “mom2”. a woman I do not think I ever have seen without a smile on her face, no matter what. She is a woman who has enriched so many lives in her days on this earth, a woman I have admired since I first met her many many years ago. She used to laugh at my craziness, give me advise when I needed it, never judged me and never made me feel anything but respected, understood and loved.

This made me start to ponder. Life is something we have, it is here , it is now. What do you love in life? Not what obstacles are on your path, but what do you love about life? I can get weighed down with all the negative bits of life, or I can focus on the positive things. I chose each day to focus on what brings me peace, helps my soul to smile, and my heart to feel full.

I totally love my faith and belief in things I know are, but I can not prove it. I love my husband, I love my family, I love to take pictures, I love to sing, I totally love cleaning the house, the smell of fresh laundry, fresh cut lawns and freshly baked bread. I love my truly good friends, helping a child explore the world,  and reading to a child. I like to cook, I like to take walks, I like to look for things that are all around us, but we often do not see. I love walking in the rain, I feel blessed when I see a rainbow. I loved being a mom, I love the plans in my head.  I love spring and sunsets, and being on a mountain top. Going to sleep with the sounds of the ocean slapping the sandy shore.

Every day is one day closer to the next chapter in life, and one day further from the first chapter in life. What tomorrow will be, I am not going to let myself worry about it, instead, I focus on what today is. I am humbled by peoples kindness, and try to turn away from people’s negativity. We need to not get so wrapped up stuff, that we lose focus of the todays.

So today, I hope that you find a burst of positivity, a sunray , actually see a rain drop, I hope you find goodness.

Enjoy life, and turn any darkness into brightness.  Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Mom

This morning I read a passage in Matthew, “Come to me all who are burdened, and I will give you rest.” That is pretty heavy, extremely comforting and inspiring.

It made me think of life, and of Mother’s Day, and about my Mom. Those 3 letters mean more than words can ever express. Mom, a person who was there always, as I aged, she never was not there, she never once turned away from me, she never once made me feel anything but worthy, special and even in the worse times as I grew up, she was my rock.

She tackled incredible odds, and raised 7 children, ( as my sister Karen was only 7 when mom married dad. She had times in her life where she was faced with tough times, and through it all, if I ever needed that pillar to hold me up, if I ever needed wisdom, if I ever was in the darkest areas of life, she was a beacon, and when I focused on that light in the darkness, when I set my compass on that light, It was Mom waving the lantern of life, she was there.

Now I can not always say she had approval for situations, however she had strength and a way to teach lessons, a way to help me find the next step to take. SHe had times often of “tough love” wherein situations I would have liked to run from, she stood next to me and helped me face them

Mom had the ability to let “things go” that were material; that were “busy jobs” and tasks, and could shuffle the clutter of life and make time for me ( for us). Dishes, vacuuming, laundry, organizing would never have priority over time needed to talk, to support to inspire. There never was a time when she did not have time to put the tea kettle on, brew some cups of tea, and share a cookie and her unending, uncanny ability to enrich my life.

There were many winding paths, many of life intersections where there were too many choices of which direction to turn, and many special moments that meant so much to share, she was the person I knew would always be there. And it is so comforting to know….

She is still here, her spirit lives within the precious moments of my life, and way to often I do not stop to think more about how incredible she was, so this morning, as her spirit is filling my heart, my soul, I say Happy Mother’s Day Mom, without you … well, I would not be. Happy Mother’s Day Mom,  Until later, Mrs Justa alias CIndy

 

Worry

I have heard in the past, actually my whole life, and read this little piece of wisdom this morning on worrying.

We need to focus on the now, for if we are worrying about the future, about things that may or may not happen, we are burning our todays, we are wasting those precious moments on our walk through life.

I can be a worrier, I can be a person who is looking at different scenarios trying to prepare for things that never may happen.

I am much better now than I was years ago, but it is so easy to get sucked into the worry vortex. Now I believe there is a part of life where we need to think about the consequences of actions we do, things we say. So I am not proposing to go charge our credit cards to the max and spend to the max today, because we know on the scheduled billing day of the month that bill will be here.

