I become more complacent as time passes. Things that would have made me slam a door, or stomp away in frustration, those things do not affect me the same way any longer.100_1809I am more mellow, like the fog on the land.

  As a pre teen and a teenager I felt frustrated often. At the age of 10 my dad died suddenly. I had a stay at home mom until that day he died. All of the sudden, our mom had to become the soul bread winner for us. And we, well we learned quickly how to grow up.

Pam and I were the oldest at home. She was 11 and I was 10. The others at home were 6,5,2 and a new born. Mom had to get a formal education and work also. With mom in college, she had to study, so Pam and I were the 2 she depended on to help out around the house, to bath the kids, and read them stories, to iron the clothes and try to clean up the house, to walk the dog and help with homework.I loved the kids, but I wasn’t ready to grow up so quickly.

We were placed in the adult world at a time playing Jacks, jump rope, hide and seek , kick ball, monopoly and rummy were more on the line of what we were accustomed to.

I can remember having people in school talk about things they were doing after school, and I had to get home and get the 2 youngest from the sitters and bring them home. Pam liked the soap operas after school, so I remember feeling slighted, and we had squabbles, we had no talking sessions, and she was sometimes mean to all of us. So I became the one that took charge, that cared for the kids and tried to keep some semblance of order to life. I had times when I would stomp up to my room after mom came home, out of frustration. Mom did not have time to breathe with all her studies, and she never had time to talk to me. I felt alone, sad, and lost.

In middle school, after the kids were tucked in bed, my friend became a evening to midnight disc jockey, ( Jimmy OBrien) he had no curfew, and would put me on hold as he chose another song,I would work on my homework while I was on hold, I had one of those shoulder things stuck on the receiver of the phone so my neck did not get a crick in it,  he listened to my life woes , he would assure me the life is worth every minute of it and he would tell me that my mom was doing the best she could and that she needed me to be there and help her, and never made me feel like I was a pain. He never was more then a disc jockey on the other end of my phone, but I think he kept me sane in an insane situation. I am sure I drove him nuts, calling every night and sitting on the phone for hours, but he never told me to quit calling.He was a person I could talk to about anything. He was my guardian angel , and I do not think he ever knew that.

Those days dragged to me, they went on forever, it seemed like days went on longer then they do now, like it took forever for 5th grade, 6th grade, 7th grade and so on to end. I felt cheated by life .

Now the years zoom by. How does time fly so fast? It flies faster each day, each year. In just 3 weeks 2008 is going to be history.I can not figure out why though. Life is fast now, chaotic, and full of ups and downs. There are still the same number of hours in each day, each year, but they fly by.

Life is full of happy and sad times, back then they lasted longer, now they go so quick I can’t remember if I am happy or sad- and whatever I am, it will change in a second. So in this second of happiness I say good night, Love Mrs Justa.

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