We were watching our DVRed programs from last week, and there was a line in one of the shows that ..uggg…. made me think.. CAN YOU STAND IT… it got my mind swirling again, the dad was saying to his son

There comes a time in life when all of the sudden you realize your yesterdays far exceed your tomorrows, and you wonder how many there are left.”

I thought about that all day today , 100_4406I thought about it on my way to and from work. I am obviously thinking about it now.

I know that I am not going to live as long as I have lived. I analyzed life as a barn. Each piece put together with care, love and dreams. As it ages, a few boards may fall out of sight, but the love and the caring that created life, ..well it holds it together.  So yes folks, I am saying I am like a barn… I wonder what joys, what sorrows, what challenges, what disappointments are going to fill my remaining days.

George Bernard Shaw is quoted as saying

“Life isn’t about finding yourself.

Life is about creating yourself.”

So as I sit here, the furnace humming in the background, the cold temperature embracing the outside of the house, I wonder if I can continue to create myself until I am no longer. 

100_4399I am not where I want to end up, but as I look behind me, over horizons of my past, I feel they are filled with moments when I created more of me.

In a smile, in a moment of caring, in a moment of sharing, in a moment of comforting. All the moments of my life, I believe I have used them as building blocks to be the me I am today. Just like the nails holding the barn together….

I got an e mail today from our lawyer asking us to proof our wills, and if they are okay to make an appointment to sign them. I guess it just brought back the words of yesterdays show. As I read mine and than Mark looked at his, life becomes words on a sheet of paper in a way. If I die first, than this and that, if he dies first than this and that, if we die together, than this or that. We go from living breathing people to a set of instructions.

As I am living, as I am breathing, I vow to continue to create more of me. To spend time with our kids and grand kids; to share a bit of me with you…, to be the best wife and mom and grandmother I can be, the best sister, aunt, friend I can be, the best employee I can be while I still am working…( I plan to work for another 25 years ) … and to appreciate the ability to walk, talk, think, share, ..to be.

I will not waste one moment….. I can not.

Love to all, Mrs Justa alias Cindy

 

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