I am thinking about the worries of things we have no idea even if they will ever come to be.

Photo by Northwoods Murphy on Pexels.com

There are so many folks who now, (because of the ease of social media, of 24 hr news talk shows, of  podcasting and YouTubing— )not only have they taken the worry talent to a new level for them, but they share the worrying with anyone who hears, reads or sees their public presentation of negative/ worry stuff.

As they predict the doomsday type scenarios, the dark maybes of the future, what they are doing is totally wasting the moments we are facing now. Life is never guaranteed to have no problems, no heartaches, no losses. There is a difference in knowing every moment will not be sunshine and lollipops and rainbows…. and worrying about those moments when the darkness seems to engulf us.

So once again, I am reminded to be still, to enjoy this moment, and stand tall, knowing when the not so good stuff happens, it is just a part of life. Bad times only pave the way to better times. We need to look towards the light, in those seemingly darker moments. Worrying does nothing but rob us of our moments in time, our moments to see the light.                                   Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

The Waves of Life

I am not quite sure what it is about the waves, but they are cleansing to me. They are so powerful, they make me realize our problems can be looked at in many ways. They make me remember that my existence is such a tiny part of the whole picture we call life.

We went up to the lake the other day, as the winds were fairly strong and the waves were having a fun time splashing anything that came in their path. The rolling of the waves is neat, no 2 waves are the same, the roar of them, the evolving of them from a thought, to existence, to gone.

As I stood in that very cold wind, with Mark and the seagulls around me , as we were watching the majestic side of life. We watched and heard the water as it brought sounds to normally a much quieter place.

It made me think about me, I am so much like a calm lake, I very rarely make a peep, it is like my brain is swarming with thoughts but they stay there.

I am mostly pretty passive, but also very loyal to my life, my husband, our true friends and family. I am a helper and lend calming hands when needed. Like the calmness of the lake.

There are those people in life though that are more like the crashing waves. Loud, seemingly angry, in a rush, and never stop to absorb the world around them. They preach doom and gloom and basically do not seem to realize the blessings life has provided. They come and go so fast it is like a blur. Those people I feel anxious around, unnerved, and far from peaceful.

That is probably why I enjoy the quiet of my life. I may have bumps along the road, but we work them out. Life is not full of problems, it is how we handle the challenges of life that count. We can be loud and bold, or we can analyze the situation quickly and do the best we can. For in life there is good and bad… the bad and the good of life interchange, the way we handle it is more what is important. This seagull reminded me of that…

There was a pretty big wave coming into shore and it was headed to get me and the seagull in front of me rather wet.  I stepped back. To my amazement, the seagull jumped straight up so it did not get splashed and then went right back down. Like it was on a trampoline.

AS I walked back to the car, I thought about life, and that seagull represented how I believe I need to continue to look at life. A problem comes, it is just that a problem. Take a proverbial leap, and handle the problem and move on to the next minute of life.

Yep… do not drown in troubles, look for the good. until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

What is Unseen

Have you ever been overwhelmed by all the things that appear in front of us, things we can’t “unsee” .

Photo by Edgars Kisuro on Pexels.com

The touchable, visual things in life. From things that people have, to gestures people do, to what is brought to us via sensationalism by media, TV and movies, many electronic type games and programs.  All these things we can see, they do not matter really. They are in the form of being visual to us, touchable, or within our sites. The materialistic components of life. These things seen are all temporary.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The list is endless really. And the truth is no matter how endless it is, in the end, there is not a luggage rack on a hearse, there are no storage bins or centers in heaven. We can get so wrapped up on those things seen that we don’t always take time to focus on the unseen.

There are our feelings, our kindness, our hurt, our joy. The unseen things that make us who we are. And the unseen things are not boasted about, they are not to be placed on a proverbial mantel in a touchable form. The unseen thing are what is inside us. How good a person we are inside. Trust in the kindness, goals to be compassionate, kind thoughts that are not smothered my negativity. Faith in today, faith in things unseen.

