100_1107

Thousands of drops of dew anticipating the next move, feeding the blades of grass with the moisture that is needed, while knowing their journey will take them to other areas.

Life is like that. We can have a neat little plan in our minds, and we may fulfill needs of others along the way, but we really do not know the direction our journey will go in.

After reaching the ripe old age of 50, life looks different. Things are more unpredictable. Our bodies begin to show that  parts wear out. Our patience at times becomes less tolerant, we can feel like the drop on the blade of grass, not knowing if we will fall to the ground or take a smooth course to the next step.

Life after 50 is a time for much reflection, and probably for most, some questions , some  regrets. Why didn’t I do this or that, … or what if I had done this or that.                 

The “ What if ‘s” can drive us nuts. So I tend to go with more of a “this is it” and now where do I go type attitude.

I long to work in a clinical setting, wonder what would have happened had I never fallen at work so many years ago and trashed my knee, would I still be at the hospital?

Or what if I had not gotten sick and what if I had made it through college in 1971 and became the teacher I had planned to be, would I be a loved teacher or one kids could not wait to have the school year end.

I look at life this way, what has happened.. has happened, I can not change that. I am 55 and I know my life is on the downhill slide- I know I will not live to be 110.  Although, ya know, I would love to. The thought of one day no longer being here is mysterious, and hard to grasp. I am glad I love to sleep at night, cuz somewhere in my delusional mind I picture death as a sleep that one just does not come back from.

100_1103I love my family, my son is the ultimate best, his wife a charm and their son- well he brings such joy- I love my husband, he is kind and caring, I have a very special daughter through Mark, her husband is great- and they too will be having a baby soon, and I have terrific  brothers and sisters and all the families that are apart of their lives- I work with wonderful people in a company that cares for the employees-and I love where I live..so life is not bad.  But it is drops of water on blades of grass- changes in directions, some move as planned, some drops fall,  some travel , some disappear.

I am going out to mow now—than water the garden , water the yard, … and live life some more, and thank God for every breath I have to breathe. Love to all, Cindy

Advertisements