100_5059 Memories, most have some, some have many, but who do they benefit? What makes a memory stay there in the background, ready to pop out and bring us back to a time in our past? And what makes other memories disappear, like we were not a part of them?

I ask this as I look at Jeff’s baby book. Thankfully I kept a letter my mom wrote to me, my husband numero Uno, ( HA that sounds like I am a wild woman or something LOL) to my brother who lived with us and most of all to Jeff- who was just about 3 weeks old when she wrote the letter.

I miss my mom, oh in so many ways, and that letter- a letter I never thought about, a letter I actually had forgot I had received… I opened it.. and my mom was alive.. she was sending a letter to me as I was 95 miles away from her home. It was a mom letter… the kind that in between the lines I could feel a hug, a soft touch to my bangs to brush them from my face, a moment of hesitation as she wrote the words, carefully placing each one in a way that was compassionate, empathetic, and proud of how my life had turned out.

That memory was gone, never to be found in my vault of days gone by in my 100_3501 mind..and opening it… that memory crept past years of cob webs, around corners in my mind’s memory bank..and now it is here. I am going to bring that letter to Jeff tomorrow, in his baby book. There are other things in there too. As Jeff was going through his very younger years, I wrote him letters. Letters about how I saw life, and how I saw him. Now that he is a dad, I think he and his wife can relate to me at a different level through those letters.… they can maybe feel the passion of the  mom who wrote those letters to him 25 + years ago… for I truly believe they cherish their children as much as I did mine. For a moment, reading those letters , I am not a grandma..or a mother of an adult child.. no I am a young mom trying to make a good life for my son.

Photos do that too, they take time and make it stand still forever, marking a moment that many would have forgotten.. and it is funny.. I can see a photo that I am in.. and totally have no idea where I was. That does not happen often.. but there are a few. But my photos are a part of my life entwined with others lives. I feel fortunate that I was brought up in a family that took photos. For a moment is here for only the moment… and without it being captured… it may get distorted..I can sit on the floor and go through the albums over and over again. Memories… it is like when I look at the photo,I sometimes go back to that very moment and the emotion felt years ago comes to life.

What memories lurk in the back dark corners of your mind? Does a song bring out a memory?  Does a sound or a smell take you back from the present to days of long ago? Oh it does for me… I try to focus on the good memories.. life is way too short to push the good out of the way and let the not so good memories consume the past.

If there are bad memories- lock those in a dark place…and throw out the key.. but welcome the good ones… I think they make life easier. Love to all, mrs Justa.. alias Cindy

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