This is tough to do, because unseen things do not increase attendance at movie theaters, or increase profits for vendors and manufacturers of all the touchable things that surround us.

Personally, I can think of a lot of times

Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

I have wasted precious moments, precious days and years comparing me and what I have or don’t have to others. Why am I not ____, or I wish I could have ____, or how come “they” have the money to do ____. As I look back,   such a fool I was. Because, today,  as I sit here, I realize all the time I spent in the past of doing that, it was precious time never to be replaced again. And so many of the things seen that consumed me- years later are gone, or tarnished, or no longer as they appeared in the past.

Focusing on the unseen, that is eternal. May your day give you times of comfort.                 Until later, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Take Today and Embrace It

Oh boy, after 2 weeks of not feeling like I could do much of anything, I think I am returning to the other side. There is so much illness going around between people with the flu, upper respiratory problems, GI problems; unless I live in a bubble, I was bound to get something.

So I got the upper respiratory issues, the congestion, the cough, the tiredness… once again I thank God I work from home. AS I can trudge through the symptoms and not worry about contaminating anyone at work.

Now I am onto my thoughts about everything from A-Z. As I sit on the proverbial bench of life., I think about life. I was reading some things this AM and one thing came to me over and over again. If we continue to worry and fret about the tomorrows, we miss the todays. No one really knows the future, we can predict, sometimes it is correct. We can look at trends, but who knows where we are in the trend cycles really? At the end of the day, none of us know.

If we were to take notes on the prediction, those “scare the heck out of you, run for the hills and bury your money ” type predictions and now videos on YouTube and such, all the predictors, –and if we were to look back days, months and years later, we would probably find many of the “scare the pants off of us “predictions, were just words in space. Words to encourage us to not trust, words to inspire us to buy things to prepare us for the disaster of life as we know it.

In the end, it will be what it will be. For years I had a bin with the think plastic and rolls of duct tape because as we approached the millennium the world was going to never be the same. Remember the Y2K phrase was the phrase of the day. Build your bunkers and if you do not have a bunker, chose a room and seal it in plastic and duct tape. The predictions were assumptions, people believed them and felt they were helping mankind survive… there were scare tactics were just that. C0mputers would freak out,  causing immeasurable chaos ranging from vast blackouts to nuclear holocaust.  Remember the bunkers, and gun sales, ..and at 1-1-2000, the year changed, the new millennium began. There were probably a few bumps in the road, but we did not need our 25 yr supply of safe foods, or the bunkers.

So as I approach each day, I need to not get so wrapped up in 30 yrs from now and live frugally, yet not carelessly, live to enjoy today, because tomorrow- none of us know what it will be. Know that there is evil, but there is so much more good in the world. The goodness is not the “WOW” factor that media believes we need to see. Enjoy the sunrise, enjoy what you can.

Enjoy what blessings there are, have faith in the good, thank God for the moments you have, appreciate the wonders right in front of you.

The power may click off for a bit, we have candles. The water might have a problem, so we get filters to purify water and some bottled water.

Personally, if the world was to ever come to an end, that would be the end, and the guaranteed 25 yrs of preserved food would be in that sealed bucket, for what reason?

Until later, Mrs. Justa alias Cindy

 

Why….

What have we become as a nation? What have we slowly accepted as okay? What message are we sending to our children? WHY?

Maybe it is okay to be so self-centered, so ME focused, that we trod through the precious minutes of life not caring about the future, not caring about the sanctity of life, love, and the blessings of life. In the world, there is so much good that can be focused on, there are so many opportunities to help others, to protect, to teach, to learn.

I am not referring to everyone, I am referring to what we are easily exposed to in so many places.

I am beyond being able to be shocked until the next time something is thrown in our faces to shock me more. This is a list of just what was presented via news, entertainment – what we can easily run across just by being.

I do not understand why we invest so much time, so much money, so much effort into “marches”  “Demonstrations”  and ‘hateful behavior” —

Yet it is a very small percentage of exposure we get to the good of people, the good of individuals- not government being expected to do for us— but for us doing things for one another- like the ones lending a helping hand, those helping those who need help, working together to help lessen the poor in this nation, providing support for children. We need more helping people to learn about parenting, encouraging marriages to last, enlightening people in the blessings of life, respecting each other.

