We should  not complain about life—it is what we make it – when we are dealt different cards. There is no guarantee how life will turn out, no one ever said it would be easy..and if they did—they were giving you a line of bull… .

I remember after my marriage of 5 yrs just kind of crumbled— it has become fresh to me as I was looking through a photo album looking for a picture of Jeff. He was 2 1/2 when we broke up… and all of the sudden it was him and me .. on our own…. I went from a stay at home mom ..to a single mom. I found a job… found an apartment… found a day care… and had no idea how my 10,000.00 a yr job would get us through it ..but I was darn determined to be strong for him. Jeff no longer had a mom and dad in the same home… and his mom was not with him 24 /7 …but we made each day the best we could. We ran shallow baths, kept few lights on, read books,  I bought sheets of insulation board and cut them to fit in the window openings- covered them with fabric from the thrift shop…to make them look pleasant on the outside-this saved on heat… we rarely  had meals out.. we kept the heat down and covers up… we walked places… we played with trucks and cars in the apartment.. went to playgrounds… found there is so much to do that is free…. we learned it was not what you had—but who you had in your life that mattered….

selling Easter candy for Day care 001This is a picture of him at the grocery store by our apartment. He has a fund raiser for day care- selling Easter Candy—the store let us set up shop outside—I had a TV tray, a cheap folding chair, a cloth for his table..we made a make shift sign and he decided his stuffed bunny rabbit would bring him luck.. He sold all his candy—his smile never stopped… that was the one thing about this little guy—no matter what obstacles we faced—his smile and belly laugh kept me going. I truly believe the whole break up—the enduring the challenges—it made us both stronger…

My little boy is going toJeff's 3rd b day opening gifts 001 be 30 soon..this photo is of his 3rd birthday… he would smile like each gift was a million bucks… money was so tight—I got him what I could.. but he never felt he was getting cheated—he treasured every single thing… he would laugh, a big broad smile and say a BIG AWW thank you each time he received something.

I am so thankful for all the time I have had with him… he was why I did not just run away when the marriage failed… he was what made me keep plugging forward… I truly feel that because of the marriage break up- the time we had together was appreciated more-it was quality time… I never would have met Mark or Adrianne if it had not gone in this direction..never would have gone into nursing school when Jeff started kindergarten, never would be where I am now in life –if it had not been for the incredible problems and pain along the way….

Someone long ago said something to be when I asked “How could God let this happen?” The scenario was we- as kids are sometimes told by our parents to do things… we do not know why.. sometimes in the back of our minds we think our parents are off base..do not know anything… we totally do not understand why they asked us to do something.. or what they see in the future. Just the same is the scenario of God and all of us are his children. This person said that when things happen that we just do not understand –we feel betrayed-lost- maybe even question God… but then years later—maybe a lifetime later— we look back and see there was something in that time that resulted in something else. Jeff 3 yrs old in the air 001They also said—we are not ever going to understand God—we are not God. Faith … I have to have faith….

Faith … trusting that you will be caught when you feel tossed in the air of life…knowing His hands are not far away…

… Faith

I personally can go over many times in my life that when I was going through the pain, the loss, the total lack of anything making sense..when I hurt so bad I wondered at  if God forgot me…How could God let that happen … and as I look back—all the instances resulted in something that made me stronger—built character—taught me how to endure—reminded me that I need to accept whatever comes along as another step in my life. I need to remember to see what I can do with it….and realize that I am not the parent …. I am one of the children…to know that doors will close—and not let one opening pass by…

Love to all.. Mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

Advertisements