Someone once wrote “Shouting to make your kids obey is like using your horn to steer your car, and…..you get the same results.”

I was in a store with Courtney on Saturday, we ran in to get some stuff for tacos. There was a woman in there with a stroller, 2 kids walking next to it and about a 1 yr old in the stroller.

This woman is screaming at her kids. Move here, move there, don’t touch, “stop crying or I will give you something to cry about. “ Yelling at these kids. Telling them they are going to go straight to bed when they get home, no dinner threats, and taking away toys.

The weird thing is the kids were not appearing to be doing anything wrong. They were kinds dragging their feet as they walked, and even stranger was  the screaming appeared to be background noise to them. To me, I was getting angry at her. I came real close to saying something… ( but didn’t want to get yelled at myself!)))

I hate screaming, never lived with it, never liked it. Am totally uncomfortable around it. My mom was a soft spoken woman who if she said “Damn it” we all grabbed anything that appeared like a dust rag and started dusting whatever was in front of us, or we would straighten out what ever was stacked on the end table near us. It was an instant reaction to do something to please her. There was one Christmas Eve at her house, all of my brothers and sisters were there- we were all in our adult years with children of our own. Mom was in the kitchen, and let out a “damn it”… we all sat straight upright and were each looking for something we could do to please her. We laughed after we realized this response was imbedded in our inner most selves.

My dad was a more hollering type person. But he traveled so he would have us all meet him as he came in on Thursdays nights with the shopping list of things the other kids did wrong while he was gone.  My  mom tolerated, my dad spanked. With his hand, a firm hit on the fanny, one – enough to let us know we needed to straighten up.

We did not live in a yelling environment, so when a voice was raised, we straightened up. If anyone yells at me, I sometimes start laughing out of fear. ( If that makes any sense) I have to really concentrate not to laugh in their face. If I succeed, then the next emotion is crying… because it scares me. I feel my heart flip flopping, I physically feel my body tremble.

But these kids in the store- I do not think this woman’s intolerable screaming phased them. I wanted to reach down , swoop them up, and run out of the store with them. However, I am sure when Mark saw me and Courtney running towards the car with 3 small children, he probably would have taken off leaving us in his  dust.

100_4399 Life is so short, I say that often, and what we do each day of life when the kids are young, well that is their example for life as an adult. Our behavior is how they see the shadows on the road ahead in life. Our emotions, our words, our actions all become the pavement on their road of life. What example do you set? Are you a yeller? Do you say unkind things to the kids? Or to your spouse, your significant other? Kids watch how we are. They see us as role models. That is pretty big of a responsibility.

Please take a deep breath, go for a walk, separate yourself from the frustration for a minute before you say things you can not take back. And save the yelling, the screaming , for that emergency… not for day to day living. Treat every person as if it the last time you will see them…. How will they remember you? Live in peace. Love to all Mrs Justa…. alias Cindy

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