I hope we can find a more human respectful life, a less judgemental life, and appreciate every second — it will be gone too soon.

Until later, Mrs Justa, alias Cindy

 

 

Life The Way It is

I feel like we have come to the last lap of winter. It is nice to feel that way, as these past few months have been bitterly cold. It is so much easier to stay inside than to go out. It is hard to find time to see sunsets when it sets before the work day ends. It is too cold to be on the deck. Spring is knocking on the virtual door of the future, and I am super excited to know that is about to happen.

I am far from an extravagant person, and often I am so much like a nonperson, as I am quiet, a tad shy, and accepting of most things as they cross my pathway. I realize as I look at my many years of life, that I am a doer, and observer and unfortunately at times a person who wondered why I could not be as _______ as someone else.

Life is way too short to worry about what

Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

we don’t have and focus on what we do. I say that because we can strive for things, but we need to always be aware that things happen for a reason. In school I wished I was one of the popular crowd, now I look through various encounters with those who I thought had everything, and they didn’t. They were just like me, there was nothing special about them. Oh they had nice clothes, or they were from wealth, or they were always with groups of people, the sports stars talked to them, people invited each other to parties. Their social life left little time to sleep. I guess I put them in a pedestal because they seemed in my brief encounters to “have it all”.

Now though, I realize that each day is a day that is for each of us, gift-wrapped for us to embrace each minute.  It never comes back, and it is where we are at right now. I am so thankful for being blessed with a husband that truly loves me for who I am. I am thankful for God, and the comfort of faith. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mom, a wife, a grandmother a sister, and a friend.   Thankful for each time I get out of bed, the ability to ambulate on my own, the incredible family I have, Riley, the ability to absorb the world around me,  to be able to feel, to smile and to cry, to find humor in life and to laugh, and that I have a job that keeps my mind going and helps us build for the days that lie ahead.

I was reading some posts on a forum, and people are boasting about how they have a few million dollars, how they have no worries about finances, one person wrote something about getting advice on how to spend all the money he has. On the surface, they sound like they “have it all”, but do they? I am not going to waste one precious minute of my life envisioning their wealth, their lives. Instead, I am going to treasure each moment of mine. I will never have millions of dollars, I do not know what one would have to do to obtain that. I would say that not having money abound, that keeps my focus more on the gifts we have in front of us.

My “millions” are made up of seconds, minutes, hugs, smiles, silence, being loved, music, singing, writing, reading, creating. With those things- why life is just fine,

Until later, Mrs Justa alias CIndy

 

Trying Times

The good and the bad, one goes with the other, problems we all face, tragic losses, lives are filled with weighted down problems and hurts, with sickness and death, with times we find almost unbearable.

AS the news shares so many terrible things that happen, abuse, neglect, weather, accidents, it is so easy to become bitter. The loss of a child, of a loved one, violence, the loss of our possessions, life-changing moments. Somehow we get through them, the weight of the hurts and the pain feel unbearable at times, and yet, like this little tree holding the weight of the snow, we make it through. Not saying we are the same as we were when the problems arise, life is never the same.

I can not find concrete evidence of why things happen, only  I know that they do.  I prefer to look for the balance of the good that came also, and sometimes the answer for the “good” is not visible for years.  In my own life, people sometimes have said to me when tragedy happens – “Well what is the good from that?” I can not answer those questions, I can only personally believe with all my being, that life never was promised to me to be easy, there is not one place or store or person or being that has a magic wand that protects me from bad things. Life can feel like violent storms rolling in, and with the turbulence, there will be calmness again.

To survive the moments of hurts, of losses, of pain, — those moments when it is much easier to run from faith in God,  personally I have found turning my problems over to God – that has helped me take the next step.

When towns are destroyed, when lives are lost, tangible things demolished, the people often come together, pray together, and even though the scars of the tragedy will be there, the road to a less terrible situation is long, and being held up in those times is a faith, a strength, a proverbial light in the darkness.

