Katja's shower 001New beginnings, adventures. We have all had them in our lives. I thought about that today when we did a baby shower for one of our co-workers. It just brought me back about 31 years ago… and than ( if any of you know me from previous post or in real life) my mind started going back into various corners of my past.. opening doors of beginnings I have had. But I am going to refrain from going to all those memories and try to focus on that new pregnancy journey….

Yes , the moment finding out you are pregnant… for both the woman and the man…it is hopefully a time of joy.. anticipation, wonder, fright, uncertainty and I remember even sometimes wondering if I had the mom ability.. It is a huge change in ones life. The first child…

I remember how those first few months seemed like I was pregnant in words alone. Oh I went to the OB GYN monthly..and they told me I was pregnant..but it was not totally absorbed. Than that first moment when I realized I needed to wear maternity pants… and than when it feels like butterflies in my stomach…and it was actually the little guy starting to swim..and kick. Than it was.. HOLY COW I am going to have a baby.

100_0245When ever there are new chapters in life, at least for me..I turn the page super slowly… not sure I want to leave the chapter I was in..and hesitant for what the next chapter will become.  As I watched this person today, it is her first child, she has a sense of confidence and a sense of innocence at the same time. There are lots of unknowns…. and I was just taken back in time. She is due in a couple of months…. hmmm back when I was 7 months—we were frantically trying to get the babies room somewhat ready… we bought a carpet remnant, we painted the walls, we got a crib, and a friend gave us a changing stand that needed the cushion part repaired. My husband had some vinyl spongy type material, and I remember making the cover for it. We did not have a lot of money-so we did the best with what we had….

I was a very tired pregnant woman, and often  I would get up in the morning, say good bye to my husband,and than climb back in bed for the day… only to get up just before he arrived home—to have dinner ready…

oh yeah..I slept that pregnancy away for the last few months. The anticipation I felt  keeps coming back to me,…the wonder what delivery was going to be like, and was he going to have 5 fingers on each hand, 5 toes on each foot… would he be healthy, would he be content, would I be okay being a mom, would my husband be okay being a dad… how would parenting be…was I wise enough, was I old enough, was I mature enough.

Yep… today brought back those moments of pregnancy—right to the surface. I truly wish the best for her..and I hope she gets at least 1/2 the joy I have from my blessing of being a mother…for there are absolutely no words to explain how very much being a mom has made me complete. I can not imagine what I ever did in my life before I was a mom…I feel so very blessed to have been given that responsibility… I hope she feels that too.

Love to all, Mrs Justa..alias Cindy