GRR the TYPE A’s were hovering today..100_2555 and came out in full force this afternoon. GRRR> On my way home tonight, it was light snowing, the road looked like someone sprinkled confectioners sugar all over it, I was taking my winter slower route… ( as I save the interstates for the buttheads) …and low and behold.. a butthead must have gotten lost… cuz he was on my back bumper –so close I could not see his headlights. GRRR>.. if I was younger I would have put my flashers on and off-to make him think they were brake lights… but I just pulled way over as soon as I could. The butt head reved his accelerator as he zoomed by me… I wanted to tell him the expressway was the other way..but he was gone in an instant. But for today—the TYPE Aers are not going to get the best of me.. nope… I have the art of dying on my mind…

I was thinking today, on my way to work , about this woman I work with. She had called me and said that she was not going to be in for the week, her mom was dying and she needed to be with her mom.100_3131 In life… we need to keep our sights on what is truly important, as this was to her. She had called me Monday morning and Monday evening, and she was telling me that her mom was alive, but digressing. . She had said most of the brothers and sisters were there, but one brother was due to be in within the hour. this morning she called me..her brother arrived and was able to talk to his mom, sit by he…and 50 minutes later she passed, with her children at her side. It reminded me of my many experiences working with dying people, and how some would wait to die until all their family had arrived. It was really beautiful to watch in a very sad way. Because a parent’s  love is sometimes so strong , that they can hang onto that last breath until they are sure they waited for all their kids, grandkids.The dying person was not normally responsive, but their sense of hearing was last to go.Some patients waited to die until the family came and left them alone for a moment. I know it was. It was as if they needed to die in privacy.

I remember long long ago, at the bedside of my mother-in-law ( she was always my mother-in law even though my husband had divorced me years before…… she did not divorce me—nor I her)  – she had been weakening and it was apparent that her days in 100_3125_editedthat hospital bed  in Rochester were numbered.  It was actually a few days before her death, and I was alone with her in her room. She asked me to sit next to her, and she started almost poetically, softly  telling me what songs she wanted to have played at her funeral. She gave me bits of information about what she wanted said. I was touched that it was I she spoke to, yet I felt kind of weird that she told me and not her son ( my x husband)..but I think that was because she wanted to protect him from hearing his mother talk about her death. 

I had everything written down, and when I met with him that evening in the lobby of the hospital, I took a deep breath, a few gulps, and told him I had something he needed to know. It was awkward in a way, but it was important to reveal this to him… so I did. And today, this moment in my past came to the surface, as I thought of this woman from work, and the moments she spent with her mom, as her mom slipped to her eternal home, and how these moments will stay in her mind forever.

  I went into nursing way back when,for many reason, one was because I never wanted people to die alone, or without dignity… and the mom who died last night—she did not die alone… nor did she die without knowing she was at peace.

Life is the gateway to death …. we have no guarantees how long we will live.. but to be able to die in peace… that is the ultimate experience.

I am just kinda melancholic tonight, as I remember the experiences in my past…and think about this woman ..hmm… life is strange  isn’t it?

Peace to all, enjoy each moment…. Love Mrs Justa alias cindy

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