Personally, if I really look beyond the pain, beyond the losses, beyond the things at some point I thought were important in life, the “Why me?” times, or the “What is the good from this?” moments — I find comfort in knowing not one time, was I alone.

I am reminded of something I read a while back from Billy Graham. No one has all the answers, no one will ever have all the answers. I found this interesting and honest.

As I close, I say a prayer for those who recently lost so much in the tornados that hit the south. Lives of children lives of others, personal belongings, lives turned upside down.  Prayers can not bring back what is lost,  the strength needed to get through this is not bought in a store or found in a pill, it is inner strength and the need for “hands”  to hold us up, hands we often can not see, and don’t realize are even there… but I truly believe they are there always. Until later, Mrs. Justa. alias Cindy

 

 

 

Thankful For Creators, Inventors, Dreamers

As I got out of bed the other day, slid my feet to the floor, felt the carpet underneath them, went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth with water that comes on by a turn of a faucet, sat on the warm seat of the porcelain toilet and cleaned myself with soft toilet paper, washed my hands in warm water and using a fresh scented soap, proceeded to the shower stall and washed in the heated bathroom, I stopped and thanked God for everything we have.

This got my old brain thinking about times when houses were the outdoors, or if you were lucky you might have a  hut or a cave; when a bed was made by cushioning leaves and brush on the ground, and a bathroom was a place in the wilderness,  toilet paper a leaf, a blanket might be made from branches. Do you know how thankful I am that I am here now !!!

There were no rules, no electricity, no running water, no closets and dressers with clothes bought already made,  no phones, no Walmarts, no Amazons, no Home Depots or Lowes. To see how someone is, you hot-footed to where they were, barefoot unless you created a foot covering. There must have been winters, oh my goodness, how the heck could I have ever felt warm? My husband affectionately refers to me as an ice cube when I climb into bed. ( IN SUMMER and winter) .

I just finished cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms. As I carefully looked at every single thing, soap bars, shampoo that comes out with a simple push of the spout on the top, a refrigerator, cupboards with spices, microwave, oven, washer and dryer, and canned goods, a freezer with food ready to thaw, plates silverware, music playing with a touch of a button, I could go on and on… I am overwhelmed with gratitude and disbelief.

Bottom line is there are so many things I think we take for granted, things that never would be here had someone not had created a vision, an idea. Look at the things around us. Every single thing probably had years of trying ideas until it was perfected. From water flowing to septic needs met. From the clothes on our backs to the pillows we lay our heads on. The environments we live in, the transportation we take advantage of.

It only accentuates to me ever so loudly, that we need to feed and encourage ideas, teach our children, encourage thinking, not to become dormant, we need to stop and be thankful for everything and every breath we take. For many trails and thoughts, many failures and retrying surround us.

AND TO NEVER GIVE UP.  If everyone gave up if everyone did not even attempt to invent, create— well we would live in a world, life would be full of totally different scenarios.

UNtil later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Being a Buoy

We are all different, some quiet, some are known when they are in the presence of others, and some are darn right annoying because their behavior is that they are the only one that matters.

I wonder what makes us be the way we are. I was thinking about me, if I had to look for something I am like, I find a buoy is probably that best description. Buoys are just there, they can provide safety to alert of danger, they do not cause harm, they are pretty simple and bob along as the world goes by calmly, or thrashes around me.

As I bob through every minute of my life- going forward and for the minutes that have  gone by, I watch, I observe, I say few words, and if the waters are calm, I am still… if the waters are rough I tip back and forth, look like I might lose my purpose, but in the end, I am still there.

Birds can perch on me, a boat can be warned of danger by me, I guide to safety and I can be held onto in a bind. A buoy is always there as life goes by. Winter makes me more of a buoy, but this spring, as the weather warms,  I think my weighed down buoy is going to be more like a leaf in a breeze, and we may take time to explore places not visible in my buoy existence. God gave us life, and such breathtaking things to do, every once in a while, Mark and I – well we are going to start seeing them again.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Insight Of a Child

I am thinking today about how sometimes children will see something, or say something, and you have no idea how they had that insight. How they knew. This is Jeff at the age of this example.

