We all need to remember

that we need to identify ourselves with who we are, not who we share a relationship with, or what we do to earn money, or even what illness we may have, or imperfection we may possess.

I was thinking  about my life

today on my way home, and about there have been really great times and really bad times. As I was analyzing this I was thinking about when the times were really bad- I wonder if it was because I had made who I am based on another person , or a job.

 100_3450I think after getting gut wrenching disappointments I have learned something from life.

First before anything else- I am me.

I am an honest person, compassionate, love my family, treasure my friends, love to sing, love to be with people, love to camp, to have outdoor camp fires, I love staring at clouds as they roll thru the atmosphere, the list of what makes me who I am is long.

Things that I am.. not who I am – are :  I am Jeff’s Mom- I always will be that, I am Mark’s wife-that is what I am  – I am Adrianne’s step mom- same thing- I always will be that-  my job is a nurse–. It is easy to get stuck and identify your being by your profession. It is a dangerous thing to do.

Because if you loose the ability to do your profession, you end up loosing your identity.

After I got my nursing license, I noticed that sometimes people did not see me for who I am ( me Cindy… what makes me tick) but instead saw me as Cindy the nurse. People would call just to ask me a medical question. Not asking about how “I” am, but instead asking about there problem.

And if you make your identity as being someone’s wife ( or husband) and that marriage turns into a divorce- again- you are stripped of what you believe you are.

I have made that mistake in my life –

a few times- and let me tell you- when I identify why I  tick on a job or another persons existence, and I  no longer had that, it feels like I no longer have anyone or anything out there in the world. I remember feeling like a lost kitten in a heavy shadow, not being able to see any light and too afraid to move.

This has happened to me when I worked too.

Once it was when I worked at a photo finishing plant. I had been there 7+ years and all of the sudden the doors closed. I made that job my life. it was all I thought about, I would work extra time because I had a passion for the job. I was trained in every area, and we were not allowed to get over time, so I would come to work 2 hrs early, not punch in till my scheduled work time, punch out at the end of the shift and stay there and help get everything done. When it closed- it sucked me right out of me, I was a shell, no idea what to do, where to go, or who “I” was. It took years to re meet myself.

Then I was married-

and I became his wife, and then Jeff’s mom. It was all I was. I had no interests that were me, my life existed to be a wife and a mom. And when the curtain fell and my marriage was all of the sudden no longer there, I again was stripped of part of who I was. Fortunately I still had Jeff, but I learned that I had to find me… and oh it took a long long time- and in finding me, I could actually be a better mom to Jeff.

Yes life hits us with lessons,

and we try to share them with those who might not have yet learned the hard knocks of life. More lessons will come, they do till we die… but this was a very valuable lesson. Can I say I have totally learned it- probably not- although I do try to keep ME  ( the who I am ) separate from what I am. May you each have that ability, love always, Cindy  alias Mrs Justa—

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