For the first couple years of his life Jeff and I had lived in Prattburg, NY.  I had been there for 3 years before Jeff was born. It was a rather small town in the southern tier of NY and neighbors were a ways away from each other.  My husband at the time worked in Rochester, so that was 1 1/2 hrs each way. Needless to say, it was not a place where you would be if you were looking for suburban life.

I had met a couple of women, wives of friends of my husband, Billie Jo and Lindy. Before Jeff was born, the 3 families became an extended family. Once Jeff was born, our kids played together and Lindy’s father in law, well he was “Papa”.

Papa took me in and Billie Jo in as pseudo daughters. He was a great man. Cooked incredible Italian meals, and loved every minute of life. His laughter was jolly, his heart real. The kids were his extended grandkids. When I was pregnant, he often took me to the OB appointments because it was 45 minutes from our house. He and Billie Jo were part of the group who were at the hospital when I went in for having Jeff. As Jeff grew, Papa would visit him, daily. Jeff grew to look at Papa as a grandfather, he loved Papa and Papa had a way to have kids melt as he entered the room.

Jeff would always go and find a toy to show him, and Papa would act like it was the first time he saw it each time. About a yr after My husband and I had separated, and I moved with Jeff closer to Rochester, Jeff saw Papa very infrequently. I found out that Papa had been in the hospital. It was in June 1985, I remember  I gathered quickly pictures of Jeff and mailing them to the hospital with a card. Lindy told me later that Papas face lit up when he received them

Not too long after that, as I was driving to daycare, Jeff held firmly in his car seat, I saw Jeff look almost to the horizon and raising his head slowly as raised his head to the sky- as far up as possible.

I asked him “Jeff what are you looking at?”He looked at me, with such innocence, such sincerity, and seriousness and with the words I will never forget he said: ” I just saw Papa go up in the sky”. I thought that so unusual, so amazing that this 3 yr old, this precious child saw something and knew what he saw. I tried to support him, and tell him it was probably clouds in the early morning, maybe Papa was looking at Jeffs picture… jeff gave me a little smile. He knew not what that meant except the facts of what he saw and shared with me.

This weighed heavy on my mind and so after work, I made some calls to see how Papa was doing. I was told that  Papa had died earlier. We went to the calling hours, and after a lot of thinking, we felt that Jeff should go too. We felt he would be able to finalize that Papa was always going to be special to him, and we felt him seeing him in the casket would be better than wondering if Papa was going to visit. We got there, and there was a step in front of the casket, Jeff stepped up and had quite a little discussion with Papa, knowing that he could not respond. I know I was crying, over watching the innocence of Jeff, and also the loss of Papa. We brought Jeff into the meeting room area, and as we got ready to leave, he pulled my hand and said: “Wait, we have to tell Papa goodbye.”  He walked over, climbed up the step, put his hands on papa and told him goodbye and he loved him.”  That pretty much did me in…   The incredible experiences we cannot define, the things that happen, the precious innocence of youth, the unexplained blessings.

Until later, Mrs Justa, alias Cindy

 

 

 

Quality not Quantity

I often find my mind taking me back in time, and remember that through most of the years of my life, it was the times spent with the special men in my life, not the times away from that I remember most. As a very young girl, it was my dad. He was the comfort, the strength, a gift. His job had him away during the week and home on Thurs nights and back out on a short sales run, returning usually Friday nights.

Our time together meant everything to me. I remember his hand holding mine securely, his voice was deep, his love for all of us was unending. I remember his hugs, his laughter.

He used to say I was his princess. I remember how he tried to take time for each of us. and my time I saved in a vault in my mind, in my heart. It brings me comfort in so many ways.

I remember how he was one who would remind me through the years he was alive, that life never promised to be all good, bad things happen, and that somehow the bad turns into good again.

Karen was 10 years older than me, and it is funny in the couple of pictures I have of her with me and dad, she is always looking back at me. I can only imagine I was a chatty little one.

We all remember dad in different ways I am sure. Karen was 10 when I was born, so she already had 10 years of memories before my dad times started.

Pam my next older sister was 1 1/2 yrs older than me. She and I had a lot of fun and not so fun times, just due to age, and I always felt a tad bit of jealousy from her. She too had memories of dad, and dads death took a really bad toll on her. To the point that as an adult woman, every anniversary of his death she would end up in a severe depression. Sometimes to the point of needing an inpatient admission to help her get to the other side.

As I got older, there have been men in my life who also had employment that required they be gone a good percentage of the weeks. I never ever regretted that, I accepted it without any second thought, because the time they were home, was valuable, treasured and never taken for granted. It is not the amount of time spent, it is how we use the time when we have it to spend. To be constantly together, 24/7; I think it becomes an expectation, I think there are moments that would be more special if they were not routine.

During the first 10 years of my life, I remember my mom, however times I remember more vividly are those in which my mom and dad were there. I wonder often how life would have been had he not died when I was 10. Time with dad, it was quality time, the pieces fit together.

As I look back on my own adult life, Mark was away often for his job, just like my dad was. It was how life was. When our own kids were growing up- we tried to spend quality time with them when Mark was home. We would go to some places – often places that did not cost a penny, yet their value priceless. Walks in parks, sitting on docks, camping in our pup tents, later advancing to pop-ups. Playing ball, frisbee, Yahtzee, the list goes on.

And now the times with our grandchildren, the moments are treasured, they are not routine, and we do things with them. It is the special times, times giving of oneself and really focusing on the other person, those are quality times.

AS I am off for a new week, I am going to work on quality and not quantity…

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Trusting In …..

We live life sometimes feeling like we know exactly the next step. Our alarm clock will go off, we will get up, we brush our teeth, do whatever routine in the morning we do, and move to the next part of our day. However when the alarm clock does not go off, or there is no water pressure, or maybe we fall out of bed instead of getting up the usual way, well it kinda puts our synched life out of order.

We trust everything will go as planned, and yet there are the things that don’t.

It gets even trickier when we take the next step, drive the car, reach for something, heck even getting something from a cupboard. Everything we do we trust will end the same way.

Now we can try to protect ourselves from areas where things can’t go wrong, but we become people in bubbles. Less can go wrong, but things happen.

I was thinking about trust and faith to extend beyond the simpler bullet points of a day. I was reminded in my thoughts of this day, this fall day when this never could have been, had life been kept inside the bubble. I took this at an angle to show the freedom, the joy of the moment. Jeff trusted he would get caught, and he loved the feeling of freedom. The look on his face, the total relaxation of his body, he trusted thigs will be okay, and without that trust, the picture would have been totally different- it might have been a terrified face and fingers clutching so tight to the neck of his dad- like please don’t make me do this. But no– he totally trusted and because of that experienced something way out of the ordinary.

As we get older and heavier, that opportunity – that specific scenario – could not be, or would probably not end in a laugh. However, as we age, inventors have created ways to get that feeling and beyond. I takes a lot more effort from the person achieving the liftoff, however, it needs to be accompanied by trust. Trust that the winds are right, trust your legs are ready for a rather fast run, trust the equipment was not faulty. If however, you have the trust, that sense of freedom can be yours. This person was on an elevated area, beyond the takeoff area was an incredible valley, miles of land colored with the brilliance of fall.

Life has been full of trusting, we trust in relationships, we trust in our day to day activities, our jobs, our everything……and yes we also trust we will be cleaning the bruises- whether inside or outside, and some scars that show the roadmap of my life. I want to always feel that feeling that life is going to be okay, that feeling I get every time I remember that fall day with Jeff. I never ever want to stop trusting that even when things don’t go quite as planned, the trust and faith are so important.

Until later,  Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

 

Planning Sometimes Is Just That

As we go through life we plan for things. We plan for trips or places to live. We plan for futures, and we plan for retirement.

As I sat in a local diner tonight with my husband, our table was in the center. Around us were other table and booths lined the walls. It seemed to be mostly patrons who were well known, and who seemed to be much older then we are. It felt as if we were in a dinner theater in the round. With the play being skits of people lives. People came in and left, waitresses cleared the tables, kind of like at a play when the light get turned down, the curtain falls, and another scene comes to be.

I felt surrounded by people who probably had made plans for their lives, and probably health reasons and life setbacks, well they changed their plans. As one man had come in with his wife, he was trying to move into the booth, his left side was not coordinated and weak, so as he slid in it was like his right side was pushing the left side in. He said to her, can you believe this is how we ended up, as she tried to help him get situated. Plans can get washed away, or reshaped. We can endure or let them take control of us .

Couples here and there, obviously some with significant health challenges, none who appeared they could be north-south travelers. It made me wonder what does the future look like? No one knows. The best plans can be dissolved in a moments notice. I think we have to accept that just because we plan it to be a certain way, that does not mean it will be. The sun rises and sets, and we have no idea what is next.

As we went to leave, a man was walking out in front of us. He had been joking with the waitresses, he had a nonstressed face, he needed a cane, his stride was not fast, but gingerly. He told us he was 91, he came there every night for dinner, he said he lives alone. He loves to talk with the gals and seems to look forward to coming there. We complimented his outlook on life, and he said he lives life lightly, doesn’t have his head down, he looks up all the time. He did not talk about heartbreak, but I sure he has had some. He displayed a love for what life offers him a minute at a time. Appreciating each sunrise and sunset.

I think that is how we need to be. We can plan, and realize those plans can change in a heartbeat. It is hard enough to plan for the next few days or weeks, let alone the future of life.

Until later, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

Another Year In The Rear View Mirror

Today marks yet another year of life. The moments are but footprints, soon to be washed away, yet leaving impressions in our memory banks. A year of hopefully some positive that happened, a year for some filled with one or more life-changing moments, and a year that some may want to run out of as quickly as possible.

I have a friend who married a man that is her soul mate. I mean to the max. The love you see in their eyes when she talks about him- about them- in their interactions captured on photos, it has been a truly blessed year for her.

I have a friend, she is a soulmate friend, we think alike, we just know when the other needs a call, a text, a visit, we say the same things, .. well she and her husband retired. They totally changed their living situation, sold a home, bought a place in Florida and have a permanent park setting on a lake in Upstate New York… Part of her time south, part up here. Oh, they had some major bumps along the journey, but all in all, looking at their smiles and stress-free facial expressions, it has been a good year for them.

Mark’s and my year, whoa, we look in the rearview mirror of that, and it has been full. We started the year with a 6-month mania for Mark, the incredible changes in our lives during that time and the challenges for him to face the 4 1/2 months of climbing out of depression. I experienced changing my department at work in August due to my place of employment being acquired by a very large company and learning oh so many new things. It is a good thing, just a big change. We spent some fun rewarding times with the grandkids and spent some great times with family. We helped Marks mom as she transitioned from an apartment to an Assisted Living Environment. Yes, it has been a year.

I think about life, each breath, each step, each second is like a snowflake. By itself, it may not mean much, but add them together and it creates memories, it creates opportunities. And as quickly as a snowflake can melt, so can the moment be gone. I look back on the year and think of all the things different, of the few more aches that might be there at times, and I wonder what lies ahead.

I long to treasure each moment, to look for the good in everything, and to be the best I can be.  I am thankful for what has been and what is yet to come. I realize that life is full of changes, of hurt and of happiness. I feel blessed that I am aware of the presence of those who have passed on still being here for me in their subtle ways. I feel thankful to have been blessed with my husband, our kids, and our grandkids. I am thankful for my siblings and all the members of our family, my friends, the church I attend and thankful for living my life in the comfort of God.

As I look ahead, I do not know what each day will bring, but each breath I take, each step I make will be with the intent to be the best I can be for that moment.  The saying “moss won’t grow on a rolling stone” will continue to be a reminder to keep moving…  So as I end this year with this post, I wish all have time to reflect, to look ahead. Happy New Year. Until next year, Mrs Justa alias Cindy